Am I crazy to even be thinking of having another baby at 41?

Robin - posted on 04/03/2010 ( 81 moms have responded )

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So I'm 41, will be 42 in Oct. I have six children,ages21,13,9,6,4,and 3, four of which are adopted! We had planned on having one more natural child before we adopted the three girls.Didn't really see that one comming!LOL Am I nuts for still considering it?

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Tisha - posted on 09/14/2012

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Robin, I personally would not care what others think even though you have had alot of supporting people on here .....this is the way I look at it you will be the one to carry it ..you will be the one to raise and financially take care of it......If your story is anything like mine....we we're high school sweethearts being sexually active (but smart enough to get on birth control) and our parents found out and did everything in there power to keep us apart....we later went on to marry other people my husband ended up having no children his first wife decided that wasn't for her she ended up leaving him due to she was seeing someone....I married had three children at present there ages are 22, 19 ,and 13...my marriage did not work due to a husband that could not be faithful...long story short with my last child I had my tubes tied....meet back up with my high school sweetheart both divorced and we picked up where we left off literally like we we're young again it was amazing to have the love you always wanted and know it was real love.....this begins our story when we meet back up we talked about children he stated he always wanted a child or children I told him about my tubes and he ask can it be reversed and at the time i wasn't sure I worked at a law office....him at a chemical plant.....wasn't sure about being off work and everything that goes along with it.....we begin to research and found a specialist in North Carolina his name being Dr. Gary Berger before i knew it i flew to North

Carolina me and my hubby had my tubes untied and two months later i was pregnant with my little Madison (i had her at 38) out of the 4 pregnancies i have had she seemed to be my easiest i had no problems :) said all this to say i just turned 41 and we want one more ..people who dont have this DESIRE have no idea .....and if you looked at life like others that your gonna die when your child is 20 then people would never have children ....my husband was born late in life his parents are 73 and 78 and i am amazed at the way the take care of themselves and thrive off of life.........I am through Lord I wrote a book did not mean to ..... All I have to say is GOOD LUCK KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND DO WHAT YOUR HEART DERSIRES :)

Dawn - posted on 04/08/2010

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i thought this was a place for mothers over 40,if u have something bad to say about moms waiting to have their children later in life,say it somewhere else .i think its funny how women that have already had all their kids tell other people not to bring any more on the planet(lol)

[deleted account]

My children are 14, 12, and 8. I am going to be 50 in a few months. My kids are my life and after my little guy was born when I was 41 I still (after the first 3 years) thought I wanted to adopt. I knew that I couldn't conceive because I was thrown into early menopause. My last child needed heart surgeries, etc. and he has Down Syndrome. He is the love of my life and I would do it all again. But I will tell you that the desire to adopt another child with DS has now pretty much gone away. With him at 8yrs and needing my full attention, a young teen and another following close behind... I am often VERY tired! LOL. I started late having my children, too, and I feel so very blessed to have them. I do worry a little about the future and I have to make sure things are "in place" perhaps a bit more than some who never deal with medical issues. I think everyone has the right to make their own decisions regarding their family but I do believe that one must really get out of their "feelings" and put on their "logic cap". Sometimes, it IS our husbands who keep us from making a decision based on maternal "feelings". If I had no one giving me some logical dialog, I would have adopted another child with DS by the time my youngest was 8 and to tell you the truth, while I would have handled my decision, I would be so much more exhausted and my older two would have even less of me. If I knew that I could live a VERY long life and I could succeed in getting this young one potty trained (remember, he is 8) then I might, and I say might... be able to adopt an older child. But these are decisions that you must try to keep your emotions out of and take a good, hard look at what is on your plate, who is available IF you die earlier than expected, how do the older children feel about it (because the odds are you WILL pass on before the younger ones are truly on their own) etc. I would NOT change my life for anything. I ADORE all of my children. But I DID almost (thank the Lord for my husband) change my life by "wishing" for another little guy to be "friends" with my youngest and I am SO GLAD at this point that I did not follow those desires. The 3 that I have (especially my little man) need ALL of me now, and there just isn't anything left of me to go around. God bless and weigh both sides of every issue. And don't try to manipulate your significant other because THEY are affected by our choices, also.

