Mel - posted on 07/22/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )
I am new to this site. I just wanted to simply introduce myself and my reasoning for being here and maybe come across some new friends and people understand me.
I had my son William in July of 2006, at 15 months old he was diagnosed with a very rare form of liver cancer. At the time of diagnosis he was stage 4 and it massively spread to his lungs. He was sedated for 6 weeks and at that point they thought he wasn't going to make it. I went from my healthy (or so I thought) little boy to him having cancer and dying? They started him on chemotherapy and he made a miraculous recovery!! His tumors were shrinking, he had no trouble coming off the breathing machine, he had no trouble learning how to walk, sit, and do baby things again.. He amazed me, as always!! His tumors continued to shrink but not as quickly as we would like. In August of 2008 they gave us the horrible news that his tumors had grown back bigger than they were initially. William passed away on September 20, 2008. I watched my baby die. I am horrified. I miss him sooo much!! I went down a horrible path after that as he was my only child. I didn't care for anyone including myself. I drank everyday and made horrible decisions. I got pregnant not even a year after his death. I now am the proud mother of an amazing baby girl. She is 4 months old. (I could probably go on forever, I am trying to make this short lol)
I have read a bunch of the posts in this forum, and I can relate so much to what people say. Of people expecting you to get over it, or saying the wrong things.
People think the birth of my daughter is replacing my son, and that I need to move on. They don't understand how bitter sweet it is to have half of your heart completely not work. How you try so hard to be an upbeat person for your child on earth but you are so terribly heartbroken and dont even want to move.
My daughter has a cold right now, just a simple little cold, and I am so frustrated. It scares me. I cannot handle a sick child. I watched my child go through needle after needle, feeding tubes, 18 medicines a day, chemo every 3rd week, swabs and fevers because of no immune system, constant diahrea, no appetite.. and then I watched him die. And it all started because of basic cold symptoms and the hospital misdiagnosing him with asthma time and time again.. So now people look at me like im nuts, but how could I not worry!!
I guess I should stop venting.. Take Care..