Friendships

Suzette - posted on 04/29/2010 ( 23 moms have responded )

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I'm just curious, is there any reason (such as opinion, morals, values, religion, etc.) that you would end a friendship?

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Suzette - posted on 06/17/2010

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Gillian,

I know how you feel, to some degree. Politics here is a touchy subject as well. I don't understand how people don't see that the country is going to hell in a handbasket right now. Of course, I think I'm a bit more touchy on the subject (not to say that others aren't) just because my husband is in the military and we become effected more so than others. (I'm not saying that others aren't effected at ALL, just that we tend to get the finger pointed at us for things when the government screws up, not by all people, but by what seems like a lot.) I REALLY hope that made sense, I don't want anyone getting upset with me. :)

Then you have friends who base everything off of religion. I have no problems being friends with someone who has a specified religion, is a religious holy roller, or just bases everything off of their beliefs. I do have a problem with someone who is so much of a holy roller that everytime I talk to them they want to attempt to convert me, my husband, or they slam us (even when not outright doing so) because our belief system is different than theirs. Whether it's because of our belief in abortion or that we support gay rights. (I'm agnostic, my husband is Wiccan.)

I can get along with a person simply because they like the foods I like or they have the same interests I have. It doesn't have to be politics or religion. I believe that in some cases those should be left out of friendship unless the two people can have a civilized debate about it and continue the friendship without hard feelings. I've found that often cannot happen.

Lady - posted on 05/02/2010

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I don't have a problem with people having different veiws from me as long as they can respect my veiws too. I don't really talk about politics with friends or religion if we have conflicting opinions. It's great though when your friends have the same veiws as you then you can talk about all the people who don't and bitch about how dilusional they are - religion, politics, parenting the lot. Sometimes it just great to know your not the olny one that feels that way!

*Lisa* - posted on 06/17/2010

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I used that same expression just 10 mins ago 'to hell in a hand basket'!! It doesn't really make sense now that I think about it...
Gillian, Perth is a great place. I have lots of friends living over there. Haven't been myself, but from what I hear it's good. Get's a bit hot but. Good thing about Perth is it has an airport so you can go back and see family a bit easier than if you travel inland. :) Good luck! Take me with you! I'm dying to see my fam! Heck I'd even crawl from Perth to see them!
I agree with you Suzette. I don't think a friendship can survive if either party has ulterior motives of trying to convert the other one to whatever their belief is.

Sharon - posted on 05/02/2010

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Lieing - not about your size or your weight, but lieing about your kids health, how you really lost the weight, about your cat dying versus you took it to the pound etc



Drama seeking.... going out of your way to find and create drama



Whoring about... having a perfectly good husband at home and still cavorting about as if you just discovered your twat and g-spot and are single.



Abuse... abusing your kids, alcohol, etc...



Religion.. only if you're into something really negative that includes active racism or satanism



Opinions... I don't care what your opinion is as long as you don't try to force if on me.

Emma - posted on 04/30/2010

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If you don't want my opinion than don't ask, A now Ex friend of mine only went after married men, and i told her what i thought about that and what i thought of the men she dated we never spoke after that.

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Suzette - posted on 06/18/2010

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@Tah,

Those are the types of friends I can't stand. The ones that can't be happy for you if you have great news, it's like the only time they want to talk to you is if they have some bad news or they need to cry or if they have great news. It's all one sided and it just sucks! I have friends I've had falling outs with, and they're great friendships. The falling outs were all retarded things though, mostly misunderstandings, nothing serious like a friend hitting on someone I was with or money issues or not being there for me. Nothing like that, thankfully! Though I'm finding that now that I'm a military wife, most of those friends are slowly dying off. It really sucks that most of my civilian friends are kind of disappearing. It's something I can't really wrap my head around.

Tah - posted on 06/18/2010

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when you have a friend who can not be happy for you, no matter what. if something happens to you that you are excited about or is good for you they either have a pocket full of negative or are being fake and not even hiding that well, when the relationship is one-sided...and when i see how they are with their other friends, like one friend was sleeping with all her other friends boyfriends and even hit on mine, but when i saw her doing it to the others and told her it was wrong and even had to come protect her from a good old-fashioned butt whipping on more than one occasion, what made me feel like i was so special and she wouldn't do it to me i'll never know...so that was it. To be honest i keep people at a distance at this point. i have one good friend i have never had a falling out with and we grew up on the same street, she is still in philly and is coming down to visit me next week, and that is about it...

Lady - posted on 06/17/2010

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We're hoping for Perth, or at least somewher on the coast. The work had places near garden Island near Perth which sounds lovely - but it also has a lot near Bendigo (sp?) which is inland and I don't really want to go too far inland.

