13 yr old with anxiety

Kim - posted on 03/11/2011 ( 25 moms have responded )

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I have a 13 year old girl and she is having anxiety issues. It is affecting her going anywhere, even school. Her fear is she is gonna get sick , dont know what to do. She has missed so much school, we are trying everything from guidance help to theraphy and meds, she is still struggling. Any suggestions?

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Giselle - posted on 03/14/2011

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My sympathies. We are just emerging from 16+ months of my teen's anxiety disorder and while she is now functional, it is still an everyday struggle. Things that have helped: regular counseling with a therapist SHE likes, a suicide prevention group, an anxiety group for teens, a general teen group, the third anti-depressant we tried (the other two were a mess for her!), changing our attitudes and behaviors so we don't stress her out, push on her, exploring possible triggers at home and at school and addressing them assertively, little excitement, protection from stressful and emotionally draining situations, learning skills for dealing with anxiety. It can take a long time and the trigger is not always apparent so know that this could be a long time issue for your daughter and that they will need all your patience, faith, strength, and love. Best wishes.

Tausha - posted on 03/18/2011

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Hello-I am someone that suffered from anxiety and depression when i was 13 years. Does she do any extra curricular activity normall? Exercising is a good way to release positive endorphins. Has she tried Xanax in .25 mg dose? I find this has helped me since I have been in my 20's. Zofran is a good medicine for nausea.What is the trigger for the anxiety? There must be reasons such as peer pressure (or peers being mean). How long has she been suffering from this problem? Does she have friends? Is she shy? Missing school can be taken care of usually if she does the work at school. Would the school allow this? That way she can keep up in her studies. Is she anxious at home? Maybe keeping a journal of when she is anxious and what activity or people around her. Have any adults treated her in a way that would make her anxious? I hope the crazy email helps. :)

Sarah - posted on 08/19/2011

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Hi - I am a Social Worker in schools and have worked with many kids in the same position. There are a number of really good books out there, especially "Mind Over Mood" which has lots of practical, cognitive behavioral learning and activities. Just know she will slowly get back to herself, likely she is feeling overwhelmed by life as we all do at times. My advice, find a great, consistent cognitive behavioral therapist, be patient, and help her take control back and assure her it is within her abilities to do so. Whatever activities she loves to do, encourage them as distraction and building positive self-esteem are key. Good luck and remember, it will get better. :)

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Joyce - posted on 12/24/2013

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I am reading this two years later and have a now 13 year old in same position ... Wondering how your daughter is doing now?

Michelle - posted on 08/17/2011

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I'm late to respond but I wanted you to know that I have a 13 year old daughter with severe anxiety. We have been dealing with it since she was 4. Somedays are good, and somdays are down right rotten. I wish I had someone to go through this with. Is is emotionally and physically draining. My thoughts are with you!

Wendy - posted on 03/24/2011

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I think there is more to what she is telling you. You have done the therapy and meds . People always go straight to meds. Do you work? If not then maybe go to school with your daughter. I don't know where you live, but the school should support it. Maybe if you go with her she can slowly feel comfortable. Anxiety doesn't come with a reason. I get them often and I can be the happiest that day. If she still won't go with you to school, than I would suggest seeing a psychiatrist because this will mean she may have Social Anxiety Disorder:http://www.social-anxiety-shyness-info.c...

I hope this helps

Mary - posted on 03/24/2011

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My son went through a similar situation. I had to carry pepto-bismol with me every where we went. He would get stomach pains and was terrified of getting sick and not having the pepto with him. He was tested for all sorts of things and had xrays and bloodwork done. The doctor told him that whenever he felt anxious about getting sick to watch tv or play a video games or do something to get his mind off of it. It took 1-2 years of getting his way of thinking to change into believing that he is fine and not to worry so much all the time and I mean it was all the time of his getting ill. This all happened when he was around 13-14 years old.I think it was also to do with school and all the stress there is and he was also shy. But he is now 24 and has been fine and NO pepto bismol since then. Good luck with her.

