Kids at Weddings!

Lady - posted on 06/08/2010 ( 25 moms have responded )

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Iain's nephew is getting married at the end of summer this year and my kids are not invited - I'm pretty annoyed about it!!



Iain is the youngest of five children by quite a large age gap - he was a little surprise for his mum and dad - so all his sisters and brother have children much older than ours - two of the cousins are already married and this is the third.



They are getting married in scotland - about 8 hours drive away - and we are expected to travel all the way up there then leave my four children with someone else for the day to come to the wedding - yeah right!



There are 11 cousins all together and my 4 are the only ones not invited because they are the youngest. My kids absolutley love being with their family as they don't get to see them all that often.



Do you thinnk I am being unfair getting upset about this or do you think it's reasonable to expect family to be invited no matter what age?



If it was a friends wedding and I was told not to bring the kids then I would understand but this is family!!

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Johnny - posted on 06/09/2010

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No kids at my wedding reception. Full stop. I had 3 kids at the ceremony, my niece, nephew, and cousin. But their auntie babysat them during the reception. However, if I had invited out-of-town guests with a young baby, I would have made some sort of accommodations to help the mom, like arranging for a babysitter & a room at the adjoining hotel or something. I really did not want kids at my reception, it was an adults only sort of event, and most of our friends have done the same. No one minded or complained, in fact, they expressed the sentiment that I have when I get a night out to a wedding.... yeah! a night off :))) But it is different if you are traveling from out of town and appropriate help and arrangements should be made for those situations IMO.

Krista - posted on 06/08/2010

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I think that they have the right to invite (or not invite) whomever they wish, just as you have the right to decide to not go if your kids aren't invited. I've been to weddings where kids were a fun addition to the celebration. And I've been to weddings where kids were a huge distraction and made it impossible to focus on the ceremony. Everybody's experience is different, I suppose.

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Carolee - posted on 06/11/2010

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You are definatley not overreacting. If they don't want kids there, it needs to be stated that it's an "18 and over" party or something, with no exceptions. Hopefully they understand why you and your husband aren't going.

Suzette - posted on 06/09/2010

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Personally, I think it's ridiculous. Hubby and I got married at the courthouse and my witnesses both had their children there. One was my niece and her mother, the other was my best friend with her two children. Her two kids were distracting as they were running around the courtroom taking pictures (kind of annoying) but I asked her there and she had her kids with her, so i didn't complain. Besides, they took pictures for us. :)



If we'd had a reception, like we planned, there would've been TONS of kids there too. (unfortunately my grandfather passed just before the wedding took place so the reception was cancelled... we went on with the wedding though because hubby is military and leave is something we can never count on and rescheduling is a pain in the butt.)



I wouldn't dare tell someone that they have to leave their children behind for an event like that, especially family! I think it's rude to tell one family member they have to leave their children somewhere but tell another family member they can bring theirs.

Krista - posted on 06/09/2010

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That does suck. I could see if your kids were toddlers and the rest of the cousins were in their teens. But your kids are old enough that they wouldn't be distracting or destructive, so I don't really understand their rationale for excluding them.

Sharon - posted on 06/09/2010

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Dang Gillian, I misunderstood. I thought all children were excluded. Sorry.



No, if your kids, of the same age group, have been excluded when all the others have been included, their being assholes and its wrong.

*Lisa* - posted on 06/09/2010

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Yeah it sucks that yours were excluded and the others weren't. 10 and 12 are pretty mature! I had some 10 year olds at my wedding, my sister was one of them so I invited some of her friends so she wouldn't be a loner. We just had a kids table and they had a blast.

Nikki - posted on 06/09/2010

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Ours are about the same JL. Sara, it's funny I am not a big drinker, but I cant imagine a wedding without alcohol, Aussie's love their alcohol! Our wedding went until 4 in the morning, I think, I was the only sober person left (I had my hens night the night before, bad idea, hungover on my wedding day!)

