i dont think i can do this anymore

Shelley - posted on 06/30/2010

Hi honey, you are perfectly normal to feel this way, having any children is demanding and sometimes depressing and even more so with a special needs child, but hang on in there and it will get better. If you really arn't coping go to your doctor and get some help, there is nothing to be ashamed of, we've all been there. More often than not, just talking about it helps. You will come through this and look back and wonder why you got so down. Just try to do your best every day and congratulate yourself evey night for all the things you got right that day and eventualy the dark feelings will start to fade. Please try to let others in to help and give you a break and support, it really does help even if it seems hard to do right now, your not wonder woman none of us are and we all need a helping hand now and then. Sending you all my best wishes and support. Bless you and your little ones.

Dawn - posted on 06/26/2010

Sounds like you are way past "stressed out" Lara, and after reading your update, I'm not sure all the "oh, my 7 year old has ADHD" posters are really relating to the desperation of having a child who can't breathe while you already have mental health issues. I am so sorry you are dealing with this on your own. You said you are on 3 kinds of antidepressant meds. Call your doctor. It can make you physically sick to have too much meds in your system (like cause a thyroid condition or other problems) and if your levels are off, your meds won't make you feel better.

Please, please please call your doctor. You deserve to feel better. You sound like one tough cookie and you are taking really good care of your child, so make sure you take care of yourself too.

Mary - posted on 06/25/2010

am so so sorry u are having a rough time i cant imagine
my sister has a 2 1/2 yr old son with autism a 4 yr old girl and an 7 yr old girl and she is so stressed too
not sure what i can do for her but i call her everyday and give her help whenever i can
so maybe you can reach out to friends and family for alittle help
i hope things get better for u
u will be in my prayers

Kim - posted on 06/25/2010

You will get past this, provided you seek help. Many states offer in-home nursing care, developmental therapy, respite, occupational, speech, PT, etc. If you're stuck in the hospital, many have 'sleep rooms' for parents. check with your state special health care needs program for parent advocacy organizations that can give you very specific information for your location. I've been where you're at, and understand that darkness and dispair. You have to find the strength to help your self, other wise you can't help your child or any of his siblings.

Brandy Tabacco - posted on 06/25/2010

Lara, you are NOT alone. I, too, feel this way at times. Sometimes you just need a friend, sometimes you just need some ME TIME, sometimes you just need 5 min. of quite time. These are all hard to come by in our world. Take it one day at a time. Look at the good things that happen EVERY day. Even if you and your children have had a very bad day, there will be one thing that was good. Try to celebrate that possitive even when the negative is so difficult. My daughter has autism and it is very hard. She is high functioning but this is also very challanging. My son is three and typical and she tends to hurt him a lot because she gets frustrated because he is doing something "wrong" in her eyes. It is usually nothing he is doing is wrong, just different that what she thinks it should be done. I hope you feel loved by the women in this circle. Hopefully you can take a deep breathe and know, YOU are not alone...

Linda - posted on 06/25/2010

Hang in there, it will get better and worst to come, but you will make it threw. I have a 13 yr old boy , who was born with hyperpituritary defenience, a failure to thrive baby. We had to force feed him. He has to take all kinds of hormome replacement meds. Then at the age of 7, we were told he had ADD. He has had tubes in his ears more time than I car to think about. Then at 10 we found out that he has sleep ampenea, so CPAP it is for sleeping. Two years ago he was further tested and has bi-polar and occ, a slight form of autisim. then last year we got to start testostrone shots. talk about boys getting pms he sure does, worse than me. By the way I was a single mom until he was 10 yrs old. My husband does the best he can with him, but has a hard time once in awhile in dealing with my son. My son's father is somewhat in the picture but not the greatest of help. The child has issues with his dad and doesn't spend much time with him. I know how frustrating it gets, but somdays are bad then come wthe days you wouldn't want to trade for anything, because they are so nice. they do come too. Hang in there and see if social services offer any kind of help, respite, daycare social workers, any kind of programs to take the kids and give you a break for a short time.

Angela - posted on 06/25/2010

Sound like you need a break...and a friend...sometimes just chilling with a friend and talking to them about your issues with your child/children helps and it dont cost any money...:D I have 3 kids my 10 years old has ADHD/ODD/MOOD/DD she acts like a 5 /14 year old..then i have a 8 year old with ADHD and a 5 year old leech monkey lol..hang in there !! !

