my 16yr old thinks his girlfriend should be allowed at my house with no adults!?!

Karlee - posted on 02/15/2009 ( 42 moms have responded )

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my son is a sophmore in highschool and he is dating a girl that is a junior...here's my problem he thinks that i am way out of line because i wont allow this girl to come to my house when my husband and i are not at home......am i over protective or smart? i hope it's being smart because i am just not comfortable leaving them unattended....they are constantly joined at the mouth.....how does one deal with the dating teenagers?

seriously this is going to turn my hair gray......

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Maci - posted on 11/26/2011

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Every mom has a different way. Me and my daughter Adrianna both have excellent communication and so does her boyfriend and I. They have been dating for 2 years, and I know him very well, they are aloud to be home alone. I have trust in them because i already know what has happened. My 16 almost 17 yr old is on birth control. You know you can't keep them away from everything. I'm glad they don't sneak around my back, I talk to my daughters friends and the stories I hear is just ugh. Moms out their need to give their child the space for experience for them selves. If they have the trust a right of driving a vehicle they have the control over their life depending on their decisions of driving. Let them explore

Rose - posted on 02/04/2010

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The thing is, that even if you don't allow them in your house without adult supervision (and I happen to be an "over-protective" parent also) they will find another place to be alone together. Having said that, I think sticking to your guns is key. My daughters knew that they couldn't have boyfriends over if we weren't home. They fought us you initially, but eventually they respected us for it.

[deleted account]

I have three teenagers in the house and some simple rules. No boy/girl friends in there rooms. They need to hang out where people are. I am already raising a grandson from my oldest step-son who lived with his mother while he got his girlfriend pregnant. I have had him now for over 4 and half years. My girls are on the pill and have had a talk about condoms and the same with my son. They also helped raise my grandson. What an eye opener. The boy/girl friends also get to have talks with me about birth control if they stay around long enough. I also leave my 4 and a half year old grandson with the young couple for a little while I do eerons. My 15 year old and her boyfriend ( going out now for 7 months ) have decided to wait on having sex. Both love my grandson but they don't know what to do with all of his energy he has. So Karlee you are not being over protective, just smart.

Josie - posted on 02/20/2010

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I think you're smart to say, "Sorry, not when we parents aren't home!" Obviously something already makes you feel uncomfortable about the relationship. Follow your gut!

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Dana - posted on 12/11/2013

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It would depend on the level of trust you have with your son. My son is now 17, and has graduated from high school. His girlfriend is a senior and is 18. They are allowed to be home alone, and I have communicated with her mother and she is ok with them being alone as well. I know that I have to trust my son and his girlfriend to make good choices. I have always let my son have freedom and have taken it away as needed. It has never been an issue. I think having that mutual respect is a big thing, and it has certainly helped in our relationship. He has come to me many times with things that other kids might not talk to their parent about. It makes me feel like I have done a good job when I know he sees that he can come to me with anything.

Teen - posted on 11/21/2013

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Lol I was on the web and I saw this so I checked it out. I'm a 17 year old guy and my mom is way to over protective and doesn't give me my privacy so I tell her I'm taking girls out on dates but really were just doing it in the back of my car. Iv dated girls who's moms talk to them about it and we still did it the same amount as the girls who did it behind there moms backs. Morel here is that it doesn't matter if your over protective or not it's going to happen the same amount you just won't know that it's happening if your over protective because your kid won't want to tell you.

Taylor - posted on 10/20/2013

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I'm a teenager and my mom doesn't want guys over because she knows my past and your not being over protective your being smart my mom told me she doesn't want to be a mom at 34 and I know you don't either and us kids don't really think about what we do we just do it so yea

Trish - posted on 08/19/2013

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When my daughter was visiting her boyfriend's house and supposed to be supervised by his parents, they openly let the kids sleep together and my daughter became pregnant It has been mentioned to me that he purposely put a pin hole in a condom so she would get pregnant and he wouldn't have to think about her breaking up with him. She has told me that she is NOT head over heals in love with this kid and wants to break up with him, however, the minute she tries, he is so controlling that he calls non stop, has his sister and his Mother start calling my daughter until at one point, the Mother who would never even accept a call from me early on before we were in this situation, started calling me. They will fight her tooth and nail for custody and all I see is a stressful complicated future! Just wondering if there is any liability on the part of the parents not supervising and allowing them to have sex in their home

Karolyn - posted on 05/19/2013

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Why is it only white ppl put up with stupid shit from their kids? I am sorry to say that UR trees r already bent... U r no longer in charge of UR house hold... First of all... If UR kids show no good grades then don't allow them into any relationship.... Good luck!!

