Has any mom lost custody of a their child due to drug use?

Melissa - posted on 02/03/2010 ( 171 moms have responded )

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Well I have and I want Gregory back, its been 31/2 years since I have had him in my custody. Gregory will be 4 years old Feb. 4th and the paternal aunt and uncle refuse to let me see my baby Gregory:(They are determined to keep me from him (they even have Gregory calling them mommy and daddy!!!) I have been trying to get custody of him since I lost him. I refuse to give in or give up!! Is there any mom that can give me some advise? or maybe just to vent...It's almost Gregory's 4th Birthday and this hurts my heart soooo much that once again I will be missing another part of his little life. I still have my 16 yr old son Robbie with me, that I got custody back in 2007 after loosing him for 1 yr. I love them both with all of my heart:)

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Let me just say that you people use the word disease like a scapegoat. It is like you think that because it is considered a disease it is ok to shoot up, abandon your kids, abuse your kids and excuse yourself from the responsibility that you, yourself created. Then when the addict cleans up for a couple months they think that because they are clean for the time being that they should have all rights to their children. I am sorry but that is a bunch of BS. I have been addicted to things before. Nicotine was my weakness. I told myself that it isn't right. God gave me my body to take care of and to me using tobacco and using drugs is a form of suicide. You are killing your body, it may be a little slower suicide but suicide none the less. I dont care what you are addicted to when you set your mind to something, you can accomplish it. If you want to quit, you can. It is sad how many people are treating drug abuse with drugs. Methadone clinics are a dime a dozen. WTF how did this behavior become acceptable????
My words are not ignorant, heartless or ugly they are the TRUTH. Sometimes the truth hurts dear! I do know my babies bmoms past, I have tried to help her many times, she chose the drugs. I know what my child is going to have to go through because of her BMs choices, ignorance, lack of maturity and lack of common sense. It is the children that are hurting because of this stupid 'disease' word you people like to lean upon. GROW UP AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE CHOICES YOU MADE!!!
The whole BS about "when you can't say something nice dont say anything at all", that is crap. Everyone has been quiet for too long. You people need to be "called out" on your idiocy. It is NOT acceptable to take, snort, shoot up or smoke drugs. PERIOD.
If you are not going to be adults and take care of the responsibility that is yours, do not bring these babies into this world. It is not fair to them or the true parents who love them. I am about to go through court with the BM and you better bet she is gonna have one hell of a fight. She will NOT win. The BF is on my side, even her family is on our side. She can see her but she will never ever have custody of my kid nor will my child ever spend a night with her!
I have never made excuses for my actions. My choices are mine and I own them. I have made mistakes, had bad behavior and done things I ultimately regret but I OWN THEM, I admit them and I have made things right. I am about to bring this out in the open. Everyone needs to have zero tolerance for drug abuse!

Jennifer - posted on 07/28/2013

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Marci, you obviously are not a very sophisticated person due to the fact that you keep referring to drugs that are SNORTED and such. If you could put your anger aside and actually take the time and have the desire to educate yourself correctly you might begin to understand the nature of addiction. The CDC just released a report that drug overdose deaths from prescription painkillers spike among women. Many MDs in our country can be held accountable for these. Do you not have anyone in your family or maybe a close friend who has suffered from depression? Do you fault them for having a chemical imbalance in their brain? Well, that is exactly what happens when a person abuses a drug. They began changing the balance of their brain chemicals. At that point their body in essence creates a disease called addiction. Disease: A pathological condition in which the normal functioning of an organism or body is impaired or disrupted resulting in extreme pain, dysfunction, distress, or death. Sound to you like symptoms an addict might display? I'm not saying you don't have the right to feel anger at an addict, especially if you have dealt with their dishonest and often destructive behaviors. But you have always have the choice to use boundaries with them. If they really want to clean up it is one of the hardest journeys they will ever embark on. It takes the human brain at approx 12-17 months of abstinence before showing significant return to pre drug use brain function. You would probably be shocked how many people you live around, or work with have had this problem. It's not called a "hidden epidemic" for no reason. People don't want to be judged. And being plain mean serves no good. And last but not least I find it very hypocritical of you to reference GOD in one of your post. You don't act or sound very Christian like in your many post. Do you think your words would be acceptable to GOD? I think we should leave the judging to him.

Lindsay - posted on 07/14/2013

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Miranda
I am the *mom* you're talking about in your post. I married a wonderful man who had two wonderful but damaged kids due to years of instability of their birth mom and her drug addiction. She'd leave for days at a time during her scheduled visitation and leave the kids with her brother (a recovering crack addict). I have seen first hand the effects it's had on my children. I call them mine because I am the only mother they have known for over 3 years. Now with that said I know without a doubt that my kids birth mother loves them with all her heart but her need for the high is greater than the need of their relationship. My husband and I have been honest with our kids about the entire situation and when they ask questions. We are currently fighting her in court for she's seeking full custody and trying to take them away. I don't really know what she is thinking but she has had both a dwi and possession charge within the last year. I do know however that she has the choice to clean up for 72 hours to have a supervised visitation which she has only done 2 times in the the last 3 years. Addiction is a stronge and powerful force and only the addict can choose to get clean. I feel we should reach out and pray for the addict especially when children are involved. I have to think of my kids safety and their birth mom has to prove sobriety before being alone with them again.

Traci - posted on 04/02/2014

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I recently had a baby on 12-10-13. She and I both tested positive for marijuana when she was born. The hospital notified DCF, and they came to speak to me. After I explained to them that I smoked marijuana instead of taking all of the pills I was prescribed before I was pregnant, they said that I was mentally unfit, and they were taking custody of my baby girl. They put her in foster care when she was cleared to leave the hospital. They didn't even notify my mother about taking custody. Luckily, the day before New Year's Eve, DCF finally placed her with my mom. I didn't even get to spend her first Christmas with her. I have since quit smoking marijuana, and I participate in a weekly substance abuse group with weekly drug tests. I have been doing everything they have told me to do. However, I'm still told that it will be an uphill battle to have my baby girl returned to me. Everyday, it gets harder to convince myself that I will get her back. It seem like no matter what I do, I'll never get her back. They told me that they didn't remove her for my use of marijuana. They removed her because I refused to take psych meds while I was pregnant. What the paternal aunt and uncle are doing is wrong. They should be helping and encouraging you to get your son back. I have a lot of support from my mother. The best thing you can do is find a good support system. Do everything they tell you to do. Jump through whatever hoops they want you to. Get a good lawyer that stays in contact with you, and listens to what you have to say. That is my advice to you. I wish you all the luck in the world.

[deleted account]

I don't think that addicts are "bad people". My brother in law is one of the sweetest kids you would meet and her Bmom is a very sweet girl. They make horrible life choices. Now I do believe that drugs bring out the worst in people. My mother in law is one of those that if she fell off the side of the earth, I wouldn't go looking for her. But I think that is the situation with a lot of ladies with their mother-in-laws. It just gets worse because of the fact when we argue it isn't just two people arguing it is one who is drunk and one who is EXTREMELY against the use of any mind altering substance. But when she is sober for a while we get along nicely. My daughter has only spent the night with her once and it was while her bdad was there (he was sober at the time) but i found out she was drinking with her in the house and put a stop to that. Anyways I got off topic. Basically I agree with you that addicts are not "bad people" but some of them turn into one.