Lorraine - posted on 06/25/2010

i think that you have done the best thing, by letting us in... there are plenty of times when we can feel so low that we think that is this what our life is going to be forever..
Don't despair, there are genuine people who truly understand especially when children with disabilities of any kind are involved. You are not alone by no means. I remember feeling exactly the same way as you. Believe it or not with good friends and support from the right people there is a light at the end of that very long tunnel.
All on here are here for you.

Tara - posted on 06/24/2010

your not alone I have a seven year old that was diagnosed with autism and a nine year old with ADD.. Just take it one day at a time and remember your not alone we all have been there.

Susan - posted on 06/24/2010

Please find your parent to parent support network in your state. talking with other parents who share your issues is the most helpful thing there is. you can go to www.nichcy.org , click on state resources, and then find your state. scroll down to organizations for parents and get the contact info. You can be matched to other parents with children with similar diagnoses, or just join a support group for parents of kids with special needs. Please don't feel you have to go through this alone!

Christie - posted on 06/24/2010

I have a daughter who is 16 now and has PKU. While it is not the hardest now (she manages her diet herself now) when she was young up until 4 I managed her diet pretty much alone and had to forcefeed her as a baby to get the right formula into her. There were days I didn't think I could make it. There are places out there that will come and relieve you for a little while so you can get away. If you have a family member or a friend you trust, call them for a break. You need one. Whether all you do is go sit in the park alone, go shopping, read a book, whatever, take a break. It is the best thing for you and your child.

Leslie - posted on 06/23/2010

Yes you will, but not quickly , so don't push, you just use energy you don't have. But, if you lean on something long enough, it falls down. Be gentle and kind to yourself, I know you are doing your best. Letting it out is a really good thing, and that is what this forum is for. God bless

Evonne - posted on 06/23/2010

I can understand how you feel. There was a time in my life when I wanted to end it. The only reason I'm still here is because I knew no one could take care of my boys like I do. I have a 12 year old with bilateral cleft lip and palate, auditory processing disorder and PDD. An 11 year old neuro typical child and a 10 year old with autism. You definately need a break. Here in California one can get respite care for the children so one can have some time to one's self. There is a lot of paperwork and effort before the service is provided but it is worth it once you get that 3 hours to yourself. Hang in there, as others have stated you are not alone. Sometimes I think the hardest part is asking for help. But we have to. Good luck.

Sabrina - posted on 06/23/2010

its a strange place to be in ...you dont feel you can let people in, YET this is the very time you NEED to. in the most general terms people are here to help you. take time to yourself daily. pray if thats what feed you, keep a journal or go for a walk...let them run the park and sit in the sun with a few deep breaths.
while i could tell you 1000 stories worse than yours,...i wouldnt , it doesnt matter beacuse your personal abuility to cope with stress may be less than someone elses.
but what i can say is that you need to take time to cool down and refuel. life indeed does have a way to keep pressing on..but maybe thats lifes messege to reach out and remind us of our need for other people.
find people who let you cry it out if thats what you need....and yes, sometimes we have to go looking.
until then...the huge FB circle of moms can let you know in some small wAy that we in fact DO share your struggle.
tired eyes, heavy hearts, throbbing feet, sleep deprived and living in headache. one event to the next, praying for yet more patience until the next break. sometimes broke or in the red...half willed partners or even none at all. enduring stares or school staff possibly ill informed family..sound familiar?

just tell yourself...one day at a time. thats all yuou need to get through...today.

Nina - posted on 06/22/2010

I am a Mother of 3. A son who is 31 and is bi'polar we think, use to be a drug addict but is definitely a alcoholic, a daughter 29 shall I say lives on a street that has shooting, drugs and about 6 pitbulls in a city of couse and she drinks alcohol, a little drugs and takes prescription drugs and is a little slow. My baby who is 20 is a special need child who is communication impaired which you have to say everything sometimes 5 times for her to understand but she is doing real good after finishing 2 yrs of college and going out looking for work and is such a good girl. I also work at East Windsor School District from September to June with Special Need children. I am a Educational Assistant for the last 3 yrs and will be starting my 4th yr come September. I work with Pre K to 5th grade I can work for Middle School and High School but I prefer Elementary. I also babysat for a 2yr old Special Need girl from September to November last year. I also had to hold her up to stand which she kept on falling, she would only crawl with one leg and the other straight out. She had liquid around her hips. So don't feel bad and your not alone. You can talk to me any time.