Allyson - posted on 11/22/2012

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my grandson is 16 and has girlfriend 13 we are worried my grandson has a step dad and has bought him up from 5 the problem is he is now exspeled from school and we cannot do a thing with him due to the girlfriend he said if we stop him seeing her he will kill himself and my daughter is at the end of her tether as she has 4 other children and one due xmas but is really concerned of his friendship of this girl she has called the police due to his behaviourbut nothing has altered please can you help or who can we contact for help

[deleted account]

You are being smart. I have a seventeen year old who has had a boyfriend for 21/2 years now. They are not allowed to left alone in the house without an adult. It is the same in his house. When they go out they have to double date. I do have my daughter on birth control, knowing that my daughter might be sexual behind my back. All teenagers hormones are crazy. I know I did sneak around a teenager with the same rules. Also talk to your son about sex, protection, STD's, and how much it cost to raise a child. I took my daughter and her boyfriend to look at how much it cost for all the baby needed for the first year of it's life. They couldn't believe it. It is a good lesson.

Janice - posted on 02/04/2010

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Hi Karlee,
I too have a teen w a girlfriend.
He asked her mom if she can visit our home because he is interested in her as a girlfriend. Well, the mom interviewed him, without my knowledge, he went to her house n they meet. He then, was allowed to pick up the young lady, come to my home n we meet. He did tell me he wanted me to meet her n bring her over...

Now, I have a set of rules when it comes to girls visiting our home while no adult is there: Absolutely Not!
Karlee, set your rules n stick by them. Teens like rules. Stand by them n if he wants your reasons, tell him. He will respect you for them.
I do believe in having this type of conversation in a calm respectful manner. Look him in the eyes so he knows you are serious. Listen to where he is, giving him the respect he needs so he gives it back to you. Remind him that the choices he makes from here on will determine his whole life. He is still a minor therefore your responsibility n it is your job to make sure you can protect him from having the girl cry rape or anything of that nature. Although, this is extreme, it will send him a message that you are not hating but protecting him because you love him and want the best for him.
You may not be able to pick the girl but you can pick who you will allow to enter your dwelling where you n your husband pay the bills.
My son tests me w what he wants to do. But I am firm about what can be done where I am responsible for the bills, his welfare, and the people who enter our home.
Good luck. I am sure you will do fine since your heart is in the right place.

Janice - posted on 01/20/2010

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Set the rules in your home n expect him to abide by them, no if and or but about it. Teens like rules although they will TEST you to see if you will change. I absolutely do not allow girls in my home n I mentioned to him my reasons. If he does bring them n he has w his friends, doors stay open n I am on high alert. I will enter the room, have them sit in the livingroom in my presence... Set rules they will respect you for them.

Gloria - posted on 01/18/2010

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Hi Karlee,
My son has been dating the same girl for the last three years. I have the policy of- they can be in his room, with the door open and the light on(if it's night). We have a fairly small house, so I am lenient here.I am on the same page as her mom, they are not allowed to be here when there are no adults home(my sis and her hubby live here too). We are friends, and I keep her in the loop as to when I will be home or not, and she lets me know what her daughter's work schedule is. BTW, he is now 19 and she is 17.
I remember being a teen, but things were quite a bit different, then. Good luck!

[deleted account]

that's not a good idea. i thought i was pregnant for the first time at the age of 14. the boy talked me into it and i regret not waiting. don't need a baby at that age.

Jo-Ellen - posted on 07/23/2009

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Girls are ok to come in the house as long as either my husband or myself are home. If they are literally being watched they may go in the room with an adult to look at something quickly otherwise they are to stay in the main part of the house. Not only do I have two teens I work with teens....they are having sex!!! But I will not help them. Only try to educate and emotionally support them. JJC

Rebecca - posted on 07/18/2009

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set boundries and if they are broke then there is a punishment but u have to enforce what u belive in and let them know how this makes u feel . unfortunalty i have a 15 yr old and a 14 yr old and neither one is ready for that dateing scene yet let alone having sex. so they know where i stand .

