Any Moms that have lost a child?

Katherine - posted on 04/19/2013

As a mom, it's exciting to look at other roles we have in life and which ones can become richer. My son has run away at his personal decision and is taking advice from a woman who listens to him passive-aggressively along with her three teenaged boys who do nothing and smoke pot. He has blocked his family and has been out for more than seven days. This happens. When I recently heard a woman speak about her 27 year old in jail for four years after a drunken driving accident, I cried. I lost it.

My relationship was a co-dependent one, hoping to have a son who is very bright assist as we moved into a house. Well he is so angry at divorced parents that he may never come home. The 40 year old "his friend" was beaten as a child and ranaway.

Geez. Like we all have to figure things out, but he's living a life of personal satisfaction.
Our family is angry. He is currently lost in mind and spirit. I pray and find him a little because he only believes a little. We cannot press our beliefs on our children. Even if society pushes them on us. We can...communicate what is better after seeking advice on things we do not know answers to. Blessings on another window of love opening up.

Rose - posted on 04/18/2013

I feel you. I lost my 21yr old son 5yrs ago this saturday. He was hit by a truck on his way home from a friends house. I still hurt and cry some days. Of course this week has been hard. But, like you I am still here and standing strong. I will never stop missing and really don't want to. He was, is and always will be a part of me. I know in my heart where my son is and that he is safe and happy, and that makes me feel better when I especially miss him like around the holidays or his birthday. It is nice to talk to others who are or have gone though the same.

Ginger - posted on 04/13/2013

Sophia, I understand. The pain doesn't go away. And there is no way to understand it either. I lost my daughter on Feb 9, 2013. I still can barely talk, think or function. Yet, I still have to work and pretend. I only survive by trying not to think. I pray, I read I watch happy things. But, she's always in the background. I actually feel her around me, which helps. So, I do understand the pain. I am praying for you to find peace and comfort some how. You are not alone.

Beth - posted on 03/09/2013

I have not lost a child to death...although I have been in a bitter custody battle moving quickly into 2 years now. I have had but one visit that lasted one hour supervised by the state of Illinois. In 22 months Ihave had less than 3 telephone conversations with my now 13 and 9 year olds-----Im not drug addicted, nor am I addicted to alcohol or anything else for that matter.I was not violent or neglectful parent. I am a loving single mother of two. I am a survivor of domestic violence. I am survivor of a troubled and tulmultous childhood / youth. I feel the only people or mothers whom can begin to understand my grief are those whom have lost a child. Although I am blessed that my two kids are alive and well to the best of my knowledge....everyday to rise and go thru motions of presenting a level of normalcy is a struggle. I hope for a future together as family again. That hope is my only life line. Without that hope... I would take my last breath. Please if anyone can give advice, words of encouragement , or even a silent prayer I desperately need you to reach out!

Jennifer - posted on 03/06/2013

I embrace you Cindy with the love and strength of God to help you move forward knowing that God is the only one that can heal such a deep pain that has formed in your heart. I thought that I could not move on myself when I lost my five year old son to the negligence of a careless driver and I often wonder since it has been almost 2 yrs since my son died how can I help other moms and dads like myself overcome the sorrow and deep pain. I can only give you my testimony of how God continues to strengthen me everyday knowing for sure that I will see my son again by my faith in God. I hope and pray for you and your family that God hands will rest upon you. Cindy you are not alone and the only thing I can say to now is that I do understand your pain and suffering because it happened to me as well. If you need to talk to me at any given time just reach out to me because I am here and may God bless you forever.

Cindy - posted on 03/06/2013

When God closes one door he opens a window.I lost my 28 year old son to Oxycotin he died alone in his apartment. He was my youngest child I thought my heart would break in to a million pieces then out of the blue got a call to take a 18 month old little girl we did it was so hard but we take it one day at a time I think of him everyday its a cruel thing no parent should ever have to bury a child but you survive snd go on

Sofia - posted on 03/05/2013

I lost my 24 year old only son on the 30th September 2012. He was run over by a distracted bus driver in Spain. This is the worst pain that a mother can feel. I am in a terrible state of shock to date and honestly do not want to move forward. But nobody seems to understand this. He was my only reason to live.

