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Am I alone in this?

Tracie - posted on 11/14/2008 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My son is over a year old and he is still not home from the hospital since his birth. It's becoming increasingly difficult for me to go to the hospital and I am feeling so much guilt over it. Am I a horrible mother for not going every day to visit him? I feel like a horrible mother for that reason. He was born on Halloween of 2007 and I used to go visit him every single day but after the 7th month or so, I was skipping days and I'm ashamed to admit that I haven't seen him since his birthday on Halloween. Today makes 2 weeks to the day since I've laid eyes on my son. When I think about visiting him in the hospital I get nausea and feel terrible.

I'm worn down...

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3 Comments

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Tracy - posted on 11/14/2008

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Hi Tracie. Have you spoken or met with a hospital social worker? They should be around to talk to you free of charge, and every hospital has them, I would be very surprised if you haven't met them already. I would also talk to your primary care physician and maybe get a prescription for an anti-anxiety pill. Not sure if you would want to see an actual therapist, I never could. I had 2 preemies and they were both in for about 4 months (no their not twins), and then my AJ came home with bad prognosis' and I sometimes get depressed, but don't I have the right to? I always thought if I spoke to a therapist, what would they tell me, I should be friggin depressed. But the hospital social worker has seen these cases and understands these feelings and maybe able to put you in touch with other families who have been through it. I may be a little bias towards them though, that is what I am. Anyway, no, you are in no way a bad parent and we all deal with these things the best way we know how. Your little boy may not show it, but he knows who you are and feels your presence. Go when you are comfortable, and never give up on him. I wish you all the best and feel free to reach out if you need it--

Magdalena - posted on 11/14/2008

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Will he be getting out anytime soon? I can imagine how hard it must be but like Angie said he needs you. Don't get discouraged. Maybe you have other family members that can go visit him so you can take a break for a couple days. Instead of going every day...go every other day or every third day. This way your baby will get to know the routine and will know you're not abandoning him and will come. I don't know why your son is in the hospital and whether or not he is aware of anything around him...but I know that a lot of kids and even grown ups get through sicknesses sometimes just by feeling that they have people around them caring for them.
You are not in any way a bad mother for having feelings like that. There comes a point where we all sometimes just feel like we want to give up and just do something for ourselves...that's normal...but talk to someone about it because if it goes on for too long, it could lead to depression.

Hang in there :) I wish you all the best.

Angie - posted on 11/14/2008

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I'm so sorry this is so difficult. It sounds unbearable. I'm sure all the feelings you have are normal. Have you talked to anyone about it? I'm sure the hospital staff could hook you up with some support people-- like a therapist of some kind? I understand how you would need a break, but don't forget he needs you to be there for him- just your presence. Good luck.

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