When is enough enough?

Amanda - posted on 03/28/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hi. I am Amanda. I have been married for almost 5 years. We have been together 6 years. In the beginning he was great. We were together 6 months before we got married. I had a daughter before he came along. She was 2 months old when we got together. When we got married, I was 2 months pregnant with our son. After we tied the knot, things changed. He started controlling everything. He didn't want me working anymore, I wasn't suppose to see my friends or family. Then, I told him I wanted to move back to my hometown. We did. Things get better, then worse, then better, then just as bad. I wanted my tubes tied after I had our son, and he wouldn't let me. Since then we have had 2 more children, which is ok. I love all our children very much. Now, he is constantly accusing me of cheating, and I am not allowed to be on the phone when he is home (he is a truck driver). He is very jealous of my mom, dad, and sister. I was raised in a very close family and my family is very important to me. He says my friends call too much and just yesterday he cussed my best friend out for calling me too much. I have kicked him out before, but have ended up going back because of empty promises. Now, I haven't had a job since last year, he pays all the bills in our home, I have no vehicle of my own, he has taken all of my independence away from me. My family doesn't like to be around when he is home and our oldest daughter cries when he comes home because she is scared that we will be arguing. That breaks my heart more than anything. I am going back to work at the end of this week and hope to be able to regain some of my independence. Any advice from some of you other moms out there that have been there??? Thanks!!!

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Tiya - posted on 06/13/2010

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I hope not but it defo sounds like the physical abuse will start anyday!! You should get out seriously he sounds crazy honey! No man should want to control everything in your life if he loves you he would want you to be happy as well....I know it's hard when its such a security in a sense but do it for your kids...Hope and pray things will start to change for you! Email me if you need someone to talk to would love to chat! xx

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Amanda, I am so sorry you have to go through all of this, I know its hard especially with kids. You want to fall apart and you can't because of your kids. My personal opinion is that you need out of this marriage. My marriage has many problems right now, but if my husband controlled me as you say yours does, I would be out. You are a mom and you have children who you have to protect them and their innonsence. You need to ensure they are happy and grow up the way you want, and if they are surrounded by this all the time, it is time to make a change. Believe me when I say its easier said than done, but use your children as your strength. No woman should be put down by a man, let alone their spouse. Who is suppose to be your best friend, your soul mate, your companion in life. If he isn't doing his part as a husband then you need to protect yourself and your children. I hope I didn't come off as a know it all, its just my opinion. Good luck sweetie

Christy - posted on 04/17/2010

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You need to get out NOW. Please, for your kids' sake and your own. If it hasn't already escalated, it will.....he is mentally abusing you with this control thing he has going on, however ( and i pray it hasn't happened already) it will turn to physical abuse. Even if he's the one paying all the bills and you have a sense of security, LEAVE. There are TONS of grants for single moms to go back to school. Don't live that way. Especially if he is isolating you from your family and your friends. Email me sometime if you need to talk.

Rose - posted on 03/29/2010

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Before we had our kid my husband control ever thing,,with time it got better,,when he is a way ,he always want to know what am up too, and what am doing,,,,few years a go (before we had our baby) I got back my job, he did not like it,,so we had a a very long fight,talk (few months long) And i had to get him to see that he fall in love with me ,when i was the working independent girl and in order for me to be happy is to have some of the old me back.

Try to write him a litter of your feelings and see if it works,,you never know?

Good luck honey,,and be strong.

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