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Brittany - posted on 09/07/2014

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Wow your post really hit home for me. I see you posted this in 2010 so would like to hear what has transpired since then. I have a very complex situation myself that I really wouldn't know how to start but it all began when I started dating a guy that turned out to be abusive and a major drug addict. He nearly killed me once and I saved him from going to prison because I truly believe people can change and gave him that opportunity by not showing up to court so charges were dismissed. His mother agreed to pay my ambulance and hospital fees since I didn't cooperate with the state but of course his mother didn't pay those bills but that's besides the point. I stayed with this guy and under the agreement he would stop the drugs and not physically harm me. This only lasted a little while and I made the mistake of telling his narcisistic mother all our business because my family disowned me for giving this guy a second chance so they were all I had. I told her about my anxiety disorder that I am now on disability for and was a test dummy for doctors that misdiagnosed me and never got anything for anxiety until a few months ago thank goodness. The only thing that helped was taking a piece of a pain pill and to this day have no clue why a pain pill helped me stay out of a panic attack but when having a panic attack you feel like you would rather die than find something to stop it. Never was an addiction but still a bad thing and not socially acceptable of course to use something for a purpose that it's not intended to use for. Another thing I struggled with severely was insomnia and after many years a doctor finally prescribed me ambien which worked perfectly and took exactly as prescribed. Back to the abusive relationship I was in it obviously caused an enormous amount of added anxiety and was trapped or felt trapped and scared for my life everyday so I tried to escape by taking my sleep medicine earlier and earlier to just end the day and felt safe when asleep. This backfired and raised my tolerance to my sleep meds so I took 2 instead of 1 and confided in his mother. The real problem started when I got pregnant because I didn't want to take any meds but knew not sleeping would not be healthy and panic attacks were inevitable and would not be healthy for my emotional and physical being while pregnant. Fortunately my doc at that time said ambien was very safe for pregnancy and raised my dosage and only took a couple pain pills the night before I gave birth because I was getting induced and couldn't sleep, in an excruciating amount of pain, and knew I was going to have a panic attack. Before I went into labor I told the dr and he said the baby didn't test positive for anything so everything was ok. Now having a child with a dangerous father I started planning escape routes which failed but then my family got back in my life because of my new baby and my moms boyfriend was a sherriff so he called the police on my bf 3 times in 6 months after myself being attacked and members of my family were as well so charges were inevitable and knew he was going to prison so decided that would be the safest way to escape when he went away. I had been dealing with this for years and new the signs of when he was going to get out of control so called his mother numerous times to get my son out of harms way but she always acted like he was a burden and her son had other children before me and favored one of them very blatantly. Sorry this is a long story but to get to where I am today there is no way to fully understand without starting from the beginning. Continuing on the favored child of my bf's mother mother was killed in a car wreck. At this point bf's mom asked me and her son to adopt Jackson since his mom was gone. I turned that down knowing I was planning an escape and didn't want to be a single mom to two boys one not even being mine. Vicki is the bf's mom name and she pursued to adopt Jackson but his mothers family were favored in that matter and got the adoption so now both of my bf 's previous children were adopted. Suddenly Vicki has a new favorite grandchild ( yes my baby boy Mason) and I saw a huge change in this woman that I thought of as a second mother while putting up with her son on a daily basis. She begged me to see my son constantly all the sudden. Oh and I'm forgetting to mention a huge factor about Vicki- she was married 3 times to all wealthy men, 2 out of 3 of them committed suicide and was left with all their inheritance money including the the last one who died during my relationship with her son that was the ex CEO of Citgo and at time of suicide the COO of a smaller oil company out of Houston which left her with multi multi millions. That is important in the events to come. Scott, my bf was just about to go to prison and very irresponsibly got pregnant again. It was a baby girl, I was 4 months pregnant when he left for prison and became extremely ill. My car broke down, Vicki was very helpful with Mason but something wasn't right about that. She knew I needed to get an obgyn and my mom worked full time but the only thing she did to help was pick up Mason when I was throwing up and couldn't get out of bed because my back was going out and my legs swelled up to quadruple the size they should be. It was just a horrific pregnancy and knowing I only had disability to live off of and no support from father I was told I had to give this child up for adoption by all family members especially Vicki. I messed up and gave in to taking a pain pill every time my neighbor got her prescription and called a random obgyn to see how dangerous it was to the baby if she did give me one on occasion after explaining my condition. I felt very guilty self medicating from time to time but finally got a dr and didn't tell him I had taken anything the first couple visits because I was scared, guilt-ridden, and knew I didn't want to be seen as a some junkie and not get proper treatment. I actually had a friend reccommended a potential family they knew looking to adopt and started to let that become an option because we discussed having a very open adoption and told them about the complications I was having and had taken a pain pill on occasion so they said we will go see your dr with you and tell him because she said by the way I looked she would have to. So we go to the next appt and I'm only 7 1/2 months pregnant but after checking my vitals and seeing my blood pressure was in the high 200's there was no talking and was immediately sent home for an hour to get packed to go straight into labor. I started having a panic attack and my mother met me at the hospital and shoved a quarter of one of her anxiety pills down my throat while saying you will need this. Trying to sum all this up but like I said its complex. Anyways I gave birth to a healthy baby girl but myself not doing well. Losing so much blood I started fading and the adopting couple started to go back on terms we agreed upon with the open adoption so I actually in a feeble state told them to leave and your not taking my daughter. This is when the biggest pusher for for my daughter comes into play, Vicki. Of course she has a best friend that runs an adoption firm and sends them straight to the hospital. Her friend was representing the adopting couple and brought in her partner to represent me. At this point the dr came in and in front of everyone said did you take any pain medicine and a Xanax or something. I knew that should have been said confidentially but could barely see because of the blood loss and just yes a quarter of a Xanax my mom gave me and a pain pill a couple days ago. I said I meant to tell you but wasn't expecting to be sent into labor right then. Remember me saying how I knew something wasn't right with grandma Vicki and her new obsession with my son... Well it all started to make sense as I was getting a blood transfusion the adoption lawyers are throwing books at me saying I had to find a picture of a couple to adopt my daughter immediately because my daughter was addicted to drugs and 6 substances were found in her system. I knew that wasn't true but felt so guilty and too weak to stand up for myself I just picked out a picture of a couple. They came straight to the hospital agreed to an open adoption and started to be handed papers to sign. I had no clue at that time Vicki was being told these lies and fueling her friend/attorney to start making a huge deal of something that should be confidential anyways. I got to spend a few days with my little girl and the blood transfusion brought me back to life. A friend of mine came to stay the night at the hospital with me that night and he remembers me saying to him this is all happening so Vicki can come after my son ,Mason. Boy was I right. I will make the last part short promise. Vicki's friends/attorneys coerced me into lying to the judge by saying nobody persuaded me to adopting my daughter and I just remember begging "my attorney" to please enforce this open adoption and he promised. I've seen my daughter once in two years with no pics nothing and come to find out the number me and my family were given to contact adoptive mom was actually Vicki friends /adoptive moms attorneys personal cell phone. A few months after the adoption Vicki asks to have my son for the weekend and he did not return Monday because she had convinced my friend and family to go to court and state that I abused my sleep meds and was 50% the abuser in the relationship with her son and a pain pill addict. Of course my family knew differently but she told them just to support her in court and she would just keep Mason for 18 days just to make sure I was ok. Guess who represented Vicki in getting guardianship of my son... The same friend /attorney that did my adoption and came to court saying with no proof that I had just given birth to a little girl that was addicted to drugs. So Vicki got the guardianship of Mason and got a call from the adoption attorney that represented me and he begged to represent me for free telling me he wants to do this because what Vicki is doing is not right. I stupidly believed him and he was really working with Vicki and conned me into signing everything Vicki had drawn up for me to complete in the guardianship without even letting me read it. I basically signed something that didn't state a true fact and he then withdrew after 2 months right as I was about complete the last two things in the guardianship order. Was without an attorney for over a yeAr and have completed everything in the order all for Vicki to pay off all these attorneys and probably even the judge with her deceased husbands money to reduce my visitation and because I didn't agree to it she now has suspended my visitation completely. I've passed every drug test, never missed a visit with my son(see him days a week for this whole time) and it's been over week without seeing my sweet boys smile all because I didn't want to see him less. With my current attorney I am fighting to terminate the guardianship even though Vicki filed for an adoption in the midst of me not having an attorney however she has paid off so many people I honestly don't know if I'll get my child back or not. My attorney said it would take a month to enforce visitation in front of the judge that doesn't like me. After doing much research about all the actions Vicki has done I've now figured out she has narsistic personality disorder and everything was planned out way in advance and never stood a chance. I'm scared if she pulls off getting my son he will be like his father who has now returned to prison for 15 years after he nearly beat another girl to death. I'm no angel but know I'm the best person to raise my son and hope to someday be reacquainted with my adopted daughter that Vicki takes my son to see on a regular basis behind my back. This probably sounds crazy but all true and has ended my faith in the court system but still believe people can change. Won't let one scumbag and his mother change my belief in people so more power to any mother or father struggling with anything that could make them a better person/parent just do it. It's never too late. I love my kids more than anything but they can be taken very easily and very manipulatively. If anyone has the time to read my lengthy story please email any positive/negative feedback at brittanybarbe@gmail.com. I welcome any feedback thank you

