All Communities > Mothers with Marriage Problems > Marriage never been the same since baby???

Marriage never been the same since baby???

Kacee - posted on 04/01/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )

I don't know if anyone else has this problem but I want to know if anyone else's marriage changed after the baby was born and has yet to return or if it did return, how long did it take? My daughter will be two this summer and we are still not the same. There are things I never thought I would deal with (lying, disrespect, etc) but now I do because I want my marriage to last. When I said "I do" I meant it for life but now I don't know how I can last the rest of my life like this. He won't talk about it - and if it is suggested that anything about him is wrong he goes into all the things I'm bad at and it just turns into a fight. I can't fight anymore, but I know if I leave he won't make the effort to be friendly enough to make things easy on our daughter. Plus I really can't afford to leave. I want our daughter to have a father - and I can't say he's not a great father bc he is. Those two are like two peas in a pod, and already have a bond I don't understand. I don't want to take that away from her so I suffer through it and I need to know if it gets back to the way it was before the baby was born if I'm going to be stuck like this the rest of my life. Please help

Join Circle of Moms

3 Comments

View replies by

Tiffany - posted on 06/23/2012

I definitely have had the same feelings... Actually problably worse due to the fact that we had twins! It had been so hard at times. He says he's helping so much... Which actually equates to barely anything! If I tell him how much I do to compare he shuts down and won't do anything at all. So I have learned to be more accepting because we are just different. I do a lot of the "family" things with our babies- walks parks outings etc...- because he doesn't really see the point since they are so young. I have truly realized how different we are. It's just now, after 10 months, starting to get better. I have definitely thought about leaving, but like you see the relationships that are developing and don't want to mess that up. We have been doing movie nights on Sundays together. I get Fridays to go out for a few hours with friends which never would have happened before ( he couldn't handle both babies alone). It sux because I wish he would man up sometimes but then I remember he's dad. Moms are the multitaskers and quick thinkers. We ultimately keep everything together. This also goes for our relationships. It's worth it in the long run :)

Hoda - posted on 05/08/2012

I have the same problem as you do. Except I am always alone because he is always smoking and since he can't beside my daughter so he spends his time in the den on his computer. I know it is not the same and never will be again which is sad, but think about that way, you have a little angel who will grow up to be your closest friend.. I adore my baby and she has brought a difference in our life. I hope your life will be much happier with your husband, best wishes

Christy - posted on 04/05/2011

2,218

You 2 need time for each other, alone and without the baby, even if it's a dinner date in the house you live at when baby's in bed. Have some wine and talk. Better than that, get outta the house and hang out with each other elsewhere. Get a sitter for the evening and if possible, all night until the next day. No, things will never be the same as before you had a kid, but you are going to have to make time for each other ALONE.