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my daughters bf

Shan - posted on 05/07/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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my 15 year old daughter has started seeing a boy who lives 45 min away, they only see each other on weekends but talk flat out on phone. He isnt the type of boy I want for my daughter, he is 18, smokes weed and cigarettes, dresses like a try hard rapper and is way to forward for my liking. I believe they are sexually active (which is why i placed her on contraception), although on the odd saturday night when he stays here he is made to sleep in the lounge room, i dont think the rules are so strict at his house. My daughters behaviour and attitudes have changed since she has been with him but i am worried that if i attempt to stop this relationship that she will rebel against me. She wants to move schools to be closer to him and has started pushing all her friends away, she is argueing at home more with me and being totally disrespectful to everyone else in the house. Im at a total loss at how to deal with this without pushing my daughter further away. This boy apparently is the only person who "understands" her in her eyes. Everyone tells me to end it and ban him from her but i know she will only sneak out and rebel against me if i do that. Should i accept the situation, make her end it or just keep a eye on it and hope she doesnt stray down the wrong path? The drug taking worries me, what if she feels the need to start smoking weed too? What if she ends up pregnant?

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Louise - posted on 05/07/2012

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Can I first start by saying there is no way in high hell I would let a boy stay over on the sofa or out in the garden! Your daughter is 15 and is messing with an 18 year old, who is not a kid and is dabbling with drugs. I think not! Why have you allowed her to stay at his house? Really you have no where to go from this situation, you can not turn around now and say no can you.

I think now it has gone this far all you can do is monitor what is going on in your house and ban her from sleeping at his, she is a minor and it is illegal! She has to respect family values and stick to them. Giving people respect is one, not smoking is another and no under age sex. Tough if she does not like it. We all have to do things we dont like. Make sure you give your daughter plenty of time to talk to you and keep communication going. Tell her you are concerned about the drugs, sex and change in mood and listen to what she has to say.

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