Andrea - posted on 03/21/2011

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Kim, there are many unknowns in your statement so I'll do the best I can to help you guide your daughter. A mom isn't happy until she knows her children are all right. You know that you are not responsible for your daughter's happiness. You are also not responsible for her unhappiness. She needs to know that at 13, she is an adolescent who owns her reactions. Her feelings are usually confused with hormones, peer pressure, family dynamics, outer expectations and inner excpectations. It's all of these things that are unknown in your statement.

I want you to know that as a mother to a troubled, suffering child, it is your job to guide her into paths where she can find ways to help HERSELF. Is she old enough to choose the type of therapy? No. Old enough to pay? No. With that being said, get the guilty out of the equation. She could be feeling anxiety of unknown origin as a result of you changing jobs, working more or some other change that she subconsciously feels has got to have some pending impact that's causing a fear that's freezing her. If that's the case, keep taking her to get help. Whether it's spiritual, from someone she looks up to and trusts or a counselor at school, she has got to realize, it is up to her to engage. SHE HAS TO ENGAGE HERSELF, but she has to want it. Something has caused her withdrawal. It sounds as if you are in tune with her. When I was that age, I was molested by my sister's husband while my sister was 18 and nine and 1/2 months pregnant. I did tell my mom, my dad, my sister.... but with the baby on the way under less than optimal circumstances, just weeks later, I had to sit across family holiday tables from him while he smirked at me. I inwardly blamed myself for having a nice figure (ballet body with 34C bra size) and was captain of cheerleading. I didn't want to go to school. I secretly disliked my parents for not taking a stand; baby or no baby, I was there first and I was a good girl, a virgin and yet I had to act as if things didn't happen. I ended up hurting myself by missing school. Grades went down, social standing as once being popular was quickly declining and I didn't care and then....I had ovarian cysts that caused me to have to go on a pill as a virgin. A pharmacist made a remark telling me to "have fun." I took the humility and shut out the people that could have spent money on counseling (although they should have seen to it that I'd already been in it---this was the 80s), I kept too much in.

What I'd say for you is to continue to look for ways to help your daughter. Ask her if she recalls a time when her attitude just changed. Ask her what she thinks of other girls her age who try to get attention, negatively. See what gives her a rise. I felt helpless once the missed classes added up; as if I was not ever going to be "what I was supposed to have been/could have been." That's when I had an epiphany and realized that it was on me, even at that age. I had to read books about other cultures, even the Diary of Anne Frank a 2nd time (first was in elementary school). I had to learn empathy for others before I could begin to realize that people had gone through far worse and the passive aggressive hurting of myself, was hurting myself successfully but not the other intended recipients, my parents, my brother-in-law, my sister... somehow, she needs to have a break through and if it's meds, I am concerned about anti-depressants used at that age as so many do cause suicidal ideation. I ended up becoming an RN and went into ICU, teaching and all kinds of things. I turned the bad into good, forgave all for what I perceived as their short-comings, including many peers/friends. What's funny now at 47, I am remembered by friends as always being happy, one with talent, a friend to all and always nice. Some recall through some posts that they recalled a time when I seemed to be sick a lot, but then again, word spread about the ovarian/female problems so I guess their memories were that my absences were due to physical-medical reasons. Your daughter could be going through a phase and/or be coming up on a life-long diagnosis. Always make sure that you keep her seeing the right kind of help and keep your mind open, as you seem to have here. Many things are not as they seem at that age. I might ask her what she thought 2 years ago she'd be like today. I'd then ask her where she sees herself at this same time in 2 years. Hopefully, she'll mention the appropriate grade and bench marks, (i.e. boyfriends and frequent switching of best-friends). Good luck to you and your quest to get your daughter back. Don't give up and let her know, if anyone does, it's her and THAT'S NOT AN OPTION. Life is too short and full of great things ahead for her to allow the boredom to just take a back seat as she begins to drive the car in her life on the busier side of the road,; not to stay withdrawn. Keep us informed so we know how you two are doing. You deserve great pats on the back for patience and understanding. Keep concerned and find out what ever you can that's working for her. Empathy for others at her age is a great place to startl So many girls/young men go through the blahs at this age, just make sure you allow for just a few missed days or she's going to end up in a downward spiral with school and feel even more worthless for having missed work. Good Luck.
Andea

Michelle - posted on 03/21/2011

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have someone talk with her who she trust. Make it a casual outing and she iof she o0pens up as to why she is uncomfortable with her surroundings. You will be surprised at her answers. My grandson was going thru thios same thing just recently and I got his godfather to take him out and make it a man's day (he's only 7). He enjoyed himself and we got to the root of the problem and things are much better. I am not saying this is your solution but it is a start. Let me know if this helps.

