Whats wrong with having only one?

Theresa - posted on 02/13/2013

All the posts are helpful to me. I'm in a pickle. Maybe you guys can help me.
My husband and I have one daughter. She is our lives we love her so much. I'm 29 and my husband is 38..... Well he's had a hard time with the life change. And now he doesn't want anymore because he's older and he misses his life before kids. I personally always wanted at least two. But I enjoy reading your posts to see how it is with an only child. I'm scared she would be lonely and too spoiled lol. Do you think she would be? I'm a stay at home mom so would it be a good idea to put her in daycare once or twice a week? Do you find your children lonely? I'm fine with an only child I just never pictured it. Anyone have any advice for me? If she is an only child I just would like to know what to do and how to deal with it.
Thanks :)

C - posted on 02/11/2013

We have an eight year old son, and he is the light of my life. We always wondered what it would be like to have another but are too old to do the baby thing again. Our marriage started to suffer because I started to wonder if we were doing our son a disservice by not giving him a sibling to grow up alongside and the guilt was eating me up. So, we had this great idea to become foster parents, and learned quickly that having one child was perfect for us, that our family was just right the way it is. The peace that experience gave me saved our marriage and also saved me a lifetime of guilt. Plus, our son actually said to us after we stopped fostering that he liked being the "only kid" - music to our ears!!

Lilla - posted on 02/11/2013

Someone told me this weekend, that I'm not a parent until I have two kids!? This just made me soooooo mad.

CYNISE - posted on 01/26/2013

I dont feel that there is anything wrong with only having one child. I grew up as an only child until I was 12yrs old. Then when I was 16yrs old my brother was born. At times,I was lonely but it made more comfortable with doing solo activities and entertaining myself. Now as an adult,I dont crave or need to have people in my presence to be happy or have a good time.

Teanna - posted on 01/24/2013

i hear ;you i only want one its all i can handle i get over whelmed easy im a stay at home mom i do most of everything. my husband wants another and i dont i said that before we got married that im done. i had a horrible pregency and birth and i dont want to do it again. i got preclampsia so bad to where i had to be induced. im over whelmed by cleaning baby duties trying to get back in shape dinner my classes and plus i have no fam or friends around im in hte house all the time while he works hes a druck driver so hes always gone on the weekday it suck and i just cant handle having another im content how it is

Linda - posted on 01/20/2013

I know what you mean!! We have ONE 9 yr old daughter.......If you go to Facebook and look up...."Families with One Child" It's a new page I created....trying to get others to Like it and start up conversations there!!! I really want to know other families in our situation...to help eachother out emotionally..........Seems more than one child is the "norm" in this world.....so us ONE CHILD FAMILIES need to stick together!!!! Thanks!!!!

Christine - posted on 01/09/2013

Well said! I am so glad someone else said exactly what I wanted to post. I am the only one in my circle of friends with only one child and my husband and I also chose to have only my daughter. I also feel like we are looked down upon for only having her. How do other mother's handle it? I feel like since my daughter is an only child, we are outcasts. I keep trying to think of witty comebacks when people say things about it.

Lilla - posted on 01/01/2013

My lo is 2 and people are always asking "Are you pregnant yet?" question especially as I'm still a stay at home mum. So annoying! The only reason I'm not working, is because my wage wouldn't cover daycare. And when I tell anyone that I might not have an other one, because my birth experience was so bad, they just say "But you had a C section!". That's when I just explode inside and smile on the outside and say, "Yes and after two years I'm finally pain free, but would most likely to be in pain for 9months if I ever fall pregnant again." Then I kick myself for constantly explaining myself, like I have to prove that I'm not doing anything wrong by having only one child! Need to work on that one. :)

J M - posted on 12/27/2012

There are many Benefits as well to only having one, and reasons why others may only have one child

Yes it would be only insensitive for others to bother those with nosey QS who for no reasons of their own, may never be able to have any more. Like as if people need to be pitied, um

Rachael - posted on 12/22/2012

I think 7 is about the age that it becomes really noticable for our onlies, it is certainly the most un easy I have felt about my decision but I am not having another and it is the way it is.

Sheila - posted on 12/22/2012

Nothing is wrong with an only child. We know people with 2,3 or 4 and they are happy but we know PLENTY with only children. My husbands family breed likes cockroaches but there are a few with only children. You can see the difference massively. The ones with the gaggles of lil ones running around well lets just say it aint' pretty.

