life after having your little one

Sarah - posted on 06/14/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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hi guys,



my name is Sarah and i really just wanted to hear how others have coped after finally being blessed with their little ones. My hubby and i had 4 years of ivf, and our little girl, Lucy was put in as a frozen embryo due to the first egg not making it through the thawing process. Believe it or not, lucy made it through 9 pretty crazy months. I had bleeds, loss of heartbeats, hypertension etc. She was born on the 25th may 2007 healthy and is just an incredible person.

I always thought being in childcare and wanting to have a child so much that it would be a breeze for me once i achieved that! How i was wrong! I was diagnosed with PND and after 2 years and on medication, think i am finally coming to terms with the whole process and everything we went through. I know that a lot of it comes from looking forward and building it up so much, overwhelmed etc. I still find myself every now and then, shocked that i have a child.



I am interested to hear how others felt.

thanks

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Mary - posted on 11/04/2009

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Hi,
My name is Mary and my beautiful little IVF boy was born on 11/8/09 after 3 full IVF cycles 8 transfers and 5 miscarriages. Luckily everyday since have been the happiest of my life. I too still look at Mitchell some times and kind of shudder I seriously can not believe i finally have a child of my own. Perfect and beautiful..

Bobby-Jo - posted on 09/04/2009

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hi sarah, my name is bobby-jo and i have an eighteen month old boy who blessed our lives after trying natural for six years, three rounds of art insem, one fresh cycle ivf where two embries were inplanted,but didnt take, we got three to freeze, only one made it, and boy did he make it!! I had a pretty normal pregnancy, was diagnosed with gest diabetes which i controlled by changing my diet.

I always thought that when you became a mother, everything came naturally, and i was so all over the place after a pretty traumatic delivery,i had this tiny(well not so tiny)(nine pound ten) baby boy to look after, i wasnt coping too well, but went home saying it would get better.

And yeah it did get better, however i wasnt coping with my hormones being all over the place, so i went to the doc and was put on the meds for pnd when my son was around twelve months.

I think i am just coming to terms with it all as well, its such a lot of pressure to go through, mentally, physically, emotionally, i just felt really drained and guilty cause my baby really needed me to be happy! and thank god for my meds, next time i wont leave the hospital without them! lol.. After reading your blog i just wanted to let you know that i am hearing you!! And yes, even when our babies are all grown up i think we will still be in shock!! They are sooo precious.. Time goes too quick hey...

Jennifer - posted on 09/01/2009

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My story is a bit different. I had an unplanned daughter when I was 19, and married my husband when I was 25. He'd had a vasectomy a few years earlier and we made a deal that we'd wait for T to turn 18 and see how I felt. I'd ALWAYS wanted another child. So, when I was 38 and she'd been out of the house for over a year I reached 'critical'. I told him I'd realized I'd resent him for the rest of my life if he kept me from having another child and that I felt it was my destiny to have 2 children. (from a dream when I was pregnant the first time). He agreed to see a fertility specialist and look into it. The big conversation was early January, we saw the Drs in later January. First insertion (IVF with MESA and ICSI) in April, second in late June and That time we were successful. I know how lucky we were to succeed on the second try, but thank goodness. I don't think we could've afforded a third attempt.



I had a challenging pregnancy, though for different reasons. I had a ton of anxiety, my midwife loaned me a fetal heartbeat monitor to use at home so I wouldn't keep coming in to have her prove to me the baby was still alive. I had very low blood pressure and monster headaches because of it. Severe constipation and a gall stone, both caused by slowed down peristalsis. I had no cravings, but severe aversions. I could only eat grain during the first trimester! Mild grain! I had trouble gaining weight (which I made up for AFTER she was born), and then on Valentine's day my husband had some bizarre symptoms at work that sent him to the ER, they thought he'd had a strange migraine, but recommended further tests, which led to our discovering he had a brain tumor. specifically a meningioma. He waited until she was born for the surgery, just in case.... So when she was 2 weeks old he had brain surgery and a TON of weird symptoms After that. Simple partial seizures on his right side. His anti seizure medication made him surly. that was nice. not. I'd ask him to get me water while I was pinned down nursing and he'd seem resentful and pissy. But, wait, there's more! THey sent him home from the hospital the next day after the surgery and he (supposed to be sitting with baby while I heat up soup) went downstairs and fell, dropping her. So we had our first ambulance ride to the hospital with x-rays and catscan at 16 days. But she was fine, and after being readmitted a couple days later and kept for 4 or 5 days to get his pain under control (dr sent him home with tylenol. not kidding...). The day he came home was the day we were Moving. We'd sold our house and I'd been packing for most of the last month. The movers were great and did most of it, I picked up Jim from the hospital on my last trip from the old house to the newish house. (it was our Old house that we'd been renting out, so we moved Back into our old house and sold our new expensive house).



I sortof sailed through all this in a functional fog. But whenever my baby made eye contact with me I cried. From love, intense love. But I felt it caused her to make less eye contact with me, I worried she might be autistic (she's not). Then she started having colic, but we made it through that too. She was born in Early April/07. She's perfect and beautiful. She gets cooler and funner every day. Smart and independent and sweet and gentle. I could not be happier with her.



I did have PPD with my first daughter. I moved into a maternity home for adults and made some changes and seemed to get the depression under control, but when I weaned her it came back doubly strong. I swear, there was almost a psychotic element. I remember wandering around a Target crying, for No Reason. I just felt like the place's ...psychic energy was crazy. Well, something was crazy, I think it might've been me. Fortunately while I went through those crazy few months I had a lot of help with T. I haven't weaned yet this time, but I plan to be Way more gradual, I understand that it's not that uncommon for the hormonal shift of weaning to trigger depression as it did in me.



I've had some weird deja vous / jamais vous moments. Having done so much of this before much is familiar, but it would freak me out and make me cry to realize when I'd forgotten important things from T's infancy. Like, I didn't remember how to pin a cloth diaper! I did that So Much. Apparently things that you do so much that they are automatic aren't stored in my brain.



I'll tell you what though, I still well up with tears if she gazes in my eyes. I hate that, I'd like to stop. But, since I'm at least functional and not disabled with depression.. I guess I'll accept the blessings I have and hope it fades with more time.



Also, I've used aromatherapy with tremendous success for depression. I don't know if it would work for you, but it couldn't hurt to go to a health food store and start sniffing citrus scents, Neroli, ylang ylang, geranium rose, clary sage, lavendar, and santo palo (hard to find). Sniff everything. First time I did that I was super depressed and my psychiatrist had recommended aromatherapy. He explained the mechanism by which it works and I filed that away with a dubious mental note. But when I started circling the drain again I remembered. I didn't know What was supposed to work so I just sniffed everything. On that day 2 oils gave me the feeling that bubbles were popping in my head and I felt ...lighter. emotionally lighter. those were neroli and ylang ylang. I don't really like either smell, one is sharp and the other cloyingly sweet, but I like the way they feel inside my head. I make a mix with 2 drops neroli (usually about 30$ for 2 mls), one drop each of ylang ylang, geranium rose, and grapefruit oil. I have a one ounce vial that I put the drops into, then I fill it near the top with clear jojoba oil. My phial has a roll on top.



Okay, I hope I haven't been overwhelming, but I understand the stress of having everything be different from how you expected it to be, and I understand how post partum depression feels.



Sincerely,

Jennifer

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