Jennifer - posted on 03/02/2013

Tammy I want to say to you forever keep your faith in God because he only knows the real why he chose to take Brandon speaking from my heart to yours. I can only give my testimony about my Joshua who was only five years old when he died so suddenly. I must say this and that is no matter how hard it gets to hold your head up just give God a praise somehow in the spirit and I can promise you that he is going to make you stronger and stronger everyday to deal with the passing of your precious son. I was reading Psalm 116 15 verse when the writer said this to the believers about death......Precious in the sight of the Lord the death of a saint that pass on to be with him. I today will never forget my Joshua as he smiled when I hugged him and put him to bed and he often said to me mommy would you come to lay down with me and I would sometimes lay next to him to comfort me. I am really trying and believing God to start a ministry that will allow me to go around the United States when a parent looses a child to be there to bring support from moms and dads who has already been there and now they are over comers knowing through Jesus Christ they will see their children again. I saw Joshua in a dream wearing a yellow Jacket and he had such a beautiful smile on his face and I was trying to catch him to hold him but he just kept moving around and around and then I woke up from the dream and these words came to my spirit I believe from Joshua saying to me mommy just keep moving because you are almost there do not give up because for sure in Jesus name you will see me again. God bless you always Tammy always keep in touch because God is with you and it has it all in control.......Peace and rejoice with Brandon forever and ever.......

Maureen - posted on 02/25/2013

I so feel for U. I lost a part of my beloved son 11 years. He died twice after a drunk old man hit him off his motor bike. But miraculously he was resus'd. Then in a coma for some time. But by Gods Will & plan he is doing pretty well & can hold down a job now. A part of him will always be lost tho. Blessings to all who have gone thro and are going thro trauma & sadness.

Tammy - posted on 02/25/2013

My name is Tammy. I just lost my Son just 11 days ago. He was only 28. He died one week before my Birthday. The Lord called him home while he slept . I was at work when I got that horrible phone call. I have never felt this pain in my life.. When I would here about a parent that lost their child no matter how old they, they are still our child. I would feel so sad for that parent. I would say how would you go on with your life if you lost a child. Now here I am feeling that pain and asking myself how do I go on? I cry one minute and the next minute Im mad at him and mad at God and than Im mad at the whole world. My son's name is Brandon. I am so proud of him. He wasnt a police man or a fireman or a doctor but He had the Biggest Heart.. Very patient, very kind and very forgiving. We talked everyday. I miss his voice. My son was a big man. He gave the best hugs. Brandon is my Winnie the Pooh... He never had a facebook so I made him one R.I.P Brandon Booe. Its wonderful to read all the loving things that his family and friends are posting on there. He touched alot of lives... I miss him so much that sometimes I just want to die to be with him. I beg him and God to please come to me, come in my dreams or give me some kind of sign that he is with me and he is ok. My heart aches for him so much... I will never,ever get over loosing my son,,, Its not fair. Parents should not be burying their childern, God help me get though this... God Bless all Parents that lost a child.

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Jennifer - posted on 02/22/2013

As I reading all of the posts concerning loosing children so suddenly have really encouraged me letting me know that I was never alone. When this happens to you your world is suddenly turned upside down. I most certainly will be praying for all the mothers and fathers that have lost children and it seems really hard to move on. I do believe that this web site will help build strength to others as they read encouraging posts on this web site.