Lady - posted on 06/09/2010

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Thanks so much for all the responses I really wanted to hear all the different points of veiw and although I do agree with it being their wedding so they can invite who they like I do just feel it's a bit unfair to invite all the other cousins and exclude mine - especially when two of mine aren't exactly tiny children - 12 and almost 10 and the next youngest is 16 and invited!!

I had loads of kids at my wedding - all the cousins and friends children, I loved watching them running around - sliding on the dance floor and can't imagine a wedding without them.

I think that's one of my main gripes is that every family wedding so far has had all thie kids at them - the cousins were ages 4-19 when I got married and they had all been at their aunts and uncles wedding but now my kids are getting left out of the celebrations that all their kids got to go to and I just don't think it's fair.
But anyway thanks again for the different points of veiw I really wanted to know what everyone thought!

Jaime - posted on 06/08/2010

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That's pretty good then...I was like wtf? 4 hours is hardly enough time to do anything. A typical wedding day here is to have the wedding ceremony start anywhere from 2-3pm and then the bride/groom and wedding party go off and do pictures while the guests gather at the reception hall for cocktails and wait for them to arrive (typically cocktail hour begins at 5pm) and then 6pm is dinner, 7pm speeches and by 8pm the dancing starts and goes until about 1:30-2:00am. Still a bit longer than your celebrations Sara...and probably much more hung over in the morning! LOL

[deleted account]

Oh I meant 4 hours to party...not for set up and everything! Actually, it was set up for us. My mom went over during the afternoon to add some details that I wanted and make sure the caterer and cake maker were doing what they were supposed to be doing. But from the time the party started right after the ceremony, we had four hours.

Jaime - posted on 06/08/2010

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In Canada you can rent a reception hall for the entire day...from 8am (to set up and decorate) until 2am...4 hours just wouldn't do! lol

[deleted account]

Well I understand possibly excluding the kids if your reception will last all night and include alcohol. Most people I know don't drink, so I've been to very few weddings where alcohol is served. And most reception halls here only allow you to rent for a few hours so there goes the all night partying! We were able to rent our reception hall for 4 hours, which is a very long time compared to most receptions I've been to! I guess it's a different culture.

Nikki - posted on 06/08/2010

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I am torn with this one, possibly because while I was pregnant 3 family members got married and because I couldn't drink I was the one left to look after all of the kids, pissed me off! I think it's a great experience for children to be able to attend the ceremony and possibly a meal for the reception but after that I don't really think it is a place for children, everyone usually drinks and it becomes more of an adult environment. We had kids at our wedding, but they were all gone by 9pm, which I think was late enough, they were only young and it is a big call to expect them to sit through the whole day and then stay up past their bed time without getting cranky.

Jaime - posted on 06/08/2010

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I agree with Krista...they have the right to decide who they want at their wedding, just as you have the right to accept or decline the invitation. I don't think you're wrong for being upset because only you can really decide how it affects you...but I don't know that it's worth refusing to go either.

Sharon - posted on 06/08/2010

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If I were having a HUGE formal wedding, I don't think I'd want children there. I'd possibly want them at the reception seeing as that is going to be a rather loud party anyway.

[deleted account]

@Sara, it seems we had the same idea! I also had a kids' table at my reception with a gumball machine, crayons, coloring books and small toys. I have many friends and family with small children, and on my wedding day I wanted to be surrounded by...my friends and family. I did have a nursery available at the wedding for those that wanted to leave their small children there during the reception, but it was totally optional. I think the 3 babysitters I hired (my sister's friends) had 3 children total to look after.

I know people want a "perfect wedding" (is there such a thing?) but to me a "perfect wedding" includes ALL the people I love, including and especially children.

