hi

Karen - posted on 09/03/2009

Hi Jo



My daughter is now 2 and a half and I am glad to say that I have seen the light at the end of the long tunnel, I've been off my anti depressants for nearly a year but still have some days where getting out of bed is hard.



I think I got PND because I hadn't grieved properly for the miscarrage that I had 3 years ago before I fell pregnant with my second daughter. I then had to have an amnio test done to check for down syndrom which left me worried about losing another baby or having a baby with disabilities which put extra pressure on me during my pregnancy.



Like Allison I became over attached to my daughter and ended up with a baby that wasn't happy unless she was being nursed or carried and wouldn't feed for anyone except me. So I was doing day feeds, night feed, house work and looking after my 7 year old as well.



My husband was supportive but just didn't get how I felt, my temper was uncontrollable and I would get red mist syndrome and loose whole parts of my day...I don't even remember the day that we had Kirsten Christened, which is really sad for me.



I finally got help after I lost control and tried to hit my husband with a knife for asking me why there were no clean knifes in the cutlery drawer, I got lots of support from my health visitor and doctore and was doing really well until I tried to return to work and this sent me back over the edge. I had to take another 4 months off work and gradually work myself back into it.



I'm glad to say with the support of my family and friends there is another side to it all now. I do still have bad days but normally these come around specific dates. My tips are lean on your family and friends, don't bottle things up and excersize (it does work) not only does it help you loose the baby weight it allows you to focus on something else for half an hour out your day that isn't baby related.



Motherhood is hard....but is so worth it when you see them grow up into wonderful little people with fantastic personallities and loving souls

Aimie - posted on 06/11/2009

hi joanne, my name is aimie, i have a little girl who is 2 in august, i suffred with pnd for a long time befor i realised it was what was wrong but even then i didnt do anything about it as i thought i could sort myself out and didnt need anyones help, my husband found it really difficult to live with me and didnt feel he could do or say anything when it came to my daughter also i would not let anyone near her and if anyone held her i was always watching and worrying that they were gunna do sumit bad to her, i was suffering with gall stones at the same time which i think didnt help as i felt i had to over-compinsate (cant spell lol) for not being able to look after her at times due to the amount of pain and time i spent in hospital, eventualy after my operation i started to feel better and things got alot better and i feel that i managed to do it myself, im always with my little girl and still get nervous when people offer to look after her i only have a select few im comfy with her but it is a lot better, im now pregnant again and about to drop (14days to go woohoo) but ive had a terrible pregnancy which has brought back my pnd but this time i told the midwife so i now have a support midwife and also i go to a pnd group and i feel i know alot more about pnd so i feel im getting the support i need, i have only really talked to about 2-3 people about my pnd and i still have very bad days but im hoping that with the support system i am getting in place that i wont be as bad for as long as i was with chloé-ann, she is so bright and understands everything so i dont think i have done any damage with keeping her by my side but i do at times feel im holding her back and then i feel like a bad mother. thanks for listening it was harder than i thought writing this down lol but i hope it either helps other people and im hoping to get advise from people who are or have suffred with pnd



take care aimz xxx

Allison - posted on 01/17/2009

Hi Joanne, I have been suffering with PND now for 9 months... the difference between me and you is that i have developed an obsessive bond with my daughter. I had a relatively good pregnancy, even though i felt that my husband didnt seem all that bothered with the impending arrival... we had both wanted a baby together (we have a child each from previous relationships) and had discussed names and got excited when we decided to try. I think i was kind of hoping to be wrapped in bubble wrap as i had previously been a single mum and done it ALL myself. I had a relatively easy pregnancy although i did suffer with sickness up until the end AND had gestational diabetes. I lost a good deal of weight whilst pregnant due to eating properly so much that i only put on 2.2lb and baby was 6lb 5!!

Birth was great!! 4 hours compared to 29 and a half with my first. And i was so happy afterwards, i had found it difficult to bond with my first daughter but this time round i fell head over heels as soon as i saw her.... I thought GREAT! I wont suffer blues this time. However the following day she was taken into special care for 8 hours due to low temp and blood sugar... I think the fact i was tucked up on the ward with my new baby for people to visit affected me a bit. The day after i came home from hospital my husband had gone back to work and suffered an anxiety attack (although he thought he was having a heart attack) He was told by the doctor to take 2 weeks off and relax... He did exactly that! I was running after a new baby and my husband. Breast feeding went out of the window.... I started to slip :o(

By the time she was 3 months old i was child minding my nephew full time and he was very demanding... this caused me to start getting moody, panicky and within 3 months i was a mess. I had to give up looking after my nephew which caused my brother and i to fall out. The tip of the iceberg came when my husband left me in May... he couldnt deal with my mood swings... he came home after a week, although it was a week when i didnt know if i was coming or going, i didnt know where he was, what id do for money, it was awful. When he came home however we were offered a bigger house which i thought would solve some problems...we moved house when my baby was 9 months....

We moved to an area of town where i didnt know anyone and i was sat at home every day with just my daughter for company... the house needed decorating and although i thought id be able to manage doing it gradually with baby around, it was impossible, I slipped further and further into depression. I became a bit agrophobic, i couldnt go out unless it was within a short distance to home... If i saw anyone i knew, id hide, if my friends called to arrange to come see me, id make excuses that i was busy... I just stayed home with my daughter and became more and more obsessed with looking after her... my weight ballooned and i became more and more miserable... I considered ending it all, but looking at my kids and imagining someone else bringing them up, and what my eldests reaction to being told i was dead would do to her sorted me out.

The tip of the iceberg came one day when i walked into the lounge one morning and saw my family waiting for me to speak and gauge my reactions before they could judge what mood i was in.

I have since lost around 5kg, and sorted myself out abit... Id been on antidepressants since last year but all they did was stop my rises when i panicked. I am due to start my counselling in a few weeks and for the first time in a year, i am feeling very positive about life. I never knew that PND could affect you so badly and last so long. The experience has put me off having any more kids, so I am going to make the most of the ones I have got and take joy in the rest of their lives now i know ill be there to see it :o)