Jennifer - posted on 02/22/2013

Thank you for the kind words and I hoping to connect with other moms like you. My children are Jordan and Gregory Richardson... We say to Joshua who would have been 9 this year continue to RIP we love u

Carolyn - posted on 02/21/2013

beautiful words for sure and so encouraging for believers...I too believe our children are a gift to be treasured for as long as we have that gift and I believe we will see them again when it is our time to cross that veil..God Bless you and your family Carolyn mother of Chase forever 21

Jennifer - posted on 02/21/2013

I am so glad that I did my research on how to connect with parents who have lost their children to a tragedy like mine and I found this website I truly believe by God;s grace. I have been trying to get my story out about my five year old son Joshua that died because he was hit and drugged to death by a careless driver who simply just was not paying attention. I cried out to God about why such a thing could happen so suddenly. I left my three boys with their father as I left for work always hoping to see my children when I return. On March 11, 2011 after school out for spring break for my children my son Joshua was in our cul da sac where he rode his bike along with his sibling brother Gregory who is now 11 was 9 at the time not knowing the un seen danger that was lurking around them. Joshua I was told was waiting to cross back over on the side where we lived to meet with Gregory. Joshua took off and out of the sac came this big white commercial van struck Joshua and proceeded to move forward until everyone who heard the impact took off running behind this van to have this driver please stop shouting their is a child under your van. Gregory told me he said mom why did not this driver stop after he hit my brother and I ask him myself with anger saying you just killed my brother. I got the news after my father who was called by my husband to tell him my son was hit by a van not knowing my son died from his injuries. I did not yell or scream after hearing this I was just getting reading to go on my lunch break and then all of a sudden my life changed right before my eyes suddenly I had to deal with the outcome of my son being hit by a van. I clocked out and went with my father whom drove me to the crime scene and when I got there omg what a scene to have to come to after knowing your son just passed away at the near by hospital from being hit. I tell you my story in detail because their are parents that are going to face this same maybe not identical but a hard tragedy like I did and will not know what to do next. I was shocked at first talking to the police saying in my mind God you got this! I prayed and I gave God a praise from my heart knowing that I gave Joshua back to him after he was born by having him christian ed by my pastor at Faith Deliverance Cathedral in Hollywood Florida. I could not believe and really I thought that it was a dream until I went to the hospital and I was escorted in the pediatrics ER at Broward General Medical Center in Fort Lauderdale and I met the nurse who told me he passed away. I went towards my Joshua who was already received by God in heaven saying to him baby I am going to miss you dearly and I truly loved you. I said I thank God for the precious five years he lent you to me. I said Joshua I will see you again one day. I did not cry because I felt the peace of God breathing on me. I am so happy that I was able to dress him for school that Friday morning not knowing it would be the last. I must say to you all that read this story our children lives will never be in vain. I can say to you to rejoice like me and just know that God's perfect will has been done in their lives. Yes we are going to cry a lot of times because we miss them dearly but this one thing I know that "weeping may endure for just one night but I can a sure you that your joy will come in the morning" Peace to all parents that have lost children like I did and you are saying why why why just remember you are never alone and only our creator knows why. I must say again as I said in the beginning of my post I am so glad to have found this web site.

Faye - posted on 12/09/2012

I lost my 19 year in a car accident in 2004 on Christmas night. Losing a child in a car accident turns your world upside down immediately upon receiving word from the police simply because it was an unexpected event in your life. Obviously, no parent should have bury their child. So, I am empathetic for your loss. Knowing how tough it is does not help your situation, but just know that you are in my prayers. I believe that if each of us pray for anyone that has lost a child, it may ease our pain. God Bless!

Karen - posted on 11/29/2012

Hi Laurie, Yes I lost my mom Aug. of 2009 from Alzheimers and the 2 and a half weeks later I unexpectedly lost my youngest son (29yrs old) to a house fire. The house belonged to my middle son. I had my youngest son move in with his brother because he was going through a divorce and I thought instead of paying rent he could help his brother and they could build a bigger bond together. It was really hard and still is, but I know he is in a better palce and he is with his grandma. But I do so miss him!!

