Angela - posted on 05/06/2010 ( 14 moms have responded )
Our daughter, who is adopted, has had problems with outbursts, fits, impulse ans sensory issues since birth (she was placed with us at 3 months). She tested positive for cocaine at birth and they believe that the birth mother took every illicit drug known to man, as well as drank, while she was pregnant. She does not have Autism, she does not have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, and she does not appear to have any neurological problems. The only thing she has been diagnosed with is ADHD. She is on meds (I didn't want to put her on meds but nothing worked and we tried just about everything!). She has improved, but still has fits, bullies, aggresses, acts on impulse a lot regardless of the consequences. When I say "fits" I don't mean tantrums. She will have episodes where she is screaming and crying uncontrollably for 20-30 minutes. She will kick, hit (she hits herself too), throws things and say nonsense phrases, usually over and over again. She can have these "fits" at anytime, sometimes over nothing.
She has a hard time getting control of herself and can't seem to calm down. She acts out - usually on her sister. She will make a loud noise occasionally (I think for stimulation), usually a scream of a nonsense word. She has inappropriate relationships with men, often calling my brother-in-laws "Daddy." She is VERY possessive of me and any friends she makes (she makes very few because of her aggression). Her relationship with Dad and other "authority-type" males is stand-offish. She often says she doesn't like Daddy and only wants me.
We are starting counseling for her, even though she is only 4. She is VERY smart and understands and communicates well. We're frustrated because she does not have a diagnosis, so getting services for her is very hard. We are worried that when she goes to Kindergarten next year that she will be labeled a "bad seed" and sent to the Principal's office often. She's in Preschool now and has 3 teachers, so if she acts out or has fits, one of them can remove her. That won't happen in Kindergarten. With budget cuts, there will be 1 teacher and no aides for 25 students. What we're wondering is: does anybody else out there have any insights or knows someone like this or can give us some advice? We aren't trying to "cure" her or "label" her; all we want to do is to try to figure out what's going on and help her to be able to calm herself and keep control. We've done the Love and Logic series and some of it has helped. Remember: we have been fighting with this issue since she was about 15 months old, when she was kicked out of 1 (of 2) day cares for aggressive behavior.