son with adhd and mood disorder

Katrina - posted on 09/08/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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anybody have any suggestions on how to keep peace at my house my 9 year old son has adhd and a mood disorder and i have 3 other children and its non stop fighting at my house!

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Becky - posted on 09/18/2009

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i have a 10 yr old with ADHD,OCD,and mood disorders. first of all mine is an only child(you must be one stong woman) so i don't know if my suggestion will work for you,but here goes. i recently made a schedule of his day(wake up, school, homework,etc.) and posted it where he can see it. then i made a task chart with three daily tasks...have the best day ever, use coping skills(no screaming, whining, calling names,or putting hands on anyone), and take out the trash when asked. then i posted a list of consequences:

1.warning

2. time out

3.loss of daily reward

4. no video games or computer for the rest of the day

5.spanking

if he goes no further than 2 at the alloted time on his schedule he can pick a daily reward:

renting a movie to watch or picking a tv show for us to watch together

choosing what's for dinner

playing a board game

going to the park

having a friend over

extra time for video game or computer

any thing you think he will enjoy doing that dosen't have to cost alot of money. at the end of the month if the chart shows good signifantly outweighed the bad he gets a big treat. go to the aquarium or zoo, get a new video game,etc. with consistancy and lots of prayer this has worked for us so far. we've been looking for answers for years and this is the thing that finally works for us(for now) hang in there and remember to breathe and pray.

RuthAnn - posted on 09/08/2009

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I have one with ADHD & mood disorder - and she can disrupt the entire household. My best suggestion is to have very clear boundries - very clear consequences for his actions - and do not waiver at all in either one! You will feel like you are being a hard ass at first, but once he learns the boundries and that you will not back down from them, it will get better. Mine is 17 now - and we seem to have made some progress. You also have to get the school to do the same thing. You may have to try segregation from the family for his behaviors as well - my daughter hates to be segregated from us! Find out what his weaknesses are - and use them. Does he play video games? If so, make him earn his time on the game. Or earn his TV - if he has a good day today with no tantrums, etc. then he has 2 hours of TV or video games tonight or tomorrow.

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Deanna - posted on 09/13/2009

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I know what you are going through Katrina. I have 7 year old fraternal twins. One has ADHD and ADD. The other has mood dysregulation disorder (bipolar spectrum with depressed and active moods, as well as suicidal thinking), ADHD spectrum, Emotion dysregulation spectrum with extreme frears and panic attacks, OCD (he cannot accept change and is very rigid in his thinking), and he also has someing called mirror neuron system disorder which means it is very hard for him to "read" or "get the message" by other people's body language or facial expression.

So, that all being said, my twins fight alot more than what would be considered normal. I finally seperated them and put them into seperate rooms, seperated their toys, and if one child is having an issue, I send them to their room for some down time. I go in after a bit and talk to the child about what is going on, assure them that I love them and that I think they just needed a break from the atmosphere. Yes, we have rules, yes there are consequences, but mainly, I have found that if I punish my son with the emotional disorder, then he feels like it is a personal attack on him. So, I rarely take discipline to the next level. I explain in a calm voice what I expect and what is not allowed. Their doctor is wonderful. He is a brain-based pediatric doctor. What he said to me at our last visit opened my eyes alot. I cannot punish my son for a disorder he has no control over. So, now, I talk softer to him, am a bit more understanding and really try to help him understand things. He has a journal that he writes in as well. He is supposed to record what he thinks the other person was feeling and how he should have responded. I hope that you will be able to find some peace in your family soon. We have been dealing with these issues since my children were 3....I knew we had problems very early. I cant tell you that it will get better, but if you work with your son and your family to understand each other, hopefully they will eventually learn what triggers to avoid and that will help overall. I have noticed that with my understanding of my son, I am a bit more patient.

Lisa - posted on 09/10/2009

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A PCA is a personal care attendant. Basically, for our kids a babysitter. They come into the home and have total responsibility for his care during the scheduled time. They can take him out to do things, help him clean his room, help with personal care, etc

Katrina - posted on 09/10/2009

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What is a PCA? he goes to a mental health place where i live and he has a attentive care worker that see's him once a week and helps at the school but thats all!

Lisa - posted on 09/09/2009

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Quoting RuthAnn:

I agree with Telsa! Don't accept just one diagnosis - quite often there are a multitude of things going on - my daughter is FAS, RAD, ADHD & PTSD - and each has to be treated individually and as a group. Is there is Children's Mental Health facility near you? If so, I strongly encourage you to contact them. They have been a lifeline for me! And they may have programs available that you wouldn't be aware of - plus they become advocates for you with the schools, social services, etc. Your son may qualify for PCA services - which I declined until my daughter was about 15 - and now am so thankful for!



Like the others have said don't take the first dx and call it good.  A great place to start is with a complete neuro-psychological evaluation.  A regular psychologist cannot do this.  You need a pediatric neuro-psychologist to do it.



And RuthAnn I love having all the extra help I have right now.  It's a great team.  His PCA was a god-send when I was working.  My son is also 15, so getting a babysitter/daycare for him ain't happening, but when I asked was informed that he could have a PCA up to 26 hours a week.  He also has a skills worker who comes into the home to work with him on social skills.

RuthAnn - posted on 09/09/2009

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I agree with Telsa! Don't accept just one diagnosis - quite often there are a multitude of things going on - my daughter is FAS, RAD, ADHD & PTSD - and each has to be treated individually and as a group. Is there is Children's Mental Health facility near you? If so, I strongly encourage you to contact them. They have been a lifeline for me! And they may have programs available that you wouldn't be aware of - plus they become advocates for you with the schools, social services, etc. Your son may qualify for PCA services - which I declined until my daughter was about 15 - and now am so thankful for!

Telsa - posted on 09/09/2009

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My main seggustion that I can offer you is this dont always settle one a diagnoses on your child when there is a possibility there is more going on. My child was said to have adhd also for a few years. She is ten now and I did alot of research on that and many other possible things. When the last Dr looked at her they said it was AdHd I told them i was doing research on it and think it might be something else I asked them to test her for sensory intergation, Which by the way can only be tested by physical therapy. They followed my suggestion and found that was the thing that was her most binding issue so please always check everything before deciding to medicate. I do have another child who does not have the same issues and there is always fights here but have learned to seperate and then them play quietly alone for awhile seems to help some.

Valerie - posted on 09/09/2009

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I do the same thing that RuthAnn does with my daughter (she has to earn rewards such as computer games). As soon as she starts to throw a tantrum or becomes disruptive I remind her that she is about to lose that reward. Usually if she does lose the reward she will work hard to gain it back.

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