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me & my sister are raising our 16yr old little brother & he isnt obeying us anymore

Christina - posted on 10/02/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )

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we had a tragic incident in our family in 2007 with the suicide of our 14yr old little brother. me & my sister are the oldest in our family we're 28 so we have to pick up the crap that goes on, anyways he couldnt deal with the loss & got into drugs & did a year in the adult dept of juvenile corrections. when he got out last may he chose for me & my sister to raise him. we are more than happy to. but we both have families of our own which we still always put our brother first but lately he has been sneaking out of the house or he just isnt home when my sister gets home from work & she calls me. hes on parole. i told her we need to talk to his parole officer because eventhough he is really a good kid hes clean & sober now, he just isnt listening to us for some reason. my sister told him she will send him to a family who litterally doesnt give a shit about him then the dramatics start. we grounded him but he still left the house. what should we do about this? its hard to be the sisters & the parent at the same time!!

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Christina - posted on 11/12/2009

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thank you linda!
we have signed my little brother up for counseling but he tried to "beat around the bush" when they asked him why he was there. well i happened to take him 1 day & i just aired out his issues because im tired of him trying to ignore it & not dealing with it. thats how he got into trouble in the first place. we did end up calling his po & she said that he needed to respect me & my sister & the house rules. now he wants to go & live with our mother again. we are afraid he isnt gonna go to school or get what he needs. we have already filed the paperwork to take him from our mom but now we dont know what to do. we just want him to grow up right & spoil him like we do our own kids. he liked that part just not the rules. but also he needs to deal with the death of our brother at the same time. its like he is stuck on that day & cant move forward in life. my sister & i just wont sit back & watch him let himself go we will take him & do something about it.

Linda - posted on 10/18/2009

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I have to applaud you for taking on this great task of helping raise your brother. Teens can be very difficult to raise. But with such a difficult loss in your family it can be even harder. Is your brother receiving any counseling or anything like that to help him deal with the loss of the brother. I know sometimes kids can really start to be defiant and act like they don't care just to see what you will do. I feel in this situation to have him go to another home where he is not with his family would hurt him more than ever. Maby calling his PO and making him/her aware of what is going on would be a good idea but ask what you can do about it can they maby put him on house arrest or something like that so he is monitored. I also have a child that is 14 we lost her father to suicide in 2004. She has become very defiant in her teen years and also has a PO. I call them any time I have a problem with her and they are here to help. They are not quick to pull her out of the home because they understand that taking her from her family would only make her worse. Or we could land up loosing her also to suicide if they were to do such. Try contacting them and see what they say. I wish the best for you and your sister in this situation.



Also just a little added note for you and your family. If you have not already done so check out the web site www.AFSP.org. This is a web site for the american foundation for suicide prevention they do community walks and overnight walks to raise awareness for suicide prevention. Doing these walks has helped my daughter and I heal so much by knowing we are not alone there are so many others that have gone through what we have.



Take care,

Linda

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