What do u do when your husband constantly puts you down?

Kelly - posted on 07/06/2012 ( 18 moms have responded )

32

0

0

I am really struggling with what to do in my relationship. I love my husband more than anything. Please, everyone remember that. I just feel so hopeless in our relationship at times. He is a very strong willed man and everything is his way or no way. He tells that I can f*** anything up, tells me I talk like an idiot, tells me I am stupid and so forth. I have had a rough year. I accidentally dropped the laptop and broke it, had a client steal my camera and lost my cell phone, so I guess that i can see why he may feel that way, but it still hurts so much to have the person who promised to love and cherish me until death do us part put me down that way. He feels that I cannot go on vacation or take my children on day trips because we dont have the money to do so. However, if he goes out and works extra he said that he can spend that money on whatever he wants because he worked the extra. I told him that I dont have the luxury of being able to get a second job, because I have to be home to take care of the kids. He tells me that I am the one who wanted them. He calls my five year old son an a** hole and says that he is a f*** up. he teases him because he still wets the bed. What do I do??

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Louise - posted on 07/07/2012

5,429

69

2296

Honestly! If my husband talked to me like this and even worse spoke to my kids like this I would pack my bags and leave. You may love him but he does not love you to treat you like this. He will damage your son if you stay! If you have tried talking to him about the way he talks to you and he has done nothing about it, then it is always going to be like this. Do you want to spend the rest of your life being treated this way? Do you want your son to grow up with no self confidence, feel worthless? No of course you dont. The love and respect has gone here. If there is no glimmer of hope that he is going to change then you need to protect your son and you and get out. A life on your own is better than being treated like your worthless every day. You are worth more than that! Onesided love is not love worth having! :-(

Kelly - posted on 07/14/2012

32

0

0

I have thought about leaving for a few days. My family has even suggested it. He tells me that if I leave to not ever expect to be able to return. i know that he doesnt mean it, but i do believe that since he is so stubborn, that he would possibly act on it. He feels that he has to act and talk this way to be "tough". I tell him that this does not make him tough, but a jerk. I just wish I knew what would be the best for all of us in the long run. I do already take my 5 year old to counseling, but my husband wont go. The pediatrician said that he is the one who needs to go if he is the one with the problem. how do I make such a stubborn man go and to realize that he has so many gifts in life, that so many other people could only dream of? i am just at a loss. It hurts so much, because I dont want to have to choose between my children and the man that I do really love. But, it is my job and duty to raise my children in a safe and loving environment and provide them with as much positive as I can. Some days he is great, but on the days that he has no patience, things are very upsetting to me, and then he just asks me what I am whining about. He just doesnt get it. Is this the male mentality..to not really care that much about being loving and caring? i really dont know..He is the only man that I have ever been with..

Maureen - posted on 07/10/2012

10

0

1

Since you do have much to lose by leaving(safe home, good school district), another idea is to leave temporarily with the kids and tell him why and expect him to go with you for help. Something has to happen to make him wake up to the fact that you won't tolerate this behavior all the time. Otherwise he has no reason to change-he thinks it is all OK or he wouldn't do it!. What he is saying to your kids or to you(especially in his presence) is horrible! God bless.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

18 Comments

View replies by

Gail - posted on 07/09/2014

1

0

0

I am in a similar situation with my husband being my kids' step-father. We have been separated for about seven months, with him coming back for about a month, and then him blowing up again at me and my 17 year old son calling us horrible names and blaming us for all of the marriage problems. This is verbal abuse to you and your little one which there is no reason for. It may help to be assertive and tell him that you are hurt by his words and that you will not tolerate that. I would recommend counseling, but that would take a while, and he probably will only get worse. Since there are children involved, you have to think about them, and you of course. His behavior is very damaging, and you probably need to start to gather a support system and make your plans to get away from him. Please do not let guilt get to you. I love my husband too despite what he has done, but I know I have to do the best for my kids and myself.

Susan - posted on 06/19/2014

3

0

0

That is not common and you need to leave him. If my husband ever put his hands on me, he would be out the door!

Susan - posted on 06/19/2014

3

0

0

I agree. The way he treats your son is despicable. Kick his sorry, no good ass, to the curb!

Amberraffile - posted on 03/11/2014

1

0

0

I came here looking for advice because my husband tends to put me down at times, but you REALLY need to get out of that situation. what a coward for calling a little boy such crude names. You really need to grow a brain and get the hell out for the sake of your kid. Seriously, this isn't even about you at this point. Your husband is an abuse dick. I would slap anybody who said such things to my kids. Grow a spine and get the fuck out.