Nina

Sunshine - posted on 06/22/2010

Sounds like you need a support group,a visiti to your doctor, a babysitter and some friends you can count on. I have 5 children, all except one with a disability, 2 of them have more than one issue. You need to see the doctor abut the pain & the depression- you cannot provide proper care for your children unless you take the time to care for you. find something each day you can do for you, even it's i'ts just little like 10 minutes in the tub. There will always be hard days, but you have to find help for your self of the children will pick up on it & behave accordingly- you can do it- chin up!!!!

Monica - posted on 06/22/2010

Hi..are you comfortable attending or seeking out a pastor at a local church. Parenting is hard. Single parenting is hard. Having a child with any form of special needs is very challenging. You must make sure that you have someone to talk to face to face.

Jane - posted on 06/22/2010

Frustration is part of the deal. :) I know what you're going through, because I have seven kids, 3 on the spectrum, 3 with AD/HD, and one with cerebral palsy. If you need to vent, feel free. PM if you like, I'm a good listener. :)

Cheryl - posted on 06/21/2010

Where are you situated? What country?

Sheila - posted on 06/21/2010

Hang in there honey--we all feel like that from time to time--I have a 21 year old with autism,a 13 going on 30 and an 11 year old son who would starve if mom didn't cook:) You may need to see a counselor for someone to vent to who isn't close to the situation--my oldest sees a very nice girl and I get my session in as well sometimes:)God Bless you

Renee - posted on 06/21/2010

Lara it's not easy but you can do it.My 12 yr old son has OI (brittle bone ),cp,severe adhd, bipolar and intermittent explosive disorder.For me the behavioural stuff is harder to cope with.I get depressed too.I myself had a stroke at 15 and bipolar.I also have a 2 1/2 yr old girl that thinks she's 6.defintely find things that relax you even if it's as simple as reading a magazine.I scrapbook and find that scrapbooking Nigel's achievements helps me see past the negative things beyond his control.

Linda - posted on 06/20/2010

Hi Lara hope you are feeling a bit better. I have a daughter aged 23 with downs syndrome, some days are great and other days I feel like I am climbing a mountain, I think all us mums with children with special needs know these black hole days, stay stong hunny there are people out there for you, always here if need a shoulder or an ear

Lara - posted on 06/20/2010

thank u all for your replies (i didnt expect any) ben is nine now but was born sickly when he was one my gp called social services he thought i was hurting him eventually at 3 he was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis i dont know wat is worse the fact ive given him a death sentence or wat proffesionals thought. he has 10 weekly ivs which im now trainned to do at home physio 3 times a day 4 lots of nebs and meds including ones he has to take everytime he eats and he started going threw puberty at 7 which he has 4 weekly injections for,but hes a star,george my youngest has adhd and is on the autistic spectrum has asthma, i myself have m/e ,pustula psriosis and psrioatic arthritis and deppression i do take 3 different anti deppressants they just dont seem to work my family are irrelivent only ever really coming when they want something, my mum used to come but has moved away even though she said shed take the boys once a fortnight last year after i had a break down and was on a psyciatric ward in hospital for 6 months (my family didnt realise i was ill so they told the doc he was gob smacked i just dont want to live like this anymore i dont want to live but i dont want to die im just stuck here because of my boys trapped my mum had the boys once, ben is tube fed over nite and also wets the bed

Juana - posted on 06/20/2010

Hi, its ok to get frustrated we wouldn't be good mothers if we didn't. what ever you are going thru will pass on, just like other problems you've had in the past. I have a 18yr son with juvenile diabetes that does not keep his sugar levels normal, I have a 13yr son with learning problems that make reading hard fore him to comprehend, I have a 7yr daughter with DownSyndrome that just came out of the hospital with pneumonia and my little one 19mths doesn't say much so now he needs speech therapy, I'm going thru this alone cause my husband walked out on us, Some times I feel like I cant go on ,one problem after another ,like nobody gets the stress Im in, but my kids need me, I'm all they have. Reading what other mothers write has helped me cause I see that Im not alone and that they may be in another city, but they are here in spirit. Take care and Log on when you need a shoulder to cry on,

Kathleen - posted on 06/20/2010

Been there Done that!! It will get better. I have a 22 yr old daughter with type 1 (Juvenile) diabetes. She was diagnosed at only two years old. We have spent the past twenty years in and out of hospital. We also have a 10 year old son who was born 9 weeks prem and we have just found out last year that he has both mild spina bifida and also has mild hemiplegic cerebral palsy. There are days when I also feel like crumpling in a heap and crying my eyes out. I want to know what I did to deserve all this. Then I look at our daughter and see a beautiful young woman who is living in her own flat, studying for a social work degree and is happy and healthy (as long as she eats right and takes her insulin :-) ). Our son is a wiz on the computer, is learning to play golf and is becoming a really good swimmer. I count my blessings. PM me if you feel the need to vent anytime you like. Good luck and remember to look on the bright side, because there is one, even when we don't think there is.

