Bitter Sweet Life

Mel - posted on 07/22/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hi all,
I am new to this site. I just wanted to simply introduce myself and my reasoning for being here and maybe come across some new friends and people understand me.
I had my son William in July of 2006, at 15 months old he was diagnosed with a very rare form of liver cancer. At the time of diagnosis he was stage 4 and it massively spread to his lungs. He was sedated for 6 weeks and at that point they thought he wasn't going to make it. I went from my healthy (or so I thought) little boy to him having cancer and dying? They started him on chemotherapy and he made a miraculous recovery!! His tumors were shrinking, he had no trouble coming off the breathing machine, he had no trouble learning how to walk, sit, and do baby things again.. He amazed me, as always!! His tumors continued to shrink but not as quickly as we would like. In August of 2008 they gave us the horrible news that his tumors had grown back bigger than they were initially. William passed away on September 20, 2008. I watched my baby die. I am horrified. I miss him sooo much!! I went down a horrible path after that as he was my only child. I didn't care for anyone including myself. I drank everyday and made horrible decisions. I got pregnant not even a year after his death. I now am the proud mother of an amazing baby girl. She is 4 months old. (I could probably go on forever, I am trying to make this short lol)
I have read a bunch of the posts in this forum, and I can relate so much to what people say. Of people expecting you to get over it, or saying the wrong things.
People think the birth of my daughter is replacing my son, and that I need to move on. They don't understand how bitter sweet it is to have half of your heart completely not work. How you try so hard to be an upbeat person for your child on earth but you are so terribly heartbroken and dont even want to move.
My daughter has a cold right now, just a simple little cold, and I am so frustrated. It scares me. I cannot handle a sick child. I watched my child go through needle after needle, feeding tubes, 18 medicines a day, chemo every 3rd week, swabs and fevers because of no immune system, constant diahrea, no appetite.. and then I watched him die. And it all started because of basic cold symptoms and the hospital misdiagnosing him with asthma time and time again.. So now people look at me like im nuts, but how could I not worry!!
*Sigh*

I guess I should stop venting.. Take Care..

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3 Comments

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Shirley - posted on 11/17/2010

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My daughter Sarah was sick her whole life. She died at 12. I am so sorry for your loss. You have every right to be concerned and broken hearted. My thoughts & prayers are with you and your family. NO ONE can ever tell a parent that has lost a child how to cope unless they have been there themselves. We all have our own ways of dealing with our losses. Take care & blessings to you.

Shirley

Katherine - posted on 11/17/2010

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Wow...I am just in tears reading this!! I had twins very prematurely (at 24 weeks)..my daughter Madeleine is now 2.5 years old and my son William went to heaven 19 days after he was born. He went setpic and went to heaven in my arms. I was a basketcase...but had to keep it somewhat together bc I still had a little girl still fighting for her life. My husband is deployed rift now so we wanted to get pregnant and have him here for the birth before he left..so we tried and I got pregnant the first month we tried and we now have another beautiful daughter (Juliana...now 11 months old). There were quite a few people telling us that we weren't ready and that we were just trying to replace our sweet William. They said that I was still not "over" losing my son. You know, it would be the saddest day of my life if I EVER got "over" my son's death. You never get over it...you will always cry from the loss of your baby. And that is NORMAL!!!!! He was and still IS your son!!!!!! When people ask you how many children, girl you hold your head up high and tell them that you have two babies, and one is in heaven!! DONT feel guilty or bad for saying this!! You know, who wants to get to heaven and there only be old people?? Be proud knowing that your son is with our Father in heaven and you WILL see him again one day. One thing that really helped me was reading "The Shack". I shed many tears reading this book but it really changed the way I looked at the passing of my son. Don't get be wrong, I would do ANYTHING to have him back!!!!!!

Sending hugs and prayers your way...if you ever want to talk about our sweet Williams please shoot me an email...mrskittysaint@aol.com and we can exchange numbers..and I don't mind if you just need someone to cry to...because I understand!!!!!!!!!

Shirley - posted on 09/13/2010

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Hey Mel, It is quite understandable about all of your feelings! Sorry I'm late in responding by the way. My daughter Sarah had to be kept away from sick areas because her immunity was so low. No one has the right to say anything to you about how you grieve, your fears, or your reasons for having another child. My prayers are with you honey, and please know that we are all here to help in any way. If others have not walked in our shoes, then how can they understand? We have to help them to understand. May God give you peace and strength. Blessings, Shirley