Mom of 23 yr. Old with multiple diagnosis...

Sherry - posted on 08/14/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Been going through reading the stories on here and my heart goes out to you and your families. I am no expert but do have many years of experience with many areas of raising mentally handicapped child. So in hopes to help anyone in anyway to keep fighting here is my story.

My daughter, Amber, is 23 yr.old now. I was a single mom at age 16, and boy did I have no clue what was in store for me. By age 2 I noticed she wasnt talking or acting like most kids her age. She looked fine, but she wasnt talking and her tantrums were out of control, even for a 2 yr. Old. This was the beginning of my fight. From age 2-7 I fought doctors and the school system to get a diagnosis and treatment for her. I was talked down to, ignored, belittled, sent from doctor to doctor just to be told I was the problem. The school system even sent her to regular school. I was so afraid she was going to get hurt or hurt someone else but they shrugged me off. I took her to school first day and I tried to tell them again of her behavior problems. They called me 45 mins later to pick her up and called an emergency IEP meeting.

At age 4 she started having seizures and was put on Tegretol for a year and a half. She was up to 1500 mg. A day and still had seizures before they switched meds to Dilantin which finally stopped seizures. The older she got the worse her behaviors were. She was kicked out of several daycares and even church. At age 7 I finally got her into Kennedy Krieger institute in Baltimore for an evaluation. This was after years of calling and writing letters to different doctors, hospitals and organizations. After months of all kinds of tests they call me in for a meeting. After 5 yrs of fighting, I was 23 and Amber age 7, I was given several diagnosis'. It was bittersweet, i finally was told it wasnt me. being a bad mom but what it meant for my daughter. She had brain damage on left side of her brain which resulted in her being mentally retarded. Also, PDD, ODD, ADHD, Epileptic, with a mood disorder. They didn't specify which one til she was 18. Then she was labeled with bipolar in addition to all the other diagnosis'.
I ran out of the room crying hysterically. All my hopes and dreams for her was destroyed. The illusion of what I thought being a mom was, completely vanished. That day was the start of a path I didn't choose, but it taught me a lot. Don't get me wrong, it was and still is the hardest thing I've done so far. Emotionally, mentally and physically!! Many, many rough times. Some days was the lowest mentally possible without crossing that line of just laying down completely given up. Something always brought me out of it. To this day I dont know how I hung in there. I have been hit, punched, bruised, bit, knocked down stairs, head butted, kicked, spitted on, snotted on, feces wiped on me, things thrown at me all in the midst of her outbursts. Her putting her arm, leg and head through windows breaking them during her outbursts. Too many hospital trips to count. Destroying anything in her path including furniture. Her bedroom would last a year from her breaking it.

I will continue my story later.

Sherry

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5 Comments

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Mrs. Landra - posted on 09/02/2010

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you all keep loven them and do the best you can detox and start over then test and see if a breether will help in so cases they are over dosed and need a timeout with meds. some just need to be in a class made around your childs needs and love concer all sorry about the spelling i am living with a label & genesof a learning disabled that was my dig...now my little girl has assber.and pdd,adhd and bipoler by cps these are what she is to them and i still cant get her back because of behaviors that scare the heck out of them and mentally she is this and this is sad for me because if she had not had a seizer at 2yrs old in a hosptl. we would still not caught it in time shes got the genepool of adhd and dyslexia and other learning disabilities...now please dont get me wrong i am not a phd. but i can tell you if there is a problem and may be how to help and theraphy might work for some and not good for others. i have been around alot fo mental disorders and they can scare ya todeath some times but they need you calm and ready to help when realy needed meds. dont always help some hurt more thean they help natral meds. work just as the synthetic ... we need to know what we are up agianst...thanks for the time to tell my story it will get better and have faith in god will see you through it all...

Deb - posted on 09/02/2010

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I certainly understand where you're coming from. My son was dx'd with epilepsy around age 3 and also put on Tegretol. As a young teen he eventually outgrew the seizures but that was only one of his problems.



I did not get all of his dx's at once. A new one seemed to be coming at us all the time. As of today he is dx'd with moderate MR, PDD-NOS and intermittent Explosive Disorder.



I too have been attacked by my son. For many years I endured this raging behavior because no one could figure him out and my extended family wanted nothing to do with him. From your description, my son was more into physical attacks and mostly toward me. The IED dx has come and gone over the years but he OBVIOUSLY has it because the tantrums have never stopped.



I placed him in a group home at age 18 but he was kicked out last month. He is now in a home that is equipped to handle people with behavior problems. He's been there for 13 days now so we'll see what happens.



Over the years my son has been treated by a gp, a neurologist, a genetisist and he's currently on his second psychiatrist. He's scheduled for (another) full psych evaluation by a doctor who specializes in treating children. With my son being non-verbal I'm not sure what they expect to find out but I'm willing to try anything. He's quite heavily medicated right now and even so the rage outbursts keep coming.



I myself have bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder and suffer from depression. It's SO tough to handle my son when I myself am trying to get treatment for my own problems.



I obviously have no real answers for you, but as callous as it sounds, both of us are better with him in his group home. At 45 I've started to live a semi-normal life again and can pay attention to my other three kids without walking on eggshells waiting for the next rage attack.



All I can say is keep your chin up and although I'll probably get some feedback for saying this, take a look at local group homes. There are some super ones out there that can vastly improve your daughter's quality of life and allow you to stop at that edge and completely melting down.

Mrs. Landra - posted on 08/31/2010

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be careful school could be the cuase then theres home schooling what are your aptions try and not give up i am living proof you can get a great kid w a lot of problems mentally and win iwas told i was a hyper active so we went through alot my sister is denying it to this day why ? dyslexia addhd and totop it all off cps got in volved in my daughters case she is muli dignoises adhd, bipole and others to come i am disabiled boarderline so i cant get ssdi and run my own jewelry buss. so when i had time i tried to make her do the robot rutines buy meds.stop working cps was told agian and neglect is on me we are doing our best and they say not good enough but we want our kids to be good but to many bad apples in the bunch... or systems.

Mary - posted on 08/30/2010

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i feel you! we have 21 year old twin girls we adopted with manny similar issues! it's the toughest road, but sure makes you set priorities! hang in there and be sure you get time for yourself!

Shannon - posted on 08/16/2010

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I haven't experienced all that you have and a lot of our "issues" have shifted and now we're dealing with other things, but I do get where you're coming from ...