Am I right to feel this way after so long?

Jane - posted on 12/15/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )




My story is slighty different, I was cheated on 7 years ago, we had an 18 month old little boy when he did it, I caught him out by a text message on his phone in the June, he denied it vehemently and told me that the text was meant for someone else! I didn't believe him but was too scared to leave for fear of being on my own. We also had my step daughter (then 15) living with us and she considered me to be her Mum, as she had had enough upheaval in her life, I didn't want her to go through any more change. In the December the same year, we were at his works christmas party, dinner dance and staying over in the hotel. The woman he had the affair with worked with him and she was the first person he introduced me to on the night, as if that wasn't bad enough, he and she disappeared for over 45 mins during the course of the evening. I knew they had gone to her room but didn't know her room number, I confronted him when he came down and he made up some other feeble excuse and fawned all over me for the rest of the night. Again, I didn't leave, it was only 2 weeks before christmas and I was quite poorly at the time, I felt too weak (emotionally and physically) to leave. We stayed together and decided to make a go of our marriage and had another little boy, I did tell him that I would leave him IF I ever found out, be it 10 or 20 years down the line, that he had lied to me. Then just 5 weeks ago my step daughter and I were having a heart to heart and she told me that he had used her to cover up his affair, he used to tell me he had to go and see a customer but that he would take my step daughter with him so that I didn't think anything untoward was going on, she told me that he used to tell her to take one of her music CD's and they would drive up to the same house in a village (where his mistress lived) and he would leave my step daughter in the car whilst he disappeared into the house for about 30-45 mins each time, she described the woman and she sounded like same person he had introduced me to at his works party. Like I said it was only 5 weeks ago that she revealed this information and although it was a long time ago that the affair took place, I asked him to leave, he is still not admitting guilt but is staying at his mothers, literally across the road, he is at our house every morning and every evening to see our two boys but I really don't think I will ever get back the love, respect and relationship we once had, he has destroyed my faith in him and I feel that our marriage has been a sham for the past 7 years. Am I right to feel this way considering it was such a long time ago?


[deleted account]

oh i am sooo sorry. what a jerk he is. he knew you wouldnt leave because youloved him or because you couldnt so he kept it up. get out. ask others for help, churches, neighbors and women shelters. hes gonna keep you so depressed and upset for ever. he doesnt see marriage as sacred as you do. do you want your little boys growing up to be just like him? hurt him and take them away from him. the step daughter is old enought to know you meant well and youloved her but she is almost an adult who will be starting her ownlife soon. so get out and work on your self esteem and forget him. that makes me sick he did that at the christmas party and then again taking your stepdaughter along.

1 Comment

View replies by

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms