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Teenager, 13 yr old boy

Shelly - posted on 09/08/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

My son is 13, for the past few yrs he argues over everything with his Step-dad and I, he seems very angry, but I haven't a clue why, he has a brother and sister at home, 2 sisters by his biological father, whom he doesn't see but a few mins a month, we have tried counseling for 1 yr didn't get anywhere, he won't talk, even with the counseler alone, I know he feels the sibling in the home get more attention than he does, but we don't see how, they are 5 & 7 yrs old, he treats them as if they were the same age, hitting , name calling etc.,very disrespectful to my husband and I talking back with phrases like "REALLY" or "OPEN YOUR FREAKIN EYES OR GET SOME FREAKIN GLASSES" seems he always has to have the last word, he also has a anger problem raising his fist to siblings as a threat never punching them...yet, punching objects, slamming doors, etc.I have disciplined him by taking games and friends away or by giving him chores to do, which my kids don't normally do on a regular basis, nothing seems to straighten him up, I tried talking to him but all I get is a "Whatever" I am tired of fighting with him, any advice would help! Thanks

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Natasha - posted on 09/15/2010

Like many parents before us, we now must endure those I have a son the same age and a 16 year old and for some crazy reason my husband and I decided to start over and have two more. My 13 year old (like yours) seems to do a lot of picking fights with the 3 year old and as much as we try to point out to him how silly that is, it continues. For so many years, he was our baby and I can't help but wonder if that was part of the reason he originally had such a hard time accepting his little sister. Our older son also has this teenage "disease" though he seems to be a bit more accepting of the little ones.

At one point I was extremely concerned with the things they would do and say so I started doing a lot of research and reading to find out what I was doing wrong. What I was missing. I found a wonderful book that was very helpful. The book will not make him the perfect child - none of us were perfect as teenagers, but it helps to understand and remember what it was like to be a teenager.

At that age the kids are trying to figure out who they are. They want to be independent, but may get frusterated that they don't have as much freedom as they would like. They want to be respected for who they are - not to have to earn respect. If you continue to support him and let him know that you care and you are there for him no matter what choices he makes - good or bad - he will come to understand you and be more accepting of your opinions as he grows past the teenage years. There are so many tips in this book that I completely forgot about. I was looking at the teenage years through a parents eyes - wanting the perfect child. I needed to be looking at these years through their eyes. Being a teenager is very difficult. You are going through many changes physically and emotionally.

My teenagers are not perfect, but ... they're teenagers! The book is called Positive Discipline for Teens: Empowering Teens and Yourself Through Kind and Firm Parenting. It was written by Jane Nelsen. It is an easy read. I even read parts of it with my teenagers. They found it quite amusing and it started some great conversations : )

I hope this helps. Hang in there! The teenage years are hard, but with your love and support he will come out a stronger person. Good luck!

Alana - posted on 09/13/2010

hang in there, it will get better. Try not to get angry with him, maybe do things as a family that he enjoys. I have the same age gap with my kids and my oldest son went through an ugly stage at 13 but now at 21 we have a fantastic relationship.