Kathryn Marie - posted on 12/19/2012

i have only one girl by choice..i made this decision because my husband only wanted one, and i had a horrible childhood with two sisters that destroyed my self esteem..my girl is seven..and i was positive id made the right decision until last year...she realized that no other children she knows are onlies, and now she feels embarrassed by it...i feel like we are outcast, i feel horrible guilt, sadness...we live in a small town, have no neighbors...have i doomed my daughter to lonliness? i console myself with the fact that i will be able to help her with college tuition and provide a stable financial home.

Megan - posted on 12/17/2012

I, too, have been bothered by the lack of selection for only children anything. Gabriel was a surprise but I wouldn't have it any other way. I had wanted more when he was younger but as he's gotten older and I'm working all the time, I hate being away from me. The time we have together now means so much that I don't want to have to share that with anyone else. That may sound mean but it's the truth.

Monica - posted on 12/05/2012

When you guys having another kid? Thats gotta be the most frustrating question to be asked. My son is 2 and I still get asked. People look down on me for it and are always on my case. If you and your husband agree on one try to not let it bother you cause it seems like that question wont stop being asked. They are not the ones that live your life for you. Ive had to tell people " look this is my body my life and my decison" plus it really is expensive to raise kids.

Sophia Marie - posted on 11/11/2012

then you and your husband make your own special ornament. if you only wanted one child its great ... so what ... no one have to get it ! its your choice. however we cant think everyone will clear the way ..because here comes the only child... no one care that you have 1 or 10 children. people have what god give them or what they can take care . all children are special number 1,2,3,4, and so on. sometimes we worry about things that really dont matter.

Tara - posted on 09/04/2012

I been feeling the same way, I have 1 son who is almost 3 and now everyone has been on us about having another. No one in either family are only children so that's why I think we get it. I do have an older brother who I don't get along with at all haven't talked to him in over a year so I think that helps me with having just one.

Im always on the wall about it because I sometime feel is my son doing to wish that I had another one so that he could have someone..

Amy - posted on 09/01/2012

There is nothing wrong with those of us that have only one child. And we have only one child for various reasons. Have you considered designing your own ornament? Not only will your child have an "only child" one but it will also be specialized for him. But it is true that finding "only child" things is difficult. I had to search the internet for things.

Orshi - posted on 08/06/2012

Lisa, thank you for validating how I feel. I too, live in the Bay Area, and I too have one son. I do want another child, so does my husband...but even with paying for PART TIME daycare it is increasingly obvious that unless we move out of state or win the lottery we could never afford to have another child and keep our house... so thank you for your post. Finally one I could relate to. :)

Julie - posted on 07/21/2012

There is, of course, absolutely nothing wrong with having only one child. I began to foster my daughter when I was 43 and she was an infant. Adoption completed at age 2, when I was 45. At 49, in my opinion, I am probably a bit too old to start with another child, let alone give birth to a child. That's just my story. However, on the matter of companies producing ornaments that actually say something like, "My One and Only"...Ummmm. Just picture this. A couple decides they will have just one child...or the doctor says they can't have any more children. The parents buy a "My One and Only" ornament and then...a couple years later SURPRISE! Even for me, I know I can't afford to go through the adoption process again, much as I might like to. I am still single. My chances of getting married get smaller every year (although as I am still alive, there is always a chance LOL.) But what if I did get married and my husband came to the marriage with children? I would expect to take them to my heart and love them as my own. In that case, my precious daughter would no longer be "My One and Only". There are always ornaments that don't even indicate anything about number of siblings. I personally love the Willow Tree figurine "Child of My Heart"...a beautiful piece simply showing a mother holding a child who looks somewhat different from her, thus perfect for an international adoption, but could work for a biological child as well. All this to say that I really don't see the ornament issue as an issue at all.

Stephanie - posted on 07/17/2012

I know what you mean, all the rings, jewelry and ornaments show multiple or look better with multiple kids. There is an untapped market for families with only one kid. What's wrong with only one? Nothing. Why should we feel guilty because we either chose to have one kid or just can't have more kids?

Chandra - posted on 07/10/2012

I completely understand! We adopted our daughter from Korea after 7 years of infertility, and had considered adopting again, but decided we could give so much more to our daughter if she was a one and only.

But people ALWAYS ask us when she will get a sibling - if we will use a surrogate, adopt or try to conceive on our own, they just ASSUME we want another, when I tell them we don't, they are upset, shocked, and offended that I am not giving my child the ONE thing she NEEDS - a sibling. I can explain all of our reasons, and still they look down on me for my choice.

No one - except others with only one - really get it.