Georgene - posted on 04/07/2010

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I am 55, my Husband 57. We have 4 children 32, 30, 5, 2 1/2. last two are adopted through foster care. My advise to you is make sure you keep yourself healthy. yearly physicals, mamograms, pap smears, colonoscopiy, no smoking, eat right, exercise. When my little one turns 18 I will be 71 and my husband 73. I want to live long enough to see them grow up healthy and happy. so please stay healthy and happy.

Karen - posted on 04/07/2010

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Robin - I read the other posts & agree with most. My vote is really pray & think about it. If you & your husband decide on having another one I would do it quickly! With your youngest being 3 you won't have a big age difference. I just turned 50 & have 4 kids. When I had my youngest at 32 I wasn't sure if I was finished - my husband was:) - but we knew if my husband didn't have a vasectomy we would be pregnant again within the year. A dear friend told me that there will be a last baby - no matter how many you have.....that helped me a lot. For me not having more was, as well as other factors, the end of an "era" for me. Good luck!!

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Kathleen - posted on 06/05/2013

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No you aren't nuts: you and your partner are loving parents who have lots of patience and empathy. Yeah, it's expensive to raise children but I'm a big believer that children need two essential things to thrive: love and stability. The money will always somehow come and work out. Without love, without a sense of stability where a child can feel secure coming home to the same home, the same parents, the same school, the same bedroom, the same dinnertime--THIS is what makes kids grow into productive members of society. And only we parents can provide this for them. So NO, but no means are you nuts! I think you're a beautiful person. I wish I was like you.

Joyce - posted on 09/20/2012

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You may be the happiest mom alive with another child, so don't discount that. As for myself, I am 55 and both of mine are grown. Both pregnancies were tragedies in their own ways and looking back, I am convinced those were God's way of telling me that pregnancy and I were not a good mix. Both pregnancies took so much out of me when I was young and now, I am a physical disaster, ever since. Fifty-five is too young for this and both of them have LD's and still need me and I am a caregiver for my Mother, who is 86. My point is that maybe it is good to enjoy the happiness you have and not to take all your positives for granted, as catastrophic events can and do occur w/o warning. Our youngest was born 15 weeks severely premature and I was a model pregnant mommy. I found out after delivery that I had placenta abruptio and no one saw this on any of the dozens of the ultrasounds I had as soon as I started having trouble. This was 25 years ago and a few million dollars later and she still needs care. I am so tired and as much as I adore my 2, I am glad we decided to stop while we only had 2 to care for. Catastrophic events can severely alter the entire family dynamic. So check your health thoroughly with your team of doctors first before your bring a child into the world who may need very much care and attention. No one gets pregnant saying: Let's have a sick baby. God bless you for all the children you do love and care for!!

Barbara - posted on 09/16/2012

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Nope, not at all. I got pregnant with my last baby when I was 43. He wasn't planned but is truly a blessing, he is a VERY active child! He will be 2 in October. My other boy just turned 9.

Gina - posted on 04/12/2010

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hi Nancy what a adorable little lad. Exactly what i say . I think she does too. It takes a special person to be a mom and an even more special mom to want to adopt. You have a great day
Gina

Nancy - posted on 04/11/2010

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Hi Robin,
You must be an amazing Mom to have all your children and still want to be a new Mom again. The right thing for you is what you feel in your heart. It looks like you have a lot of love in your heart for all your children and more love for another... do what is right for you and your family.
Best of everything!
Nancy
HeartMommy of Garrett
www.heartmommy.com

Gina - posted on 04/11/2010

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Hi robin i had a converstion with someone who reminded me of some of the dangers to having a child after 40. I stated that i was sure if you and your husband were planning on another baby you would have surely did your homework into all of that . Am i right ?
gina

Gina - posted on 04/11/2010

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That is true but i am sure that if they are wanting another child they have done their homework. At least i would hope so. My nephew and his wife had a little girl with downs and they were in their late 20's. That little girl is a blessing nothing " pushed them over the edge and my aunt had rubella when she was pregnant with my cousin she was 21 years old . So these complications don't only happened with over 40 mom's . Although i do like to hear your thoughts i still think people planning would do the homework .

Stephanie - posted on 04/11/2010

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I'd look into the risks of chromosomal abnormalities before I got pregnant at that age. The risks of abnormalities are absolutely linked to maternal age, and they are real. I believe the risk of Downs, based on age a lone is greater than 1 in 57 (I don't have my textbook home with those numbers). So having a baby at that age is fine, as long as it wouldn't push you over the edge if you had a child with Downs or another of the common trisomies. I'm 42 also, and an ultrasound student. I frequently see the hurt that accompanies these pregnancies. I know my husband would LOVE another baby, but I know I'm not willing to risk it on purpose.

