my husband cheated on me

Melissa - posted on 06/06/2012

My husband cheated on me while deployed a couple years ago. A child resulted from this and he kept it from me for over a year before telling me. The only reason he did tell me was because I handle our finances and he could not keep paying this woman child support without me finding out. Needless to say there is trust issues with us now, but we really are not together, just co-existing until he moves to his next asignment. We have two small girls and they need their father full-time, so, I am staying with him for now. He is not in contact with the woman, nor does he want anything to do with the child. It is so very hard to leave when you have kids, mutual debt, etc...Its not as easy as some think. I am focusing on my kids and myself and we are living as roommates basically. I pray things get better for the both of us :/

JANE - posted on 05/10/2011

Talk to family to support youe education it helps

THANDI - posted on 05/09/2011

i regeret ever finding out too especialy when he shows no remorse and is not willing to seek help from outside.its just that feelings of the heart are yours and the other person will never feel how painful betrayal is.its the most painful feelig i have ever heard.i think those who loose their loved ones through death are better off because they dont have to see them everyday.i am regainig my strength bit by bit and i Believe the holy spirit my comforter will see me through this,as a mother i need to be strong for my kids so should you,wish you all the best

Elizabeth - posted on 05/09/2011

Thandi~ I can really relate to what you are saying. I found out not too long ago that my husband had been arrested with a prostitute in his car on Valentine's Day. I had left him for about 8 months in 2008 because of the way he had been treating me and while we were apart, he made "amends" to me and told me that he had been with prostitutes while we were married. I took him back after 8 months apart and forgave him because I was pregnant with another baby. So, when I recognized how he was treating me, I looked on his computer and found out what had happened. I was actually weak enough to want to work on it, go to counseling, we discussed having an open marriage, we discussed living together as friends to raise the kids. I did not want to tear my kids lives apart. Well, once I found out, he didn't seem to care and got increasingly mean and violent, threatening to kill me, burn the house down and more. I HAD to make him leave, we were still going to get counseling, while we took a break from living together. Well, he came back and refused to leave, I had to call the police, they made him leave. He came back in the middle of the night and took my minivan out of the driveway. The next morning, I got a PPO against him at a hearing where he was trying to get a PPO against ME! Since he has been gone, my life has been crazy, I hadvebeen a SAHM for the 2 years since the baby and have no money and no job. It is hard, but, it is so much better, I am not being disrespected or treated badly every day, I get to enjoy my time with my kids. I am still afraid every day, because I'm not sure what he will do next, he has threatened to call CPS to try and get me in trouble and my kids taken away and he has moved into an apartment at the end of my street where I have to fear running into him every day while being anywhere around the metro area we live in. I have had to sell off my belongings to pay the bills. It is hard, every day it is hard, but I will make it and I will succeed and my kids won't grow up thinking that it is ok that their mom is treated that way. If I could go back and not let him come back, I would, but I didn't and all I can do is make sure that I don't make the same mistakes again. Whatever you decide, I understand, sometimes I regret ever finding out...

Christy - posted on 05/09/2011

I agree with Stepphanie, concentrate on yourself and your children. Get a higher education and KNOW you are better than that-they way you have been treated is unacceptable. Let him go.

Stephanie - posted on 05/07/2011

Thandi- I just want to tell you how sorry I am that you've been hurt like this and have to deal with his negligence and stupidity. Just try to take your focus off him, as hard as it is, and direct that attention and energy on yourself and your children. Start making plans for yourself and your kids to start a new life without him as your husband...I mean, if you do actually want to leave him. I know I would want to but I've also known women who had the ability to forgive and have another go at their marriage. Personally, for me that would be the end. If you are a sahm, look into job prospects and save money, depending on how old the kids are you may need to look into daycare to get a job when becoming a single mom, reach out to family for help until you get on your feet or even to government agencies to help you until you can help yourself. This is all of course *if* you want to end the marriage. If you want to stay, all I can do is wish you luck and send you a big hug. ♥

THANDI - posted on 05/07/2011

i have searched my heart i want to make up with my husband,but he is still not telling the honest truth and he doesnt want to go for couselling.he has asked for forgiveness and he wants it to end that way.

THANDI - posted on 05/05/2011

thank you i dont know what to say now but i will post the out come

Louise - posted on 05/05/2011

Thandi I am so sorry to hear this. you have to search your own heart for the answers to this one. Do you want to end the marriage? Do you want to work things through? Could you forgive him and get the trust back. My husband looked up an old flame and we have been married 21 years on facebook. I was gutted even though they had not had a physical relationship the emotional connection they had destroyed me. We are still together but I have major trust issues now. Your husband has another child that is going to be in his life and yours forever as a constant reminder. How do you feel about that. You really do need to sit down with your husband and talk this one out before you decide what to do. If he is going to continue to lie to you then there is no point in carrying on. He has to be open and honest so that you can move on.

It is not going to be easy Thandi and I know the pain you are feeling right now. But, you have to look forward and not look back and if that means a few nights of uncomfortable chat to sort things out then so be it. At the end of the day the choice is yours as you have to live with the decision you make. Big hug sent to you right now. Stay strong xx