Bethany - posted on 07/07/2012

I love having only one child and I get asked all the time when I am going to have another one. My son is 5 now and it's nice to take him on vacations, not have to worry about being fair, and not worry about splitting my attention. My husband and I can buy him whatever he wants and he can do whatever he wants. My husband and I never got that opportunity because we are from large families. Everyone makes choices in life for whatever reason and this one is NOT wrong at all! I am having a blast with my one and only and he is EXTREMELY close with my husband and I. I love being a mother, but having multiple kids just isn't for me. My son is happy and healthy and thats all that matters. Not what everyone else thinks! My husband has 3 siblings and doesnt speak to ANY of them and they are very close in age. So........having siblings doesn't guarantee they will get along.

Gina - posted on 06/25/2012

There is absolutely nothing wrong with deciding on having one child. I always knew I only wanted one and convinced my husband that it is the best option for us. I just don't see why we always have to explain ourselves for making this decision?! the only downside to is that people are always trying to analize us for it. Our son fulfills our lives, I don't see how having another child would make things better, easier or more satisfying. I am confident that my son won't grow up feeling the usual drama,resentments, jealousy/ envy that goes on in households with siblings, and don't let anyone claim tha sibling rivalry is healthy, because I just don't buy it. He won't grow up feeling lonely or insecure because he is loved and gets plenty of socialization, not to mention tons of aunts/uncles and cousins who are close in age.

His father and I will always have plenty of quality time to devote to him and to each other as a couple. I just don't find any negatives in this scenario. I am not going to have a second or third child just so that he will have a "playmate or best friend" let's face it, unless you have twins even siblings who are close in age are NEVER guaranteed to even like each other.

Rachael - posted on 06/07/2012

On the topic of not being able to find ornaments for one child familiies, don't you think that is the same across the board?. If I see an ad on television or in a magazine that depicts a single child family I just about run around showing my husband, son and anyone else who is around. Very discretley, I say, "oooh, look at this ad, its for a new cereal," or whatever.The family dynamic in advertising is almost always portrayed as Mum, Dad and 2 or more children. Its just not like that in real life, whether it is the amount of children you have or perhaps a single parent. I love the ladies comments, "lets celebrate the only child".

M - posted on 02/20/2012

Hello,



I think your decision is respected. You can very well look down on people who choose to have multiple kids because they feel like they need to conform with the world's standards. God didn't choose everyone to have more than one children and sometimes he choose certain people to have none. Nevertheless, if you and your husband is in agreement and feel right in your spirit....ALL IS WELL...

Amber - posted on 02/12/2012

Thank you so much to all of you!!! My one and only son will be 5 in April, I'm officially done as I had to have a hysterectomy back last October. But my hubby and I couldn't be happier with our happy family of 3 (well 4 if you count our dog). We enjoy Disney vacations, trips to museums, nature centers, shopping at the mall or just the 3 of us playing with legos in the floor. I have a friend who has 4 kids and she says all the time, "I need to come to your house to get a break, it's so peaceful there" or comments like "Must be nice" when I talk about us going on vacation or going shopping for clothes/shoes and we're able to splurge because we only have 1 to buy for. I think more so than not, people are envious of us as families with only children, we really do have the best of both worlds. My parents are begging my hubby and I to go back to Las Vegas soon so that they can keep our little man. With my friend with 4 kids, she doesn't get a moment to herself, she can't even carry on a phone conversation without crying, yelling, fighting, or a diaper needing to be changed, it's pure chaos. They are always stuck at home because they are strapped for cash and it's a handful to take 4 kids anywhere. Kudos to all you moms for standing your ground and having a one and only and being perfectly content with that decision.

Monica - posted on 01/12/2010

I know what you mean-people are always asking when is number 2? Well, I don't know when number 2 will be if ever. And honestly, that's okay too me. There are advantages to being an only child and I don't think anyone who makes that decision should be ashamed of it!

Cynthia - posted on 01/12/2010

There are over 20 million only children in the US alone. I think you're on to something- invent your own ornaments and become a millionarie ;o)
ps- I have an only child and there is NOTHING wrong with it!!!

Zandi - posted on 01/11/2010

absolutely nothing- its a personal decision and everyone has a reason for going that route. I had a horrible pregnancy emotionally, and it was not easy dealing with the loneliness of it all. to date i still have a hard time embracing certain "baby-related things" and so i chose to not take the chance of going through all this again because cleaning it all up was too hard. Every worst fear of mine about having a child came true... why would i wanna chance it again?

shami will have her cousins to grow up with and ill make sure she has a lot of interaction with other children therefor eits NOT selfish.

i hear you.

Brenda - posted on 01/11/2010

There will always be those who judge why is he an only child. I struggled with this in the begining which started to take a toll on my family. As my daughter has gotten older things have smoothed out; where in preschool she may have been the only "only", now in jr. high she meets so many more that it really does not seem to matter so much any longer .