Gina - posted on 04/11/2010

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Absolutely not !!! Who would ever tell you ,you were. All i have to say is make sure you can afford the extra cost. You obviously have more than enough love to go around . Don't go nuts like this women on TLC 19 and counting. lol There has to be an end somewhere. Go ahead plan that other baby . Good luck !!! Koodos to you and your husband for adopting thoes 3 girls . Lots of Love and tons of respect to you .
Gina

[deleted account]

I'm expecting triplets in three weeks, at 41... :) Pregnancy went well, so no, you're not nuts, if you're healthy, and able to provide the child with a safe home and good perspectives... These are my first kids, btw... Life as we know it will soon be over... :)

Audrey - posted on 04/10/2010

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I adopted my first child then got pg with son and at 37 had my last daughter. With your busy schedule if you decide to, make sure you take really, really good vitamins. Either way you should be taking them. So glad I did. Sometimes as moms we have a tendency to take of everyone else and ourself last. But your family needs a healthy mom. I wish you well.

[deleted account]

hi
im 52 and have a 10, 13 and 29 year olds
can u afford it? and are you healthy? they keep you very busy...dont misunderstand I love mine dearly but am feeling my age...

Donna - posted on 04/10/2010

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Hi Robyn (& Terri)

Just read your post & understand how you feel. Have you read the "Pregnancy Miracle Book" (google search the web)? Lots of older mums (up to 46!) have conceived using its menthods. I had my 1st (son) thru IVF just before my 39th birthday. Then did natural therapies & with Gods help, conceived our miracle daughter naturally at 40 & 7 months while still breastfeeding. Lucy just turned 1 (I'm 42 1/2). I feel so blessed to have my children! Wishing you all the best!

Lisa - posted on 04/10/2010

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I was 41 when I had my last daughter, 38 when I had my first. I would not change a thing.

Kar - posted on 04/10/2010

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It really depends on your physical health. I began to raise my 6 week old granddaughter when I was 44 and she is now 21 years old. I wouldn't trade it for the world! Good luck with your decision and God bless!

Carrie - posted on 04/10/2010

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I'm 44 and my husband would jump at the chance of having another, for me no way. It is totally up to you, no matter what anyone thinks. If you think you can handle another one and want another one then I say go for it. But as for me, I am finished, my kids are wonderful well behaved kids, I just cannot see myself starting all over again, it is just not for me. I feel like I could have another one, but I want to be around long enough to see them grow up and have kids. That would be the only down fall. But I guess it would keep you young. :)

Becky - posted on 04/10/2010

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I wouldn't have another baby...I'd put him down and forget where I put him. lol

Annmarie - posted on 04/09/2010

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Hi Robin,
My mum had me at 40 and I was definitely no accident. Apart from arriving 2 months premi, my Mum & Dad wouldn't have changed a thing.(A memory I treasure all my life). They had a great life bringing up all 5 of us with myself born 10 years after my 4 siblings. I think 40 is a great enlightenment age in our lives as we look on the past and try to improve the future.
So, my answer would be .....if your healthy, go for it,live your life and enjoy your babies. You have a wonderful gift that's meant to be shared so nurture away. You're family will love you all the more for sharing of yourself this way. A gift is better when it's shared, and only wasted when withheld from the world. . ......
Here's hoping you spill lots of sugar soon!.....for the pitter-patter of little feet and the massive joy it will bring to your life.

Sylvia - posted on 04/09/2010

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I had my son Malcolm at 42 after 22 years. No he wasn't planned but he is a joy. If you make that decision make sure you have a physical and get checked for fibroids. If you have them they will grow due to the the hormone level and increased blood flow and can cause some discomfort but if you know you have them you can be ready to tackle them. God bless you in whatever you decide to do.

Sharon - posted on 04/09/2010

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If you have no problems and you kids are great who cares. There is a lady on tv who gave birth to 18 children and I have 5 , 2 natural and 3 adopted and I have more problem then the lady with the 18. Believe me I love my kids and appreciate them. So good luck to you and your babies.

