What is the worst thing that anyone has ever said to you about being the mother of an only child?

Angie - posted on 01/14/2010 ( 175 moms have responded )

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"Hi-I'm Angie and I'm the mother of an only child." There-I said it. Sounds like I need a 12 step program or something. Although others seem to think I do-I don't! I'm very proud to be the mother of an only child and I'm glad to have other mothers of only children to talk to. I'm just curious to see if anyone has heard any comments as bad as the ones that have been thrown at me.



What is the worst thing that anyone has ever said to you about being the mother of an only child? Here are just a few things that people I know quite well have said to me:

"You are not a real mother until you have more than one child."

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket."

"Something could happen to your son..."

Of course I've also heard all of the classic lines about how my son needs to have a sibling, but the other 3 comments have absolutely shocked me! We just don't deserve this kind of abuse! The best line that I have ever heard is "the more educated you are, the less children you have." I'm sticking with that one!

Thanks for your support!

-Angie

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Barbra - posted on 01/31/2010

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One time I was going trick or treating with my daughter (aftef making homemade choxolate lolli[pops for kids in the neighborhood and one mother said to me and I quote "wHEN ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE A REAL FAMILY" as to say one doesnt count! When I said I cant have more for health reasons she shut the hell up!! Some people!!

Rita - posted on 01/31/2010

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the absolute worst and funniest comment ive ever gotten was from a gay friend who happens to be the only child... "what if he turns out to be gay.. its a lot of pressure on him to produce grandchildren"!!! hahahahaaaaaaaa seriously....

Daphne - posted on 01/31/2010

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Hi moms!



My daughter is only 5 months old, but my husband is very sure he doesn't want any more children though the subject is open for discussion should I feel differently (but as of yet I truly don't). We had two early miscarriages 4 and 8 months before I got pregnant with Lara and I got my fair share of hurtful remarks (the famous 'well, at least you know you can get pregnant') back then.



To me all the difference is in the person who makes the comment. If my sis-in-law would lovingly ask me if we would or wouldn't like to have a second child it would be so different from someone at a party trying to be funny and yelling some snappy comment on how we know how the baby-making thing works so why aren't we etc...



I've had some great conversations when I had plucked the courage to honestly interested and lovingly ask a friend or a co-worker who I thought would love to have children simply if that was true. I think the same goes for comments or questions about your child being an only child. If ppl want to pass judgment I tell them it's no concern of theirs, if they are truly interested (in me, my thoughts) I reply.



As for now, I'm trying to figure out if I'm okay with the idea of not trying to have a second child, anyone in that situation?

Brenda - posted on 01/30/2010

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Wow! It constantly amazes me how thoughtless and mean people can be to each other. Thankfully I have not been on the recieving end of any of those comments. I have been told by my sister that it would be nice for my son (age 7) to have a sibling to lean on when my husband and I eventually pass away. I told her that hopefully he would have a wife and children of his own by then and that God has blessed me with my son and no others so I am happy because who am I to second guess God? It is possible to be on the opposite end of the spectrum as well tho.....my brother and his wife were married for 5 years and never had any children so they decided to adopt a little boy....8 months later she got pregnant with their first daughter. They now have a daughter every 17 months and they constantly are besieged with questions as to how many they are going to and when they are going to stop etc. which they find just as hurtful as we find questions and comments about our single children. We as people just need to realize that we do not know everyones situations and we need to keep our mouths shut and be polite.

Kristy - posted on 01/28/2010

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the worst thing so far that was said to me was "if you don't give her a sister or brother you will spoil her to much & she will turn out to be a brat. She will be lonely! What's wrong with you?" Man that really sucked, but we are fine. She is fine has lots of family memebers and friends to keep her busy & she won't get lonely. People really need to think before thy open thier mouths.

Shana - posted on 01/28/2010

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It's crazy because my husband and I took five years before we decided to get pregnant and the entire time people kept asking when were we going to get pregnant. Then, we only have one. Now people can't stop asking when we will be having another. We liked waiting so we could get to know each other before bringing a whole new life into our family. Now that we have Cassie we are perfectly happy with just the one. We know what works for our family because we ARE our family, but for some reason it seems to be a topic everyone else feels like is open for discussion with them.

