I am a mother of three beautiful child that motivate my life in so many different ways. I have suffered with bi polar for many years and did not know it. It took several devastating events to bring my illness to light. In 2005 I had a breakdown after losing my mother and father 3 months apart. My father passed unexpectedly due to a heart attack and my mother, we watched her die for 8 months due to breast cancer. This brought all my issues to light. I found myself unable to function, the floor was my best friend. I could not eat, sleep or even think straight. Thank God for a wonderful partner (my husband now) that kept the household moving. I was prescribed Zoloft and for awhile it worked until I became pregnant. They explained that I could take the medication would not affect the baby. But it eventually caused me to one day over dose on the pills. From that from point on I refused to take the pills. A year after my daughter was born, another even occured which caused my symptoms to come back. I was then diagnosed with PTSD, bi polar disease, manic depression and anxiety. Currently, I do not take any medication and am trying to find means of dealing with my issues. I do not feel that medication works and it has too many side effects. I write a alot and reading to fight the feeling ofbeing blue. I stay in the house to avoid people in order to control my PTSD and anxiety. I hard knowing to try to be the person you use to be when you have so much going on in your brain. The smiles are hard to come by. I have learned to fake it in front of my kids and sometimes even with my husband. But it is getting harder with each passing day. If I had my parents or someone to talk to who would not judge me I think it could lighten some of the pain. Can anyone relate?