A baby at 52

Angel - posted on 10/19/2011 ( 14 moms have responded )

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Don't know if any of you saw the crushing article in New York Magazine a few weeks ago that called women who have children after 50 "decrepit", "freakish" and "bizarre", but it's caused a big reaction, including an upcoming show on Anderson Cooper.
I talked to Linda Laszewski who had her baby at 52 just so that we can understand why women do have children at this age.
Many experts attribute it to "The Quiet Revolution", one of the key reasons more women today are delaying motherhood. I welcome your comments and thoughts on this subject. http://flowerpowermom.com/new-mom-at-fif...

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Tanya - posted on 11/01/2011

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I had triplets a few months shy of 48, twenty years after the birth of my fourth child. I can tell you, now at 54 years old, I feel just as good as I did all those years ago. I have 6 grandchildren close to and the same age as my trio. Over the past seven years, most comments have been good and congratulating ... but there are those that are hurtful. Most of the negativity comes from people that I consider unworthy of my ears even hearing their comments. My children are well rounded wonderful first graders, and all of their friends parents have no problem with us as older parents. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. No regrets here! (Tanya Siekman)

Clara - posted on 02/08/2012

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I'm was a new mother at 50 and I think that I'm fitter and finer than any 25 yr old. Not to mention the fact that I'm financially stable, have experienced the world and gained some wisdom from it. I also helped raise all of my sisters (5 sisters) raise children and I'm their favorite Aunt. I feel it is a blessing to be a mother at any age. One last thing, just because you're young and you can doesn't mean that you should.

Denikka - posted on 11/02/2011

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This is coming from a younger mom, and I truly don't mean to offend anyone, or specify anyone with my post.

An older parent comes with both pros and cons.
The pros include being more financially stable, you've gotten out and done your thing and are ready to settle down into motherhood, and you're probably a lot more comfortable as to where you are in life, and where you will be in the next few years. That's just to name a few.
Some of the cons are the lack of energy or inability to be as active as some younger parents (obviously this doesn't apply to everyone, or even most I would say), you may have less patience, and there's a fair chance that you'll be going through menopause while your child is hitting the hormonal pubescent phase.

I personally would not have a child over the age of 40. Especially not a first child. I would be hard pressed to have a child over 35.
I think that the cons, and the risks, far outweigh the benefits to the child. As you get older, pregnancy is harder on your body. And as you get older, you have less to give to your child.
I know that sounds not quite the way I want it to, but hear me out.
You have your first child at age 40. In a lot of cases, this means that you'll probably only have one child.
Say you hit menopause at age 55. That child is going to be 15 and delving into the hormones that make up the teenage creature. My mother went through her teen years while my grandmother went through menopause. Two crazy women with hormones running rampant....let's just say it wasn't pretty and there was a lot of screaming, broken glass and a little blood at the end of those years. That's not the case with everyone, and I realize that it's more of an extreme case, but still. Two extremes on the scale just screams bad idea to me.
If your child graduates school at age 18, and then goes on to college, living at home while they do so, it is reasonable to expect that your child will be at home until roughly 23-25. You have a reasonable expectation that you will just be retiring (age 65), if you work, when your child leaves home for the first time.
Now, it is not uncommon for children to need to come back to their parents home. Especially in this economy. So maybe they come back. You may have your child living with you, off and on, into your 70's.
If your child chooses to follow in your foot steps and wait to have children of their own, your first grandchild may come along when you're between 75 and 80 years old.
If this is the case, you will be very lucky if you see your grandkids graduate, let alone have children of their own. your great grandkids if they also choose to wait.
Not to mention that you'd pretty much have to be a story time only type of grandparent. I don't see many 80 year olds being able to get down on the floor, or get out and run around and play with the children.

I'm not saying that it's wrong for a woman to have a child later in life, just not something I would choose to do for myself.
I will say that having a child over the age of 50 just seems foolish to me, and the women who have had children over age 60 are just moronic. At that age, you are almost forcing your child to bury you while they are still children, or too close to it in my mind. (That's in reference to the 66yr old who gave birth to triplets, different in her society (although still dumb) but in the Western world, I would say that it's almost inexcusable).

It brings to mind a quote from Jurassic Park, from the good Dr. Ian Malcom
"Yeah, but your scientists were so preoccupied with whether they could that they didn't stop to think if they should."
Just because a 66yr old woman CAN get pregnant, doesn't mean that they SHOULD. I don't think it should be illegal, but I do wish more people would use common sense and think more about the children they are bringing into, and potentially leaving in, this world. I won't deny that things can happen to anyone of any age, disease, injury etc, but at 20, 25, 30, you have a reasonable expectation of being there at your child's graduation, their wedding, the birth of their first child.