Bernadette - posted on 01/28/2010

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i too have only one child and i get it all too.the plus side is i have all the time for my son and he is very secure and loved and i bought a dog so he isnt alonel (: with laptops,ps3 games friends etc,he is the happpiest kid alive so you dont listen angie i laughed when you mentioned a twelve step programme all the best bernadette

Maggie - posted on 01/28/2010

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I too have heard the "you are not a real mother until you have more than one child." Umm, I think the horrible morning sickness, the giving birth, the colic, the terrible 2's (and 3's!), and the overwhelming love I have for my son makes me a real mother. Please - I hate that! And as for the other ones, that's horrible! Because if you had another child, that would make losing your firstborn any easier??? Crazy. My son is 7 and he's wonderful. He is energetic, inquisitive, talks from the moment he wakes up until the moment he goes to sleep. He has been on the go his entire life. He is wonderful and extremely bright and outgoing. He's friendly and confident. I get compliments about him all the time. Why is having this one beautiful, terrific kid not enough?? And even though some of those things are just part of his personality, some of them are b/c I've been able focus solely on him his entire life and help nurture those qualities in him. I wonder at what age will the comments stop about when we're going to have another. Let's see, my first is 7 so I think it's pretty safe to say we're done!

Amy - posted on 01/27/2010

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Well, I've heard those comments and others, too. From strangers, I just laugh and say, "this one is plenty for me, thanks!" What kills me is close friends and even a few family members who ask these types of questions. You see, we went through trying to get pregnant for nearly 10 years, 2 of those spent with a fertility specialist, with four artificial inseminations and then finally a round of in vitro fertilization. We had one egg out of 16 that was "viable" and he is now my beautiful 9 year old son. I always wanted two or three kids, but I am ecstatic to have the one child that God gave me and that's what I point out to the people that know what I've been through and ask these stupid questions anyway! Good luck and be proud and enjoy that only child of yours!

Lisa - posted on 01/27/2010

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without running the gamut of comments, the most awful comments were...

" he won't he balanced."

" since you already there (meaning pregnant before) have another one."

" one child is no child."

" he won't learn about love, sharing and friendship because there are not other children around for him to learn to do it." apparently he was raised by reptiles.

Sol - posted on 01/27/2010

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hi angie, dont be afraid of the others will tell you, its up to you on how you will upbring your only child. anyway, those comments given to you were based on their experiences, youre the mother and you alone knows your child very well.

Jinny - posted on 01/26/2010

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SOME PEOPLE REGRET HAVING MORE THAN ONE CHILD AND THEY MAKE YOU FEEL BAD BY MAKING ALL DOES COMMENTS .I LOVE MY SON BUT I WORK WITH KIDS AND I FEEL LIKE I HAVE 25 KIDS,PLUS I'M NOT RICH AND I WANT MY SON 2 HAVE THE BEST THAT I CAN GIVE HIM.I DON'T CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK CAUSE WENT I NEED HELP THEY NOT THERE.

Stephanie - posted on 01/26/2010

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I agree with a lot of what has been said. I had a co-worker tell me that I should have another one because when I'm old my daughter will have a sibling to help go through losing parents. My co-worker grew up an only child and apparently had a hard time dealing with her own parents death without a sibling to help her through it. While I feel bad for her situation, that doesn't mean my daughter will feel the same way. You can look at it the opposite way too...at least my daughter won't have to deal with any resentment from siblings about who got what in the will, etc. Just goes to show that everyone is different and would react to any given situation in their own way. It should be more about how you raise your only child than how many children you "should" have.

Kathryn - posted on 01/25/2010

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I am one of 10 ~ Your birthday was the only day that you didn't have 9 others in front of you. I had never wanted children due to a situation that I was in when I was 16 where the baby died of SIDS while in my care. My daughter was a bit of an accident, the best accident possible, of course however I would never want to have another child. The first two years was hard enough, and I check her breathing while she sleeps to this day!

Cola - posted on 01/25/2010

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Hi all Only Child Moms

Writing you from South Africa - Cape Town. My husband works in Nigeria and is away from home a lot, so my son and I spend a lot of time together and we fun and enjoy each others company.

He is an only child, not by choice but because that is the way God planned it for me/us. I have always wanted to have another child, but it was not ment to be. My son is 10 (I am 46) and very well behaved - more so than my nieces and nephews. There are no tantrums or naughtyness when going to the mall, holidays or visits. My son knows how to behave and entertain himself and does not always need friends or others to keep him happy. He is spoiled in the sense that he does get more than other kids in the family, but he has also been taught to work for his own money, save and buy what he really want. He saved for more than 3 years to buy his own motorcycle, he bought it 3 months ago, paid for it with his own money and in full. He has pride in that and looks after the motorcycle - washes it after riding and sees to the oil and fuel himself. He also has many chores which he must do before playtime.

