Advice please!!!! Aunt raising nephew with Speech Apraxia and Developmental Delays

Kimmie - posted on 12/09/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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This is a really long story, but I'm going to try to sum it up.

My sister had a child with a man that she barely knew. 20 weeks into the pregnancy she found out there was something wrong with his heart. He was born with TGA, Transposition of the Greater Arteries. We were there for support always. He has had a few surgeries for several different reasons. But overall has very few limitations and is a very happy child. He was diagnosed with Speech Apraxia and general developmental delays across the board.

He is almost 8 now and has been with us for almost a year now. My sister is bipolar and has always been irresponsible her whole life. I fully understand the disease as my mother is bipolar as well. She always takes her meds. However, my nephew has lived with my sister in my parents’ house for all but 1.5 years of his life. Several times when she was living on her own we had to go get him because she was not able to care for him. She has also had addictions issues through all of this but is clean and sober for over a year now.

Of course this all just amplifies all of his issues, bless his heart. We “all” decided earlier this year that the best place for him to be is with me. He lives with me, my hubby, 7 year old daughter and 2 year old son. I have got him in a great program at school and he is doing better than ever with everything. He has his own room here and we treat him exactly the same as our two. He never asks for her… only wants to be around her for a few minutes when she is around. He has never been disciplined in his life. As a result he has a lot of behavioral problems too (i.e. lying, stealing, anger, etc.) The poor boy has zero problem solving skills. We are trying so hard to get him everything he needs.

She was kicked out of my parents, because she is a “slob” and irresponsible (she is 38). Because she is my sister, we let her come here for about a month and a half. But it caused a lot of stress and chaos with everyone here. So she left… only to tell everyone that we kicked her out. She is now homeless… it is killing me. I am trying to keep in mind that we are doing what is best for my nephew… She has had 7.5 years to do the right thing. She receives $600+ for disability for him along with state benefits for him each month and child support. I get nothing… which is fine, I don’t want it.

I need her to sign off on these Guardianship papers in agreeance with me. If not I feel that I will be basically turning her in for fraud because when I tell the state that he is not with her, they will find out that she has received all of his benefits. I need to get him on my insurance for all of his therapy needs. Without the Guardianship I can do nothing else for him (medically). She has a boyfriend in jail several states away and thinks she is going to come here in January, pick up her son and move in with the boyfriend’s mother, till she gets on her feet.

I don’t know what to do… my hubby will support me no matter what, thank God. My mother is heartbroken and tired of being in the middle. My BFF is telling me to put on my big girl panties and do what is best for him… But my heart hurts for her. She is my sister… I can’t help but let my feelings for her be in the way.

Please help!! I’m driving myself crazy!

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Jennifer - posted on 12/11/2013

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If your sister has psyche issues it maybe safe to assume that she is unable to make rational decision at times. If your main concern is the child's well being I think because of his health issues helping him is helping her. When she can't mentally and physically provide for him, family is suppose to step in. Pray then listen, he will lead you.

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