Learning to live even though your heart is still breaking!

Shirley - posted on 01/16/2010

Hi Julie,

Time doesn't heal, but our memories and longings for our dear children do become stronger. I feel for you Julie. My daughters death date is coming on 1-25-2010. She will be gone 15 years and just seems like yesterday. Prayers for you sweetie.

Blessings,
Shirley

Joy - posted on 01/11/2010

I understand..my son Dillen was shot & killed on august 27th of this year......it`s still fresh.I keep looking for his car to drive up,or for him to come busting thru the door sayin I`m hungry,whats for supper? I`d give anything to hear that just one more time!!!!!!!!! Anyway.just wanted to say.I feel your pain

Brandi - posted on 08/19/2009

I know the feeling espailly on mothers day too. My cousins kids are always trying to help me out more cause they are older but when someone says something about it i just lose it and cant stop crying i wonder what i did wrong.

Shirley - posted on 07/08/2009

Wow, you have certainly had your share of grief, and I am so sorry for that. I will not say I understand, because I still have my mom. At first when my daughter died, I'd think; how dare the world go on when I am suffering a death? How dare people laugh, and have fun? It's not right, the whole world should stop and cease, I am angry, hurt and annoyed at all you people continuing on with life, when one of mine was taken!! I know some moms never get over it, I haven't gotten over Sarah's death, but I have certainly gotten through it. It took me 3 yrs to be able to function right and live normally again. Others it will take longer or shorter. We are all different, and grieve differently. God be with you Lorie.



Blessings,

Shirley

Lorie - posted on 06/20/2009

Hello, I am new to this group as of today, and I have been reading your comments. I lost my 17 year old son Jan 11, 2008. This may sound strange and I am only speaking for myself, but my brother died when I was 11 and my mom passed when I was 27. So I had dealt with grief and anger and the whys before.

What I don't know, and can't ask, was how did my Mom do it? Do you live the rest of your life like one of the mothers said (feeling guilty when having fun with your family?) Choking on the food at x-mas without them, silent crying inside when your other children marry, have children, grandchildren.

My Mom died on day off of my brothers date of death, (heart attack) broken heart I think, I think one more day of life to live through that anniversary date was too much!

Though I understand (remember I lost my brother) Its hard, (Ryan my son who passed was 17, then jacob was 11 at the time and Jared 7) they think I should be over it, and though it irritates the crap out of me I remember having those same feelings with my Mom.

Does any one look forward or feel guilty about dieing? No I am not ready, but because I know he is waiting for me I do look forward to it, though I know to be with him I have to leave the others behind.

This may sound strange but, I think my Mom knew (I was the baby) that we were all strong enough for her to leave so she was able to leave when she did.

I wonder that, when my time comes, my motherly instinct will tell me me other 2 are grown, happy, adjusted and ready for my departure from this earth.

Edie - posted on 04/06/2009

Thank you Julie...

After the "tragedy" of my life happened......I found it very difficult to even "exist" just through one day.  I looked up to God and said "okay, I'm at my limit......there is NO MORE that I can handle".  I too believe that we are not given more than we can handle, but for many, they can't handle it.  I have a very hard time still "handling" any of it.

Hopefully each day...I can just make it through that day.  Thanks for your kind words.

Edie

Julie - posted on 04/06/2009

Hi Edie Thank you for understanding.. You and I belong to a club that NO PARENT would EVER WANT to belong too. But I do understand that whatever we go thru in this life is to give us the heart and love to be there for others.. God NEVER gives a person MORE than they can handle.. THAT I KNOW FOR SURE.. Often I was asked if I was angry at the Lord for what had happened to our son.. And my reply was WHY WOULD I EVER BLAME HIM OR BE MAD at him for what we walked thru.. I have NEVER understood how a person can harden their heart towards the Lord as if it was HIS fault that bad things happen. I would not have made it IF JESUS HADN'T BEEN THERE TO walk me thru the process. HE UNDERSTANDS the loss more than ANY HUMAN BEING THAT HAS EVER LIVED.. HE IS THE AUTHOR OF LIFE in my heart , this is my personal belief.. May GOD BLESS YOU TODAY!!

Edie - posted on 04/05/2009

I feel......as you feel...........it's so hard.

I miss my Rachel too.

Julie - posted on 04/04/2009

Thank you Shirley for your kind thoughts.. I too am quite reasurred that JESUS IS HIS CONSTANT FRIEND, OTHERWISE in my mind well I would go to that place of darkness I was forbidden to go to. My beloved Pasor Ron Mehl passed in 2003, and so  know Jordan is with him.. and allis well..

Shirley - posted on 04/04/2009

Hi Julie,

    I have many days like that as well, especially with Mother's Day coming up. My kids are so sweet and try to give me well wishes, but they also know deep down in my heart is an emptiness that longs for my sweet Sarah. I know that she is in the arms of Jesus and is so very happy. In my case, time has given me a chance to handle things better, but you never completely heal from the loss of a child. Blessings to you Julie :)

Shirey