Janice - posted on 07/17/2009

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Boundaries made need to be respected, applied n enforced...u know when ur teen is maturing when they adhere n obey their parents....brings joy to their parents, maturity n wisdom their soul w a promise fr God...

Toni - posted on 07/16/2009

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Smart. I believe that our children need to know the boundaries and rules of our home. I have a 15 (almost 16) year old daughter and the boyfriend thing has been a battle at times. I always sit and explain how certain situations make me feel and enforce plenty of family time which would include her friends/boyfriends to join us. Usually our first "gut" instinct is correct, so trust in that! Just be sure you have open communication with your son. Sit down at the dinner table across from each other. That makes them feel like you're treating them like an adult and hopefully your son will soon care about his future. They will do what they want to do; this we know, but doing it disrespectfully is another thing. Please enforce SAFE sex regardless and provide him with condoms. This is not saying it's ok, but that when he does have intercourse, it's important to be safe!!!!!!
I know this is all very hard. I do believe you will find what works for you and your son by taking bits and pieces from all of these posts.
Whatever you do, don't let him see your hair turn gray! LOL Take some time for yourself and get your hair done and a massage!!! :)

[deleted account]

I first found out my son, age 15 at the time (he turns 17 in October) and his girlfriend, age 14 (she is now 16) at the time (and had only been together a couple of months) were having sex when they had a pregnancy scare. They were having sex in her house while her parents were home even but still sleeping (early Sunday mornings when he was suppose to be going straight to church with her). From then on he was not allowed to go over there unless I confirmed by phone or in person that a parent was awake and knew he was there. That worked for a while until my son got suspended and his girlfriend skipped school twice in one week but didn't get caught until the second time. Her dad showed up at our house looking for her after the school called. From then on we got even stricter.



He tried pulling the same thing right before we moved. They wanted to walk home on his last day at their school when I had to pick up his dad from work. They thought they would wait long enough until I left then come to our house. I figured it out after he called the house and when I got on the phone he couldn't remember what he wanted. Yeah right. I circled the neighborhood and found them headed toward our house.



Now that we live across town they see each other about once a week. While in school it is less though. They are still having sex at her house (and I've informed her mother) but they are never allowed to be his bedroom alone unless the door is opened and we do check on them. Her mother is especially irresponsible and I don't even trust her. However, her mother is lazy and treats her like a slave so he goes over there more often and helps her out with chores. She comes over here about once every three weeks or so.



We all have stories of our teens. The only thing I can tell you is set down the rules and enforce them.

Brandy - posted on 07/12/2009

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i think u are being very smart..... i was a young mom and i can tell u tho if its goin to happen it will just do like i did w ith my son i sat him down and told him everything i could think of .. and how hard it is to raise a child when ur still a child urself ...good luck

Michelle - posted on 07/12/2009

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Smart!!! I had the same rules with my son. I explained to him that it was just as much for his protection as hers. It doesn't take much for an angry girlfriend to complain that he "forced" her and he's in trouble! (whether he did or not) and it's more believable in a bedroom. Also, it's your house. You make the rules. When he's old enough he can get his own house and make his own rules! Stick to it! plus, what do the girls parents think? Tell him you'll talk to her parents and decide! LOL (I bet they aren't very approving of the idea at all!)

Julie - posted on 07/12/2009

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Teenagers will always find a way to do things they really want to do wrong or right. You as a parent have to do what you beleive is right for your family. If these are the rules of your household then they have to follow them and trust that you want what is best for them.

Liz - posted on 07/11/2009

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Stay firm mom! In my house...it was always a rule that boyfriends/girlfriends were not allowed in the house without adult supervision. They also were not allowed to go in the bedroom..if for some reason I made an exception to that...the door ALWAYS stayed open. I know that if teens want to have sex..they will find a place to do it. I was a teen mom so I know! lol But I will not make it easier on them by leaving them alone in the house ;)

Sandi - posted on 07/10/2009

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I NEVER thought I would allow my sons to have girls over night. NOT EVER. Needless to say, my 17 year old son does. We do not have discussions about it...it is more a matter of me turning a blind eye to it. He knows it...I know it...my husband knows it...yet we pretend that none of us know. My 22 year old son no longer lives at home and it began with him and the girl he has been dating (currently living with) for the past 7 years!



