Do you feel judged for being on foot?

Katie - posted on 06/13/2009 ( 18 moms have responded )

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Do you feel judged by others for being an "on foot" Mom???Tell me your views.....when people drive by and beep the horn to say hello,while you're struggling with your many kids/packages/groceries/phone/pet dog/etc,etc.......how does it make you feel?I'm interested!

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Amy - posted on 10/23/2009

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Most of the time no. If people see me walking alot will not ask if I need a ride but alot do. I was walking in walmart with my husband out side on a steep hill. They are friends of mine stoped and asked if they can take us somewhere. One time a few years ago my husband and I needed something at Rite aid drug store. When we left the house it was Not raining and the whole time when we were in the store not raining. When We started walking home and it down poured. Our son was in a stroller and no coat on him. It was not cold out. A police officer stoped Frank who was pushing the stroller and yelled at him for not having something on our child and we were almost home. My husband was so mad. Just leave us alone and let us get home quickly. The officer was not a nice person either had a bad attitude.

Chandra - posted on 10/08/2009

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I am 34 years old have never had a driver license i used to get alot of why don't you from my family and friends but anymore they all just stopped asking which is nice. It was never a problem because we lived in a big city so i had buses also we lived pretty close to a grocery store so i could walk if need be. but now the problem is that we moved to a small town where there is no public transportation and we live to far out of town for me to walk anywhere so now i am always paniciking what if my son gets sick and i need to go get him from school i never worried about it before but now i feel like i have to get my liscense which scares me to do i'm a very nervous person and driving makes me feel very anxious but what choice do i have now?

[deleted account]

A bit of an update.



I still havn't got my TN drivers licence, but I didn't need it on Thursday. My son started pre-school that day and it happens to be next door to my house. So you'd think this wouldn't be a problem, but I was the only one standing around while the other parents were sitting in their parked cars. I felt a bit silly because people were giving me funny looks. I bet they thought I was up to no good standing around and looking through the windows. Next time I'll try not to get there so early.

[deleted account]

I'm sure I'll get to go on holiday in Ireland again sometime. We were lucky that we didn't need anyone to give us a ride anywhere last time we went. Sound like we would be out of luck if we did. lol

Katie - posted on 06/18/2009

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Hi Alison,the people are nice,don't get me wrong.....we are a lovely country here.....but on the offering lifts front......I haven't experienced it and thats the honest truth.....I don't know what it is.....I've no enemies in this town,people are just inconsiderate and thats about the only conclusion I came draw from all this.Sad but probably true!!!!!!Don't let it stop you visiting Ireland again though Alison.....!!!!!! :) xxx

[deleted account]

I've only been to Ireland one time. The people were nice enough. But sounds like it was a good thing we took our own car over on the ferry.

Katie - posted on 06/18/2009

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Thanks Nathalie,I'm so glad you were offered lifts by people a whole 3 times,thats some achievement.....and I'm being completely serious with you.You've done a lot better than I have......people in Ireland DON'T offer lifts,full stop.It does not happen,people,and when I say people, I am referring to friends,too.....not just random strangers(read my earlier posts on this page)drive past me and my daughter in every type of weather imaginable and sound the horn to grab my attention,wave to say hello.....and keep driving!!! I understand perfectly what you said about having the double stroller,and 2/3 kids alongside you(so this would make accepting lifts impossible),but its still nice to be asked,to be given the choice to refuse/accept,to be noticed on the street as a human being,for your plight to be recognised by a driving mother who sees you're struggling to get from A to B,and considers offering some assistance to you and your kids their "good deed for the day".People used to always do a "good deed for the day" at one time(I would love to have been around to witness it!!!!),maybe I just haven't been fortunate enough to have encountered "good deeds" where I live,perhaps that is just the case in my situation. It makes me cross when the weather is, not just uncomfortable and wet from the rain....but also dangerous,eg,icy/slippery footpaths/sidewalks/roads or stormy conditions.People keep driving by!!!!!January just gone.....I slipped and fell to the ground twice walking my daughter to school.....I literally ice-skated all the way,it was so hazardous(should my daughter have missed attendance at school because we don't have a car????)Where is the fairness in that?She deserves an education,the same as the car-transported kids do.Yes, last January I was covered in bruises,it wasn't very pleasant.But my daughter was at school everyday,same as the rest,so that gives me peace of mind,comfort and ease that she was at all her classes.....and as a result is doing very very well at school!!So I agree with you here,school is a priority to me too,and always will be......vehicle or no vehicle!! Like you,I too have a lot more important things to worry about other than weather/driving/walking!!!!....... like dinners, helping with homework,grocery shopping,keeping my daughter entertained!,housework,etc,etc but I do definitely feel strongly about all the non-driving mothers(like you and me)too.....its a matter very close to my heart because I live it everyday,and before this page I did often wonder and think,when walking on my travels(in hurricanes!!!!)......are there more women in the world like me??? I am so glad to discover I am not alone.....and together we can be united in our survival of the great outdoors!!!!!! Thanks again Nathalie,great to meet you xxxx