Susan - posted on 11/28/2012

God only knows how a mom still breaths, still makes a forced movement within a world that suddenly becomes colorless to her grieving spirit. Yet, somehow we do - don't we...In honor of the wonderful being our child revealed to us who's ever changing wonder never ceased to enrich our heart and spirit. Each moment shared with us was a gift that we'd never return for even in the depths of our deepest, darkest emotional torment - we know we'd not surrender or exchange one single gathered memory.

My beautiful, witty and kindly son of 26 was taken by a careless driver in April this year. I'll never stop missing him nor yearning for his physical presence. I somehow know his still willful spirit somehow manages to bear influence and inspiration upon me even now. I feel as many others do I'm sure that I'm isolated from normalcy. Grief in losing a child forces a parent to live with the aftereffects like that of a nuclear bomb explosion within the core of their being. Afterwards, it's as if each step taken we continue to walk a mine field. Some steps are safe while others will blast away at our hearts and minds to force us to prove again and again our strength. Even so, again this agony most would agree we'd endure all over again for the memorable experience of each blissful moment shared.

I know we'll be together again at the right time and until then we owe them to honorably make them proud. Hopefully time will allow us to learn new ways to hold and experience their love and memories with less long suffering. In loving warmth we'll always hold and cherish the everlasting gift of our child til we're rejoined. Like so many of you, my journey remains long and ever difficult but if my ears could hear my son Adam’s voice right now...He'd lightheartedly say again, "Mom, Your still worrying too much about things that don't or won't matter either way because worry changes nothing." Then he'd add, "I WILL be seeing you again."

Prayers of Hope, Strength and Peace to each of your aching hearts.xxx

Joy - posted on 11/05/2012

I just lost my 32 yr old son Oct 24, 2012. He took his own life after a long fight with depression. I feel like part of me has died, I no longer see anything good around me. I stay in my home away from people so I do not have to talk about it. I know in my heart My darling Paul is with God and he is free from his pain and sadness, I also know he is here with me. I truly believe that but I want him here, I want to hug him, talk to him and tell him I love him. How will I ever be whole again? I find myself remembering his childhood, when he was born, things like that. He was 32 but in my eyes he is my baby son. My heart is broken, I will never again hear him call me, he used to call just to say hi. Im sorry I gtg

Janette - posted on 11/01/2012

i lost my 34 year old son in a motorcycle accident in 2011, how do you move on? i feel myself sinking deeper and deeper... i don't care how old they are or what the circumstance, all i know is part of me died with him. i am so lost...

Lucretia - posted on 08/03/2012

I lost my son June 11, 2012 and my heart is so broken, how are you making it. My life is has no joy. He had a massive heart attack.

Susan - posted on 10/17/2009

I lost my 16 year old daughter, my 15 year old niece and two of their 16 year old friends in a horrible car/semi crash on Mar 27, 2008. The shock and numbness are gone and are replaced with pure raw pain coming just like they say in the books as waves, some bigger, some smaller but always there. My basement flooded this last week so we were forced to go into her room and deal with it. I nearly did not make it through it, there was no shock or numbness to ease any of the pain. Everything in there was how she had left it that morning as she went out the door to go to school, including the calendar on the wall that she had put x's on for each day that had passed. They were killed on their lunch hour by another 16 year old driver who thought they were playing a game when she heard them scream "semi". She survived. I am so blessed to have a 21 and a 6 year old, both sons. As I lay on the floor barely breathing this last week my 6 year old says "mommy, you want a hug, I want to make it all better". I thank God for both of them. I would not be able to function if I didn't have them.

I thank you for having another place to talk to people who truly understand that there's a hole in your heart and life that will never be filled until the day we see them again. I read a poem one day asking if you would trade the time you had with your child and then losing him/her for not ever having him/her at all and every time, I would choose those 16 years with my precious little girl.

