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What do I do now? Teenage daughter dating a heroin addict

Dawn - posted on 03/26/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I'd love some opinions and emotional support maybe on a decision that i have made and now dont know how to handle it.



November changed our lives forever! My daughter and her heroin addict boyfriend issues had gotten pretty bad. After breaking up with him he started stalking her, following her… she had to change her number, etc. After he talked her into getting back together with him, he finally told her that he was on heroin and that he cheated on her the day after they got back together, she had a break and on November 30th she decided to try to kill herself by overdosing on medication. We were able to get the ambulance to our house just in time. She almost didn’t make it. After a few days in the hospital we sent her to a psych unit for a few days so that we could figure out the issues.



After being home for a little while she started lieing and refused to go to a counseler, even the the psych ward told her she had to. One evening after all of this crap was happening she defied us and decided that she didnt feel like coming home one night. She had been on a somewhat of a short leash only because she tried to take her life. My husband and i kicked her out and she went to go live with her grandma. Since then grandma has bought her a car, gives her money, takes her shopping and Tawnie now has NO rules. After all was said and done, grandma told us that she couldn't keep Tawnie from doing certain things, like this boy because she IS 18. Tawnie has no consequences for her actions and grandma is pretty much turning her head and putting it into the sand. She thinks it would be better for my daughter to live with her without any rules then for my daughter to possiblily move in with this heroin addict. I tend to disagree. I say that it is worse that my daughter is allowed to be with this guy and have Grandma's blessing then to move out and know that no one agrees with her. I am feeling so frustrated, my husband doesn't even want to talk about it anymore because it is so stressful on us. I am so worried about her safety. There is nothing we can do and now my daughter "until I support her decision being with this guy".



He did go to treatment for 3 weeks and started shooting up right away. As of right now I believe he went back to treatment, because his parents made him and knowing what I do know about drug addiction, if he didn't want the help and someone made him go, the chances of him using again are likely.



Any advice would be helpful.

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Colleen - posted on 04/20/2012

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I have a 19 year old daughter who has had emotional issues for a long time also. She has gone from guy to guy, each one a bigger loser than the one before. Six weeks ago she met a guy and within two weeks she was moving in with him, at his mother's house. I have since found out he has a long juvenile record, (he just turned 18), and he is taking methadone treatments. I think it might be for oxycontin, but not sure. She is enrolled at a good college in the fall, and we were just getting ready to cosign for a car for her. She is throwing it all away to be with this guy. I don't trust him and I will not allow him in my home. Drug addicts are usually thieves and have no respect for other people's property. Drug addicts in treatment are also advised to avoid getting into relationships because someone usually gets hurt.
I am afraid for my daughter too. I am a Christian, and I have sought counseling. We have told her she has two months to get a full time job and her own apartment, since she wants to live with this boy. He has no job and no car and is a high school dropout. She has to live here until the two months is up and save her money. She has to put her own down payment on a car because we will not be liable for a loan for her now. After the two months is up she will be on her own financially, including paying for her own insurance and phone. It is killing me. I can't eat or sleep or think. It is so difficult to watch my beautiful daughter ruin her life. We have sent her to the best schools and given her every opportunity to succeed, but she thinks she is in love and she is "rescuing" him. No matter what I say she will not change her mind. So she will have to learn the hard way. The main thing is to be firm, and fair, and let your daughter know you love her no matter what. She may hate you for a while. You have a right to set boundaries and your daughter has to learn to respect them and to grow up. If they are adult enough to shack up with boys then they are adult enough to pay their own bills. Grandma should stay out of this. Pray for your daughter, hold your temper, seek counseling for yourself and her, and just for you if she won't go. My daughter said she would rather sleep in a car than stay with people who don't support her and her relationship. She just may end up doing that. She thinks we don't want her to be happy, and I am praying for her every minute. One day your daughter, and mine, will be glad that we stood our ground and fought for what is best for them. Be tough, fight through the pain, and don't wimp out no matter what. I am saying this for myself too!!

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