Dominique - posted on 09/02/2014

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I lost my child over drugs and now I am wanting to get my life straighten out But I am haveing to leave state to get some help . does that mean if i leave state can I come back and fight for my child . the town I live in you can't find anyone to get help from or no jobs here either

Chrystal - posted on 08/15/2014

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This message is for Mindy and any other moms going through social services, dfs, cps, ect. 1. Stay clean 2. Go to meetings 3. Keep track of everything said by everyone, what i mean by that is, phone calls with social worker, calls with foster parents, visits with kids= right down how they went, document document document! 4. Do everything social services tells you, parenting classes, domestic violence, drug program, ask for more of what you can do so you can learn more 5. Don't forget the sponsor, work your steps 6. Get a place where your kids can live in when they come back, most places want you to have stability before they come home and for a while. 7. Have food in the place at all times, even if its ramen noodles, beans, rice. 8. Remember this to shall pass and try to remember one day at a time. Don't try to rush these things you didnt become an addict in one day, it will take time to get your kids back but take this time to focus on making yourself a better mom and person, dont do this just for your kids or you might relapse. You guys are more then welcome to email me at chrystal tindle @ gmail .com

Jesica - posted on 08/13/2014

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Please share this with your friends!! These little girls want to come home & they are asking for your help! The only way to get the word out is to share. Thank you for taking the time to read the whole story! GOD BLESS!
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Elizabeth - posted on 08/04/2014

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I'm sorry, but we, as a society, have to put the needs of the kids first...drug addiction is a terrible disease, but when parents continue to use and their children have to be in the care of relatives or strangers, the parents give up the right to raise their children. Children need to bond to their caregivers, they need stability, they need to have reassurance and nurturing that using parents can't provide. There are just some things in this life that we don't get a second chance at-and parenting is one of those things. My daughter got clean when she found out she was pregnant. Once he was born, she was resentful of having to change his diapers, of how much baby things cost and was frustrated by the demands of parenthood. She was living with me and I was caring for the baby once I got home from work until morning. When he was two months old, she returned to crack cocaine and hasn't been able to maintain a reasonable length of sobriety (30 days). After a year went by, without visitation, without consistent contact, I chose to adopt the baby. The adoption is final and I know my daughter loves him, but she has missed all of the milestones, all of the laughter, all the runny noses, ear infections, asthma and colds. I've done it and he relies on my to fulfill his basic needs and to give him love. His needs are more important that my daughter's upset about losing custody. If she gets clean, she is welcome to be a part of the family, to visit and to get to know my little boy, but until then, I will protect him from chaos, from fear, from the bad decisions, bad people and bad places that come with drug addiction. I worked with CPS for a long time and saw how tormented kids were from worrying about their drug addicted parents and how heartbroken and angry they became after years of broken promises. Yes people can change and we should support their efforts, but not at the expense of little, vulnerable, easily damaged hearts of the children.

Mindy - posted on 07/25/2014

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Well here goes I tested positive for meth and they took my three really great kids they are currently staying with my sister me and my sister don't get along and sometimes she tries her hardest to make everything on me a lil harder there I have been to treatment am almost 9 months clean and doing well I had unsupervised visits until other day my sister twisted some things that happened not sure what all was said but they changed me back to supervised visits and didn't bother to contact me get my side if story or anything my sister is who told me and I got it confirmed by caseworker way after fact sometimes I feel as if I am fighting a losing battle and feels like I will never get them back I am not sure what to do at this point just need someone to talk to maybe get some advice so I can get my babies home

Ella - posted on 07/24/2014

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Hi Anabel, why in the world would you say what does she expect when he hasn't been in her life for the last 3 and a half years? Yes, true that children deserve and need to be in a stable environment but just because a mom had a drug addiction back then doesn't mean she hasn't changed for the better. It doesn't sound like her family is really standing by her which is crucial for someone in active addition. As a therapist myself and from my own personal experience, people can change, however society and family members are always accepting, so before you judge a book by its cover, take a look at the contents:)

Louise - posted on 07/18/2014

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This is a message to Marcy, I have to say love, I'm not sure of ur age or ur ability to open ur eyes to the real world but u need to have a lot more insight and experience in the world to post a message like that. I am a heroin and crack addict and will be a drug addict till the day I die. I just won't be an drug addict actively using. I had a very bad childhood where I was sexually and physically abused from 2 years old, I was luckily adopted into a new family but unfortunately they disowned me when I became an addict? I have three a levels and have studied human behaviour and psychology for a couple of years. I am lucky enough to have been blessed with 3 children, 1 of them lives with his paternal grandparents and then when I had my next child I got clean and fought tooth and nail to get my daughter back from ss. Ss have always my children were never neglected or in need of anything physically or emotionally, the only problem was my drug use. I got my daughter back and due to being clean and winning the case, all the support I had suddenly disappeared and I began to struggle again. I then fell pregnant and at the same time managed to trace my biological family. I was suddenly unable to cope and resorted to the only thing I knew would block out the things I could not cope with, DRUGS. I then gave birth and had both babies taken off me. No one will ever understand the pain of a baby being taken away from u unless u have been through it. I take full responsibility for my actions and and now fighting again. I'm on a script reducing and fighting fighting fighting. I will get my babies back as they are my life and the only real family I have ever had. The feelings I have for my kids is like nothing I have felt before. Just because I have an addiction it does not mean I can't change and that I don't love my babies. I was told by one of my social workers, that as I never had a stable mum in my life then I am unable to be the mother my children need myself but how wrong was she as when I had a parenting assessment and psych analysis, I passed with flying colours. Now in my eyes I have been under a microscope and studied, how many other mothers have passed a test on whether they can successfully bring up a child. My issue is drugs and I am will succeed in my battle against them so may before judging others have a long look at ur self because I know that unless I am perfect in every way I can not judge another human being especially when u don't know how or y they are in the situation they are in. Sorry to be harsh but u have no idea what it's like trying to forgive herself for choosing drugs over everything in ur life and not only that does it not tell how powerfull I thing it is to take over people's lives. And big love to u Lindsay for doing what u do and it's sad that the bmum is still in such a dark place but u still care enough to tell ur kids about their bmum

Kim - posted on 07/14/2014

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My boyfriend and I got custody of his son, now 16months old because the mother smoked methamphetamines all through her pregnancy and even the day she went into deliver him. The mother called my boyfriend at 3am and was laughing when she told him that she was losing custody of the bby. My boyfriend was devistated, I held him while he cried and he said he was going to fight for custody. I explained to him that it's a long hard road and was there to support him. To let you all know this mother had 2 previous children that were also taken because they too tested positive for drugs. So, we began our fight for custody 2 months after he was born, all the while she had him with her and was still testing positive for drugs 1 month after he was born. This woman was in Walmart the same time I was, she had the nerve to wait outside the restroom to confront me about my boyfriend. I let her know that under no circumstances did I or will I ever have respect for her and she should not even have the baby with her at that point. This woman said to me that she was just looking out for the best interest of the baby by confronting me, I let her know that if she had been looking out for the babies best interest sd he wouldn't have been doing drugs. My boyfriend and I have had many arguments about this woman, because he feels she deserves a chance. I have explained to him from a mommy's perspective, that after she had the first 2 children and failed, what makes you think she is going to be any different with the 3rd child? This woman failed almost every drug test that she took during the court proceedings, she missed almost every parenting drug class she was to attend and the judge and DHS was still giving her chance after chance. Every time that we would pick the baby up for our visits, he had diaper rashes so bad they were blistered and bleeding. I took pictures of all the diaper rashes, then would get to work on getting them healed before he had to go back, even sending medicine in the diaper bag. Every time we'd pick him up we, had to buy new clothes, more diapers, formula and bottles. This woman never cleaned the bottles and the baby was always getting sick. This woman never bought anything for the baby , my boyfriend and I supplied everything and more, because we finally had to start buying doubles of everything because we never got it back or it was so dirty it wouldn't come clean. In September of 2013, the case worker called my boyfriend up and said when we pick him up for our visit we weren't to return him. We went to every court proceeding, and faught until we received sole custody. Then DHS worker closed their case against this woman, and that is what she had been hoping for that way she doesn't have to do anything and still get to see and have the baby for visits. My boyfriend is so soft hearted he gives in, I let him know that if anything was to happen while she had him that the responsibilty would lie on us for not keeping the baby safe. I also explained to my boyfriend that this woman has never been held accountable for her actions and has never been made to take responsibility for these actions, so she continues to do these things. Again more arguments arrise because, I found texts that he sent saying that they were going to be a family and he'd take care of them. I have a great job, a 15yr old developmentally challenged child, that loves this baby so much, we live in a nice home, and we provide our children with all that they need and more love than any child would ever want before they say "mom,dad quit smothering us", but my boyfriend continues to do for her and give her chances, which makes me so stupid angry.