I decided I was never going to prevent "it" from happening. Heck, if they really want to do it, they can take an evening stroll and go behind the trees down the street. Once they start driving, they have a place of their own to do it anyway. I still don't like it and sometimes I am ashamed of myself for allowing it. I would draw a line at bringing girls other than THE girlfriend although I know that doesn't make it right. For some reason, I have boys who stay in realtionships for a long, long time. I don't necessarily think that is good either but I learned a long time ago that you absolutely CANNOT direct their hearts.

BECKY BARRILLEAUX - posted on 05/18/2009

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Hi Karlee, I have a 17 year old son (Sr next year) who is dating a 16 year old girl. I will never allow them to be alone in the house unsupervised! I think you are making the right decision, stick to your guns! Remember you are the mom and its your house! Even though teenagers find ways to do things with out us knowing we should not give them the opportunity to make a very serious mistake! I know what I was doing at that age as I am sure most women my age do!!!! I don't even allow them to go in my sons bedroom alone. If the girl doesn't like it, that is her problem, if my son doesn't like it, TOO BAD! Good Luck!

Pamela - posted on 02/23/2009

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Quoting Denise:



Quoting Pamela:




Quoting Denise:

Not to scare you more ---- But if they really want to do something - they will find a place. I would hope that when my kids (12 & 9) want to do something like that - I hope I raised them right to make the right decisions.







Of course kids will always find a way to have sex, we all did, but to make it easier for them to have regular sexual intercourse, I think is sending the wrong message about responsibility, respect and restraint. I know my son and his girlfriend are active, that doesn't mean I have to endorse the behavior by letting them get it on whenever they get the urge...










No where in my reply did it say that I would want my children to have sex in my house. My children have been raised that - that will NEVER happen. I never disrespected my parents that way - I waited til I got my own apartment - urge or no urge. Kids now-a-days get away with way too much in society and If the parents raise them corrrectly they should not be worried about it. My 18 year old niece spent the night at Christmas and her boyfriend came too - She slept upstairs and he slept down-stairs.





It is truly nice to see a parent with some backbone and someone who holds on to so called old-fashioned values when it comes to what is allowed in their home and what is not. I am in no way a prude but I also demand that my children show respect for myself, their father, siblings and anyone else who happens to cross our threshold. My kids are not  always perfect and sometimes try to push it to see how far they can go, but by sticking to our guns (so to say) our kids have so far caused us very little heartache. So many people have different ideas about what is good for their children too and so that can be an issue when the kids are at other homes. Rules are not always what ours are. The teenage parties and drinking have been an issue we have had with other parents in the past also. There is always so much to think of and talk with the children about....... being a Mom is never an easy job, even with relatively easy kids...

Denise - posted on 02/23/2009

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Quoting Pamela:



Quoting Denise:

Not to scare you more ---- But if they really want to do something - they will find a place. I would hope that when my kids (12 & 9) want to do something like that - I hope I raised them right to make the right decisions.





Of course kids will always find a way to have sex, we all did, but to make it easier for them to have regular sexual intercourse, I think is sending the wrong message about responsibility, respect and restraint. I know my son and his girlfriend are active, that doesn't mean I have to endorse the behavior by letting them get it on whenever they get the urge...






No where in my reply did it say that I would want my children to have sex in my house. My children have been raised that - that will NEVER happen. I never disrespected my parents that way - I waited til I got my own apartment - urge or no urge. Kids now-a-days get away with way too much in society and If the parents raise them corrrectly they should not be worried about it. My 18 year old niece spent the night at Christmas and her boyfriend came too - She slept upstairs and he slept down-stairs.

Denise - posted on 02/23/2009

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Quoting Pamela:



Quoting Denise:

Not to scare you more ---- But if they really want to do something - they will find a place. I would hope that when my kids (12 & 9) want to do something like that - I hope I raised them right to make the right decisions.





