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Considering IVF after loss of our little boy

Jami - posted on 12/28/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )

We lost our 2 year old son on October 23 shortly after he was diagnosed with Leukemia. The pain is undescrible, but I truely believe he is in a better place and is no longer suffering from the horrible pain he was in and all of the chemo and procedures that he just didn't understand why he had to go through. We have another son who is 4 and the two of them were best friends. My heart hurts so much for him, he just doesn't understand and is so lonely. We never wanted an only child. My sisters and I are my best friends and am so saddened that he has lost that. I had my ovaries removed last January due to cysts so I cannot have anymore. We have considered adoption but know that it can be a very lengthy process and know it can take years. Just today I have started to consider IVF. I still have my uterus and both of my sisters have generously offered to give me an egg. Jamison could never ever be replaced, but our house feels so empty without him and I know he would want his bubbas to have another brother or sister. I know there are so many children out there who need a home, but I don't want Ty to have to wait until he is 10 to have another brother and sister. Am I being selfish wanting to carry another baby, should I be content with having an only child, is it too early for me even thinking about another child since it's only been 2 months and I am still grieving for him every moment of every day. I am almost 33 and am not getting any younger. I feel robbed of all my hopes and dreams for my lost child and my family.

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Shirley - posted on 01/06/2010

100

I think it's wonderful that you want another child. This very gracious of you to take in another child and love him or her. I always tell moms whatever makes them feel better, and whatever helps your grief, do it! There are many children out there that need good loving homes. I will pray for you and your family Jami. God be with you.

Blessings,
Shirley

Sue - posted on 01/02/2010

I would encourage you to follow your heart! You have a reason that's important to you to want another child, and a reason not to wait too long.

I lost my 16 year old daughter in a car accident 4 1/2 years ago. We have 5 other children so we never planned on having any more, although my other daughter begged us to for the first couple of years. (as she had 4 brothers) Well...we did have another daughter last October and what a joy she has been to our family! Am I still sad? Yes. Does my heart still ache for my oldest daughter? Yes. But do we all laugh more, love more? A big, big yes!

Each family has to find their own way. Life was selfish when you lost your son too soon. Your emotions aren't selfish and when would there ever be the "right" time? For me, time ceased in some ways since my daughter died. I'm still trying to find my way!

My heart truely hurts for you and your older son. My son who was 4 when his sister died asked me 3 years later, "How does it feel to live without sorrow in your heart?" Not only do you carry your own grief, but the grief of your child too.

Thinking of you as you begin 2010.