Dolores - posted on 06/14/2014

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I can some what relate to you Melissa, At first I gave my mother custody, which some how some way ended up they were taken from me???
Anyway gradually yes I did turn to abusing drugs. I did not get custody back but all of us are under the same roof again.
My heart goes out to you I wasn't there for my now 13 year old daughters first step and first word. Let me tell you Mother to Mother it is difficult, Not being their with my 5 kid's. For myself it didn't get easier but I did come to find myself. I would just like to say for me I am all they have and they are all I have when it comes down to it.
After 13 years I was apart from my children ( I am in no way saying or telling you it will take you 13 years to be with your children again) I have found a different side of who I am, as a mother as a daughter and as a female. Hopefully you will find a new side of who you are, like I did.
When I seen your question I felt the need to respond with what I had experienced and what I have come to realization with.

Sammy - posted on 06/14/2014

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My Name is Sarah, From United Kingdom. I wish to share my testimonies with the general public about what this man called Dr.Sammy has just done for me,this man has just brought back my lost Ex husband to me with his great spell, I was married to this man called Mr.Kenny we were together for a long time and we loved our self’s but when I was unable to give him a child for 2 years he left me and told me he can’t continue anymore then I was now looking for ways to get him back until a friend of mine told me about this man and gave his contact email:(drsammyantispell@gmail.com) then you won’t believe this when I contacted this man on my problems he prepared this spell cast and bring my lost husband back, and after a month I miss my month and go for a test and the result stated am pregnant am happy today am a mother of a baby girl, thank you once again the great Dr.Sammy for what you have done for me, if you are out there passing through any of this problems listed below:

1) If you want your ex back.
(2) if you always have bad dreams.
(3) You want to be promoted in your office.
(4) You want women/men to run after you.
(5) If you want a child.
(6) You want to be rich.
(7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be
yours forever.
(8) If you need financial assistance.
(9) How you been scammed and you want to recover you lost money or properties? or call him +2348162024853
drsammyantispell@gmail.com

Sammy - posted on 06/14/2014

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My Name is Sarah, From United Kingdom. I wish to share my testimonies with the general public about what this man called Dr.Sammy has just done for me,this man has just brought back my lost Ex husband to me with his great spell, I was married to this man called Mr.Kenny we were together for a long time and we loved our self’s but when I was unable to give him a child for 2 years he left me and told me he can’t continue anymore then I was now looking for ways to get him back until a friend of mine told me about this man and gave his contact email:(drsammyantispell@gmail.com) then you won’t believe this when I contacted this man on my problems he prepared this spell cast and bring my lost husband back, and after a month I miss my month and go for a test and the result stated am pregnant am happy today am a mother of a baby girl, thank you once again the great Dr.Sammy for what you have done for me, if you are out there passing through any of this problems listed below:

1) If you want your ex back.
(2) if you always have bad dreams.
(3) You want to be promoted in your office.
(4) You want women/men to run after you.
(5) If you want a child.
(6) You want to be rich.
(7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be
yours forever.
(8) If you need financial assistance.
(9) How you been scammed and you want to recover you lost money or properties? or call him +2348162024853
drsammyantispell@gmail.com

Wanda - posted on 06/05/2014

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i had to give up complete custodial rights while myself being in drug rehabitilation facility......when i returned being completely clean i wanted my two children back unaware of the fact that my family member had taken complete full custody of my two boys......the unfair part of this matter is that years later he had given me back only one of my children which i thought was unfair to the three of us....i'll never understand whereas now there both grown men not having any kind of relationship at all with each other...being there mother will have that empty piece in my heart that their a cub of mine own self of me without that special bond.....god bless you and hang in there for yourself and your child......

Annabelle - posted on 06/03/2014

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what do you expect, when a child is with relatives for 3 and a half years they are comfortable. you are selfish looking to uproot him. leave him be n ask for supervised visits

Bethany - posted on 05/16/2014

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Sweetheart do not listen to the negativity of others. I have lost my kids because of drug use...everyone has their own reasons for becoming an addict. Those who acknowledge their problem and try to resolve it and truly seek and desire to quit are the ones who deserve a second chance. I was lucky to have great support from my family. Since I became a recovering addict I have worked my ass off to prove that I am no longer that person. After getting my children back home with me I worked a full time job, went to school full time, and was a single parent of 4 children up until last year. I have attained my Associates of Science graduating magna cum laude and attained my Bachelors of Science graduating with a 3.35 GPA. Those who have not experienced your life have no right to judge or condemn you, and if they claim they are religious in anyway then they are just hypocrites and God will judge them accordingly. The only advice I can give you is to follow through with the requirements set out by CPS, stay clean, stay positive, work hard, and remain persistent about contact with your children. If CPS is no longer involved then contact the worker or the department head that was assigned to you when they were and explain the current situations. Hope this helped. Many prayers, much love and God bless!

Jensen - posted on 05/03/2014

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It's ridiculous DCF would prescribe highly addictive and dangerous pills to a pregnant mother, but steal the child from the mother when she chose to inhale marijuana. So sad. Smoking period, is just not healthy for a child due to cellular development, but neither is the synthetic heroin that is given to the mothers... Maybe I am just not that educated, but I feel that synthetics are produced merely because the average person cant make them to make a profit. Unlike marijuana, and opium which can be grown many places by the dullest of us all. No degree for that! So the system requires educated, and indoctrinated people to produce and distribute complicated synthetic drugs so that the franchise can profit. The best way to keep something secret is to encrypt, and that is pretty much what the medical industry has done with the complicated time consuming brain wash that their universities have designed. We are all empty heads till we are full... . . ... So you honestly did nothing worse than eating those damned pain killers in my opinion, though I still disagree with both sides. Honestly, I doubt any harm came to your child though. Best of luck and best of wishes.

Stephanie - posted on 04/18/2014

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you all seam to be so quick to jump on peoples backs that are sick of mothers that keep saying the same old BS.i have been on line most of the day looking up ways to help my grandson who is one of the babies that did not have a say in what his mom did to him,he came in to this world 4 months to soon at 1lb 2oz with fetal alcohol spectrum disorder and methamphetamine weed pills and on and on.he spent 5 months in the hospital when I brought him home he was 3lb.i did bring his mother home at the same time telling me all the time how she just wonted to take care of her babie.2 weeks later she was gone again,honesty not that she did any thing for him when she was here!!I did not know about all the problems that were to come.the crying 24/7 the not sleeping and not eating but when is just cant stay awake any moor then the night mares come,and a hole list of other problems that I just don't have time to list.by the age of 2 anxiety depression had set in.doctors tell me not a lot they can do for him,they just don't know much about this.so they tell me just keep doing what I am doing,i cant get him to eat so he is still very small.by the age of 3 the anger sets in with the behavioral problems,and he is seeing doctors at least 4 times a week.the doctors still don't know how to help him,they just keep telling me to keep up the good work.keep in mind with all this going on I don't sleep or eat myself.all I can think about is him and what can I do to help him.with all this still going on at almost 5 I put him in preschool 6 months later they tell me I have to take him out of school,they just don't have the time or the people to work with him.now the ADHD has set in so the doctors tell me they wont me to put him on pills and send him to talk to some one,i tell them no on the pills but I will take him to see some one.the doctors tell me I should try to get some one to come in to help me with him as I have become sick myself,from not eating or sleeping.but as I was soon to find out me being sick was not all do to this.any way,at almost 6 he starts school but 5 months later I am told I have to take him out,again they just don't have the time or the people to work with him.this is what goes on for the next 8 years,he has spent moor time out of school than in.schools wont take him he has learning disabilies and unprovoked fits of anger.recap my grandson has anxiety,insomnia,paranoia,ADHD,learning disabilities,fits of anger,tremors,behavioral problems,depression,and on and on.you can read up on this and they say this could happen we just don't know,and yes my grandson my just be a bad case but that just does not mean there are not hunders and hunders of other kids out there just as bad as him.as of now the doctors think I should file for social security for him,they told me I have done all I can for him,but he cant even go to school how will he ever be able to hold a job .so I am sorry that I don't have the time for the mothers that are trying to clean up,or the way I see it looking for people to tell them good job,keep on trying.when my grandson at 15 fights every day of his life just to get out of bed,to start a day that he knows will be a battle he will have to fight for the rest of his life!!!! sorry about the spilling I no its bad,been taking care of kids séance I was 14. and one moor thing my daughter should be in jail for what she has done!!!!!!!

