Who has the right?

Kayren - posted on 01/24/2010

Hi Fern

This is a hard topic.

I was never maternal until I was told I may never have any children. That shocked me to the core. I have to admit I became obsessed with wanting a child, possibly for the wrong reasons. I was lucky though and had children, planned, but technically not.
My first was a huge shock as I was due to start fertility treatment. I never expected to have anymore, so it was never a topic we discussed. I fell pregnant with my second and my ex was happy with the news I was expecting (not sure if it was me he was happy for or because there was another child on the way), anyway, one week before i was due, he informed me that he had changed his mind. He didnt want another child. A bit late to tell me!! He later admitted it was because he was terrified of the prospect of not loving the new baby as much as our first. Daft as that may sound.
The 3rd baby was a bigger shock, and my ex was over the moon rhis time as he realised that he could love them all the same. I was the one who didnt want this baby. Right up to I gave birth, I was against the pregnancy. But as soon as my daughter was born, I fell in love with her.
Many men dont grasp how they can love their children equally lol People change through time and what they want right now may not be what they want next year. I desperately want another child (mad I know), but now it is impossible for me.

The best thing to do is keep the lines of communication open and discuss the possibility of having another in a few years or so. No pressure being put on any party then.

Lisamarie - posted on 01/20/2010

I am going through this now, we have 2 children, 3yrs and 6 months, I would like more, he doesn't. He said he would have another one if I was going to leave him becoz of it but, both our children are planned and wanted and I'm not sure it's fair on the child or the husband.
By the way, I do not want any more kids right now but in the future. :)

Michelle - posted on 01/19/2010

Ive been through the same thing. Your fiance may change his mind when your daughter gets older and starts to speak properly. Maybe he didnt enjoy the 'baby' stage. Not alot of men do.

I think really we should have made it clear about what out 'wants' are when it come to children, before we get serious with each other. If my partner turned round tomorrow and said he didnt want anymore children Id be devastated cause I want loads! I have had to compramise on 3 kids in total though. Our daughter is 2yrs and I would love another one, but my partner thinks babies are way too stressful. Hes only really getting into playing with our lil girl now as she can talk and do what 'children' do.



Im the same as you, I wouldnt get pregnant just cause I wanted another, id have to wait until we were both ready for another. I love my partner so his feelings count. I wouldnt want to raise a baby thats not really 'wanted' or planned. Exactly what were doing -workung to make our daughters life brilliant. I think Im gonna have to wait until Brianna is in nursery until I even mention another baby :( lol. x