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Kristina - posted on 02/15/2012

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Dennika, I agree with you completely, while it is difficult to apply one train of thought to all people across the board, and you were careful not to do that, you spoke from the heart, were honest and conveyed how you, yourself would handle having children. I respect that. Having said that, I AM a mother who had twin boys at age 41 and I have to say, it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life....The late night feedings, keeping up with them and more has been incredibly difficult for me over 40. I had my first child when I was 35 and that was a walk in the park compared to just 6 years later. So, you, at least in my case, are SPOT ON....Also, I have started to think about the impact my age will have on my children....When they graduate high school, will I be there for grandchildren, marriages, etc. All of these things are prevalent and should be when older parents consider having more or their first children. It should not be just about what WE want but the impact this will have on the children as well. Have we planned for them financially and otherwise should something happen to us as older parents? So much to think about. I also know that in many cases, older parents love and appreciate their children to impth degree...so, lots to think about....life is a journey...for sure!

Christy - posted on 11/29/2011

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I think when a young woman is having a baby no one never think about it,but when it a older woman every body got a opinion about it. NOT FAIR My mother was one of the those older woman and if she listen to her doctor and friend I wouldn't be here talking to you day.My mother say having me late in life made her appreciate being a new Mom and all the little thing young mother miss a just are just don't care about. When than do it to later the time has past and you can't get back a first. So for all you older Mom out there hold your head up high and be proud just like my Mom.

Annie - posted on 11/17/2011

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I agree with you Rebecca. I am far more patient with my young two than I was as a younger mum. I am 54, I have two daughters aged 33 and 32, a son 20 and a daughter 19. Three years ago we took in a 7 week old girl and a year later, her 2 week old sister. We (my husband is 53) love them and enjoy them. I've lost a dress size so that I will be fitter to play with them, but looking at many of the younger mums these days, not many of them are as active with their children anyway.

Some times people may say some remark about them being my grandchildren with a querying look on their face and I love saying, "No, i have six grandchildren with another on the way, but, these two are mine!" Our friends and other people in our town all accept it and think the girls are blessed to have us. But it's a two way street, we certainly feel blessed to have them! We have many people offering to babysit the girls if we go out without them, as they enjoy the girls' company.

There was a woman in England who wished to have a baby once she had retired and no doctor would help her so she went to Russia or India (I can't remember which) to get pregnant. She had no husband, no children, was not in contact with work colleagues, she had no support network. I did not agree with her plans. However, another woman in India had a baby at the age of 68 and the entire village she lived in and those surrounding it, supported her, helping to raise the boy. I think that's the key to enjoying life as older parents. Having a support network and knowing that if for any reason, the parents can't continue to care for the child/ren, there are others who can.

BTW, does anyone question John Travolta's wife, Kelly Preston's ability to care for her baby? She's 48. What about Rod Stewart who is 66 and recently fathered a child? Other famous people to have twins include Mariah Carey at 41, Marcia Cross at 44 and Holly Hunter at 47? Who questions these people to ask did they use common sense?

So enjoy being a 'new mother' again Rebecca & Tanya & Michelle! Personally, I think it's one of the most unselfish things I've ever done!

Rebecca - posted on 11/14/2011

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You are so right Michelle! Congrats to you and your husband! I hate the comments people make when I am out shopping with all three of my kids. Like you are to old to have newborn twins and an 16 month old are they really yours? I am so blessed to have these three boys in my life and I am excited about raising three more. I have an even number at last as I have 5 girls all grown and now 5 boys of which two are grown. People really do need to bite their tongues as there are so many kids out there that need good loving homes with loving parents and yes even older parents can do this. I find I have more patience with the boys then I did when I was a young mom.

Michelle - posted on 11/14/2011

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My husband and I have raised 4 grown children, and are now adopting a 2 year old. People can be a parent at any age( as we are finding out), and just be blessed that we have the funds to do this..Not everyone is young as a parent, and most people need to bite the tongue before they ask!!

Rachel - posted on 11/01/2011

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rebecca such a warm story i'll pray for your lovely family as i start thr journey. i think this is awesom

Rachel - posted on 11/01/2011

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im 50 a mother of four. breast cancer 3 times and was prefnabt inbetween there froze ovum and now want another child am i fair to do this.

Rebecca - posted on 11/01/2011

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Thank you Tanya it is great to have another mom to talk to. I have raised 7 kids all grown and now I am starting all over again with my adopted son (Great Nephew) and his brothers too! I am doing it alone except for my twins who have been helping me since I got them on Thursday. My twins are almost 19 and they were my babies. I really do love being a mom even at my age! I too am easy to find Rebecca Whicker

Tanya - posted on 11/01/2011

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How wonderful! I never once regretted having my babies .. although the feedings got a bit hairy when I was alone! Congratulations to you and the very best of luck! Keep in touch ... it's great to communicate with an older Mom! I'm easily found, by my name (Tanya Siekman)

Rebecca - posted on 11/01/2011

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Tanya that is great to hear as on Thursday I got a call from social services and my soon to be son that I am adopting mom had twins on the 22nd of October so I now have three lil one and I am 49. I love having the identical twin boys and I am really enjoying them and the every 2 hour feedings! It is such a joy and a blessing to me and our family to have them!

Rebecca - posted on 10/23/2011

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I don't think age should matter if you really want a child. The only thing is you make arrangements for someone else to raise the child if something should happen to you but really everyone should do this as you never know what could happen to you at any age.

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