Kathleen - posted on 03/26/2014

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I was an addict for 18 years. My 2 sons were taken away by CPS. As soon as I found out I started to pray for relief from my active addiction. 7 months later I got clean. I went through the trial and won my sons back. I have been clean for 13 years. My sons love me bunches. Now I am facing my mother taking my 10 year old son. Now I am clean an this is a "greedy" output on there behalf. He has been with me for 10 years, she's had him for 6 months. Thanks to my recovery and experience in this area, I feel confident my son WILL come home. I will stand by my son as I stood by my other 2 sons. God Bless

Cortney - posted on 03/10/2014

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The first comment I read and totally feel for you..I am in the same boat with my 10yr old daughter. I had an alcohol and drug addiction, as did my mother. I had my little girl until she was 3 and CPS came and took her from me, as they did to my mother which caused me to be in 12 foster homes. My daughter was not neglected or abused, in fact she was a very well taken care of child. That did not matter in court. The social workers made me out to be one horrid person even though alcohol was legal! Then they used the fact that I was bipolar against me too. So after tearing our child away from us, they decided to sever my rights permanently!! Not even a chance to get recovered.. needless to say I have been clean n sober for 6 years. Now I have no clue where she even is..or if she is alive or dead!!-what a feeling huh?? The paternal gma had custody from 3-9yrs and I was in touch with her on a weekly basis. Even took my husband and our son to Texas to visit her. That was in 2011. Last year the gma moved my ex in with her. She had to call them mommy n daddy and me by my first name only. Turns out my ex and the gma were molesting my poor little girl for years..AND IM THE UNFIT PARENT?? WOWW. So Marci, whoever you Re do not DARE sit in this group talking smack to mothers like us! Go to another damn group for people who ghink they are better than everyone else..or maybe try IKNOWITALL.COM...You were addicted to cigarettes omg woww

Stephen - posted on 02/03/2014

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Well im not here to give anyone any advice but i will tell u my story ...... i was in a relationship with a young 36year old woman and she is using heroin, weed, crack and cocaine with alcohol .... so i have been with her for at least two years . And through the two years her and i had a baby boy by the name of landen . The mother as been doing drugs all her life as a result that she as lost her daughter because of her drug abuse and went for treatment over and over and over just so she can be a better parent but as the results shows that she had to have her drugs and booze . As the year past while being pregnant with my son , the mother kept using drugs and drinking and lying to me about everything . By the time she gaved birth to my son she didnt do much drugs but she drank alot more . By april 15 2013 my son was only 5 months old . The mother was still doing her drug use and also drinking while having my son in her home . The next day in the afternoon her daughter was on a sugar high because the mother gave her daughter sweet candy etc... to the point that the mother let her 5 year old daughter stay up all night watching tv and to do whatever the daughter felt like doing while my son was already asleep and than the mother decides she wants to go to bed and sleep while the 5 year old daughter stays up all night eating candy . The next morning it was time for the daughter to go to preschool so the mother felt that her daughter didnt have to go to school so she kept her daughter at home and the mother asked her daughter what she would like for breakfast and her daughter responded and said " i want chips and pop and candy " and the mother gaved her daughter exactly what her daughter wanted . ( i quote .. i saw everything what my sons mother was doing ) so that very same afternoon my sons mother fed her daughter sugar every single day because her daughter didnt want to eat real food and around 3pm that day .. her daughter was so on a sugar rush that the daughter was boucing of the wall ... AS FOR ME AS THE SONS FATHER FROM WHAT I SAW HAPPEN NEXT I COULDNT BELIEVE MY EYES AND HEARS ... my son's mother knew that she couldnt controle her own daughter from her past relationship with another guy as her daughter didnt want to settle down from her sugar rush .... the mother had my son in her arms trying to put feed and to put my son to sleep but in one second notice i see my girlfriend throw my son at the end of the sofa and his little head hit the arm of the sofa and fast that she was to pick up my son and pretend like nothing happen in front of my eyes and right there and i say to her ' what are u doing .... u couldve killed my son just now and she says to me " aw shut the f""ck up and dont tell me what to do with my son and right after she kicks me out of the house because i saw what she did .. most times i wanted to put little spy camera in the house but she would make sure that i would have no proof of what she is doing to hurt my only son ... so i leave her house and as soon i got to a gas station i called child services and i also tell the police what just happen and then both of the police and child service ask me if i have proof and i said yes i do i saw her do it and they tell me that i would need more proof like a video footage of what happen so i said to them " what i saw her do is not good enough " they said " we need video footage " and i told them that i had my phone in my hands but she was watching me if i was recording her and she manage to fight me for my phone so she could check to see if i recorded what she did to my son . So aftrt the police and child service didnt believe me . I left town and i drove 8 hours away to the city with no where to live except in my van . So i was in the city not even for two weeks . Then who calls me up its my son's mother asking me to help her with my son and that she was sorry and i never believe her when she would say that she was sorry so i drove back to her house 8 hours away so i could be there for my son . By the time i get there it was 4:30 in the Morning and i was very tired from driving for a long time . As soon i get to her house and i walk in her house i see liquor bottles and beer bottles and a crack pipe on the coffee table and i just shake my head and i start crying of what i have seen . As i walk in the bedroom where my son was sleeping in his crib and his mother drunk and high on drugs and says to me " its your fault that im high and drinking , i wouldnt be like this if u wouldve just mind your own business " i turn around and i see my son sleeping and i give him a kiss on the forehead and i calmly walk out of the bedroom and i lay down on the sofa .. but right before i arrive to the town that day .. my girlfriend said to me that the children were taking away by child servives of the incident that happen at the hospital which was .... the mother spanked her daughter very hard on the bottom ( butt) and when she told me about that . I had to pull over on side of the highway for about 30 minutes and i started crying and i was saying to my self " when will she ever stop doing those thing to her daughter and to my son ... and finally i manage to stop crying and i finally arrive to the town where the mother and her daughter and my son lives and yhen i was only 5 minutes away from her house and i arrive at her house . I walk in the house and the kids mother ask me that i have to go to a meeting and to meet up with child servives and she would also be there so i said ok yeah sure ill go . That wont be a problem . So her and i go to the meeting and we discust the situation and the meeting lasted 2 hours . And soon enough she was back into her drugs and alcohol and there was no stopping now and she was telling me while she was drinking ( she says well since i dont have the dam kids ... i sure dont need u neighter and its all your fault that i lost my daughter and my son .. i dont need u ) i respond to her " im not the one thats putting the bottle in your mouth and im not the one that is putting the drugs in your brain .. your the one that is doing it to yourself so stop blaming me and blame yourself because u need help " she responded and said well like i said i dont have my babys so im getting high and drunk untill i get them back .so 3 days later aftet she wakes up from a drinking binge and high on cocaine she decides to start a fight and calls the police and she lies to the police about what ever happen and i was telling then the truth of what really happen and for waht reason she was acting that way for but the police didnt want to hear my side of the story so they only wanted to hear from a mother of two little children that was high on drugs and who was drinking ... so i got arrested for domestic assault and i tell the police these words "" is there any marks or bruses on her body "" then the police says to me "" that is not the point "" but they took me to jail for a month and i post bail on my own conditions on the amount of $1000 . And the day i got back to town i ask for a police eacort so i could drive my van of her property and they did just that at 10:00 pm that night so i drive to town because her house was on the native reserve .. once it was 10:24 pm yhat same night ... i get a phone call and i look at the number and it was my son's mother so i let my phone go to voicemail and within 5 seconds of the phone call .. she texts me and says " what why wont u talk to me anymore " so she had to follow her conditions also but once she called me and texted me !!!!! She broke her conditions and her conditions were is to leave me alone and not to be talking to me until my court trial but she did anyways .....so she kept doing drugs and stalking me and smash one window of my van and provoking me to go to her house because she knew that i didnt had nowhere else to stay ... so when my coury trial finally came on august 1 2013 i put on my suit because i coulnt get a lawyer so i represented myself infront of the jugde and the crown prosecutor ... i showed up but she didnt show up and her own witness did not show up neighter ao yhe jugde dismiss the charges against me and let me go free as he had an idea that she lied about everything so after the trial was over she decides to play her head games against me as she goea back to her drugs and booze and she kept saying that she does loves me and wanta to be with me but that was a huge lie so that night one night she says that she was going to her cuzins place just a couple house down from her place at 10:00pm and that she would be back by 12:30 am within 2 hours so i say ok no problem .... so i sat down on the sofa watching tv and i look at the time on my phone and it says 1:30am so i decide to call her and to see whats going on and where was she at but she didnt answer her phone so i waited and waited cause i was very worried about her that i didnt know what if something happen to her ... so i kept calling and calling and calling her phone but she never answered it ao by 5:30 am i finally fall asleep and i woke up after hearing the door unlock at 9:00am the next morning ... and it was her so i knew she got high and drunk that night and i also smell a guy's colung on her cloths and she sees me waking up and she goes to the bedroom and shuts the bedroom door and starts to talk to some other guy over the phone about how much she had so much fun getting high on drugs and from drinkin
g and that she can enjoy her life more by getting high and being drunk since she doeant have the "" little bastards "" .... so from that moment on i left because i didnt know what else to do for her ////////////////////////////// so this is the reason that 89% of the mothers are more likely desirer the life of drugs and alcohol and not to be a real mother to their kids and thats why i say that my son needs me and he does not need his mother because her drugs and booze comes first and my son comes last ... well i dont agree to that at all because i love my son LANDEN and i will have full custody of my son !!!!!!

