Anger

Galadriel - posted on 09/20/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I need help with anger problems as a mom. I seem to spend all of my time angry, and I mean REALLY angry. I yell a LOT, and it has gotten to the point where I will not discipline my children because I am just too mad. I have begged for an anger management class in my area, but the only one around is WAY out of my price range. I am frustrated all the time because I have no me time. I do not ever get a break because I have nobody to leave my kids with. I NEED a job so bad for money but have nobody to watch the kids while I go look. I do the same crap day after day and all I ever hear is that the dinner I cooked is NOT what they want to eat, or their clothes aren't put away. I am just so sick of it all and most the time I do not want to be around my kids. I finally understand how some mothers can just walk away .... and that scares me.

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Meryet - posted on 01/09/2010

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You are not alone! I do not trust myself for an undetermined amount of time with my kids. I love them so much but do not have the patience to "deal" with them daily. My ex husband has custody & has all the patience in the world. I was blessed to atleast give them a damn good daddy!

When I have them all day everyday, I get so angry I just want to give it all up. There have been times when I've gotten so angry..then I feel bad for being angry at them, so it turns into depression, then I just lock myself away crying. None of which is caring for them in the way they deserve. So during our divorce, we decided it was best for my kids to stay with their dad. He is extremely understanding & if I get overwhelmed during visits, I call him & he usually puts up no fuss about coming to pick them up.

My anger is not gone. I still get extremely "irritable" out of the clear blue for no reason at all. I feel sick all the time & headaches are just a daily part of life for me. Hopefully, I'll be able to afford to get in to see a psych doc soon to get all this straightened out!

Just know you are not alone hun! (((hugs)))

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Tanya - posted on 07/29/2010

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Holy shit u r the complete mirror image of how i feel.I just asked work on monday for sometime off for stress!Your sound very stressed and your cup is overflowing!Have u talked to your doctor, maybe its more then anger?!I now i have depression and feel like that all the time, as well as a friend of mine she is very angry and takes meds for that!Having kids reallly mess our bodies up hormones and of course our girlish figure!U dont have a friend u could leave the kids with, how about dad?Some advice im always given, but find it hard to listen and do, is focus on the positive.U know lately i find it just nice to leave the house with my two girls and go and watch them have fun!Puts a smile on my face and theirs!And it gets me out of the house!Hope ive helped a little in all my rambling and not insulted u in any wayTake care!!

Galadriel - posted on 01/10/2010

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I have been seeing a new dr recently. He found some major thyroid issues which seem to be contributing to my tiredness which definately contributes to my crankieness. Unfortunately I have to wait 2 months to get into the endocronologist he wants me to see. I have ok days, and really bad days. One dr put me on depakote (a really strong mood stabilizer) but it made me so dizzy I couldn't even get up and walk across the room.

Galadriel - posted on 09/23/2009

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See, now that seems like something that would help. I have taken anti-depressants for so long and they just don't help. The biggest problem will be finding a dr that can and will let me try something like that.



I agree with you on the chores bit. I am so SICK of doing the same stuff all day every day and it never gets noticed, let alone someone else doing it.

Moody - posted on 09/23/2009

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Anger is a very real problem for a lot of mothers. We tend to carry around anger about all sorts of things in our life and it is so difficult to put that all aside when we are trying to be mums to our children.
I find that when I am not right mood wise the anger is one of my first signs that things are spiraling out of control. I tend not to cry easily, but the one thing that will almost always reduce me to tears if the white hot blinding anger I at unfairness. Real or perceived, it makes no difference, it just gets me so angry I shake and end up with tears in my eyes.
Mothers often have a lot of be angry about, we are forced to carry most of the child care and housekeeping burdens while trying to juggle being a good person with a life and being a good partner and sometimes it just gets too much.
I find myself getting very cross when i keep doing the same chores over and over again without even being offered any help from my baby's dad who just seems to sit in front of the computer all the time when he is home.
He tells me I need to ask for help, and sometimes I do, but it is such a mission getting him to do anything that often it is just easier and safer to do things myself.
I get very angry when my child is sick and then i start feeling ill and I tell myself I just need to last until the weekend and then daddy will be there to help and then he ends up getting sick too....! Drives me nuts!
I too think sometimes about just running away.
I'm not sure how much help this response is to you, but just know that you are not alone.
What did help in my case was my doctor prescribing some rivitrol to use as needed when i was getting overwrought and it was affecting my ability to relax and get things done. I don't know if that is a possibility in your case, some doctors are not too keen on medication on that basis but my doctor and I have an agreement. I will not abuse the meds and she treats me with the trust I deserve. If i were to break that agreement and start abusing the benzos then I have agreed that she will have me hospitalised straight away, something i really don't want, so that gives me good reason to stick to the agreement.

