Michelle - posted on 09/02/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )
I don't even know where to begin, but I need the support of other Moms who have been through this. Tough Love stinks!
Our son has bombed out of community college (I think his main motivation for doing it was for the financial aid money.) He failed acouple classes and then owed the collge money because of it. Couldn't go back until he paid them a few hundred dollars.Wouldn't call and deal with it. Wouldn't get a job. "He won't do fast food."He found something wrong inany work suggestion.
I could have almost tolerated that if he made an attempt to wash his own clothes, help around the house (just picking up after himself) but he did a rare and occasional chore but that is it. He went to hang out with his girlfriend, partied all night and was coming home drunk a lot of the time. His dad, my husband dared to "call him on his drinking." That made him furious at the suggestion of AA because that is what kids his age do is party.We weren't buying it...and argument ensued and he packed his bags, took his xbox and said we were shunning him and left. My husband told him to leave if he wasn't going to respect house rules ie curfew, helping his parents who have many health issues. Our poor daughter (18 in community college) always had to pick up slack because he did nothing.
He has been gone 3 weeks staying with friends, girlfriend etc and hasn't spoken to us since. Our daughter has some contact with him but it's breaking our heart. But we have been through this so many times and took him back in and things always get worse. He always had the advantage because we caved and let him come back home. But, I knew that we could do nothing else. He is working I guess, his girlfriend is constantly telling him to call and talk to us and he hasn't.
There were a lot of mistakes I made when he was young like undermining my husband's authority and not standing behind his decisions etc so he had an edge and could get in between us. I have changed and won't tolerate that and he doesn't like it. My husband isn't perfect but has done nothing to warrant the pure hatred he has for his dad.
I am sorry to go on and on but I have to vent with someone---my husband and I are sticking together and know that this is what has to be for him to grow up and accept responsibility but it hurts so much. Any thoughts, experience?