So if u have any comments ..... i would really like to know what u have to say about it .....

Daniela - posted on 12/05/2013

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We have a similar story. I lost my daughter 5 years ago to my in laws my husband and I were both addicts and have been clean for 5 1/2 years we are still together have a 2 year old son and trying to get pregnant again. I just got to see my daughter for the first time last December she was 6 and last time I saw her she was only 2. My inlaws also change her first middle and last name since my mother in law was remarried. I'm still very sad about it and feel guilty for what I did. I want to get her back so bad but I feel like it's too late. I know exactly how you feel. Hugs!!

Daniela - posted on 12/05/2013

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This is the first time I do something like this, I lost my daughter 5 years ago because of drugs. My mother in law has custody of her after a long and painful court battle with my parents to see who would keep her. My inlaws got her. I didn't see her for for 4 years I couldn't talk to her and got few pictures. They changed her first middle and last name. Last December we where reunited with her, happiest day ever. My husband and I are still married have a two year old son and trying to get pregnant! I have a relationship with my daughter now, not as I would like I'm still mad at my mother in law for what she did but I have to be nice and play her game so I can see her. I'm still really sad about what happened I haven't gotten over it and feel
Really guilty for what I did. I'm clean and have been for 5 1/2 years now.

Tamara - posted on 10/09/2013

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I am a 45 year old mother of an almost 3y/o little girl (will turn 3 on oct. 12th) name Jenny Grace. She was taken from me via an ex-parte order when she was 3 months. It has been almost 3yrs. and I am still only allowed to see her supervised at the courthouse 2hrs/wk. NO PROGRES HAS BEEN MADE. I have missed everything: her christening, birthdays, first steps. Heck, I do not even know how she sleeps at night. Butt in the air? :) This will be her first trick or treating and her father and his district attorney girlfriend will be bringing Jenny. I was the 'perfect' mommy to our newborn up until I gave this man my engagement ring back. Both her and I spent most of her first 3 months at Duke Med. Cntr. (she was a preemie whom had meningitis and was eclamptic and having seizures). When we got out I came home to a mess. This man had not paid any of my bills (he basically mooched off me for our entire relationship) although he maintained residency at my house while Jenny and I were in Duke. AND he had his own house he just, like I said was a moocher. I have been married twice before and felt it would be a mistake to do it a 3rd time to this loser. He claimed I was a drug user and drank alcohol the whole time I was pregnant!!! Yet he stood by while I breast fed my baby for the 3 months that I had her. Apparently no concerns about my alleged habits then. Anyways I have went through 2 attorneys whom did absolutely nothing (like I said after 3 yrs I am at 2hrs/wk supervised). The loser had picked up his relations with his former fiance (once I broke up with him) whom also happens to be one of the district attorneys in our county for family court! She has went to EVERY court hearing and will walk right up to the judge like she is working the case and hand him papers. This judge was very good friends with Judge Carroll (deceased) whom is this ladies father. I KNOW all this adds up to one huge conflict of interest but the state bar doesn't see it that way. I have been told I can not get another judge. My babys father is so cruel. I saw him walking with my baby in the courthouse parking lot the other day and he ignored me, walked right past me, while my daughter was holding her arms out to me and crying. PARENTAL ALIENATION I FEEL IS ONE OF THE WORST FORMS OF CHILD NEGLECT I CAN THINK OF. Our next hearing is in 1 year when Jenny turns 4 and the order reads that my little girl and I will be given the opportunity to 'SKPE' with one another!!! That is it! No extra visitation, no nothing. I don't even know how to skype and I do not believe the cheap loser even owns a computer. BTW, a little about me. I am have been a registered nurse for 24 years and have a 20 year old and 23 year old daughter (also a nurse) whom are distraught by this whole thing. They keep telling me the devil is strong and that just to keep praying because they know NOTHING I have done has helped. Although they are allowed to see their sister they are unable to because loser boy will not answer there calls, texts, etc... Well I am going to read every single one of your alls blogs on here and try to talk with you and maybe get some good advice along the way. I really wish there was a support group which actually got together at a designated site to meet. I literally mourn everyday over the loss of my little girl. I have turned into a different, depressed person. I used to have so many outdoor hobbies and be very athletic. All I want to do is stay away from places where I might see children and stay reclused in my home.

Jenny - posted on 10/09/2013

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This is exactly what happen to my daughter was 4. I not only list her one but twice when she was five and I never got her back nor iam I the same I once use to be.

Nicole - posted on 10/09/2013

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trust me i know how u feel i havent seen my daughter in a yr her grandmother wont let me see her it been a yr and she dnt know me

Jenny - posted on 10/07/2013

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I can relate its been 4 years I lost custody and I'm not the same person I use to be nor feel that other can relate till now!

Eva Patricia - posted on 09/15/2013

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Joanne Ocello.....

Wow... after reading your fews on these issues i feel you are a breath of fresh air. I am not a computer person but i feel at this very moment i am taking a leap of faith and going to ask if you live close to Rockdale County Ga...... For the reason of i feel very lead to you where you could help me and also others. I too am a very strong person and there has been alot of wrong doings in another county close by.... Tom Jones who is a reporter for channel 2 has been put in my path but i have just held his contact info for about a month now... I feel Faith lead to reach out to you in hopes that maybe you live close by and some how we can get in contact with out puting our personal info all over the computer..
God Bless

Sarah - posted on 08/18/2013

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I was a single mom for 8 yrs. I had three beautiful children. They were all by the same father who came and went. He was into drugs and I ended up in a womens shelter for dv pregnant with my third and two little ones looking up to me. I finally got us a place and things settled after a year. I wasnt strong enough and got into using pain killers to get through the day. When I asked for help my sister said she would take them but her bf said no. She was worried I would not stop using and gave my kids to cps. I went to rehab and did everything cps asked of me for 2 yrs fighting every day. When it looked like they were going to get to come home they arrested me and put me in jail. They had brainwashed my children. I was facing 20-60yrs in prison but they would make it go away if I signed away my rights. I had no support by this point. I signed my rights away. They have recently been adopted all to the same home the foster family. Now I go to work come home work home work home. Life holds no meaning. Just going through the motions.