Diana - posted on 04/09/2010

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Hi Robin. I had my second daughter at 42! She is healthy, but........it's not fair to them since you won't get to see them old enough and they will stay alone in this rotten world! :( That is the only negative thing with having children in your 40's not to mention the health risks you take and the child takes. It's not worth it when you have 6 other children. Remember that all pregnancies have risks and at your age it's even higher. I am now 49 and my baby is only 7. It's embarrassing when kids bother her or tease her about having an old mom and dad! Kids are cruel. Just my two cents..

Deb - posted on 04/09/2010

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No, I am 42 and have four children 14, 12, 5 and 7 months! As long as you feel you are up to it and can afford it, I say go for it!

Georgina - posted on 04/09/2010

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Not in my opinion,
we've 8 from 27 down to 7 and i'm 50 now so was 43 when i had my last one,

really you do whats right foryou and you partner and family

Stacy - posted on 04/08/2010

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not at all I am 44 an my daughter just turned 1 so if your nuts then I must be totally insane LOL .I met my hubby late in life and we had our son when I was 37 and had trouble having our daughter I had surgury them finaly was able to have her she is a true blessing as will your baby be best of luck to you be positive and find a awsome doc like we did!!

Jakki - posted on 04/08/2010

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The desire for a baby is not a rational thing - our very cells are telling us to have more babies. But we are intelligent beings and we have the ability to use our minds instead of obeying our instincts!

I've got 3 kids, so I'm telling this to myself too, but we should also be thinking of the impact of our kids on the planet - are there enough resources for us to keep up our Western way of life for the next century and beyond? The answer is no. Sorry to be the bringer of bad news.

Clara - posted on 04/08/2010

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I say to each their own! If God intends for you to be Blessed once again it will happen. I had my baby at 39, and everyone thought I was nuts. I just turned 50 and have no regrets. If you can afford another one, I say go for it!

[deleted account]

I had my first at 40 and hope to be pregnant again by the end of this year - I turn 42 in about 4 weeks! Don't let age be the deciding factor, yes it shlould be a consideration due to the "advanced maternal age" and the possible complications and risk factors that come with it but I thnk that should be at the bottom of your list, it's all the ther factors you need to consider, time, money, health, other kids etc etc.

Gillian - posted on 04/08/2010

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Hi Robin
I can totally empathise with your feelings. I was 50 in February and still would like to add just one more to my family! I have 5 children My eldest lad is 27 in May then I have 4 girls aged 25, 17 ,7 and 6. Somehow one more (another boy wwould be lovely) would just round it all off nicely! I was chatting to an elderly lady recently (she told me she was 85) and she admitted to still feeling broody! HELP!

Vicki - posted on 04/08/2010

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Robin,
Whatever your decision is, is yours alone. My husband and I would love to have another child as well (we have 3). I was 31 when my last baby was born and she too has Down syndrome. Shortly after she was born my body went into early menopause and I ended up having surgery so I can not have another child. At first I was not bothered by it but now in my mid forties I really have that pull for another baby. Would love to adopt a child with Down syndrome but with the medical issues with our daughter and the economy it is not in our realm. Good luck to you and your family.....may God bless you always.

Jean - posted on 04/08/2010

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I would say good for you! I am 42 and am trying one last time for my 4th child. I have 23 and 18 year old girls and a 2 year old boy - I so enjoy every single second of him being a baby and a toddler. With my girls I was only 18 and 23 respectively when I had them and feel like I may have been too young to appreciate exactly what was happening, this time I just get this wonderful feeling of happiness and joy, the hurriedness is not there this time. I am enjoying this sooo much that we decided to try to have one more!!! Good luck!!!

Lorrie - posted on 04/08/2010

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I'm 43 with 3 adopted children. If my health was better I'd adopt atleast one if not two more. Now my hubby at 51 would probably say different. LOL
Lorrie

Jodell - posted on 04/08/2010

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I say yep please try. I had my first at 38 and I have had 2 miscarriages after that. But, I feel you are a very strong women so hey go for it and please keep us posted.

Barbara - posted on 04/08/2010

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I am in my late fifties and I would still like to have another baby. They are so precious. Besides God only gives what he wants you to have. Age is just numbers. It is how you feel inside that counts. If you can afford it go for it. I know a lady that is 54 and had twin girls. They are all doing great.

