Insensitive comment

Virginia - posted on 09/01/2010

My grandson has a very rare disorder called XXYY syndrome, he was acting out in a gas station one day and some one told my daughter she needed to take him home and beat him. Her reply was you go home and beat your kids and I'll take care of mine! People need to understand that because a child is acting up doesn't mean he is not being disciplined.

RHONDA - posted on 08/29/2010

I feel for you and have had similar situations. It is disheartening. Our children come first, I haven't been able to donate as I used to and have been made to feel very guilty. I'm glad though that you contacted the nonprofit.

Julia - posted on 08/29/2010

Among many other things, I've been a telemarketer. Listen to their name, when they give it, use it to get them off their pitch and tell them gently and firmly that you won't be giving today and they need to go on to the next call.

Danielle - posted on 08/22/2010

You shouldn't have to be made to feel guilty for not donating to her charity. Maybe you should ask the next solicitor to come to your door if they want to donate to the charity of your child's disability. For example, whenever I get calls from charities and they won't take no for an answer, I simply say, "Ok I will donate to your charity ONLY if you will make a donation today to me for the Epilepsy Foundation in honor of my child." That usually shuts them up pretty quick. I have even had them to hang up on me! LOL Keep your chin up. Don't waste your precious time worrying about the comments of ignorant people!

Libby - posted on 08/22/2010

I am also the mother of a special need child, and I feel very blessed. Makes things more of a challenge, but has opened my eyes in many different ways. People don't think before they talk, and my opinion in this case it works both ways.

Michelle - posted on 08/22/2010

I bet she does too!..god bless most battlers fight their wars in silence, it's a hidden strength :))
people with health problems and there carers might not always be obvious or prominent but all suffer to some degree and our right to have our fight recognised shouldnt be measured by visible anomolies alone. if a child had both ears missing the ops would be free with no need to travel to america as they should be. so many kids with one ear need cochlear devices but sadly these arent covered because the child still has one good eareven if their level of hearing isnt so good.

Penny - posted on 08/22/2010

My daughter has three disorders and you wouldn't know it by quick glance but once you get to know her you find out about them and find that she does rather well for a child with dandy walker, hydrocephalus, and Gordon syndrome.

Rhonda - posted on 08/22/2010

I dont blam you one bit I hate when people open there mouths when they have no idea what they are talking about.

Penny - posted on 08/22/2010

i would have done the same thing =)

Michelle - posted on 08/22/2010

:) its sometimes hard not to yell more often than we do at the insensitivites we witness in others. I have two disabled children but i'm lucky because they cope well despite them..my eldest(18) is coping so well with his autism you almost wouldnt know he had it, people don’t see the Years of hard work we've put in together to get to this point and so cannot appreciate what a wonderful achievement we've reached.
My youngest (13 months) has a missing ear and ear canal, stops breathing often and chokes on anything thicker than puree with regularity, has an underdeveloped jaw and larynx which hinder his efforts to eat solids, and runs instead of walking he seems always to be off balance so falls and bruises are regular part of his day. I am not looking forward to 18 more years of Paediatricians, dieticians, Ecg's, Specialists,Ot’s, Respiratrists, IEP's or cochlear testing but It's what we must prepare for. No-one asks to be disabled and no- one should be disregarded because of the level of their disability in any regard.
Recently we passed a lady outside a newsagent handing out religious magazines I took one gracefully and offered a few coins, all that I had on me at the time, only to be met with a tirade about how she had to sell those magazines to buy food because she was homeless. I apologised for not being able to offer more as we are also struggling to raise $60,000 which will secure two operations to create an ear and ear canal to open up my sons hearing. I gave her back the magazine to resell as she seemed to be a little ashamed of her tirade after seeing my sons missing ear for herself. I feel awful that she is homeless but i couldn’t give more than i had.
I always try to help those in need but sometimes we are in need ourselves. People should try to be be Gracious for what they do have and mindful that there are more concerns in the world than their own.

Chris - posted on 08/22/2010

That's what I meant before about your child being your charity.

Rhionna - posted on 08/22/2010

Some of these canvassers are really pushy, and don't think before they open their mouths. That and they don't know what your situation is when they come knocking on the door. Not everyone has the money to give, I recently had to stop giving to a charity due to my husband losing his job and I'm caring for our 3 young children full time as one has ASD and suffers sleep problems. I always tell these people that charity begins at home, I'm not going to let my children go without, they are my priority!

Melissa - posted on 08/21/2010

I have found that people asking for money for charity are sometimes ruthlessly manipulative. Since we have two children on the autism spectrum, we donate a lot to a our favorite charity, the Operation Jack Autism Foundation. We also feed the homeless, donate to our church, and several other charities that serve animals and the arts. Even after politely explaining that, their response is usually, "So can I count on you to donate $_____ if I send you a pamplet?" When I say no, they get kind of mean. I have told a few of them that I would donate to their charity if they donated to my favorite one and they weren't interested.