Daphne - posted on 08/09/2013

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I never got my boys back i have been tryin for many many years i never ever gave up and i never lost my rights my boys are now 18 and 19 my 19 year old fished school my 18 year old this his last year i want them both they live in north carolina with there dad's mom she does not want them to go wit me i am visiting them now in till tomorrow i go back home to Vegas i asked them if they want to go to vegas they both said yes there grandma said she is not ready for me to have my boys she told me not tell them any more because that's just confuse them i want my boys i miss them so very much they r not gone because of me because of there dad and it bothers me a alot i have custody of to other kids i need my boys back i have lost a whole lot of there lives and want it back

Daphne - posted on 08/09/2013

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I never ever did drugs i have ben fighting to get them for all these years they didn't get taken cuz of me cuz of there dad and now my two boys are living in north carolina i live in las Vegas i am xpng every thing i can to get my kids bac in my custody i miss them with all my hearti need them back i asked them if they wanted to live in Vegas wit me they said yes but there grandma oon there dads side won't klet them go she treats them like little boys i doint like that

Sherry - posted on 08/08/2013

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I agree completely with you. But everyone makes mistakes. A mother using drugs and choosing them over her children is just sad and she should be ashamed, and she will be!, but in the eyes of God all sins are the same, and every MOM out there has made mistakes. When a mother gets herself together, takes steps to prevent her addiction from interfering with her and the life's of her children, and is fighting to get her family back, That should be Complimented not condemned. Your mean, cruel and hatred words are unnecessary. Her self worth is low enough, and She has enough, GUILT to kill her. Most people who use drugs and become addicts, are people who can not deal with life and the pressures of life, and they cant cope with the sad and overwhelmed emotions they feel because of things CRUEL people have said to them. 90% of addicts have a co-occurring disorder, this means most drug users and abusers have psychological disorders, and most are self medicating themselves to be able to survive another day. IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT they are a piece of crap because they did drugs and raised there children, it means that almost all drug abusers, have some serious mental disorder and by using drugs they were able to be in a state of mind to handle life even if that means they had to escape from reality, to them it is the only way to make it through the day. And yes, A mother doing this IS not able to care for a child and should not be selfish enough to keep her child living with her while she is using drugs. When a addict mom, seeks help and finds another way to control their emotions and psy. problems, the last thing she needs is to hear from people like you. For example, if you are making fun of an overweight person, calling them names and talking about how horrible they are for eating those 10 cheese burgers when they are supposed to be doing better, that person is more than likely going to get depressed and hurt and they are more likely to eat something to help them deal with the emotions you caused. So when people like you speak to addicts who are also mothers, in that way, it causes the addict to really lose it and that's when they have to go to the next level to be able to cope with their emotions, and do things like inject drugs, so that they can escape from their overwhelming emotions that you caused by your words of hate. When the addict Mom realizes that she does have a real problem and she gets real medical help, finds the right medicine for her condition and or gets help through therapy and support groups, there is no reason to keep defining her by her past and speaking about her like she is any less of a person than you. Like i said, Sin, any sin, is all the same in the eyes of God.

Gina - posted on 08/08/2013

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how did you get custody back? i lost my child also.. my mom adopted him, what was your case like?

Daphne - posted on 08/08/2013

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I have to young adults one is 18 have ben and the other one is 19 years old i have ben fighting for them since 97 98 there dad got them taken away when i was at work i never used drug but i no how it feels to not have your kids i miss them so very much not a day goes by that i doint think of them there dad got them taken away he doint really care cuz my boys stay wit dad mom in north carolina my boys want to come home to me i live in las vegas nevada but there grandma won't let em go she treats them like there lit boys i never lost my rights she said i would have to come out to north carolina to c them i came and visited them wit my daughter there lit sister i have ful custody of i came to north Carolina n may june and july wit my daughter that a lot of $ the came out there 1 time only is there anything i can do to get my boys back

Joanne - posted on 08/02/2013

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That's a very sad situation. With all the resources seemingly available that neither of them have used, than i have to agree that what you are doing is the right thing.
I feel your vigilance for your innocent little girl. Like I said, if the help is truly there, has been made accessible to them, and they have not grabbed it with both hands, than that is on them, and they have to face and deal with those reprecussions. You have a right to be angry, upset, disappointed, and more. I just wanted to give you additional food for thought. Your situation seems to be that what you are doing is in the best interest of your little one and this came about not by your doing, but because her Bparents have not maintained any level of consistent, solid, sobriety. I guess my purpose was more to get across the fact that addicts are not "bad people." I beleive they are sick. The difference is, when there is help and they use it, they do get better. If they dont use it, than they stay sick and lose it all, hurting loved ones in the process. Kudos to you and taking on raising your daughter.

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You said the key words "decent measure of involvement". For me and for us as a family the "decent measure of involvement" is for her to know who her B parents are and to be able to see them once to twice a month or maybe even once a week (depending upon different things). We as her parents do not want them to have say so in her life, because of the fact they have not made good choices for their own life. We may have discussions with them to make them feel more involved but ultimately we are going to make the choice based on what is best for our daughter and for our little family as a whole. I never said it was their intention to be addicted, but how does someone really not stop to think about the consequences of their actions? I can't speak about the available help in other areas of the nation but in my area there is sooooo much help. Every where you look there are centers and rehabs and we actually have a place where people can go and see licensed psychologist FREE OF CHARGE! So here, if you dont get help it is because you do not want it not because it is not available. We have, within a 50 mile radius, 3 psyc centers, 10 rehabs and 4 methadone clinics. That is a lot of help. We also have 1 federal prison and 3 county jails that are filled to capacity. It is sad. When my brother in law was in, he looked really good. He had gained weight, was talking coherently and was somewhat happy. He came out after 18 months and lasted about 6 months before getting back into old habits. He actually had access to his child every single day without having to support her financially or any other way. All he had to do is play with this little girl who is so beautiful and looks exactly like him. He threw it all away. We do not force him to see her, nor do we force him to support her because we want him to work on him but he will not. He hasn't seen her in about 3 months or so. She doesn't ask about him or her BM. Both of the BP's has had help pretty well shoved in their faces and have decided not to take it and ended up behind bars. Therefore I am not inclined to just hand over the reins to an innocent kids life for them to mess hers up as well.

Joanne - posted on 08/02/2013

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Marci, I appreciate your point of view. At no time did I say that When someone puts a child in danger, no matter the danger, that the child should return to the B parents. Not once did I say that. Why? Because that is not what I beleive. I did commend you for being the person providing a stable and loving environment.
I am just giving you another point of view. Whether you beleive it or not, there are addicts and NON addicts who agree with me as well. It is not just that an addict will have a radically different opinion "to protect themselves," as you call it. Every one's situation is unique. If an addict knows there is a better way, and help is available, yet they dont take that help and use it to their best ability, than I dont see any reason for them to be involved in their child's life when they are in active addiction. If they clean up their lives, showing long term consistency, than YES I absolutley beleive they deserve some decent measure of involvement with their children. You can argue whether it is a choice, or not, and be here all day. Was it their intention to become addicted. I dont beleive it is anyones intention to become addicted. I also know from research that people's physiology contributes to being an addict or not being an addict. What is the bigger argument? Crucify them because your opinion is that the first hit was a choice, or deal with the fact that this country has an epidemic that is stigmatized and the proper help is NOT that easy to obtain because resources are NOT as availble as one may think? I beleive that everyone is entiteld to their own opinion, and I respect yours, and stand by mine. When a person is in their addiction, they cause a great deal of pain to themselves and those that love and need them. I think you are one of those people and I am sorry that you or your daughter has had to be subject to that. Sometimes all you can do is know that with the Bparents not changing their lives, you are doing the best job as the parent.

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What i am trying to say is it IS A CHOICE to do the drug. It is a choice to take that first hit or swallow that first pill. It is a choice to introduce a drug into your life. Yes I do believe the brain is not functioning correctly after using but it was that individuals choice to use that drug. Drug addiction is something that is not new in our society but it is reaching a level that is ridiculous. Who is paying for this? The children. Plain and simple. I do not believe that is should be classified as a disease. By classifying it as a disease it HAS to be treated like any other disease by doctors and insurance companies. I know so many addicts from so many different backgrounds and different lifestyles and situations. I know people who have been at the top of their game and used that first time to have "fun". When is killing your brain cells and not having control of your body "fun"? I know that addict that tried their first drug to kill some kind of pain they have had in their past. Why not seek out help through a psychologist/ psychiatrist? Is it not a choice for that first time, second time, third time and so on and so forth? Each time someone offered that person a drug (whatever the drug may be) it was a new opportunity for that person to make the right choice. As far as research goes a lot of research is wrong and we find it out many years later. (For example SIDS was based on a woman who actually was smothering her children. The "medical study" was used as a guide for around 25 years.) I trust some science, not all.

