26yr old daughter

Sue - posted on 08/23/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )




I have just dicovered this site

.Im in Newzealand & have been in the depths of despair with grief from loosing my 26yr old daughter two years ago 17/6/10.. She suffered a amniotic embolism during the delivery of her twin daughters.

She was on life support as we waited to see if she would recover.

She died 3 weeks after the twins birth, she left 5 beautiful children,3 of whom my husband & i are raising.

I made the decision to end the life support when all tests showed irrepairable brain damage.

Since then i havent moved much forward from devatation,disbelief & despair

.I long to hear her name but get the feeling others think i should be over it

Ive had people say it was her time to go & within months of her death the school where her children go were told by the teacher it didnt matter how tired i was i should be getting them to school on time.

I function on auto & things are an effort.

I miss my daughter so much & i dont have anyone to talk too that undertands.my depair & grief



Chaya - posted on 08/24/2012




I"ve lost three boys, one to an act of terrorism, one to a car accident, and one only lived about 15 minutes. You never really get over it, at least I haven't, and the first was nearly 30 years ago.

You need to be strong for yoru grangchildren, they need you. Don't forget your daughter, you couldn't if you tried. Sometimes you'll cry, but you probably need to.

Keep in contact with your grandchildren as much as you can, I imagine they live with dad, but visit them, email, call, whatever works best for you. They need you as much as you need them.

If you get depressed, go out, go shopping, or walking, or bicycling, or whatever works for you.

After my husband and son were killed, I started volunteering, I later met another volunteer whom I later married. That didn't work out, but it was wonderful for many years

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Ashley - posted on 09/27/2012




I am really sorry for your loss. I have never been in your position amd I pray I never do. But I have lost other people and have been around people who have lost loved ones. From what I have seen, you cant force yourself to get over it or move on. the time may never come, but if it does it will be only when you are ready for it. Dont let others try and tell you it is time, there not in your shoes and dont truly understand what you feel everday. My stepdad just passed from cancer in july. He was at home and on hospice. My mom knew it was near the end, but its not something you can prepare yourself for. I drooppeed my moms laundry off att her house and left to get my kids, wasnt go.e 20 minutes and she callled crying because hhe took his last brreath right after I left. So I rushed back to be with my mom. When I gott there her so called bbest friend was forrcing her to go outside and then tried kerping her there til they took him. I knew mmy mom hadnt said her final goodbyes so I walked her back in and stood in front of the door guarding it while her friendd waas screaming at me for letting her in the house. he wasnt even gone an houur and this lady was already telling my mom to get over it. I was so mad! Dont let people telk you how to deal with this. As for your grandkids and school, all you can do is your best. You already raissed your kids and didnt plan on raising your grandkids so tell them to shut there mouth unless they know what your going through. Getting to school late is better than not at all. Your doing your best, just keep doing it and dont let people make you feel like your wrong because your not. Keep your head up and remember there is a little bit of your daughter in each of those grandkids and that she is still with all of you in spirit. Im sure she would be proud that you stepped up to take her kids in your time of grievance. Take it a day at a time.

Bobbie - posted on 08/29/2012




Please know that people who say "it was her time" have no idea how devastating it is to hear them say such things.

With the death of a child it is even more difficult to heal and we need space to grieve. The time we take is measured by stages we are able to move through. The seven stages of grief is attached below.

I suggest you get a lovely journal. something that looks like what your daughter would have picked out. In it write your words of grief. Write how her children are doing and how they miss her and allow it to pour out onto the pages and fill them up as if you are writing the words directly to her. Keep it close to you. In those moments of the deepest darkest dispair the journal will give you a release.


[deleted account]

Oh I'm so sorry

First I lost my dad a year ago and it's not the same as your child. But I would go see a doctor for depression. I have that. I would say its not fair that I'm alive and my dad is dead. And yes it takes all of your strength to get up every morning. When you get on the right meds you will start to feel better. I really don't think your daughter would want to be the way you are. If you need to talk email me jen_jsa@yahoo.com.

It's hard

Sue - posted on 08/24/2012




Hi Chaya

My heart goes out to you with your loss.It certainly put into perspective that others have worse loss than i.

My husband & i are raising 3 of the 5 children my daughter had.

Sadly their father isnt worth mentioning.

Thank you so much for replying to my post:)

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