support group for moms staying with husband for sake of kids?

Roxanna - posted on 08/19/2012

Jessie, I won't be polite; GET OUT!!! It starts small, a comment here, a jab there..you've had pee thrown at you!? If you go to church, get help from your pastor, join a mommy group, get a job, go to school but most of all GET OUT!!!! Nothing will change an abusive man! My youngest Dad was a complete Sociopath, I was just blind for 18 months. He even claimed that he didn't remember beating me then raping me! When I finally had enough, I had an album full of pictures and copies of all the reports. He even had the nerve to press charges on me because I had to stab him because he was choking me! Eight years later and one new husband, he still tries to pull his cr&p with me and my husband (Law Enforcement) has put him in his place many a time. He finally got the hint.
Babe, do you want to be a statistic or a survivor?

Hillary - posted on 08/13/2012

Hi,

I am new to this group and am having some marriage problems of my own, but I just want to share my own experience with you. My parents stayed together for the sake of the kids when I was younger, it got so bad that the three of us had an intervention with my mother and said "Please get a divorce, this is rediculous, it isn't a marriage." My parents werent hostile to each other, they just didn't speak to each other. My father slept on the couch for 15 years. Now my mother is happily re-married and I have to say I am glad my parents aren't together anymore. It really hurt us as their children for them to stay together like that, and to be honest I think it warped my view of marriage a bit too...

Just from experience.

Nova - posted on 06/25/2012

Hi Sarah,

I am in exactly the same situation as you and have been looking for a support group, too. Probably we can start one because some days I wish I could at least share my feelings with someone who can relate to it.

Thanks for writing this post. Please email me at nova15@mail.com

Regards,
Nova (not my real name)...

Anne - posted on 06/21/2012

I dont have a support group to recommend but i will suggest you read ''fascinating womanhood''...a book well designed for women with marital problems and those without.You myt realise you have been the problem all along.It changed my marriage for the better.All the best Sarah

Melissa - posted on 06/05/2012

I've been doing this for a year now myself. My husband had a one night stand while deployed to Iraq a couple years back. Both he and the woman were irresponsible and she got pregnant. I chose to stay in my 8 year marriage for now at least because of my girls. We are like roommates with our own rooms. It is very difficult for me most days because I miss my old life. I love him still and he is a good father, helps me a lot, and is a good provider, but we are both financially strapped partly due to him now paying child support to this child. We have a small child ourselves and I feel for now, this situation is working. My oldest daughter would suffer emotionally more so if we separarted. We don't argue in front of her. She has sensed my sadness over the year though. I am not sure I can continue with this new/different arrangement. Good to see this question and know I am not alone in this!

Cynthia - posted on 03/27/2012

Yeah i was like that at first but after 3 domestics and 1 attended strangulation...and injury to a child! i realized not even for my sons sake should i stay with my husband. He was abusive..a drunk...called me names..possesive..and all that made me the misrable person i am today! i cant get over it i find it so hard to forgive. If u are not happy and you see that you are different when he is around then when your with family or friends maybe take a break. From my experiance it made my marriage worse. We live together but sleep in different rooms hardly talk and when we do we argue. Not healthy for you or your children. Tried the hole counciling thing and he did angermanagement but some people will never change! Sorry for the long post just wanted to share my experiance. Good luck to you though. :)

Amy - posted on 03/21/2012

To Sarah,

I've been there for a couple year (feeling like we are just roomates) but difference is my husband is never around for me & our kids, but about a year & half ago I found out my husband been having an affair for 1/2 year & he currently still keeps in touch with that women although she is not physically in CA anymore & he has befriended couple "Female Friends" I tried & tried to keep the marriage & our family together....but I'm finally getting out!! But your situation doesn't sound bad. Maybe it will help if you guys get some marriage couseling or even read some books about saving marriages. Maybe you guys just not communicating to each other's "Love Language" check out http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessment...

Good luck to you!!