Maile - posted on 03/10/2014

2

0

0

Your husband sounds like a complete fuckin ass hole u need to tell him how he makes u feel and then tell him what needs to change if he loves u he will change

Reesa - posted on 12/05/2013

1

0

0

I am in a similar situation my husband gets mad at me over every little thing when he is drinking and hits me or puts holes in the walls. I am constantly to blame for not having money or if something goes wrong at his job or anything I am the one at fault. I love him but believe I have fell out of love with him. I can't tell him how I feel about anything he is always putting me down, calling me names, or just telling me how worthless I am... I don't know what to do anymore. This is my 2nd marriage and my kids adore him but he knows his drinking causes problems and he doesn't try to fix it

Esther - posted on 12/01/2013

1

0

0

Dear Readers. I have been married for 11 years. I have 3 young children. My husband is a great guy to the rest of the world and also can be at home. However there is another side to him that I struggle with. He gets very frustrated very quickly. If I am feeling a bit grumpy or something has been spilt on the floor by the children etc he becomes abusive. Telling me to F***k Off, calling me useless, bitch, cow, stupid and a waste of space and so on. All infront of the children. He really puts me down and lets rip. There have been occasions when he has hit me - but not really hard. A couple of weeks ago he tried to smack in the mouth when I was in the car with the children, prior to this he has kicked me in the thigh - but only as a reaction to me taking something off him. PLease tell me is this more common than I realise? He once pushed my face onto the floor into a plateful of dinner when we arguing and many other similar instances throughout our married life. I feel very down about it all at the moment, mainly because he says he is only reacting to me and the the things I have said or done. It doesnt feel like its really domestic abuse but the name calling is what I am really finding hard to cope with. I think the children are beginning to copy how he talks. Please will someone give me some advice?xx

Kelly - posted on 10/27/2013

32

0

0

Thank you for checking up. We are ok. He still has his moments when he can get mean. I guess that may not ever change. But we have since had a baby girl and I think that he has realized that he wouldn't want someone treating his little girl poorly. He is just a big kid that really needs to realize that there are now three little children watching his every move. He curses, jokes around that he is the boss and constantly tells me what to do. I am working with him on realizing that this type of behavior, even if joking, is detrimental to our children's development. It has been a slow process though.

Sarah - posted on 10/19/2013

4

0

0

I wanted to checkup and see how you were doing, this post is a bit old but it came up when I googled an issue similar

Mike - posted on 10/16/2013

1

0

0

I am going through this same thing from my wife right now. She has already cheated on me, and I took her back and it has been non-stop putting me down and verbal abuse ever since (even for about 6 months prior to when she cheated on me) despite telling me numerous times she would change her ways. I am a Christian man, and do not want to get a divorce...obviously no one plans on doing this when they enter into a marriage. What can I do? I need help :-/

JANELOVEMYKIDS - posted on 07/15/2013

19

0

3

I say Get help at your local abuse center for women im not saying report him but go to support groups and youll see that that behavior is not right if you don't put a stop to it It will continue take it from me ive been there and with the support group ive been able to see that's not something normal and we should not allow them to do it

Jodi - posted on 05/23/2013

1

0

0

I am going through the same thing I work with my husband in ur business and all day I hear what I do wrong.I hurt very bad my self esteem is shot.he wasn't always like this until he started talking to this guy who he calls a friend.I don't think he's a friend but he talks to him everyday and knows to much about ur lives. What can I do?

Kelly - posted on 07/07/2012

32

0

0

First, thank you for posting. I agree with you that it is my job to protect my child, especially since i adopted him from Guatemala as a single mothere, so I do stop the way my husband acts toward him. I will say that he does not say it to my son, but he makes the comments to me and it hurts for me to have to listen to this. My son wants more than anything to please my husband and is thrilled to do things with him. I am just so afraid of both situations, staying or leaving. No, I do not want my two sons to treat people the way their father does at times, so I have pleaded with my husband to not be so cruel in the way that he talks to and about people. However, we have a beautiful home in the country that we just built together where my children can run outside and play without any worries. It is also in the best school district in the area. If I leave, i will have to stay with my mom, who lives in the city where there are shootings, stabbings and drugs on an almost daily basis. That scares me about leaving. I love my husband and I do know that he loves me and both boys. I believe that he is bipolar, as does his own family, so this is not ALL the time, but that does not make it hurt any less. He wont admit that he has a problem though, so it is very frustrating at times, especially since I myself have some issues with depression. I know that this situation is not my fault, but I do blame myself, because at times I can be so emotional and probably hard to handle. But, like I always say to him, I treat people good, and that is what matters in life. His response to this is always I speak the truth..That is the way he condones his actions..It is sometimes hard for me to believe that he can honestly feel that it is ok to talk to and treat people the way he does..

Amy - posted on 07/07/2012

6,363

33

2384

It's one thing to tolerate that behavior towards you if that's what you choose to do but now that he is emotionally and verbally going after your 5 year old you need to leave. Once you leave you can try family counseling, and speak to your husband but as a mom I would not tolerate that towards my children. As a mother you have an obligation to keep your kids safe, they can't leave and are forced to endure what we put them through. Is this how you want your son to treat his future wife and kids? If not get him out now.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms