This is for moms with special needs kids. I'm sitting at a crossroads. My son is 10 soon. He is both physically & mentally disabled. I love him dearly... the problem is he is getting to heavy for me to pick up. My husband can't help as his back is damaged. Do I really now put him in a home for special kids? I'm so torn about this.. after all his my baby?? Help

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Julie - posted on 02/21/2009

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I agree with talking to an OT (or a PT) for tips on how to lift him. With proper body mechanics, it's possible to lift someone who weighs the same or more than you do, without hurting yourself. I know of a woman who still lifts her 18yo son, without a lift, and she's not very tall, she just know how to lift him properly.

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Raenon - posted on 03/14/2009

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my son is five and we are questioning this potential in our future. There are a couple of options that you might be able to try first before finding a home. I'm not sure what state you live in but the waiting lists can be extensive so, you may want to go ahead and look in to it anyway. Everyone's circumstances are different. We have the resources to be able to keep our little guy at home but not everyone does. So, take a breath and know that you not only have to do what keeps you safe but also what keeps him safe as well. Ok, I live in Kentucky and some of the resources we have are home health aides and nurses for those on medicaid. They can help provide the assistance you seem to need for daily care such as lifting and bathing needs. In addition, they have resources to be able to get equipment that you can better utilize such as hospital beds, tub seats, etc... Secondly, (and this is the option we are currently using) there is hospice care. It is not the same as hospice care that you use for adults. There is a program called Daniel's Care. They have a nurse, social workers, aides, and can help tremendously. I love them dearly. ...and there are many more options that I could write a book. If you would like to talk more, just send me a message and I would be more than willing to listen and help you through this challenge. I have five children, three of whom have various special needs. Hang in there and know you aren't alone. Raenon

Lisa - posted on 03/14/2009

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hi marlene ,I to have a disabled daughter who will be 14 next wk , she is adorable and i love her 2 bits even though she is very hard work couldnt imagine life without her , she is in a wheelchair has numerous amount of problems one of them being seizures ,she to has got to the stage where she is gettin heavy to lift up the stairs ,in & out of the bath etc,i have 2 other children & am 6 1/2 months pregnant , i have nothing in my home that has been done adaptions etc 2 help me ,i got my social worker and an ot involved & am now lookin 4 aproperty 2 suit her needs , i 2 have thought long and hard about residential home in the future where she can come home at wk ends 4 and it is frightening the thought of it ,she has respite days & nights which she loves and gives me a break and the rest of my family , but thinkin bout a home 4 special needs children does not make u a bad parent or love your child any less .

Barbara - posted on 03/08/2009

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Man do I understand your feelings. I had to make this decision when our son was 11. There many different factors involved including other children that were not getting the care and attention they needed because of how much time I had to spend with the handicapped child. No one can really tell you when you need to make the decision that it is time for your son to leave home. Every child leaves home and it is not easy with any of them. But with children that do not have a handicap each day they grow and demand that you let go of them. You see that they are responsible for themselves and are able to call for help when needed. This is not true with a handicapped child. Mothers do not easily initiate a handicapped child leaving them. I consider the decision and following through with it the hardest thing I have ever done. Still, time told me it was the right thing to do for a couple of reasons. First, I would have kept our son more handicapped then he really was. Second, he has been able to touch the lives of more people because I did not keep him to myself. You see Marlene, I believe that all of us are here for a reason and that we are meant to touch the lives of many people as we journey through this life. Our son touches lives in a very powerful way. Even though he is not able to speak. No one ever spends any length of time with our son and comes away the same. So pray about this and let our Lord lead you. He has the plan for your son and he will help you make the right decision. He will also help guide through the rest of your life with your son. We, of course, stay very involved. I attained guardianship when he turned 18 which gave me more power than as a parent. We have him home often and spend time with him in his home. We all grew as a result of that decision. We continue to grow.

Shauna - posted on 03/05/2009

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There are some other options - a harness type thing to help with moving him or I believe you would probably qualify for some type of assistance in the home - although that can be intrusive - I would think it would be better than the alternative.  I will definitely pray for you - I dread the day I will have to face such a question as this.