The bottome line: There is nothing wrong with having an only child; it is no one else's business why; you and your husband need to do what is best for you and your family; if your child senses you are struggling, they will struggle. Yes, you WILL get the question, 'why am I an only?', but I chalk that up to the grass is always greener on the other side.

My daughter who is 11.5 years old is a wonderful, well-rounded young person I think because early on I decided that it is what it is; for whatever reason we are " one and done" and I stand up (nicely) for the decision we have made for our family.



I hope this helps and I know things will smooth out-- take care!

Lauren - posted on 01/11/2010

Bottom line...people had many children in the past, because there was a good chance that they wouldn't all survive. Modern medicine has allowed survival of some of the most sickly people. In this day and age, we are overpopulated and it is extremely expensive to raise a child. People work so hard, that they have a shortage of time. I chose to have one child, so I could do the things I want to do for a child. I have been able to give my son all of the things I couldn't have as a child. The primary thing is quality time! If people don't understand that, that is their problem. We all have do what we feel is best for us!

Tara - posted on 01/11/2010

oh, amanda! don't i know your frustration. i'm the youngest of 7 kids (yours, mine and ours) and at 35 just had my first (and last) child. i'd like to think it's just the same situation when everyone asked "when are you going to get married?" when you're still single. they just want to live vicariously through you, or think somehow they can convince you to have another by telling you how awful it would be for your child to be an only child. i assure you, with so many kids in our family, our little one will never be lonely (she has cousins coming out of her ears!) and with only one there are more opportunities to show her experiences we could not otherwise afford to if she had siblings. keep your chin up, and whenever anyone hints at "so, when are you having another one..." you can just keep your head high and proclaim: "my son has us all to himself and vice versa!" good luck and god bless ;)

Christina - posted on 01/11/2010

CELEBRATE THE ONLY CHILD!..I come from a family where everyone has like 5 or more children and I am the ONLY one with just 1 child..I was 17 when I had my son, who is now 13. He is the best thing ever!...He is extremely smart, very funny and does very well in practically everything and I think the reason is because he is the only one. It is just the 3 of us, (mom.dad.him) we have more time to focus on the the big and small things. We are there for all extracurricular activities and never miss a play. H.W. and school projects are a breeze, we have so much time to focus on his needs because there's only one, we don't have to split between 2 or 3. He has been in private school his entire life, and again this is because we can afford it....He can have educated conversation with adults about anything...Our world is perfect with the 3 of us, so no matter what anyone says, I have never, nor will I ever regret having my one perfect son!...I say, if you get it right the first time, there is no need to try again.

Hayley - posted on 01/11/2010

Although sometimes broodiness can be unsettling, My situation would be that I've put everything into my one son. I've made the most of each stage he has grown through and enjoyed every moment of it. I think the appeal would be to do pink shopping but the truth is..it's hard enough to provide well for one child..I wouldn't be able to afford Monsoon girls anyway. If you can afford to both emotionally and financially then go ahead and have another..if having one is stressful (to raise well) then why have another.. I believe; no child asks to be born so unless you are prepared to give your all to each child then it is unfair on a child...

Regina - posted on 01/11/2010

My one and only daughter is 11. She sometimes gets bored being an only child, but as long as her room is clean she can have friends over on the weekend, and does most weekends. She is very close to one cousin who is about a year older than her, and her friends enjoy coming over. I grew up with 5 brothers and 2 sisters. I think she's pretty lucky myself.

Shirlene - posted on 01/11/2010

I so know what you mean, after suffering from morning sickness for the full term of pregnancy and also getting cracked ribs from the constant vomitting we have decided to only have one but still family and friends ask 'when are you going to try again' Why can't people accept that somebody can be happy with just one child!

Tyeasha - posted on 01/10/2010

i agree with everyone my son is nine and hie whole life i've been told by family and friends he needs a sibling it even got to the point where they were saying it so much he started saying it but now he's good

Michelle - posted on 01/10/2010

Quoting Helen:

My only child is now 15. He is bright, funny and very creative. He NEVER wanted to have a sibling, and despite what our friends said, it certainly hasn't hurt him to be an only child. We've been able to travel and do things my other friends couldn't--either because they couldn't afford it or because they couldn't find child care for all their children! So there is definitely a niche out there--and I think it would be a perfect new business opportunity! Let's celebrate the only child!