Galadriel - posted on 09/22/2009

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I have been to a psychiatrist, and in counseling for about 3 years. The psychiatrist said "depression and anxiety" but nothing ever came of it. I did save up the $300 it cost me to go see another dr, but I can't afford to see the specialists he wants me to go to. Here, if you say you have no insurance and are paying cash to a dr office, most won't even give you an appointment. It doesn't help much that my DH is sick and has missed a LOT of work. I have to call the landlord today and tell him we can't pay next month's rent. Some days I wonder if calling CPS on myself will force someone to help me, but I don't think my kids need to go through that, an I would still have to come up with the money for all the required tests and doctors they would want me to go to. I keep butting my head against this brick wall over and over. I just want to stand in front of someone and scream at them until they get it. I just want it to end.

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You really should talk to a psychiatrist. They can be amazing people and I can not believe any decent doctor would ever turn you away, or anyone that is suffering! You should not see that doc again. Talk therapy was very helpful while I was getting to the right dose of meds. And I will say I thought I should have been put in the hospital when I started my meds, they made me even crazier at first, and alot more mean. I told my psychiatrist that I thought I was gonna hurt my husband...badly! and thats when he put me on abilify, it truly fought my demon and ended the "irritability" evilness once I got to 15mg. But even 2.5mg helped alot. Don't give up, you have to fight this to be the great parent your kids remember you to be.

Galadriel - posted on 09/21/2009

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I am just so da!! tired of it all. If I'm not mad I am crying. They (the many, many doctors I have gone to) say I am depressed. I have taken so many different medications for it I can't even remember. Nothing helps. I am exhausted all the time, no matter how much or how little sleep I get. My head hurts all the time. All I want to do is sleep .... all the time, every day. I want to get out of the house, but it just is not worth the effort. I force myself to take the kids shopping or even go by myself after DH gets home ... I come home furious for no reason, just pissed. You know what the doctors tell me about being so tired and "irritable"? (they never call it anger, it is irritability) "You're a mom, it goes with the territory" I actually got one doctor to admit something was wrong, then she turned around and told me I had chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia because "we can't find anything" and that "there is nothing we can do for you, don't come back"

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((((((Galadriel)))))))

Big Hugs

Have you been diagnosed for the anger? Do you get about the same amopunt of sleep each night? Are you on any medications that help with your anger? or at least tame it.



I was very much the same, even just days ago. I am Bipolar1. I take meds to control it. I have 2 kids 10mos and 21/2 years old. Itry to get them out of the house everyday with me, for a walk or to the park. On bad days I count the grocery store as our outing!! I go to bed almost the same time every night, by 10pm. My kids get up @6 ish, so this way I get at least 8 hours of sleep, if i dont get 7 I'm EVIL all day long!! I use the TV for sanity alot and it may backfire on me, but for now NOGGIN rules my kids world. It is safe tv no violence or rudeness, and they seem to really enjoy it. I know my older daughter has learned from it as well.



Try not to yell, I know it sounds chessy, but make it a daily goal. Only yell 3 times then 2 then 1 then none. It really helps when I don't yell. If I feel it coming I don't even think about the subject that brought the scream on. Example...I just cleaned the play area, perfectly, while the little one naps. I turn around and the older one has trashed it. STOP hold your breath... DO NOT YELL. Turn around count to 5. do it again. remember shes a kid and these are her toys..... It often stops there, some days it doesn't. But the point is to pause and think about your next action.



Money sucks, I wish we all had the same options, but we don't. Your 7 yr old is probably alot of your stress. If she wont pick up her clothes put them in a box and tell her your gonna sell em. Give it a week and put the box away, when she asks what happened to her fave jeans... tell her they were sold because she didn't put them away, that is what you thought she wanted when she didn't put them away. My mom did this to me... it worked! I also got my fave jeans back when I kept up the clean room.



As far as dinner goes I get that alot. I keep pasta roni in the pantry for these nights. If they won't eat dinner and they arre really "pissin" me off they get pasta roni, easy quick and they like it,... But usually a hungry kid will eat somethin, and you won't kill em by puttin them to bed hungry.



Dont be so hard on yourself, alot of your anger may be coming from hating yourself or your actions or your decisions or whatever, so give yourself a break. Eat some treats and watch tv for 30 mins.

Well, thats what I have for you now. I'm short on time but I will check back daily,or every other. Keep posting, it may take awhile but the people here are great.

Robyn

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