He sounds like an angel - which he definately is not. He does have his moments but those are sorted out in a very calm manor and he is mad to think about his actions and reactions. He is a funloving and outgoing boy and very well adjusted. Gets along with any one - no matter the age. Loves animals and is already planning a career - he wants to design motorcycles and vehicles.

From a very young age I started rewarding him with STARS for good behaviour, clean room, brushing teeth etc. Today I still use this system and he knows which behaviour earns stars and which does not, so he keeps a tight ship on himself.

I know that he sometime gets lonely but we have plenty of things we do together and I believe that makes up for not having siblings.

I have heard many of those horrid things aswell, but just switch the sound off. Hahaha - people who do not have just 1 child do not understand the way of life. It seems to them to be strange, wrong, unfair, selfish etc. My feeling is that they have too many children. How much quality time do they actually spend with the children? Do they really KNOW their chirdren and their needs? Do their understand every mood and action? Does their children talk to them, freely and openly about anything?

I DO ... MY SON DOES

""I have a quality relationship with my child. How about you?""

These are the questions I "hit" them with ... that always shuts them up.

Well thank you all for always making this site so much fun to read and very helpfull.

Rock on Moms of One

ps: appologies for any spelling mishaps, English is not my native tongue .... hahaha ;)

Rachel - posted on 01/25/2010

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wow! Ive heard some of those, I have definitly heard my child needs a sibling because she could be a bully or selfish in the future, and also that only children are strange and have something worng with them, and have you ever met a single child you liked? also have heard it makes no sense to only have one...lol, people are out their!

Maria Renee - posted on 01/24/2010

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Hi Angie, I love being a mother of an only child...basically because I feel I am really able to give my time and efforts and myself to my only son but yes I also get a lot of comments about that. And the worst was being told "Something could happen to your son..." why not just wish the person something good...why do they have to put something of a threat over their head...add that with "....especially because he is a boy!"....my son is a proof that an only child can grow up level-headed, not spoiled and has no problems with social interaction...and things like that....

Monica - posted on 01/24/2010

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I know how you feel Angie, the worst that was said to me was. Oh you don't want make him an only lonly child. ugggg!! I struggled to just to get pregnant for 13yrs. I am perfectly happy having my one boy.

Judith - posted on 01/24/2010

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i raised an only child. she is now 35 and a whole, loving, solid citizen. the only thing i didnt like about raising an only child was i had to always be the disiplinarian. but it worked out. i love her i was willing to risk her hating me. she got over it. she has a wonderful family of her own now and i am so proud of her.

Kris - posted on 01/23/2010

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We decided to have one child shortly after my son was born. Someone said to me that it is not fair to my son to make him an only child. At my age, I am at a higher risk of having something happen to my baby should I become pregnant. That wouldn't be fair to my son either. I am loving my only child. If I had another one, I would be jealous of those with only children!

Jessica - posted on 01/23/2010

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"The only child is always the socially retarded one who sits at the back of the class lighting fires.."

Cathy - posted on 01/23/2010

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I'm an only and so is my son, but my mom grew up with 5 other siblings and they are NOT close. In fact they haven't spoken in a few years. Every family is different. Personally, I always wanted brothers and sisters because I thought they would be my life-long friends, but now I see how wrong that thinking is. Also, I've heard this one: "he'll grow up to be selfish and not know how to share things." I was ALWAYS sharing as kid - with my friends! But the comeback I like to use is that my "only childness" made me a more self-reliant person. I can do things my mother couldn't do - like go to the movies on my own or out to eat by myself - and hey sometimes I have the best conversations when I'm alone!

ADIBAH - posted on 01/23/2010

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What really matter is the quality of the child. Just ignore those comments.....

Corinna - posted on 01/22/2010

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Those are some really nasty comments. I think that worse one I ever heard was from his grade 2 teacher. My son used to get bullied by this one particular child in his class and for some reason the teacher allowed it. When I would go down to the school to get this straighten out the teacher had the nerve to say to me that maybe if he had other siblings then he wouldnt get picked on. I could not belive that she said that to me. I asked her if she was an only child and she said no and my reply was then I am glad that my son is an only child cause he might turn out like you HEARTLESS if he had sibblings. Needless to say the teacher now didn't like my son but now she didn't like me.

Harmony - posted on 01/22/2010

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The two worst comments I've heard are, "what are you going to do if your son dies young, you'll be all alone", and when asked if he has siblings and I say he's an only child I get, "Oh, I'm so sorry. Don't worry, I'm sure more will come". What if I planned it this way on purpose :-)

Liz - posted on 01/22/2010

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We are a one kid family too...and I share in my heart, and with my daughter that families come in all different sizes. I find the more open I am to embracing that truth the happier my heart is.

