Letting Go

Leesa - posted on 09/08/2010

My youngest son finished highschool last year and now have moved to a different state to go to school. I know that they all grow up but boy I was not ready for it. I have always been a housewife and boy does the house seems empty. I also know that if I did my job raising them that he will be fine. Its tell for me to find out if I did my job good or not, did I teach both of my kids good morals and values, did they listen and learned them or did I fail to teach everything they needed to know to be good human beings but none of that makes it easier

Lana - posted on 07/22/2009

Hi Marilyn!!
Breathe!! I have been doing the same thing for going on 3 years.I sent Brandi to Berea Kentucky 2 days after her 18th birthday, It scared the hell out of me. But she did fine.Actually she did more than fine she came out of her shell and glowed!!
Try to arrange for phone calls once a week. If she is playing basketball she can call you and tell you how practice is going and how well her team mates and her get along.Does she have a cell send her funny text messages my favorite is the one she sent me telling the Grand Canyon was HUGE!! I texted her back that's why it's called The GRAND Canyon!" ^_^ ------Her favorite of her freshman year was that her Dad had been in a bad mood.When I finally asked him he said that she was avoiding him so she didn't have to get a cup of coffee for him. She had been at college for about 2 days by then. It made her happy that he did miss her a little late but he did notice!

Think of it as she has gone to camp but longer.. Send her a care package the post office has flat rate boxes. Since she is Alaska send her things like socks, mittens,gloves and maybe some of her favorite mom snacks. Brandi loved it when she got homemade fudge and caramel corn for the holidays.
Just remember that it will work out if she gets hurt the college will let you know and they will take care of her. Enjoy your daughter's great adventure!!

Marilyn - posted on 07/21/2009

I have a daughter that will be going to Anchorage in the Fall because she got a basketball scholarship so her college is paid for. She attended a 2 year junior college here in California and lived there which was only about 30 minutes away. I am so excited for her to go to Alaska but I know when the time comes I'm going to break down. The thing a really worry about is if she gets hurt and I can't be there for her. I will only get to see her in the summer and Christmas which is going to be really hard, any suggestions.

Lana - posted on 02/11/2009

Hi Everyone!
My Daughter goes to college 2000 miles away. We live in Oregon and she goes to college in Kentucky. This is her second year of being away from home. She has a Trac phone which her dad bought for her when she graduated from high school. She has changed models several times but she does keep minutes on it! So I can contact her when I have a panic moment. We keep n contact online too. I am on her MySpace and Facebook friends.
When she left for college I was "Mom" but now I am "Mommy" and she lets all her friends know that I call her. So now her friends all call me Mommy too. At first it was hard especially since she went to a college so far away and we hadn't visited it to check in out.
My daughter is closer to me now that when she was home. We have long conversations about the silliest things but she talks to me. After being at college she realized that her family is important to her. And after this last ice storm that shut her college down for a week and a half, she found comfort in calling me to talk.
All I can tell you is send her little notes , mail is their life's blood. Care packages are really cool too. I have sent crayons and coloring books- good therapy for a stressed out student.Also send top ramen or those noodle dinners, easy to fix. And a calling card so they can call on their on dime from their dorm room. And be patient.they will come around. When they come home for break make an appointment for your time with them. My child is running around trying to see everyone. This year we are having a welcome back party for her so everyone can come see her and save her some time.
And hang in there it looks like it is easy but I still struggle with not wanting to take her to the airport, I am calm on the outside and screaming on the inside!

Mel - posted on 01/06/2009

Hi Mischelle,

My son is entering his 2nd semester in college, he has a part time job, and has a girlfriend.  He is living at home, but I don't always have the opportunity to see him or talk with him every day and I don't push it.  When I do have the opportunity to spend time with him, I give him my full attention.  The one thing that has helped me the most is our strong relationship.  He knows that he can come to me with ANYTHING anytime and I will be open, honest and non-judgmental of him.  I have to trust when he needs me, he will come downstairs to talk, and when he leaves, he will call.  I'm trying to train my thought process to be, if I haven't heard from him, everything is ok - breathe, breathe, breathe.  Have a heart to heart talk with your daughter, let her know you are ready, just be open with her  - it's ok to show you care.

Hang in there, I'm still struggling but its getting easier.

Cindy - posted on 12/06/2008

pam, i have seen his page when my daughter shows it to me & i have seen hers when he shows it to me, it's just neither will be my friend and sometimes they will show me something on their profiles so i have seen them....but it would be nice to be their friend, not that i would stalk them or anything...

Antoinette - posted on 12/05/2008

This is my son's second year away. He has always been pretty self contained but at least I caught a glimpse of him from time to time before he started college! I try not to bug him too much by text or phone, but I send cards/money/care packages from time to time. Actually he's been better at calling this year so far. His freshman year, he was too busy exploring his new world I suppose.

Be patient, be yourself, let her be herself and things will fall into place.

Pam - posted on 12/04/2008

Oh Cindy...you do need to know what's on his profile! Make him an offer he can't refuse!! Something like...I'm coming out there to spend a week with you unless you make me your friend!

Melody - posted on 12/04/2008

Vent! Vent! It is a wonderful thing to do. And this site is a great place to do it. Go for it!

Cindy - posted on 12/04/2008

oh yeah this was on letting go...sorry I got side tracked ...it's one of the hardest things you have to do as a parent.....try to remember your own power struggles with your parents & it sometimes helps to at least understand them..doesn't make it hurt any less just helps you to understand...

Cindy - posted on 12/04/2008

my son is 5 hrs away for his 3rd yr at school and i only hear from him once in a while cuz he's so busy with his music classes & practicing and being a mentor in the dorm etc...so i text him about once a week and im him om aim cuz he won't add me as a facebook friend he says i don't need to know whats on his profile my daughter is first year at a local school so we just fight lots cuz she is an 18 yr old girl.... so i vent now & then at my husband and co-workers just to keep me sane and now i have found this site to vent some more ..so i just may visit and vent a little more often..hope no one minds too much..thanks...

Pam - posted on 12/04/2008

I try to let mine be the one to contact me. If it's too long in between I'll send a text or email. I send a care package about once per month. Nothing major... maybe a $10 gift card to one of his favorite fast food places or a box with his favorite candies/snacks. Let's him know I care but doesn't "invade" his space. Plus, I remember how exciting it was to get mail at college! Exciting to know someone was missing me. AND...being on facebook and having their friends as my friends lets me keep up with a lot that's going on without having to get the info from my son!

Melody - posted on 12/01/2008

I have started noticing she is contacting me less and less. She still has a text or 20 a day, but she isn't calling every night anymore. I think it just start coming naturally. And when she does come home, she isn't really here. She is on the road from beginning to end visiting people. Plus her boyfriend is still here, so he gets a large chunk of her time.