I have a 10 year old son. He has ADD and ODD. I don't enjoy him anymore. Am I a bad Mom?

Sally - posted on 10/22/2010

Thank you all so much for the ideas and strategies for me and my husband to try.

Ann Marie - posted on 10/22/2010

My oldest has been diagnosed with severe anxiety and an inattentive disorder that almost mirrors ADD. I have days like this where I wish she would go to her room and close the door and not come out. But we have found ways to work around this. She sees a Social Worker at school that helps her work around some of her issues to get through school, only one phone call this year so far because of a sever upset stomach, last year it was at least once a week if not more. She also see a counselor every other week, started a every week over a year ago. She helps her deal with home situation that make her nervous which triggers more problems with her inattentiveness. I have Found ways to calm myself, like asking her to go to her room for ten minutes and then we will continue what we were doing so we both get a break. My husband I have started seeing a counselor that specializes in adult ADD (he has ADD) and she helps me with how to handle situations better and forsee what could happen to try to prevent a bad response. We have added a marker board calendar to the kitchen that has everything on it so everybody knows what to do and when, this has almost eliminated the nights I get home and nobody is ready to go, with a husband with ADD, a daughter with multiple allergies, asthma, etc. and a daughter with anxiety and inattentiveness this is a huge step. I would suggest getting outside help with someone that specializes in the area, it took us a while to find one that worked. My husband was diagnosed last November and he just found a counselor to work with that is helpful and specializes in ADD, after three appointments he has already made progress.

Schyla - posted on 10/20/2010

you know I feel so much better hearing someone else confess this. My five year old has ODD and SPD and let me tell you there are days when I would like to find a deep dark hole and put her into it up to her neck. and feed her bread and water till she's 18. She's mouthy she had these tantrums that last for literally HOURS, she's won't listen she won't stay in bed. We have spent two and half years with a behaviorist and have learned discipline techniques that work well and have also been attending Occupational Therapy and have learned to deal with her over stimulation situations (that result in HUGE meltdowns) I love this little girl so very very much and I feel so guilty for not liking her on the bad days. Here is my secret when I have a bad day with her. I list all the things I love about her. She loves her baby sister, and the two of them play so well together often with my oldest going with what the little one wants, I Love her sense of humor and the cute little words she makes up. (Just today she had a sticker in her sock and asked if she was turning into a Pokey-pine) She is so kind and caring to other kids and I often find her making another kid feel better when she plays with others. Her teachers always have glowing reports on how she behaves at school. She has this sweet relationship with her Daddy. (he takes her to school every morning and he always draws a heart on her hand and places an extra kiss in it and if he doesn't do it she has a bad day). the list goes on and on and soon I realize that I do in fact not only Love my sweet little girl but I like her most of the time too. So try listing the things you love about your son and remember you are NOT alone nor are you a bad mom for not liking an age or a stage or a day with your child. this too shall pass. Sit him down (he's old enough) and set some behavior goals with him say he REALLY wants an Ipod. say alright you need to do this this and this for this and such a time and you'll earn this many points towards that Ipod and if you do this this or this then you'll lose this many points in order to earn the Ipod you need to have this many points for this amount of time! This will not only encourage him to behave well it will also teach him the value of earning the things he wants and the harder he has to work for it the better he'll treat it. Of course let him have a say in it. What is something you really want? and how much do you think ______ is worth? and so how much do you think making your bed/cleaning your room/doing all your homework/being nice to your brother/puting your toys away at the end of the day (list EACH thing he need to work on and have him decide what each is worth in points or money or whatever works for you) and then have HIM pick how much NOT doing each of those things will cost him. This way it's NOT YOU that's inflicting the consequences he picked the reward and the consequence himself YOUR just the one who's carrying out the agreement. This is an important skill and I've seen it work. give it a try. Set a responsible time frame for him to work at and he'll reach for that goal and surprise even himself.

Iridescent - posted on 10/20/2010

You are NOT alone! If parents are honest, the great majority have stages (and ages) of their children which they don't enjoy. My SIL loved her 4 kids as babies; now that they are all over 5 years old, she's interested in their lives but really couldn't care less about the day to day, school events, etc. Her teen is now pregnant for the second time, and her younger 3 all live with their dad. This really isn't that extreme or unusual, and I must say she's much less involved than you likely are. I hated from 7-9 years old...omg the attitude! Now this past 2 years with my kids has been difficult, but I enjoy them more. I had to change my approach and start treating them more as adults - they are old enough to know consequences, and to think about how their behavior and habits now will become permanent and make them the adults they are going to be. This view (I sat down and discussed it with them) improved their behavior greatly, and now it's usually just a reminder when they're getting out of line. We try reward systems - now we're on a dime jar - $5 in dimes for the week, stays with the jar. Misbehavior = 1 dime. End of the week, dimes left are theirs. Later it will be quarters, so offenses cost more. It gives them an incentive. Sit down with him and tell him how you feel.