Cheryl - posted on 06/20/2010

vent if that helps, it also required for me to get hooked up into every available agency that might help, the boys MD, mental health center for thier adhd and bi polar ... med management, a counselor for me, between them they got some respite care in and help get the youngest into headstart...don't be afraid to say "HELP" loud and clear...it is better to do it before you can't function and it get called in for you...they boys also go to a playtherapist and her suggestions for interventions have been invaluable for me, I also had a inhome family therapist come in through Luthern Socaial Services, I contacted the local social service agency (respite care but because recommended by their md, psych nurse, and therapist), the mental health center and used the school as well there is assistance out there it is just spread all over the place...also the biggest part was continued treatment of my depression as well.... and to get past the fear of what will they think, I should be able to handle it..its tough and I found the proffessionals here understand that. oh..I have a 10 year old and 4 year old with temporal lobe epelipsy --sub clinic seizures-- which means it doesn't result in fall down convulsion seizures but looks like behavior and emotional outbursts..they also are bi-polar, adhd and because of the static in the brain they have sensory intergration issues and are going through a rewiring so to speak program. There are days like I am sure many of you have that seem like a constant stream of appts with drs, specialists, pt, ot, parenting intervention assistance..since traditional parenting skills doen't work and etc.. hang in there, do the next thing and keep it down to what is important and not sweat the small stuff...great advice..works wonders when I follow it..lol

Cortnie - posted on 06/19/2010

that is very true , i was really depressed didnt wanna lleave the house so anything but i went and talked to someone and the meds helped me clear my mind , a yr later i am happy and i am able to help my son way better than before

Cortnie - posted on 06/19/2010

I have a 7 yr old that has ADHD and intergrated auditory processing disoder and somed days i have to call my mom to take all three of my kids. It can be stressful but always keep this in mind . WHO ELSE IS GOING TO SPEAK FOR YOUR CHILD? its okay to have bad days and sometimes feel like giving up but you are stronger than that.
Before my son was daig . with anything i struggled for 3 yrs he was diag with adhd when he was 6 and at 6 1/2 with auditory processing disorder. later down the line i realized everything i struggled with was cause of his med. conditions . there were times where i contemplated on hgiving him to my parents cause i couldnt handle him at the time ( I was a young mom) and i felt like a failure . but no one can really be a failure if you do your best and love that child unconditionally

Virginia - posted on 06/18/2010

It's really common to get depressed when dealing with a special needs child. I would recommend you go talk to your regular doctor about depression. It could be that medication for a while would make all the difference to you.
God bless you.

Mistyaz - posted on 06/18/2010

You're stronger than you know. It feels like you can't go on sometime but you really can. giving up is not an option. You just need a break to be able to relax, can someone help you do that? I'm here if you just need to chat or type.

mistyaz

Shelly - posted on 06/17/2010

Hi!! You are certainly not alone here! I can relate 100%. I have a 19 month old with a cleft lip and palate (which requires multiple surgeries) and a 4 year old with Autism/ADHD. I have had plenty of those days/moments where you feel completly defeated. I would be glad to chat and you are welcome to vent anytime!

Julie - posted on 06/17/2010

I wonder if you would be able to let out more? I have a daughter who is 16 and has Down Syndrome (who according to doctors would not live past 2 weeks of age, and would be a cabbage of she did, YEAH right NOT!), a son of 13 who has excema (can never spell that!) and seems allergic to everything he comes into contact with especially water! I have a son of 10 who has Aspergers, hip and hearing problems and shortened tendons, and a daughter of 9 with an attitude!! Honestly feel free to PM me and rant your little heart out. You are not alone, there are a lot of people here to help and support you in any way we can ♥

Dana - posted on 06/17/2010

Hello, I have a child with Down syndrome.What is going on that you are having trouble with? You are not alone, it can be very hard to accept & deal with a special needs child.