[deleted account]

My husband was in a wedding last October. Our daughter was 5 months old at the time and was not invited. She could come to the reception, but they (she) wanted the ceremony "baby free". We drove from Texas to Ohio (1200 miles) for the wedding. My husband went because he had to, but he didn't stay long. I didn't go at all because my daughter needed me to eat. The bride was 20 weeks pregnant at the time which I thought was a little strange to not want babies there. My father-in-law had a very simple rule about these things: "if we can't all go then no one goes". I was much more laid back about my wedding. I had a kids table at the reception with toys and coloring books, etc. The kids loved it!

Rosie - posted on 06/08/2010

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i think it's stupid. who the hell doesn't want their family at their wedding? now i can kindof get how some may not want kids at their wedding-a little- but in those cases i think that they are thinking the wrong way about their wedding. sure weddings are supposed to be how you want them and stuff, but who doesn't want ALL their family there? seems pretty selfish to me.

Lady - posted on 06/08/2010

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We're not going - we already decided that but just wondered if people thought we were being ridculous or if they thought we were justifide!

[deleted account]

I wouldn't go. 'Simple' as that (in quotes since it doesn't sound like that would be a simple solution).

[deleted account]

Gillian, I'd be pissed too. My attitude towards things like that has always been - "If you don't want my kid there, then you don't want me there either." Hubby and I skipped going to a wedding last summer because kids weren't invited and there was no way I was leaving my son with someone else overnight. The wedding was for a family friend and all hubby's family was attending and, except for one aunt, all my family is too far away , so I had no family to leave my son with and I wasn't leavng him with a sitter that long. My son was only 1 at the time.



Any wedding I've atttendded has had children present. There were kiddies at my wedding. Not counting teenagers, the oldest was 6 and the youngest was only a few months, hell, 3 of them belonged to my matron of honour.



Unlike the other ladies, I don't have any helpful suggestions. I think if you're going to invite some then you should invite all. I hope it works out for you.

Lady - posted on 06/08/2010

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I asked if it was a cost thing and was assured it was not - although it was given as the initial reason but when I pointed out that as children they cost less than the other cousins and the 1 year old wouldn't need anything - I was told it wasn't because of cost. They said they simply don't want any children at the wedding!!

The other two cousins who are already married both have children who are about the same age as my youngest two so I think as they don't want to invite them and my children are being excluded as well. Which I think is very unfair - my children are FIRST cousins - these children are second cousins so could be excluded on those grounds. I just think it's unfair to lump my kids in with them.

We have always lived far away from family so my children are not as close as the others but when they all get together they always get on so well - especially my oldest who is only 4 years younger than the next youngest - he and my oldest daughter are both a bit upset at not getting invited.

Sunny my mum lives in Scotland too although a good couple of yours away from where the wedding is - we always stay with her when we go up so I assume they think my mum would just happily look after my kids - which she would do without question but it's still rather presumtious of them - 4 is a lot for someone to handle.

Jodi - posted on 06/08/2010

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Gillian, I am kind of torn on this one, because I had a huge difference in age in my cousins when I was a kid. Just out of interest, before I decide which side of the fence I am on, is your nephew possibly "closer" relationship-wise to the other cousins? And is this possibly the reason.



i really do understand your issues, and why you would be pissed, but I am just trying to find some reason why he may have done this.



Is it possible that it is a cost thing? In which case, can you talk to them about that and negotiate something (just a thought)? Generally it is a cost issue, maybe you can work something out with them.....I know you shouldn't necessarily have to, but I'm trying to think outside the box so you can have a solution that won't piss anyone off and works for you.

Sunny - posted on 06/08/2010

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I'd be pissed too. If it was a new born maybe I could see why they wouldn't be keen on a baby crying through out the ceremony but it wouldn't bother me personally. How they expect you to leave 4 kids and take a 16 hour all round drive i don't know. All the weddings i've been too have had littlies there...
Anyway the way I see it family is family i mean hell my mum is pregnant now so when this new sibling turns 21 im going to be 43 and ill be too old lol!
You just can't win!
Have they given any helpful suggestions on what you should do with your kids???
Does it now mean that you get to pick and choose who's kids get to come to your family events? (I'd love to be able to do that sometimes lol)

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