Lisa - posted on 03/21/2011

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Hi Kim,
It sounds like you have an extremely sensitive child. I don’t know if you have heard of the Indigo, Starseeds or Crystals, they are all sensitive. They can feel others energy, this is one of their abilities. As we move into higher frequencies, it becomes harder for those who are not aware of what is taking place across the universe, and 2011 is going to be an intense year. We just moved into another cycle that began in February 2011. . Many of the children with ADD, ADHD and Autism fit into the three categories above. As the energy shifts, people will become emotional and have anxiety. They will find themselves waking up at 3:30 in the morning, feeling fear without knowing where this is coming from.

There are several things that I teach to children and parents of these children.
First, She needs to learn how to keep other's emotion's / energy out of her field. Crystals is one way, Amethyst and Rose Quarts are two that I would personally recommend. Another thing you can do is teach her how to close her aura before going to school.

In the morning, have her meditate for 15 minutes, tell her to call upon Arch Angel Michael and ask him to protect her with the Golden Dom. Tell her to take 3 deep breathes and then breath slowly, tell her to imagine that white light is coming down from the ceiling and creating a vortex of white energy all around her. Then when she is done, what you can do is zip it up. Begin at the pelvic (Root Chakra) as if you are zipping up a coat, bring it up to her lower lip and close it, as if you are locking it up with a key. Do this in a clockwise motion.

My child was extremely emotional and began to get angry after he was diagnosed with ADHD. He could feel others emotions and would bring this home. One day, I decided to get some crystals and place them around the house. 3 days later, he asked “What did you do in the house, it feels so good in here, I don’t even want to go outside”. I did not put the two together at first, but then later on that day the light bulb went off. It was the crystals.

Today, he is 21. He is such a joy to be around. He does not talk back, does not hang around the streets, does not do drugs and the lines of communication is open so much that I really don’t need to know everything that he does, if you know what I mean.

So, I hope this helped. I am in NJ, I do classes and I will be in LA in May.
I have three sites you can look at to see what I do.
www.lisabellini.net
www.crystalhealingfoundation.com
www.voicesaroundtheworld.net

Love and Light
Lisa

Tausha - posted on 03/18/2011

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I meant do the homework at HOME-gosh-sorry about that. Please forgive my for my typos too. :)

Tausha - posted on 03/18/2011

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I meant do the homework at HOME-gosh-sorry about that. Please forgive my for my typos too. :)

Tausha - posted on 03/18/2011

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Hello-I am someone that suffered from anxiety and depression when i was 13 years. Does she do any extra curricular activity normall? Exercising is a good way to release positive endorphins. Has she tried Xanax in .25 mg dose? I find this has helped me since I have been in my 20's. Zofran is a good medicine for nausea.What is the trigger for the anxiety? There must be reasons such as peer pressure (or peers being mean). How long has she been suffering from this problem? Does she have friends? Is she shy? Missing school can be taken care of usually if she does the work at school. Would the school allow this? That way she can keep up in her studies. Is she anxious at home? Maybe keeping a journal of when she is anxious and what activity or people around her. Have any adults treated her in a way that would make her anxious? I hope the crazy email helps. :)

Gina - posted on 03/17/2011

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My 15 yeer son has suffered from anxiety since he was an infant. It has been misdiagnosed as ADHD and those medications just made things worst. He is doing home bound school because of his anxiety and stomach problems. He has Irritable Bowel Syndrome also and one condition plays of the other. I found that group therapy has help, but I also had him see an occupational therapist for about 3 months once aweek. She gave him very good information and stratigies on how to deal with stress. She was very specific about things like how to train yourself to be more of a proactive then reactive which helps with anxiety. If you are interested look for a center that is known for helping children with sensory issues or autism. This therapist taught us about things we had never been told that have made life a little easier. Hope this helps. One other point is that a traditional school is not for everyone. My son loved his teachers and friends , but could not take the symptoms the general anxiety and stomach problems caused.