Kanyata - posted on 01/21/2010

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Don't feel bad I have a 11yr old about to turn 12 in a few months people will always have something to say but over look that foolishness. I have been told some of the same things but it didn't hurt me any I am the one taking care of my child by myself with no help why would I put more pressure on me than I need. I just look at it as a blessing from all of the heartache and pain because he will not put no more on me than I can bear!!!!!

Natalie - posted on 01/21/2010

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i just wanted to add on to my comment. loretta, i have nothing but respect for those people from big families who worked hard for their lives and have large loving families.



my problem is that what people from other countries are probably not aware of is that the gov here (in australia) gives each new mum $4000. it is very welcome by those mums (including myself) who really do need it. i used the money for an air con for my house and other things skylar needed. my issue is with women who keep pumping out the kids for this money. they buy big tvs, play the poker machines and just randomly "piss it up the wall".



i would rather be the mum of one child and give her as much love and direction as i can than be the single mum of 6 kids that cant be looked after.

Glenda - posted on 01/21/2010

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I love that too. I am tormented by my mother because for some reason she feels that I need to have another child just for my daughter to have a playmate! No, that would be completely selfish. She has a nursery full of playmates.

Hayley - posted on 01/21/2010

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The comment that shocks me most is"but what if anything happened to her"? Part the reason i choose not to have another is because if anything happened to my daughter, i wouldnt survive. If i had another child, i wouldnt have that option. I couldnt even imagine living without her though.

Stacie - posted on 01/21/2010

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It's amazing how insensitive people can be. For those who have made the choice to have "only" one, and for those (like me) who have had the choice made for them, it's no one's buisness but your own. I've never heard anything as cruel as the comments you posted but I cannot imagine what I would even begin to say. I like your sense of humor about the whole thing!

Darling - posted on 01/21/2010

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Hi, my husband and I decided to have only one, he is 9m. my mother was the first one to say I am crazy "what if something happen?" "you know God doesnt like us to be so deeply in love with anything/someone else but him" "he will take your son away from you if you keep this up" well I know that I dont want more children, I know that if someday I want one will be in a long term like in 10-15 years from now, but people seems to not understand that I want to give my child the best from me. not toys or stuff. but me his mother and so thinks his father.. so 4 now we are so happy and inmensely blessed. we have to be strong and keep up with our decitions..

Laura - posted on 01/21/2010

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I usually get comments like "oh, she must be an only child" because of the way she acts, or needs attention all the time. I'm quite happy to have only one child right now, and I think you can only give one child all the quality time they need these days. Once she is in school, I may have another one....but until then, I will spoil her rotten!!

Stacey - posted on 01/21/2010

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I have been told that I am not a real mother until I have more than one child, why this is so offensive you ask, I have been pregnant 6 times and only given birth to one child, I lost all my other babies to miscarriage.

STEPHANIE - posted on 01/21/2010

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IF GOD WAS TO BLESS ME WITH A SECOND CHILD I WOULD LOVE HIM OR HER JUST AS I DO MY DAUGHTER BUT I WILL STICK TO WHAT I SAY I LOVE BEING THE MOM TO AN ONLY CHILD. MY DAUGHTER IS WELL BEHAVED AND I HEAR THAT FROM EVERYONE THAT SHE IS IN CONTACT WITH,SHE HAS ALWAYS DONE VERY WELL WITH OTHER KIDS. IT ALSO HELPS THAT SHE WAS BORN INTO A VERY LARGE LOVING FAMILY.I HAVE MANY AUNTS ,UNCLES AND COUSINS THAT MY DAUGHTER CAN LEAN ON AT ANY TIME .EVEN THOUGH SHE MAY NOT HAVE A BROTHER OR SISTER ,SHE HAS OTHER PEOPLE IN HER LIFE.I ALSO KNOW THAT MY DAUGHTER HAS GOD IN HER LIFE.

Janet - posted on 01/21/2010

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I can't believe all the nasty things people say to you, I have a 9 yr old son, i had 2 miscarriages after him, but all my friends say i'm lucky only having one to look after, but my house is full of children, family & friends so he is hardly ever on his own, he has lots of activities to attend and join in, so i don't think he misses having a sibling around.
We have a happy family life, he doesn't get all his own way, he has rules and bounderies like most families.

Deborah - posted on 01/21/2010

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The 2 worst comments i ever recived from someone becuse i have only one child is

1.that she is going to be a spoiled brat

2.and you are deprivenng her of a relationship that sibilans have

Lisa - posted on 01/21/2010

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Those comments are horrible! I am the mother of an only child as well. Not by choice so I haven't really had any bad comments from family. I have had the occassional "only one?" comment from some. I grew up with a sibling. We NEVER got along and our relationship is still strained. I have friends that are only children and they grew up fine. Our children will be fine too.