To Jessie,

This is not a healthy environment for you & for your kids!! You are not doing your kids any favor by staying with him!! No matter how well he treats his kids!! Kids learn about love, trust, life from their parents, the way their parents treat them & the way they treat each other!! You should get out of that marriage. He is ABUSIVE(eventhough he is not beating you up physically, but all the behaviors & the threats about taking the kids from you that is consider adbuse) You should look into getting some domestic violence group for help, they can help you in many many way, physically, mentally, financially & with legal issues. My sister had worked for a domestic viloence group before, if your environment is hostle, they would even have police escort with them to remove you & the kids from the home & get restraining order, they can arrange for places for you to stay, they have lawyers that can help you & many many other resources. Good Luck!!

Sarah Vander - posted on 03/20/2012

Oh Jessie, I feel for you. I usually don't believe in giving people "advice" because: (1) I usually don't fully know their situation; and; (2) what the hell do I know anyway?



That being said, your husband seems much different from mine. Similar to your friends, my husband would NEVER do and say the things that you've described. The things that you have described are abusive, plain and simple.



I'm not going to say "you should get a divorce". I don't know enough about your circumstances. However, I urge you to consult some experts to advise you about whether this would be a good idea. For instance, a lawyer can give you information about custody and financial issues, and a psychologist can give you valuable information about the pros and cons of leaving the marriage vis a vis the children's best interests.



Take good care sister.

Jessie - posted on 03/20/2012

Sorry, I didn't respond to your question at all. I should have created my own post but I figured I could be a part of the conversation. I wish you the best!

Jessie - posted on 03/20/2012

I saw your comment and was drawn to it. That's exactly the way I think -I'm staying with him for the sake of the kids. My issue may be a little different though. We have been married for 10 years now and have 2 kids -a boy who's 4 and a girl who's 5 and a half. He has been better lately, but I have had him tell me that I'm stupid and I'm a bad mom. He once threw a diaper full of pee (which exploded on my leg and all over the stairs) at me because my son had a diaper rash and he thought it was my fault. He dumped orange juice over my head and into my eyes because I wouldn't fill his sports bottle up with "the good orange juice," and on my son's second birthday he smashed cake all over my shirt because I was arguing with him about changing the cake I had worked so hard to make. I blamed those things on being stressed financially and with his career and him not being used to having two small children. When we used to argue and I would bring up divorce he told me he would take my kids away back to South America and hide them there. I have never thought to write others about this, but I have talked to my friends and family who know both of us. He's not a horrible person and he loves his kids dearly. They adore him too. I'm not a helpless little woman. I have a good education and I also have a full time job. I feel like sometimes things sound worse than they are...but my friends have told me their husbands would never have behaviors like those listed above. I really feel stuck. After we short sold our house and moved things have been better, but I don't feel like I love him anymore and it's very hard to be affectionate with him. This puts him in a bad mood and the cycle continues. Not every day is bad because we just have to go on with life and it is what it is and we share the joy of our children. But I do worry that they see him treat me a certain way and they will think that is appropriate when it's not. I could go on forever. I'm very conflicted with this -never pictured getting a divorce and I know my husband would likely take it very badly and it would not be amicable. I need lots of advice!!

Laura - posted on 03/01/2012

Well as long as its working for you both that's what matters, and it's okay for the mind to wander and wonder what if. Just means your curious and still alive! Hope you all the best with everything in your future

Sarah Vander - posted on 03/01/2012

thanks Laura. It's not that my marriage is BAD. We aren't hostile to one another or anything...we're just pretty much roomates and co-parents. Life could be so much worse and he's an amazing father, so I'm going to put my own desire for romance etc on the backburner. Most days are just fine but every once and awhile I wish for more...

Laura - posted on 03/01/2012

You are defiantly not the only one I've been there for a year now, it's hard I know. But don't just think about the kids because if the kids are in a bad environment because you and your husband argue or something because your only staying because of the kids that can affect the children in the wrong way. Mommy has to be happy to because kids observe all, and if things are always like that the children will think its normal.



But you are defiantly not alone I know plenty of women who don't want their kids to suffer just because the relationship isn't working out, just remember you ARE important, almost the most important because without you where would your children be