I need your help on this!!!

Kim - posted on 05/31/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Hello,


I have been having problems and losing sleep with my sons not coming in at their curfew time which is 12:00. It seems we are the only family that has a curfew. I want your opinions on this. They have both been laying out and just coming in whenever they want and alway's have some lame excuse, they don't even bother calling us to let us know where they are or when they are gonna show up. My husband and I are at our wits end and are thinking about locking the doors and if they don't make it in on time they will have to sleep somewher else for the night but they would probably love that any suggestions?

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The good thing about locking them out is that they are 18 and over so at least you can't be charged with child abuse/neglect. If the 18 year old is still in school and is using your car then, as one parent said, take away the car keys. But locking them out may not matter because I'm sure they have house keys.



I think at 18 and 19 they are old enough to not have to have a curfew. But that's your choice. Do they kind of come and go as they please or ask your permission to go out? I think maybe you might sit down with the boys and work this out together. Maybe change the rules or at least make modifications if needed. They really are adults now. Maybe you could be a little less strict.

Maja - posted on 06/24/2009

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Hi,
You can try talk to them(all together),go on holiday (weekend all together-rainy days are great for talk or play family game)get them involved in house work,meal preparation(barbecue),...get them reminded of "home and family" feelings.
Also you can try the same thing=go out come late(you can be in the car next street) or go on weekend not telling them where you are=get them worried and than talk to them.
It is hard way but sometimes work they are just lost in growing up and if they see that you are worried=they think that you don't let them be adult.
They usually see how we act=we don't ask to go anywhere and we do what we want.
I hope at least you get some ideas=you know them the best and you do your best as usually. Good luck

Cheryl - posted on 06/15/2009

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Hi Kim, you never stated what age your boys are.

I would say if they are under 18 and still at school they should definately live by the house rules. Do they have a computer/ipod..whatever; just confiscate them if they don't adhere to the rules. If it gets really bad, and you haven't any control what so ever just STOP cooking their meals, doing their washing, anything that makes their life easier.

If they are hungry they can prepare something for themselves, same for clean clothes.

They seem to want to be completly independant from the family bosom so let them fend for themselves. Remember they are responsbile for their own lives, you have to cut the apron strings and let go. It is difficult, but believe me you will save yourself years of further heartache and health problems this stressful lifestyle affords you.

I have to ask this but do you suspect they are taking drugs.....then if so you will need to get help from a professional person to assist you in handling this issue.

Regards and good luck... it is not easy ...

Cheryl

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Cheryl - posted on 09/09/2009

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Hi Kim,

what age are your boys?

That will have a bearing on what discipline to dish out.

I will wait for your reply before I give you my opinion.

Take care.

Cheryl from Australia

Liz - posted on 07/11/2009

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My 2 oldest are 18 and 19. My 19 yr old is in college so he is only home for the summer and my 18 yr old is leaving for the Airforce. Once they were both 18 and out of high school I do not have a curfew for them. They each have their own car and have full time jobs as well. They both are very responsible which is why I dont give them a curfew. But they do always tell me where they are and when they will be home..and honestly..they really dont stay out later than about 1:00am which is not a big deal to me.

Leigh - posted on 07/09/2009

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Hey Kim, who would have thought that we would be back to the sleep deprivation we experienced with new borns, yeah well I love my sleep, so after my 18 year old had me 'awake' one night, I told him the next morning that from now on if he took my car he was to be home by 12pm. If he was out without the car, he is to text me & tell me if he will be home or staying somewhere else, as I would not be losing sleep whilst he's out socialising. The next time he took my car & was not home by 12pm I rang him & said come home, he did about 2.30am, so he then had no car for 2 weeks & I only dropped him off to work or uni if it fit in with my schedule otherwise he had to get his own way to & from. He tried to tell me he'd made a mistake & that it wouldn't happen again, but I kept to my word, just so he realised that yes he did make a mistake. Thats the big lesson, the consequences of their actions. He also knows that if he is not home by 12pm & he hasn't texted that sleeping on the verhanda chairs is not very comfortable. I refuse for my home to be treated like some hotel that my boys can come & go at all hours.

Kim - posted on 06/16/2009

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They are 18 and 19... we don't ask much of them just to be home by 12:00... The locking the doors thing seems to be working so far. Had to lock my 18 year old out and he had to find a place to stay one night he didn't like that at all so he makes sure to be on time now or let me know if he is gonna be a litttle late... My oldest son lost his license due to too many tickets so he has someone have him home by 12:00... hope it stays this way i told them if they don't like it then they need to move out....

Kerry - posted on 06/09/2009

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hi Kim ,
How old are your boys? I say if they drive a car, next time they stay out without permisson take away the car keys. Even if you have to make arrangements for them to be driven to work, school etc.. My 19year old daughter was devistated when she had to be dropped off at work by mommy.

Bianca - posted on 06/02/2009

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Gosh, how old are they? We have a son too, but he has always heard the ground rules from an early age. "As long as you live under our roof you will have a curfew". And that's it no exceptions. I hope you haven't let it go on too long that could be a problem. Maybe lock the door one night give some tough love . Then they can sleep in the car let them see how UNCOMFORTABLE IT IS!!!

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