Angela - posted on 10/06/2009

We were a happy family with 3 children and one on the way . Our new addition came early at 7 months gestation he had suffered brain bleeds and mistakes in the NICU causing our son to be disabled and blind. We loved our baby boy for 2yrs. 4 months and 18 days before he passed away in his sleep due to complications and illness. That morning just plays over and over in my head. I was not ready to tell him goodbye. The first year was and still is a blur. I only went through the motions of being here but I was in such a dark place I was literally dying myself. It took me a year to take down his baby bed out of our bedroom. finally on the two year mark of his passing I went into his nursery and started packing up his belongings and cried the ugly cry I was dying all over again. My youngest daughter came in and held me and said mom we do not have to paint his room for me I will stay in it just like this. She was so sweet. I wanted her to have her own room and was giving her the little brothers nursery. I told her I love her but mom needs to do this alone and I will be out in a minute. I stripped the baby border from th e walls that I had picked out for him while I was pregnant knowing a new boy was on the way. I cleaned out the room and let my little girl pick a new color for the wall. That was another very hard day. It never gets better it just becomes numbing. I have great days where I can share him with others that ask how I am doing and there are times I still break up to bad and tell them I can not talk about him today. He has been gone 3 years now and my heart still bleeds for him daily. We donated his organs, and we celebrate his birthday every year by feeding the families liviing in the same Ronald McDonald House we lived in with our son. That is our special day. The whole family helps out with this event. Now I am facing my oldest son leaving to deploy the end of this month to Afghanistan. I pray for his safe return and tell him I can not bury another baby boy so be careful please. My two daughters keep me refocused and my husband helps me just by loving me through all of this mess. I have learned some people do not know how to talk to you after a death and so they say some of the stupidest things. I want to write a book about stupid things people say to those who have lost a loved one !! I think it would be a great seller !!

Donna - posted on 10/06/2009

Quoting Linda:

I lost my 29 year old in June of this year to a car accident! It is sometimes still hard to go on with out him! But it was even harder for me because when he was 1 I got him to my sister whom couldn't have children at the time! He knew since he was 7 all about it and he and I got together once a month for the last 6 months prior to his death! I just keep asking myself if I would have kept him would he still be alive today! It tears me up alot!

Laurie - posted on 10/05/2009

Linda I am so sorry for your loss. It has not been very long for you at all. My son also died in an accident, seems like many due. Yet there are more tragic ways as we have seen in this post, yet we all feel the same, heartbroken..I dont know what you believe in, but I for one believe we ALL have a day set aside for us that will be "our day to travel to meet the Lord". We can not escape it. i know that my husband and i said the same thing, my son was due to start work with my husband, but he wanted to have a week longer to finish with the men he was working with(who by the way stabbed him in the back) we felt that maybe if he had started work with his dad, this wouldnt have happend, that he wouldnt have been on the road at that time...not true. It was his time.Hard for us all, I wih I could change it, but I can not.I think back at all the accidents my son had, many very dangerous, yet he walked away, "lucky" no I think that "nothing can snatch you from Gods hand".Your giving your son to be raised by your sister was a precious and selfless act,you nor I can control death.But..we can love them while they are here and miss them when they are gone,we will see tham again Linda,please do not blame yourself,we moms do not have that power.god bless you Linda

Laurie

Linda - posted on 10/05/2009

I lost my 29 year old in June of this year to a car accident! It is sometimes still hard to go on with out him! But it was even harder for me because when he was 1 I got him to my sister whom couldn't have children at the time! He knew since he was 7 all about it and he and I got together once a month for the last 6 months prior to his death! I just keep asking myself if I would have kept him would he still be alive today! It tears me up alot!

Donna - posted on 10/05/2009

Thanks :-)

Laurie - posted on 10/05/2009

Hello Pam, I am very sorry for your loss, and very happy to see you have a 3 year old!! Great post,Time offers us the strenght we need.There is much to learn from tragic events, there is positive in there somewhere,we have to find it. It sometimes is hidden under the grief and pain .My son left behind a wife and 2 children,I got a phone call from her this week and she is engaged,I was and am thrilled for her and my granddaughter to have a family..'