Emily - posted on 08/21/2010

I love getting the "until you walk in my shoes" comments from other moms. Then I see them when I have my severely handicapped child with me. Don't let those comments bother you. People have no idea the struggles you face on a daily basis. I have a few "smart" comments I use that usually throw people off guard when they say something insensitilve.

Cindy - posted on 08/21/2010

BTW, as I had to learn, myself, the correct term for kids without special needs is "typical".

Cindy - posted on 08/21/2010

First of all, install a camera at your front door & a sign that says, "No Solicitors". Solicitors are annoying no matter what they are collecting for. If faced with the question, you can let the solicitor know that you do not donate this way as it is unfortunately dangerous to open your door to strangers & scammers are rampant. Having said that, you can't take this situation personally. This person didn't know your situation & was just concerned about the cause she was collecting for (or pretending to collect for if it was a scam.) I have a son with Down Syndrome so I know where you are coming from.

Brandy - posted on 08/21/2010

The woman was rude no doubt in that,but the people they use for collecting donations are not known for compassion they are known for bringing in the money. I would like to say I would not have over-reacted the way you did but depending on my mood and day I probably would have too. You did the right thing by contacting the charity but more than likely they didnt hire the canvasser so nothing will be done.
@ Susan Lantz- not just as a mother of a handicap child did she deserve a more polite response but as a human she deserved it.
@Chris Salt-- maybe you didnt mean it this way but it is the way you came across... "... get back to your own charity - your child." I am the mother of a disabled child an NEVER have I thought, seen, or would allow anyone else to see my child as a charity!
And I love the 'Normal is a setting on a dryer'
@Joelle please dont ever feel guilty about your childs condition. God gave you your child for a reason, it may not always be apparent why in the begining and you may never know, but God had his reasons.

Susan - posted on 08/21/2010

that is really one way to do it. March of Dimes came to us and I asked them if they would help with spina bifidia and that shut them up.

Jane - posted on 08/21/2010

I am the mother of a 3 year old son who had a kidney transplant when he was one; I am lucky that he is even alive, and I cherish every single day with him.

As soon as I know a solcitor is campaigning for a charity, I ask them right away if it will help transplant patients; the answer is always no. It cuts off their "pitch", and leaves them speecless. a similar tac may help you.

Susan - posted on 08/21/2010

Chris and Joslyn that is my favorite saying. LOL I would be very upset if my life were "Normal". My life is exciting. Every day is a new experience.

Joslyn - posted on 08/21/2010

I LOVE IT! Normal is just a setting on the dryer!

Chris - posted on 08/21/2010

My son is 8 and high functioning autistic.... among many other things, funny, clever, logical and kind. I certainly feel blessed to be entrusted with this little boy who teaches me something new every day. Be it tolerance, patience or simply to pull my head in and trust that he's going to be OK. I am humbled by this amazing child and although we have our issues I've learnt that "normal" is a setting on the dryer.

Susan - posted on 08/21/2010

Thank you Chris. That is what I was trying to say. My oldest daughter was working at a college when I had my spina bifida son. She told a teacher about Daniel and the teacher told her "oh I am so sorry for you". My oldest replied "I don't feel sorry for me. My family feels blessed that God would give us my brother." I think this sums it up. We all have bad days but remember handicapped people are really angels in disguise.

Joslyn - posted on 08/21/2010

Being a mother of a child with a disability or handicapping condition should not bring u guilt, dispair of make u feel unlucky in anyway. I know it may be easier said than done but ur blessing is staring u in the face everyday...look at the world and the everday hassles that "normal" children are facing. Whatever your child's handicapping condition is consider yourself blessed for having an endlessly pure and truely unconditional love. God wouldnt give u anything u cant handle.

Chris - posted on 08/21/2010

You are right, how dare she! You may have had any of many reasons not to donate to her charity, she was very rude and I would have done exactly what you did. I'm sure you have settled a bit now so put it behind you and get back to your own charity - your child. I'd like to think you have given her something to think about and I'm sure she'll be a bit more diplomatic in the future. Don't be too angry, ignorant, rude people are everywhere.

Susan - posted on 08/21/2010

As a mother with a son with spina bifidia, I feel like I am "lucky" However, I do feel that this canvasser was not really nice to you. I guess I think she might have asked what type of handicap your child has and if the children's charity might be able to help you out. You deserved a good response from the canvasser not one of indifference and telling you that you were "lucky" was not a good choice of words. If that person truly thought you were "lucky" it would be more because they could help you.