Iridescent - posted on 03/02/2009

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I agree with seeing about getting the lift because the problem is only going to get worse, not better. There are electric types like the Hoyer and also pump/hydrolic types that work well without electricity. The advantage of the pump type is that you never have a dead battery mid-transfer. One thing to note with any lift is it is safest with 2 people to do the transfer, not just one. One person is needed to control the lift, and one to stabilize the person.

Next thing, like someone else mentioned, is home care. I have no idea where you live or what services you receive, but here (Minnesota) it has just become very difficult to get the needed assistance with home care and medical supplies not covered by insurance via waiver due to the budget. The best thing to do in this situation is to call your social worker and request a home care evaluation. The companies I have worked with and for allow family to train the staff. Staff is the education level your child needs (personal care attendant, LPN, RN). The hours they are there is up to you - nights, days, weekdays, weekends. Most places are really flexible. They are paid through waiver and insurance, not a concern for the parent in most cases. Since you do the training and you are still home, if they don't know what's wrong they can wake you and you'll tell them, and they'll learn. It works well.

Kristina - posted on 03/01/2009

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Hi there i live in england so may be slightly different here, but i would say talk to every one and any one you can, charity's etc as if you want to keep your son at home there should be help and equipment out there.

My daughter is in a wheel chair and altough she is only 4 she is very heavy at times as i have a weak back, we have a lift being fitted at the moment which will go through the floors so that she can have her bedroom upstairs, like her sisters as well as hoist's that are attached to the the ceiling in her room to get her in and out of bed etc, also she does not sleep very well at night so i have a nurse come in 4 nights a week to assist her so i get some sleep as well. There are things out there to help, you do have to fight for it most of the time but it is there. x x

Theresa - posted on 02/28/2009

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Hi. My son is 11 and is getting heavy as well. At this point I am still able to lift him. My suggestions to you would be the following:



If you prefer to try to keep your child home to take care of, then check about getting a Hoyer lift for the lifting. Also depending on the diagnosis, you may be able to get in-home care from a nursing agency as well as therapy assistance thru a nursing in-home agency.



Best wishes and trust God to guide you in your decisions.

Brenda - posted on 02/21/2009

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Good morning blessed mom. I have 3 handicapped girls. One deceased 8/12/94. When I divorced I had to place my girls in the Brenham State School. Hard? You bet. But it is the best safest environment for them. I could not take care of them any more. My health would not allow it. I had all the feelings and guilt because afterall they are my children and who best to take care of them. But I realized I was not the best. If I had kept them home I surely would not be able to take care of them like they get at the State Schoo. There is round the clock nursing. Activities, parties, classes, etc. for them. They have cerebral palsy and mentally retarded. I was truly blessed by God as you were to be trusted with God's very special children. Have a blessed day. Brenda

Marlene - posted on 02/21/2009

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Thanks to all who replied. You have given me some good ideas and things to think about. I have always believed  that I chose to have him and therefore he is my responsibility. Who else will know him like I do, know what his different cries mean, get up 5/6 times anight as he hardly sleeps??  thanks to all and all the best... its not till you live it that you can truly understand. xxx

Kerri - posted on 02/20/2009

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Try a hoyer lift.  Also check with an occupational therapist - they taught me ways to turn and lift my son using my knees and legs.  There are also some ways you can dress him, etc using his bedsheets and such.

Phillippa - posted on 02/19/2009

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Can you not get equipment in the house? I have a disabled son who is 17 and I have a hoist in the house to move him from bed to wheelchair etc?

Cynthia - posted on 02/19/2009

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Yes, that is correct. A Hoyer lift will help with transferring, can be tricking depending on the size of the individual.

Cynthia - posted on 02/19/2009

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Dear Marlene, I can relate to this quandry all too well. My son too was about 10 when he started to get very heavy for me, yet I and my husband determined to keep him in out care for him at home. Realizing that everyone's situation is different my best counsel would be to get as much help involved to assist you (giving you a break); have an occupational therapist give you some ideas on how to handle your son safely and comfortably for the both of you; and maybe visit some of the facilities in your area; your gut will lead you to the right decision.

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