God bless you

laurie

Pamela - posted on 10/05/2009

My first husband aged 31,daughter 3, and son 5 died in auto accident going on 12 years ago.I am now a blessed 43 year old with 3 year old son.Yes...there is hope!!!

Lesley - posted on 10/05/2009

I send my positive thoughts to you for your loss. You have inspired many parents with your attitude, but most of all your children .We do not know how to deal with grief in our society especially the loss of a child. When I pray at night I always give a cuddle to the two children I lost,. My children are very young and lively at the moment. i worry a lot yet they must take risks and live to the full. God bless you for sharing xx .

Dawn - posted on 10/05/2009

Quoting Tracy:

I lost my 17 year old son to suicide. i still dont understand why but I have a 16 yr old also to worry about. my greif hasnt eased up yet and i know it affects his younger brother. I know i have to keep going for him but the pain of my oldest gets overwhelmin

Tracy,

I also lost a son to suicide, he was 18 years old. Like you I don't understand why and the grief and pain can get overwhelming on days. His half brother was only 4 months old when he passed, I do thank God for him, he has helped me tremendously during this whole ordeal. Just the other night we were saying our prayers and I always try and say a prayer for Joshua and this particular night the tears started, our little Eric leaned over and held my face in his little hands and pulled my face towards him and gently kissed me. He's truly an example of a Blessing out of a tragedy.

Thinking of another Mom going through the same sort of grief,

Dawn

Phyllis - posted on 10/05/2009

Yes I did he was 32 when he passed away. Kevin was a diabetic and problems with blood clots. He was ready to go. Kevin in a round about way told me he was leaving,he was ready to go home. It gets better as time goes by. You never get over it but easier with the help of God

Carolyn - posted on 10/04/2009

Hi I am new to this circle of moms and I to have lost a child in fact I lost two and a husband with in a 5 day period do from a car wreck in 2000. I think about that day so often and I to still wonder why and when it came time for my youngest to graduate from junior high everyone looked at me like why is she crying so hard when I know most of them didn't understand or know that I had to miss out with my the two i lost all that neat stuff and other things that was going to go on in my youngest ones life and that it brings back that day every time. My daughters that I lost was ages 15 and 13 when god took them from me. They really didn't get to enjoy being a teenager and that saddens me.

Dawn - posted on 10/04/2009

I am so sorry for you loss. I lost my 19 year old daughter in a car accident 10 months ago. You do move forward... and I to find it comforting to speak with other parents that have had the same loss in their lives.

Donna - posted on 10/03/2009

Thanks just always have a heavy heart. I never really read much or went to any grieving programs and sometimes wished I had. I worked thru it and had 2 full time jobs about 80 hours a week. It took about 3 years before I could talk at all about him and still find it difficult. I kind wished I had gone somewhere and talked about it then. Although I have always been an emotional person, after this happened it got worse. I did remarry and had my daughter in 92. It almost seemed she was kind of a replacement because at 44 I never thought I would have anymore children. Then it was an oddity, now it is quite common. Unfortunately I am not much good to anyone when they lose their loved ones of any age because it brings it all back. Time has flown though, it is hard to believe that it has been so very long. He was a beautiful child. Thanks for your response. Have a Good night!! Donna

Donna - posted on 10/03/2009

Quoting Marta:

Quoting Donna:

I lost my 17 year old son in 1987 he drowned in the local lake. He was my first born and he was a beautiful and gifted child. It still after all these years breaks my heart and makes me cry when I think of him. They same time heals and it does somewhat but a piece of my heart is gone. I think of him calling out to me as he is going under the water and it is very difficult still living with that. I can truly feel your pain. Thinking of you, Donna