Lisa - posted on 01/21/2010

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Same here. Although, we did try for another child and was unsuccessful. However, people can't seem to accept that we are happy with what we were blessed with, a healthy, beautiful son who lights up our lives. I'm sure most people mean well, but think before you speak people!

Mariah - posted on 01/20/2010

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That's just nuts! I've never heard such craziness! I'm a single mom of an only child! Heaven help me if I had more! :) He's great, but almost 3 and a handful! :) It's your choice how many children you have, and no one else! If you're happy with one that's all that matters.

Megan - posted on 01/20/2010

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Oh my gosh some of the comments that have been said is horrible. Having a second child doesnt replace the first one if they have sadly passed, people shouldnt even be saying things like that let alone thinking of it.
Some parents only have one child because they cant have another child. Some parents are happy with one and there is nothing wrong with that. The child would be spoilt with every toy, they have wouldnt have to be shared, now that sounds good doesnt it.
People just have the need to judge everyone about every thing they do. Parenting is hard enough without getting criticized about what you do and dont do.
An only child doesnt miss out on anything by not having a younger sibling. Thats why children go to kindergarten, preschool, school etc. so that the do have interaction with other children. Its not like they only have there parents to play with, they are not locked away!!! People just need to mind there own business and not judge.
I am not biased in what im saying either. I have a one child at the moment but Im planing on having more because thats my personal choice and having one child is your own personal choice. Comments will always be made in everything we do as parents we just need to learn not to take things to heart, blow the comments off and know that we are doing the best job we can do as parent and our child/ren are happy, thats all that matters!!!

Rebekah - posted on 01/20/2010

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You have 1 child because that is what God blessed you with (same as me-and boy is my son a blessing. To others as well as to us)!

Nicole A. - posted on 01/20/2010

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you know i havent heard anything negative. except he's spoiled.. most are like wow- good for you. lol

Cindy - posted on 01/20/2010

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i love being a mom to an only child i feel god blessed me with him i'm 43 and he is 4 i have been called his granny and other say why did you wait so long to have kids others say he will be spoiled rotton well let it be i love it

Lisa - posted on 01/20/2010

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it's amazing how people assume they know more about taking care of your children then you do. i took my then 9 month old son(hes 10 months now) to the store w me. i got so many dirty looks from older women b/c he was in only a onesie and jeans. other children may need coats but my son had been overheated the entire morning. just because his toes got chilled as we went through the frozen food section does not mean that my child is cold! they looked at me as if i should have my child taken away from me. you could pretty much tell what they were thinking, "there goes another teen that has no business being a parent"

Lori - posted on 01/20/2010

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Hi! I'm Lori and I also am a single mom! Now is the time you are supposed to say Welcome Lori, LOL!!! I feel the same way. I have had all those things said to me and more but the one that keeps slapping me in the face on a daily basis is Well "atleast you only have one" well they had the choice and didn't take it.
I had three miscarriages. Two before my son and one two years ago. And i look at it this way he is my gift from God.
You know what are all these people going to do when they have to pay for college for more than one and medical insurance. So, you look at them and say I am very happy with the way my life is and I wouldn't change a thing!
Hope this helps!

Kathy - posted on 01/20/2010

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Hi all-I am the mom of a 20 y.o. only son...the best "back handed" compliment I received more than once was from a few teachers. It was "gee, I couldn't tell he was an only child". Like they are all whining, selfish, brats! I then launched into my one-minute lecture on the advantages of having an only and that usually shut them right up.

Diane - posted on 01/20/2010

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Not only do I have an only child, I am one... and I am adopted... so you can imagine. People can say what they choose. As a child I wondered about some of the things my folks got upset about... now I understand. Like, how come the family of 4 that arrived at the restaurant 25 mins after you is seated ahead of you ? Because they want to try to fit your family into a table for 2. Museums, Zoos, hotels, etc all have specials for FAMILIES OF 4 OR MORE...its society... and it is what it is.. your son is special and he is lucky to have a loving parent.

Susan - posted on 01/20/2010

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OMG Michelle,
I can't believe someone would say that, but I have heard it also to which I replied "what kind of financially irresponsible person wouldn't prepare for their old age, that's what saving & retirement plans are for!!!! My child will hopefully have his own family someday & NEVER EVER has it even crossed my mind that it's his responsibility to care for me!! What kind of parent would want their child to have an added stress besides raising their own family?!!"

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