I am so glad that I read your post. My husband and I have a 4 year old daughter. We feel that our family is complete. All of our freinds either have more than one child or are trying to have a second. My husband and I do not feel the need to have another child. We would rather be able to spend money on vacations ,  extra curricular activities, and eventually  a house. I don;t have any idea why people think my daughter will be missing out by not having a sibling. I personally think if she is an only child we will be able to give her more oppurtunities in life. I agree Lets celebrate the only child!

Megan - posted on 01/10/2010

i know how you feel! i just got married on halloween and i always have people telling me i HAVE to have another child. i had my daughter when i was 19, and i am so glad i didnt have anymore. i honestly just dont believe i could handle anymore! my best friend has 3 and i can barely talk to her on the phone for 5 min.

Helen - posted on 01/09/2010

My only child is now 15. He is bright, funny and very creative. He NEVER wanted to have a sibling, and despite what our friends said, it certainly hasn't hurt him to be an only child. We've been able to travel and do things my other friends couldn't--either because they couldn't afford it or because they couldn't find child care for all their children! So there is definitely a niche out there--and I think it would be a perfect new business opportunity! Let's celebrate the only child!

Kindra - posted on 01/09/2010

I've seen them in some catalogs. Try www.MilesKimball.com or www.ltd.com (aka www.lakesidecollections.com) There is also Collections Etc and another one that I can't remember at this time.

Cassie - posted on 01/09/2010

I have one child and I look for ornaments at www.personalcreations.com. They give you an option for 1 child. hope that helps.

Kimberley - posted on 01/08/2010

I think there is nothing wrong with only one child, that child gets undivided attention, love, and energy. I am a single mother and wanted a baby but I could not have raised any more. I thought I was the only person who thought it was ok to just have one. LOL

Stacey - posted on 01/08/2010

I just had my first and only baby in October 2009. I don't plan on anymore. She was a very welcome and happy surprise for us after 15 years of marriage. I am 38. We had tried for years and given up a few years ago. Everyone keeps telling me that I have to have another-I don't want to. She was a blessing and that is good for us. I get very irritated when people say I will change my mind and try again. I won't. I am happy with the 3 of us and we can give her more.

Bonnie - posted on 01/08/2010

I have 2 children 11 years apart it is like I have 2 only children. They do not share any of the same intrests. My daughter is in college full time and works full time and my son is in the second grade. They have nothing in common but me, now the second grader wants a little brother....and I am like not again.

Amanda - posted on 01/08/2010

My family and friends are totally the opposite. They seem to think that I should only have the one I do. I happen to agree with them, but I find myself feeling unsettled about their comments to me. EVERYONE in my family that has kids,has 2 or more kids, except me. Its all well and good for them (and there are some that shouldnt have had any children) to have as many kids as they want, but they seem to be of a united opinion that I should not have more kids. Its rather strange because Maggie is literally the most loved child. Every single person she meets loves her, she is everyones admitted favorite kid. I whole heartedly do not want any more children, mainly because the way I look at it, I did it right the first time. :)

Anita - posted on 01/07/2010

I know wat you feel, i'm a single mom and proud of my only child!! He is just a gift for me. I dont wanna have more children because of the same reasons as you.
But wen people know you have "only" one they are starting to ask you when is the next one coming??

Kriss - posted on 01/07/2010

I had my daughter at 40, she is now 10. She hates being an only child and I am too old to have another! Some days I feel like I am losing her because she wants to be at her friends where there is (3 kids) a lot of commotion going on all the time. She feels cheated. My advice... if your child has cousins close by, family close by or step family that they are close to you are fine... but if you move a lot or live far away from family like we do then have another so they always have someone to play with. I'm not always up for make believe games, WII games etc.... ;)

ADRIENNE - posted on 01/06/2010

My mom used to nag me all the time about having one child. Friends, strangers, and other family members would ask me all the time when was I going to have another child and didn't I want any more kids. For me after I had Zoe I just felt like she was all I needed. Now that Zoe is seven people in my life are starting to understand or except why I only had one child. It wasn't because I was being selfish.

Pat - posted on 01/06/2010

I find all your posts helpful. I agree that having an only child is challenging ... for everyone else ... I also belong to the spouses who travel group and having a second child would be like being a single mom for me. God Bless all those women who have to juggle more than one child on their own full time... I don't think I could do it so we decided to have one. The prospect of traveling with our child is so exciting (I'm the youngest of 6 and we never traveled). My daughter has cousins that she treats like siblings and one of my sisters has an only child (now 26) who says he wouldn't have wanted it any other way. When it comes down to it, loving our children is the only thing that matters - no matter how many we have. I don't judge those with large families and I don't want to be judged. Parenting is hard enough without having to deal with these unsupportive comments. Best of luck ladies!!