Lady - posted on 06/17/2010

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Thanks Lisa but I just don't think I could even bring it up with them - I'm sure I would end up getting upset and saying something I might regret later - best just to keep politics out of it but on the other hand I now know these people can never be true friends which is a bit sad as I'm going to be seeing them most days - or at least until we do move.
My husband went to HR yesterday at work and has hopefully started the wheels in motion!

*Lisa* - posted on 06/17/2010

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Gillian, is it possible that they blindly or ignorantly voted for those people? Maybe they just went into the poling booth and ticked anything?? Maybe you can ask them... that might be a deciding factor for you to move to Aus.

*Lisa* - posted on 06/17/2010

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I would only end a friendship if it was clear that I was being used or if it were harming my family. I think it's normal for people of like-mind to befriend each other. My closest friends share a lot of my beliefs and values but I have many others who don't and I value those friendships just as much.

Lady - posted on 06/17/2010

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I suddenly remembered yesterday why ten years ago when we left the south of England we vowed we would never live here again - I had forgotten but it all came flooding back last night when I was lying awake unable to sleep.

I was talking to some of the other mums yesterday outside the school as our children were in for a visit - all our kids go to the same nursery and will all be starting school together after the summer.
I mentioned about us hoping to move to Australia and said one of the real deciding factors for us was when the Tories (conservitive party) got into power again. One of the other mums said "Well they can't do any worse than Labour (our last government ) did!"
And suddenly I realised that she had voted for them.

I live in a very pro Tory area but just assumed that no one I knew or liked would have actually voted for them as surely they wouldn't be that stupid or selfish or closed mined but at least 50% of the people in this area did vote for them so probably a lot of my "friends did vote them too.

In Scotland - where I'm origionaly from we all HATE the Tories - they only have one seat in the whole of Scotland - they completely screwed up the country last time they were in power - everywhere but the south of England that is - I just assumed that the people I liked would be able to see further than there own back yard and actually care about the rest of the country but this one mum and probably quite a few others so obviously don't.

I feel so strongly about this that I just don't think I can possibly be friends with these people now!!

The north of England and Scotland were devistated by the Tory government, they shut down all the mines, the steel works, they got rid of free milk for school children, PE, music and art teachers. And Maggie Thatcher along with buying the water from the third world and then selling it back to them also wanted to get tax from the band aid single "feed the world".

How can people not see what and evil party the Tories are? Why don't they care about the country? How can they be so short sighted and selfish?

I feel really down today and want more than anything just to move.
Sorry to unload but I just need to get it out - I'm seeing all the mums again today as our kids have another visit - the plan is to go to a nearby coffee shop while the kids play in school but I'm not sure I can go now and keep my mouth shut - I know politics and friendship should probably stay seperate but surley this is a reflection on what type of people they really are and I don't want anything to do with that type of person - I think you should care about others - not just yourself and those around you - it's a big world out there and real people are going to suffer again because of the x they put on their ballot paper.

I can cope with my friends being christian or jewish or gay or any other number of things because that's their choice which doesn't effect me or anyone else but politics is about the whole country!!! Aaaahhhhhh!!! I'm so frustrated!!!!!

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I ended a friendship a couple of years ago with a friend that I was very bonded to, but she didn't seem as bonded to me. As time went by I noticed I was more of a convience for her and came with benifits. Meaning that we were in Germany and she would invite me to go places with her but then I realize she just didn't want to be the only American around. She would invite me to lunch but then tell me she couldn't go every single time and ask me to get her lunch after I waited for an hour to go with her. She would invite me to go to a new place and then back out almost every time, I would decide to go on my own with my then boyfriend, now my husband, and she would arrive there when we would be leaving hours after being there ourselves and were on our way out the door. I waisted a lot of time not traveling waiting on her being a loyal friend to her, only to have her turn her back on me with the only time I needed something from her. I told her off and said for her not to call me anymore. After we weren't hanging out with her, me and my now hubby had time to spend with his friends that we wish so much that we had hung out with them the whole time. I talk to them almost daily and they are still in Germany, I miss that couple a lot and we had a blast together. After all that I still miss the friend I told to get lost but at the same time I am still just as mad at her. I think it's because she is the one I did all my training with in Germany, we were rarely appart, as soon as we got up we would join up in her area and have our morning coffee before our morning work outs. We were roommates a lot of times, slept beside each other in Kuwait and Iraq, I am just so pissed and hurt that she couldn't be there for me the only time I had asked. I was only asking her to be understanding of what I was going through at the time, but she turned her back on me because I couldn't be there for her at that time. It was the last straw after noticing all the little things she was doing.