Lets forget about the addict part for a min and get back down to the basics. When someone puts a child in danger, no matter the danger, should that child return to the B parents? In the animal kingdom, when one of the member of a group threatens the young, the rest of the group surrounds the young and protects them. I think we have forgotten our basic instinct, to protect our young. I am simply protecting mine and calling the one threatening her health and happiness out for the mistakes they have made and the effect it will and has had. I just thank God my baby never got hurt when she was with her Bmom despite the obvious dangers, that at the time I was not aware of or she would not have been there at all.

Of course an addict is going to have a radically different opinion because they are the addict. They want to protect themselves.

Joanne - posted on 08/02/2013

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By the way, I am by no means trying to "convince" you. I am just stating what has been found as fact through medical studies. I am not condoing the behavior or subsequent pain and suffering of families that comes along with the active addict. I just know first hand that people can change as long as they do the leg work.

Joanne - posted on 08/02/2013

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Addiction is a chronic brain disorder and not simply a behavior problem involving alcohol, drugs, gambling or sex, experts contend in a new definition of addiction, one that is not solely related to problematic substance abuse.

The American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM) just released this new definition of addiction after a four-year process involving more than 80 experts.

"At its core, addiction isn't just a social problem or a moral problem or a criminal problem. It's a brain problem whose behaviors manifest in all these other areas," said Dr. Michael Miller, past president of ASAM who oversaw the development of the new definition. "Many behaviors driven by addiction are real problems and sometimes criminal acts. But the disease is about brains, not drugs. It's about underlying neurology, not outward actions."

A long-standing debate has roiled over whether addicts have a choice over their behaviors, said Dr. Raju Hajela, former president of the Canadian Society of Addiction Medicine and chair of the ASAM committee on addiction's new definition.

****"The disease creates distortions in thinking, feelings and perceptions, which drive people to behave in ways that are not understandable to others around them," Hajela said in a statement. "Simply put, addiction is not a choice. Addictive behaviors are a manifestation of the disease, not a cause."

"So, we have to stop moralizing, blaming, controlling or smirking at the person with the disease of addiction, and start creating opportunities for individuals and families to get help and providing assistance in choosing proper treatment," Miller said.

Excerpt taken from : http://www.livescience.com/15563-addicti...

Joanne - posted on 08/02/2013

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Marci, I think what you are doing for the child is outstanding and we do need more people that get involved and do for the child when the parents can not, whether it be they are in full blown addiction, have a mental health issue, whatever the case.
I beleive the boundaries and zero tolerance are also the best way to deal with an active addict. Obviously, if the parent(s) have made no real life change to become a drug/drink free, productive, consistent member of society and consistent with visits, parenting,etc. than there is no reason for them to be allowed around or near the child, for the child's sake. I just see that there is much you dont know about the disease. You talk about the lack of choice for someone who is gay, etc., but that the addict makes a choice.There are so many things that are not true about that statement, and maybe gaining some knowledge on how it all starts, will better help that lack of understanding.

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As I have said, I have NEVER been cruel to her Bmom or her Bdad. I actually check on them quite often and have communication with her Bmom every single day. That does not mean that I will back down in keeping my kid. Why do you think I am angry? It is not anger that I feel towards her. I just think it is crazy to back the mother who has made huge mistakes that impacts everyone involved and not back the child. Someone had mentioned to focus on my own faults. I have many faults and one of those is having such a stubborn, focused personality. It is a curse and a gift at the same time. I am very very very determined to make sure that my kid has an extremely good life. I know that the Bparents love her but I know we are better parents to her. Shouldn't the goal be to raise well rounded kids? My kid knows her bdad she doesn't know her bmom (been in prison for quite some time) but she calls him by name and she loves him to death. The bdad also knows the rules in the home. There have been countless times when he has stopped by wanted to stay or wanted to see her when we have told him absolutely not because of the fact he was high. I am very accepting of people who are different, but different not by choice (gay, diff religion, diff race, ect). Addicts chose to take the drug they are addicted to. I love her bmom to death. She knows I do but I just dont tolerate it. I dont think anyone should. I think the way to stop addiction is to put your foot down and let your kids know it is not acceptable and that it is not right. This "epidemic" is going to get worse until we, as a society, put a stop to it. If we do not support them they will learn to stand on their own two feet. I think that once a child goes to a home where they stay for years they should never be taken from that home for anything other than drug use, neglect, abuse or death of the parents (obviously). I agree that society is ignorant, not for being against it but for allowing it.

Jennifer - posted on 08/01/2013

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Marci, please look up the definition of sophisticated- just saying. I never suggested allowing someone with an addiction to run over you if you recall. As a matter of fact I mentioned setting boundaries, which you have. Every friend of family member of a substance abuser absolutely has to set boundaries. Just as you set boundaries for your children out of love, so you can and MUST set boundaries for what is acceptable to you. I can tell by the passion from which you write that a addict has hurt you or someone you love very very much. You can still love an addict. But the hardest part for most people is standing their ground and enforcing the boundaries. Addicts can be very manipulative and persuasive. Just as you do with your friends and family. You teach people how to treat you. I'm not saying invite them into your home and pretend they won't lie or steal from you. I'm saying MOST not ALL addicts are their own worst enemies and are hurting from something. I'm like you, a VERY STRONG personality. GOD didn't make us all the same. Can you imagine being married to someone exactly the same? Bucking heads all the time. We all bring different gifts to the table. Having someone strong willed like you in their corner is exactly what an addict needs in order to get clean. Someone that can show compassion without being a wimp. Please just think about it. The only thing you loose from being kind (but firm) is the deep anger you carry in your heart.

Joanne - posted on 08/01/2013

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Marci, you are so far off base it is frightening. SHAME ON YOU for having the gall to post on here when you know little to nothing about the disease model of addicition and SHAME ON YOU for contributing to the stigmas of an ignorant society!

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I forgot to respond to sherry. I do speak out of love. I LOVE my child.That is what all of this is about, correct? I dont care what happens I will always fight for her. Everyone out there is fighting for the mother no one is truly fighting for these babies. They are innocent, beautiful, growing children, who should never, ever, ever have to witness the destruction that comes from drug use. Shame on your people. Really SHAME ON YOU! Shame on you for putting your babies through hell and for not having the decency to allow them to have a good life without you being a direct contributor.

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Jennifer,
I never once said I was a christian, because I am not. I do however believe in God. I am not angry at my childs Bmom, I simply refuse to make it acceptable in my household. I have NO tolerance for it. To answer your question about depression, I, myself was an extremely depressed teenager and it carried on into my very early 20's. I got over it, no medication, no drugs, no alcohol. People just need to learn how to accept the cards they have been handed and believe that their life will get better. It takes an attitude adjustment not a magic pill. There are some mental disorders that I do agree that require medication and therapy. Drug addiction should not be a "hidden epidemic", as you called it. It should be dealt with head on. People want to coddle the addicts, hold their hands like they are children and whisper in their ears "its ok". NO. It is not ok. If they would have been smart enough to say no to that first time someone offered them a drug, they wouldn't be in the position they are in. They wouldn't have to wait 12-17 months for their brain to heal. I am one of those people who have very strong personalities. I tell it how it is, I have strong beliefs and I dont back down. Now here is a question for you miss Jennifer. What comes to mind when someone says sophisticated? Is it a meth addict who is so thin you can see every bone in their body? Is it the alcoholic who is passed out in road or throwing up in a toilet? Is it someone who will steal from their own family to score that next high? Is it someone who will kill, literally murder for their drug? Is it someone who just leaves their kids with anyone, no matter who it is or what their past is so they can go get high with a man they have never met before? Is it a woman who will sell her body for her drug of choice? Is it a man who will not work because he is afraid of being drug tested? Let me answer those questions for you. NO. A sophisticated person can stand on their own two feet. It is someone who is there for their kids, who is a contributing member of society, who would never take one red cent from their neighbor, and would never sell their body for a stupid substance intended to kill brain cells.

Sherry - posted on 07/26/2013

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Thank u katy. I would love to throw some research and statics out there to help marcy see the differece between her opioion and evidece based facts. But I try to ignore others u don't speak out of love or knowledge.. noone wants harmful words said about them, our words can be forgotten. but feelings never go away. Marci, u obviously are hurt and angry so worry about ur own faults a little more, andI think a alanon support group would show u a new perspective.

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