local church wants to reach out - any advice?

Jessica - posted on 10/16/2010

My synagogue is open to everyone-no matter who they are.

Dyann - posted on 10/16/2010

Please do not segregate the person with special needs from the regular church services or Sunday School. I cringe when I hear someone say they have a "special" service or Sunday School for the children with special needs. My son was always included with his peers in Mother's Day Out, preschool, Sunday School and the regular church service. He has quadriplegic spastic cerebral palsy, in a wheelchair and essentially non-verbal. When he was 12, he was participated in the conformation class and joined the church along with the other 12 year olds in his Sunday School class. He is now 26 and his former Sunday School teachers, friends and parents of friends ask about him often. He chooses not to attend church now, but he is 26 afterall!

Ginger - posted on 10/16/2010

I to attend a small church and we have two adults with Down Syndrome and my daughter who also has DS who is soon to be 9. My preacher and the rest of the congregation have always been very supportive and do not mind the noise that she sometimes makes. They are just glad that she is there as with all the other children who attend there. I feel that if I need there help they would gladly give it to me if they are able. Although she doesn't go on any outings usually unless I or another family member is with her because I know she is a handful and would feel bad asking them to do that but am sure they would.

Jessica - posted on 10/14/2010

Education is first and foremost very important if you have a special needs child. There's nothing worse than uneducated well to doers who don't understand or take the time for sensitivity training. Talk to the pastor about having one night a month for a get-to-know session for congregants and new families with special-needs members. Make it friendly!

Jennifer - posted on 10/13/2010

one of the best churches for special needs kids and adults is Mclean bible church in Mclean, VA they have a special sunday school and just opened a respit center http://mbctysons.org/access

Mellinda "Mel" - posted on 10/13/2010

The most important factor for making a church a welcoming place for special needs children and adults is acceptance. I attend a small country church w/ a wide range of people attending (age, socioeconomic, education, and some racial diversity). The average attendance at the church is 87. Of those, 15 are special needs children or adults. Represented in that number are one down syndrome adult, one blind adult, 5 ADD/ADHD adult/children, two autistic children, two developmentally delayed children, and the rest have a variety of "issues" including spine abifida (sp). What makes this church unique is that no one considers these individuals special. They are simply members of the congregation and our extended family. The elders in the church smile when the kids make noise in the service cause that means the kids (and their families) are IN the service. Every member of the congregation works to accommodate the needs as needed (brale hymnal, accommodating special diets, sitters for children who cannot handle the worship service (it over stimulate them) and financial/emotional support when needed.

At the heart of it all, however, is that no one sees any of the special needs members/children as "special." The simple acceptance is the most welcoming aspect of the entire congregation.

Melinda - posted on 10/12/2010

This is a subject near to my heart. We have felt uncomfortable so many times that it took forever to find a church and even now we are very sensitive to what happens around our 3 kids. Church should be where you find peace, and concern for your family. Instead we often felt unwanted there, disruptive and unhappy. We have a church now that provides a service for adults at the same time as kids which helps a lot as our middle child could never deal with the first fifteen minutes of church waiting for children's church. We moved to the back of the church, then the balcony and then out of it and then to a new place. It took a while to feel comfortable. People and kids with disabilties really just need to be loved, they need friends and community just like typical people. My daughter needed sunday school where she could make friends, not be judged and the kids were willing to be her friends and even asked if she was not there! They included her as much as possible- she could do choir, the musical, vbs -everything right along side with others. It is not always perfect, but at least at our new church people do seem to care and are thoughtful and understanding. They are trying to see it through our eyes rather than be judgemental and it has been amazing.

Tawnea - posted on 10/12/2010

i always figured that church was the one place where children with special needs and their families could go and be accepted as they are and welcomed with open arms.

Tracie - posted on 10/12/2010

A place that is welcome of families with children with Special needs!
That is exactly why we left St Hedwigs Catholic Church, Los Alamitos.
When I asked the priest, he was more concerned with us disrupting other members.
He did not even know our difficulties.
As a parent that felt like I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel, the one place I thought I would find compassion blatantly un~welcomed us.
A blessing in disguise maybe?

Beth - posted on 10/12/2010

This is so great to hear. When families need help, we tend to look to our faith community first. In many instances, we are pushed away. I am currently working with the education director at my synagogue to do exactly what you are talking about (my synagogue embraced me with open arms). I think it is important first to educate your congregation about the special needs community. Then you should find out from parents of special needs kids what they need/want. Based on that information, you will have a clearer picture of what type of services to deliver. Keep up the great work!

Alisha - posted on 10/08/2010

Ask your local/attending families! :) and please do not make generalized statements like, " They are such happy people" or "God only gives Special Children to Special Families/Parents". instead ask your families what their needs are. if you don't know what language to use, ask. be frank and forth coming. most people will appreciate this! do not focus on the Disability, instead look at the Abilities, embrace diversity in all people, not just the special needs community. Remember these Special" people during ceremonies, and performances. Be flexible! teach and show tolerance and understanding. and remember that not all special needs are visiable. many people who have children that have been labeled as "a problem child" or a "brat" are actually dealing with behavioral issues that may be due to a "disability" Look at special events that happen in your community (parades, awareness days, special olympics, ets) Most families with special needs members do not want to be targeted, we want to be accepted. thank you so much for being open and for looking to promote love and acceptance for all people in your community! You rock!

Iridescent - posted on 10/07/2010

Places that are accepting of special needs children (and adults) are so important. We have a church near us that banned a special needs child from attending because he was (leader falsified claims, proven) simply different. http://www.kare11.com/news/news_article.... This is not horribly common to get to this extreme, but does happen too often (once is too often) and even when it's the rest of the congregation making those with disabilities feel different and unwelcome, it's enough.

Some things that would increase my comfort level and likelihood of attending a function - child care/services for children from a teacher trained to handle basic behavioral needs common with special needs children. This training can be expensive to get, but many in the community have it and are willing to volunteer, so requesting anyone that already has the training would help. Offer 1:1 adult to child (same as a para at school) during these services without the parent, especially trained personnel if available, or someone familiar with that specific child (family friend). I'm not certain how involved your church is with the community, but small educational programs with volunteers to educate on specific disorders common in your area would really help. A lot of people still assume autism is due to bad parenting; if it's something anyone in your church is dealing with, have an educational meeting. My daughter has a liver disorder, and we need to educate a lot of people. Food allergies even! Some people think a dislike of a food is the same as an allergy, so push the allergen on the child that is allergic to "test" them. Just one issue at a time is more than enough, and try to do the most needed for your area, and not terribly long (10-15 minutes at most). Depending how many people in your church do deal with special needs, perhaps form a committee for them to discuss problems they are dealing with and how to address them, and involve people in the community to teach them (social workers, therapists, child advocates). It helps a lot when you learn what rights you have as a parent, and how to enforce them for your child.

If you can't provide the teacher/child ratio needed for things such as sunday school, try to do consecutive meetings where the second is the same as the first, so parents can alternate their own time with their child and get the chance to also hear the meeting. Or record it and offer it to them.