C...l...a...u...d...e...t...t...e... - posted on 03/15/2011

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7% anxiety are caused from unknown sources the rest of the % is caused from lack of self esteem , poor body image , sexual abuse and/or being bullied at school. there are also extreme peer pressure now for her. talk to her as much as possible, the best remedy.

Donna - posted on 03/15/2011

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My daughter had similar problems at that age. Turns out she was being bullied by a gang of boys.I took care of that problem and things got better.Deep breathing exercises help with the stress.

Jennifer - posted on 03/15/2011

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We had had a similar problem with our youngest son, who is now almost 17 (will be this Friday). It started when he was a freshman. He started having stomach issues- was put on prilosec for acid reflux- which really didn't help. From January - June of 2009 he lost 60 pounds from not eating much at all (he was overweight, so it didn't have too bad of an affect on him). Got a scope done that June and he was diagnosed with gastroparesis (where your stomach muscles don't work). However, it was a misdiagnosis. Had tons of other tests run and nothing ever showed up. For about 2 months that summer he went basically no where. He did not go to school that year (2009/2010) because he didn't think he could handle it.
He is a LOT better than he used to be. He started back to school in the fall- on a limited schedule and has been doing really well (even getting good grades!!). I think a LOT of his problem is anxiety- but we don't really know where it stems from. He has told us over and over there are no problems with anyone at school (and we do believe him). He does have an extreme phobia about vomiting (it's called emetophobia!) and I think that causes a part of the anxiety- he'll feel nauseated and so he worries he is going to vomit, which causes him to feel even more nauseated, etc.
I do want to get him to a counselor, but keep forgetting to call the insurance company to see who they will cover around here. Like I said, he is a lot better than he used to be. I really hope you can find out how to help your daughter.

Lisa - posted on 03/14/2011

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Any good strong local churches in your area? Alot of times, a good youth group, can be just the ticket...

Giselle - posted on 03/14/2011

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Oh, and we did take our daughter out of school and used home study for the second semester of her junior year in high school. The therapist was bitterly against it since they like these kids to continue in their lives, but my child could not stay in school and had many of the stomach issues your daughter has. Home study saved my daughter's education so glad we listened to our own inner voice and not only the recommendations.

Sandra - posted on 03/14/2011

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Hi Kim. I know it's hard to determine how severe her stomach pain is, but she could be suffering from Irritable Bowel Syndrome which would make her fearful of getting sick. Has she had any "accidents" - not making it to the bathroom in time? School is very stressful for sensitive kids, and she may be afraid of being teased if she is seen going into the bathroom too often. Take her to a pediatrician - one that she will hopefully open up to about what is happening in her stomach. You could also consider home-schooling or the online schooling which is free in most states. I home-schooled my daughter and she is now in honors in college AND she performs as a dancer on stage. She was diagnosed with IBS at age 10. So have hope, she will get better if the correct problem is addressed. Sending her healing energy and best wishes for a healthy, happy life.

Linda - posted on 03/13/2011

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Your daughter isn't telling you everything...You need to get her into counciling right away! My daughter is a high functioning autistic child and we have had similar issues for years. The one thing I do do for her is give her Serotonin and that seems to help some. It is aquired at a health food store and it greatly decreases the anxiety (naturally). The rest of the issues are helped with counciling. For your daughter though she seems to be holding back on you...You really need to assure her telling you the real problem is a safe thing to do...and no matter what she says to you DON'T OVER-REACT! Keep a cool head and that will let her know what ever she might say it is safe with you...Again get counciling...I can't say that enough! I will be praying it all smoothes out for you both soon.

Kim - posted on 03/11/2011

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nothing has happened.She is dealing with anxiety and seems to be better if she is at home . been going to school but leaves every class because she is afraid she would get sick in class cause her stomach hurts, It is so hard to know what to do and when. she is such an outgoing kid with lots of friends, i just dont get it

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