Of course kids will always find a way to have sex, we all did, but to make it easier for them to have regular sexual intercourse, I think is sending the wrong message about responsibility, respect and restraint. I know my son and his girlfriend are active, that doesn't mean I have to endorse the behavior by letting them get it on whenever they get the urge...






No where in my reply did it say that I would want my children to have sex in my house. My children have been raised that - that will NEVER happen. I never disrespected my parents that way - I waited til I got my own apartment - urge or no urge. Kids now-a-days get away with way too much in society and If the parents raise them corrrectly they should not be worried about it. My 18 year old niece spent the night at Christmas and her boyfriend came too - She slept upstairs and he slept down-stairs.

Pamela - posted on 02/23/2009

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Quoting Denise:

Not to scare you more ---- But if they really want to do something - they will find a place. I would hope that when my kids (12 & 9) want to do something like that - I hope I raised them right to make the right decisions.


Of course kids will always find a way to have sex, we all did, but to make it easier for them to have regular sexual intercourse, I think is sending the wrong message about responsibility, respect and restraint. I know my son and his girlfriend are active, that doesn't mean I have to endorse the behavior by letting them get it on whenever they get the urge...

Ashley - posted on 02/23/2009

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I was a teenager and understand that kids will find a way (hell... I did!). But, it is a LOT harder when you don't have permission to have sex in your own house. This results in LESS sex which is better than lots of regular sex, increasing the probability of pregnancy and sickness. We have talked very frankly with my stepdaughter (18 yo with steady boyfriend until recently) about sex, provided her with birth control and talked about the realities of the consequences. But, we would NEVER allow boyfriend in the bedrooom with the door closed or in the home when we are not home. It has to be at least inconvenient to help minimize the risk and help them to make the right decisions.

Denise - posted on 02/23/2009

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Not to scare you more ---- But if they really want to do something - they will find a place. I would hope that when my kids (12 & 9) want to do something like that - I hope I raised them right to make the right decisions.

[deleted account]

My hair is going grey- all thanks to a 16 year old daughter!!

When I found out my daughter was having sex in a car, that was it for me.

They will have sex any where, anyway...I abhor the idea of my daughter shaggin in some parking lot. So, much to my chagrin, I decided she could have sleepovers with her boyfriend. They are sex-smart, and believe me, I was the last person who thought about allowing this to happen, but it was happening anyway!

Pamela - posted on 02/17/2009

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I have an 18 year old boy, he has been dating the same girl for well  over a year. For the first year I did not allow them to be at home without us, her parents felt the same way also and were very strict about it. I know they had made a commitment to not have sex in the first year, I explained that from a girls perspective, your first time you will never get back and to please respect her if she is not ready. When the time came for more intimate contact, they came to me to help give them information regarding birth control and how to be safe. I did not judge, and was glad they waited as long as they did. They are a committed couple. I really feel that kids should be respectful of your rules and if you are uncomfortable, then they should not be allowed to have alone time in your home. Go with your gut instinct. It is usually right. Good luck.

Ashley - posted on 02/16/2009

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Unless you want to be a grandmother, I think you are being smart. We do not allow the kids to entertain anyone in our house when we are not there (regardless of age or sex, for a number of reasons). Also, boyfriends/girlfriends are not allowed in the bedroom. We have the family room for that. I remember what it was like to be a teenager and am not stupid... this is how it was when I was growing up and thankfully, I survived without teen pregnancy. I don't care what other more liberal parents are doing. I think its just laziness or a fear of being disliked by thier kids rather than "not being overprotective". They're teenagers, they're going to hate you sometimes....

Tressa - posted on 02/16/2009

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My mom would allow a boyfriend to visit only when a parent was home and never in a bedroom. I felt the same but allowed my son to have his girlfriends over when we were home and in his room only with the door open. Other friends of his were allowed to have girlfriends/boyfriends overnight which made it difficult for those of us that were more conservative..... reguardless I expected him to respect our feelings and rules. Good luck!!

Linda - posted on 02/16/2009

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We also have a doors open policy.  When they are in a room together the door is open, dosn't mean wide open even just ajar so that they understand we are still there! 

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