I need quick results on a very important issue

Sonya - posted on 03/31/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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OK Here is the question... Is it ok for a man (married) to text another girl that he has only known for about 1 semester of school, I have never met her, and just now heard about her. I knew he went to school with a Taylor but assumed it was a boy. Anyways, they were texting back and forth like 20 times yesterday because she is in need of a new apartment. He recommened she live where we live blah blah blah (and texted her while driving but if I text him he tells me he got the text and then started to drive and couldn't reply to me. The main question is... I never go through his phone but he had been texting ALL day. I noticed they were to and from her (she is also 19 and he is 39. I am 36. In the last text he said he loved her! I didn't bring it up but he knew what I was talking about and I asked him if he thought it was ok if I told another guy from school that I love him and he said of course it was fine. He trusted me and there was nothing wrong with loving your friends. I still never told him why I wanted to know but he make a big loud deal about it and laughed at me because I thought that would be inapporpriate. I need opinions that are not biased so I know what to do. Right now I am really hurt. Our marriage is rocky and this really scares me. I know he cheated on his ex with a girl from work in him and his wifes bed! Please give me your opinions either here or email me at bensonya@gmail.com. thank you sooo much!

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Christy - posted on 04/17/2010

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Based on your post, you already know that he is cheating on you. It is painfully obvious to the outsider, like me. But read several times what you have posted. You can't trust him. You can't live like this, it is not fair to you or your kids. You deserve better than that. If he is texting another girl like that 20 or more times a day, you know that something is going on. Be honest with yourself.....I know it's hard. You have a life together. Kids, etc. But can you really live like that? I am sorry if I sound mean, I am not trying to, just being honest with you. My friend's husband of 15 yrs did the SAME thing, went to school, met a sexy co-ed, dumped his wife and family for her ( he was 38, the co-ed was 21) and ended up getting dumped by the 20 yr old! Now he has nothing....and sadly he deserves it.

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Kristi - posted on 10/17/2010

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Well where to start, I think if your having doubts and your going with your GUT reaction then follow your heart. In the long run if she's really 19 you know its not gonna last, sounds like she's just using him for her own gain, wait until a young stud catches her eye, and your husband will be history. Is that what you signed on for to wait and wonder if he's gonna cheat on you( history does have a way of repeating itself) Regardless of what he says you know darn well if the tables were turned he wouldn't be so understanding. Maybe in your heart you know what you need to do but you need that push to go through with it. I don't think that just because he said it was o.k. for you to say you love a friend , that he trusts you, it doesn't make it any easier because he didn't know why you were asking. Tell him everything you just wrote out here and give him the benefit of the doubt, if you need too instead of just driving youself crazy wondering what he's up to lay it all out on the line and if your marriage is that important to you then you deserve answers. No one should live like that especially if you have kids. Its not good for them because believe me they know somethings up but they are too young to understand what it is. You need to dig down deep and ask youself what do I want out of this marriage and what are you willing to do or if thats the last straw and your outta there. No-one knows exactly what your going through but some of us might know what to say but maybe its not the right time. It took me a really long time to realize that my relationship with my ex was over for a second time( we got back together but not re-married, and had 2 more children too) i'm not saying its gonna be easy but when you have made peace with your decision and you've dealt with it on your own, you learn to trust your inner voice or with your gut feeling it usually leads you in the right direction. If your still not sure then you need to confront your husband with EVERYTHING and deal with it once and for all so you can get on with life. I hope that this helps a little bit, i wish you all the strength and courage you need to help you decide what YOU want. Its your right to be happy too, and your children deserve the strongest mom ever to protect them too. Take care.

Lacey - posted on 09/17/2010

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no chick NO MATTER what he says i would suspicious to because if he is texting another CHICK and he hasnt mentioned her as far as being a gurl then maybe you should check her ...tell her that it isnt okay to be texting your husband and that you would apprectiate her not texting him unless its important (me myself wouldnt let any other girl text my husband rather she is a friend or not because i dont trust other females becuz i know how they are )... but put the girl in her place and let her know he is yours and you r there to stay. also put him in his place tell him that you dont like him textin a 19 yr old when he is 30 something yrs old he has no buisness talking to a 19yr becuz she is still a chicken and not a hen yet ...girls that age isnt nothing but trouble anyway

Ntombi - posted on 09/13/2010

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Hi Sonya, I hope your situation has improved. Your husband has personal issues that have absolutely nothing to do with you. My husban accused me of cheating for 10 yeras of our marriage only to fing=d that he chaetaed on me with at least 4 other women, that he can admit to for the past 10 years. We have been married for 23 years. What I have discovered from this experience, he has willingly said this, ther is nothing that I did to contribute to the abuse and cheating from him. All the abuse and cheating was due to his personal flaw. Unfortunately this doesn't make things better but it puts things into perpective. Good luck.

Rose - posted on 04/02/2010

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ok,man do get defensive and call us crazy when we bust them,,or when we get close to busting them on any thing that thy dont want you to know. If this girl is 19 years old,doesn't she have friends her age? Some thing doesn't sound right with them two.



And why does he care so much? Is he always a helping guy like that with everybody or just this girl?



He told you it is inappropriate,,what is inappropriate is him telling a 19 years old he love her. Man do the stupidest thing when they go through middl life crises,,it sounds to me like your husband MAYBE going through one. He need to stop talking to this girl and you may need to call her and tell her that you don't feel comfortable for her and your husband to have such a FRIENDSHIP.

You are the right one,,not your husband,,he is not doing the right thing. Not for you nor for your family that you have together (any kids?) . HE need to put you first and if you don't feel like he should be talking to her ,he need to respect you and know how much that hurt you,,and it is already causing problem. Set with him and cry if you feel like it,,and tell him how much he is hurting you, the marriage and the trust between you two. And he need to stop before it is too late...good luck honey.

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