Nathalie - posted on 06/17/2009

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Since I don't drive anymore, I consider driving a LUXURY. Yes, there are moms who walk their kids to school but you never see them walking anywhere during winter or when it rains. It's quick and easy to get everybody in the car. I don't think people look down at me for not driving, I think they mostly think it's weird that I don't. It did happen 3 times, when walking through a snow storm or rain, that people offered us a lift. But I have a big double stroller and between one to three kids walking with me at one time so I can't just get in anybody's car. I have a 2 yo who needs a car seat and a 4 yo who needs a booster seat. I am glad that my 8 yo doesn't need anything anymore. Maybe I just didn't get myself to think that people look down at me but this is the least of my worries right now. My priority is that I need to get my kids to school and preschool. And also have a lot more important things to worry about but that represents only my situation.

Katie - posted on 06/17/2009

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"The only test some of them have ever passed"........just love that Alison!!!!Genius!

Katie - posted on 06/17/2009

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Alison.....I loved what you just wrote!And I agree.....I keep saying it people do look down their noses at the non-drivers.It DRIVES me crazy!!!!!!!Ha,ha!I hope your Mom doesn't feel pressured to drive,if shes really not enjoying it,she should give up......but then again,good on her if she achieves it.....that would be wonderful.Let me know the end result,won't you??! xx

[deleted account]

My mom has just got back from her driving lesson and she hates it. One of the main reasons she wants to learn is because she thinks people in our family look down on her because she can't do it. Most of the women in our family look down on people who can't drive. Probably because it's their only achievement and the only test some of them have ever passed.

Katie - posted on 06/17/2009

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Hi Liz,yes you are right ,everyday is WOW day for us,whether we like it or not.......

Katie - posted on 06/16/2009

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Hi Alison,really appreciate your comments,and hope to have more from you in the future!Yes there is definitely a stigma attached to walking mothers with kids in the rain,I live in Ireland where it rains all year long!!!!(slight exageration there!!) and escaping downpours is not possible without a vehicle to chaffeur us around,Like you,my partner takes the car to work(plus I can't even drive anyway),so winter times here(from september to may usually)are extremely tough to endure.Do people ever offer to give you a lift?In "holy catholic ireland....".the land of a thousand,million welcomes" ,shamrocks and leprachauns does not offer lifts to its fellow neighbours....EVER!!!I once even offered a "friend"money each week,and a decent ammount,by the way,to help me and my daughter out once a day with lifts(so she could sit in school dry for the day,and not end up being sick)....coz I love my child,and would move mountains for her.The "friend"refused....."sorry that wouldn't suit me"....I nearly died......yes Ireland is a real Christian country(perhaps a hundred years ago,not now).Great to meet you.....tell anyone else in your circle to join if they would like to!all the best,keep dry and warm,regards,Katie xxxxx

[deleted account]

This is something I've wanted to vent about for a while. I can drive and we have a car, the problem is that my husband needs the car to go to work. Obviously i couldn't stay in all day until he got home with the car so I would take my son out.



This is never usually a problem in the UK where I'm from. However, in the USA where I now live I do feel that I'm being judged. Especially when it rains. You can walk up the main street and not see another person outside for miles. When I'm in the UK you see kids being pushed in prams and buggies and toddlers on rains. You rarely see this where I live just outside Nashville.



People will give me funny looks and some have even made comments. I see kids stuck in the same car as their parents while they smoke and I see loads of obese kids who don't get enough exercise, but I would never say anything to those parents because it's rude. So why do they think it's ok to assume I'm a bad mom because I make my kid walk? Perhaps exercise and fresh air is child abuse to some.

Sarah - posted on 06/14/2009

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hahaha!! your post really made me laugh!! i'm forever 'putting off' having lessons! i'd still like to think that i will get round to it, but there never seems enough time or money! i've never actually have someone beep and wave then drive past me. at the moment if someone did that i wouldn't be too annoyed because my youngest would need a car seat really, so i would assume that's why they hadn't stopped. but who knows people can be just thoughtless!!
i do love the fact tho that we're getting excercise, and i think people who drive everywhere miss out on some great oppotunities to see things!!
any time to you need to vent, just let me know!! hahaha!! :)

Katie - posted on 06/14/2009

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Hi Sarah,how are you?Thank you very much for your contribution.I can totally understand everything you said about the rain walking,I'm in the exact same position.I do feel there is a certain unspoken snobbery from driving mothers towards non-driving,that I've picked up on now for some time.Their car/driving is seen as a status symbol.Or perhaps I'm over sensitive about it!!?Yes,I like you,enjoy walking if it is any bit dry,the fresh air cleanses the soul and the exercise doesn't do any of us harm! But then comes the dreadful downpour (usually always happens the minute the school bell rings....on the very beginning of our journey home with the kids!),and a soaking the local swimming pool couldn't offer is an almost definite bet! This sounds funny as I'm writing it,but really when in the situation,as you know yourself, its not. In one way I'm lucky,Erona is 8 now and her little legs have grown and got stronger(probably from all the walking actually), so shes better able to cope with long walking journeys.I remember though when she was 4 and 5(you know the stage when they refuse to get into the pushchair?),going anywhere was virtually impossible,she got tired so quickly,fed up and cranky from all the walking to and from school/supermarkets/banks etc,etc.And yes your statement about blizzards,how true....rain is too light a phrase of description altogether!! What gets me though the most,and I'm curious to know if you've experienced this too.....is so called "friends",friends I've been out and socialised with/childminded for on occasion when required.....who drive by,beep the horn and wave.....and keep driving!!!!!! I simply could not ever do this to a "friend"(if I drove) who is clearly drowned wet(plus their child) and sleep at night,my conscience would kill me.How,how,how does this kind of selfish act occur? Is it because we live in an age of compensation claims for accidents? Are people afraid, because of the possible consequences, to offer lifts anymore?Has our world we live in got so selfish and unneighbourly?? I find this one the hardest to accept,I really do. So now I must tell you why I don't drive.....many many reasons.....all to be blamed on one person alone:KATIE!!!!!! Every year,every month I'm learning to drive,every year goes by and I've put it off once again.I can't honestly explain to you my reasons for not driving,but I must have some sort of deep rooted fear inside me,to keep putting it on the long finger. I have all the books dusting on my shelf,a voucher for driving lessons(bought 3 years ago by my boyfriend for me!!!),and a town full of driving instructors who come with glowing praise of professionalism from locals. When I hear from people "you're still not driving,oh my God??",it actually has come to the stage where I feel like getting sick!!I've heard it a million times from a million different people......I feel like saying to them "you're still not exercising????"!!!! Can you imagine the response I'd get!!! I should have my answer ready the next time,but saying it is almost closing the book on the matter to myself(not sure if I want to do that or not yet)....."I am and always will be a non-driver".A no-going-back and bold statement,isn't it?Not sure! Whatever you and I decide to do on our quest/non-quest to drive......at least we both know one thing for definite,our kids are happy and healthy,and we are terrific moms....car or no car!!A car doesn't define a person in my opinion,its just a method of getting from point A to B. I wish you luck in whatever you do,wherever you journey to,journey there in safety!Again thank you,I've really enjoyed venting my frustration!!!!! Take Care, Regards, Katie xxx :) p.s:must drag some shopping up the road soon...want to help???!!!Ha,ha,ha!! xx

Sarah - posted on 06/14/2009

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Hi Katie! i don't drive at the moment (hoping to learn once i can afford it!).

i often feel like i'm getting funny looks when i'm walking through the rain (or not that long ago in the UK, blizzards!!), with my daughters (4yrs and 1yr). i feel like shouting, 'it's not my fault it's raining!! i still have to get home!!'

most of the time i really don't mind walking, it's the only excercise i get really, but when it's raining i hate it!! sometimes my eldest says 'i wish we could drive home' which makes me feel a bit bad. her school is about a 40 minute walk away so sometimes she can't be bothered to walk it!! i do enjoy our walks home tho, she asks lots of questions about things she sees and it's a good chance to talk about her day at school and things.

if i lived somewhere where it was always sunny i'd have no problem being an 'on foot' mum, but it's no fun in the rain!! haha!! :)

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