Jane - posted on 04/08/2010

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I have 4 children 8-16 and i will be 50 in May. I had prayed specifically for my daughter to have a sister...altho they are 8 years apart! My prayers were answered and I was blessed with a daughter 2 months before my 42nd BDay. I had always said I would love to have 2 of each and my family was complete. Now, I can't imagine 6! but I wish you the best, and hope that you also receive the desires of your heart! I also thought I might mention that (unbeknown to me at the time) I was peri-menopausal at the time I concieved, so i went into Menopause before her 2nd birthday. And the other thing was that pregnant over 40 was a lot harder than 34, 36 & 39. We made the decision to trust that the.Good Lord knew what was best for us, and we are definitely "older" parents...I will have mine in 4 different schools this next year and so my life is on "hold" at the moment should I want to go back to work or whatnot...but my first priority is my family. I have been an at home mother now for over 17 years and the idea of getting back out there is scary, but with the economy so uncertain I may have to, and I am torn over what is best. I feel fortunate to have been able to be home with my children and truly believe that it has made a huge difference! Rather than wrestle over the decision I am turning it over to someone bigger than me who I know has not only MY best interests at heart, but those of the rest of the family as well. Good Luck!

Misty - posted on 04/08/2010

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I applaud you mam. I've had those feelings of wanting another child, but I choose rather to continue enjoying my grandchildren, and giving them right back to their mother. After raising three, as a single mom, I am now enjoying my freedom to be a little more selfish with myself.

Laura - posted on 04/07/2010

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no. the joy of children brightens your day everyday.your not nuts it's a gift from god. good luck. :)

Karen - posted on 04/07/2010

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My Mother was 41 and Dad was 47 when she had me and that was after 2 sisters who were in High School. I basically grew up with 3 Moms, but I was okay with that. My husband's Mom was 46 and Dad was 54 when he was born. He had 5 older sibs that were 27-23 years older. Then they had another family. One brother that was 10 years older and another that was 8 years older than him when he was born. All has worked out. God bless you for wanting more kids in this age when most people think 2 is too many!! Don't be surprised though if people think you are the grandparents. That is a minor issue. Good luck with the decision that you find right for you and your husband.

Evelyn - posted on 04/07/2010

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I get it . I am 41 and have been feeling the baby craz for a couple of months know.I had my tubes tied five yrs ago and believe me that feeling seems to get stronger ever day. So no I don't think your crazy . If it's possile and your Dr. agrees then go for it.Have that baby for all the 40 something's out here who can't

Barb - posted on 04/07/2010

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Hi Robin,
I don't think you are crazy at all. My last child was born when I was 43. He is such a delight to have around.

[deleted account]

O.K. coming into the discussion late, so if this has been said already kindly ignor my post. I am of the mind that if you are having a child to fulfill some need in yourself you are setting yourself up for disappointment. As a mom you know that kids don't always turn out the way you hope. They are not to full us.
O.K. now the practical side, first you are not that far from grandparent age. Your 21 year old could very easily give you grand kids soon. The urge to hold and love a baby is strong. I'm feeling it too. But it won't be that long until you have grandbabies. Then consider this when your baby is 20 you will be in your 60's. You know yourself that health can start to decline at that age. Also you know that multiples increase as women age as do the risks of birth defects. Now I am the mom of twins with special needs, and love my kids more than life; however, it is much more difficult to raise them than it is my typical singleton.
No one can tell you what to do. But I can tell you my baby maker is off line-I'm 45 so not much older. I spend my time getting involved with other peoples kids, helping in nursery, etc. Then I will spoil my grand's when they come.

Dawn - posted on 04/07/2010

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I am 41 and will be 42 in June. I have just one little one, Brianna, and she is 2. We have enjoyed her sooo much that we have been trying for another which hasn't happened yet. I'm not going to go beyond any measure other than taking Chlomid to help make it happen ....but we've been trying for a year now and I am now wondering when I'm going to pull the plug on this if nothing happens by my 42nd birthday. It's starting to wear me down.....

Lisa - posted on 04/07/2010

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I have a 18 year old and a 20 month old. I'm 42 and my husband is 46...life is good. We could of course use more energy, LOL! but it is alot of fun!

Susan - posted on 04/07/2010

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Good luck!God bless u and u'ers i! am jealous! MY ONLY CHILD IS 22+ I AM 43YRS!

Judi - posted on 04/07/2010

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I am going to be 55 in May.seven years ago God laid it upon my heart to foster children.. I have stopped fostering and have a 11 year old adopted son and 6 yearld adopted daughter. Between my children and grans the ages are: 33,32,11,10,9,8,7,6,5,2 mos. old. I would not trade my life in for anything. God will get you through. Just give your dilemna to him and he will lead the way.

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