Stefanie - posted on 05/01/2010

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i ended a friendship bout 5 years ago now, she was one of these people who was always me me me and i let her live with me and my parents for two years cause she fell out with her dad while we were at school and then when i got my own flat she ended up living with me again cause I'm someone who wont see anyone out on the street, but i did alot for her over the years and i didnt get a thank you once!! and the cheek of it was she moved out of my place and left the keys in my sons push chair and didnt tell me or said bye!
sometimes i dont know who my friends are half the time, when you got kids they dont wana hear it! so i spend most of my time alone.

[deleted account]

I pretty much only have 2 friends. Knowing them, it's extremely doubtful that they would ever be capable of anything that would cause me to stop being friends w/ them.



I have quite a few aquaintances, but I'm way too anti-social/freaked out by people to make any other friends.....

Suzette - posted on 04/30/2010

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Thank all of you for answering. I'm glad that I'm not the only one who looks beyond all the other stuff as long as it's not something harmful to myself or my family.
@Carol, I agree someone who is trying to change you isn't a friend at all. Friends have to accept you for who you are even if they don't agree with all of your life choices. (As long as those life choices aren't putting the friend, you, or your family in danger.)
@ Sunny, I think I've had more male friends because the female friends i've tried having usually wound up bringing more drama than anything. I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. :( I imagine it was very, very hard.

Emma - posted on 04/30/2010

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Im really picky about my close friends, not so much about people i just know,
Im not the easiest person to be friends with admittedly as im not the type just to smile and wave im a straight shorter as it where.
I have no problem if your opinions, morals or Religion are different from mine, as long as we can agree to disagree, and you can respect my house rules if your in my house, what you do in the outside world is your choice.

Michelle - posted on 04/29/2010

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i almost end a friendship that becomes toxic to me. a person who doesn't know how to be thankful of what they have and whine almost always about anything even the littlest things instead of being grateful of the good life they have. this person also say hurtful words that made me think and bothers me for weeks or months til it came to the point where I cant take it anymore so i blog about it and my friend was able to read my post. i didn't mention her name though but she has a feeling that it was her. she's now careful of what to say and we're still friends. but if she didn't change for the better, i would have ended the friendship. i read an article that says end a friendship if it made you think, bothers you, draining your energy, not interesting anymore, toxic and if you have different interests. having a happy friend will make us happy too and that's what i need.

Sunny - posted on 04/29/2010

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I have just ended my relationship with my best girlfriend. It broke my heart. She became an alcoholic. She than than started seeing a married man with children who was 15 years older then her an he was a druggo. She became addicted to speed and wouldnt spend anytime with me unless she was off her head and even then she would vanish and leave me stranded at a club or something. She started turning up to my place at like 3 am and i'd have to shower her, feed her do her hair and make up and send her off to class. I ended the friendship when she took me out for a boxing day lunch which turned in lots of expensive cocktails, over which she told me she was paying for our meal with money she had been stealing from work, the job i hired her for! I told her it was a toxic relationship and i didnt want her in my home and her problems were taking my time and attention away from my son. She was furious and i felt like a total bitch for doing it. A month later she had lost her job, crashed her car while on drugs breaking her collar bone, dad got cancer again and she was sent to an out patient center. I sent her a message a couple of weeks ago letting her know i love her and explaining why i did what i did and that i hope one day we can be friends again. It still hurts and i worry that she has no one to look after her but i had to put my own family first and there is only so much i could do before she had to want the change for herself :(
One of my other best friends tried to sleep with my partner and when he wouldnt she tried to pin drugs on him, nice hey.
I only have a few close friends now and they are my boys, for some reason all my female relationships have changed over the last few years but my male friends havent. My boys are my rock and i dont think any of them would do anything to make me not want them in my life :)

Tanya - posted on 04/29/2010

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I agree with the other moms, but I have also ended friendships b/c my friends have ended up in harmful relationship and after trying to help them and they never left I finally had to say goodbye. I have also ended a friendship with a girl that had a 5 year old. She was married to the father of her other child and he was always so mean to her little boy. I tried talking to both of them about it but it didn't do any good. I couldn't take it anymore so I stopped talking to them.

Johnny - posted on 04/29/2010

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Someone who spends all their time with me trying to change me isn't a real friend, so there is no point. They just see me as a potential convert. I had a friend who was "born again" about 5 years ago and she spent every time we got together preaching the word. I ended the friendship. But if she had just accepted me the way I am and held her own beliefs, we would have been fine. I also will not remain friends with someone I consider to be a bigot. There is no point in friendship without respect.

Carolee - posted on 04/29/2010

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I will end a friendship if someone tries to take advantage of me, but I will always have a "warning" discussion with them beforehand. Also, if they constantly flake on me, I'll end it then. If I don't have much in common with somebody, I'll just keep them at "acquaintance" level and still be pleasant to them unless they are unpleasant to me.

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