Dear Donna,

   I can imagine that I would feel the same way if I was you.  No mother wants to think of losing her child let alone her child being in a situation like yours was.  After my son died, I read many books about death and dying and about near death experiences.  In the ones about near death, there were several stories about children who had almost died from being drowned.  In these stories they spoke about the fear they felt at first then, very quickly, the pain and fear disappeared as their spirit separated from their bodies.  Once this happened they were no longer afraid.  In fact, they felt better than they ever had before and they were not alone.  They all speak of spirits that came to them and gave them comfort and assurance that everything will be alright.  I don't  know if this helps at all or if it doesn't but I hope it does because, as a mother who's lost a child, I do feel your pain.                 XOXOX  Marta

Marta - posted on 10/03/2009

Quoting Donna:

I lost my 17 year old son in 1987 he drowned in the local lake. He was my first born and he was a beautiful and gifted child. It still after all these years breaks my heart and makes me cry when I think of him. They same time heals and it does somewhat but a piece of my heart is gone. I think of him calling out to me as he is going under the water and it is very difficult still living with that. I can truly feel your pain. Thinking of you, Donna

Dear Donna,

   I can imagine that I would feel the same way if I was you.  No mother wants to think of losing her child let alone her child being in a situation like yours was.  After my son died, I read many books about death and dying and about near death experiences.  In the ones about near death, there were several stories about children who had almost died from being drowned.  In these stories they spoke about the fear they felt at first then, very quickly, the pain and fear disappeared as their spirit separated from their bodies.  Once this happened they were no longer afraid.  In fact, they felt better than they ever had before and they were not alone.  They all speak of spirits that came to them and gave them comfort and assurance that everything will be alright.  I don't  know if this helps at all or if it doesn't but I hope it does because, as a mother who's lost a child, I do feel your pain.                 XOXOX  Marta

Marta - posted on 10/03/2009

Dear Tina...You shouldn't be ashamed in the least to have this question in your mind. I feel very lucky to have had my son Cole with me for almost 13 yrs but wonder sometimes if it would be easier to have lost him when he was younger. I also wonder what he would be like as a man or a father? What would my grandchildren look like? I think it's natural to have these questions even if we'll never know the answers. My heart tells me that losing a child is the most difficult thing a mother can go through no matter if that child is still in the womb or old and gray. They are a part of us and when that part is taken away it hurts and leaves us with many questions.

Laurie - posted on 10/03/2009

Quoting Donna:

I lost my 17 year old son in 1987 he drowned in the local lake. He was my first born and he was a beautiful and gifted child. It still after all these years breaks my heart and makes me cry when I think of him. They same time heals and it does somewhat but a piece of my heart is gone. I think of him calling out to me as he is going under the water and it is very difficult still living with that. I can truly feel your pain. Thinking of you, Donna

Donna I am so sorry.  What a awful thing to have as a memory. You must try to replace that somehow.I know that when I went to the hospitial to see my son, he looked perfect, not a scratch on him. his injuries were internal...I kept waiting for him to wake up, for me to wake up, surly this was a very bad dream...I had a triger memory of him in the hospital, and when ever I thought of it I could have died! honestly died.I had to reprogram my mind when that vision came, and add somthing to it,example, I dont see him dead, I see him sleeping,resting peacefully with his little smile.I think we feel guilt, that kind of memory hants you,where yu there when he drown/ If not then please try to picture, angles bringing him up from the water and placing him at the feet of jesus, where he was given many many blessings and feeling the love of God, exploring what wonders that are kept secret from us untill our time arrives.He was not alone, nor was my son, and Donna I know that every tear you cry God saves,we are not alone and nor are they...One day in the mean time i plan on getting busy giving hope....cuz donna there is hope beyond the grave!

Take Care, be in touch Laurie

my email blaurielab@yahoo.com  if you ever want to talk.

Laurie - posted on 10/03/2009

Quoting Tina:

I lost my 6 mo. old son 16 years ago! I have 1 problem that until now have been too ashamed to voice...I can't decide if it would have been harder if he were older. Sometimes I wish he had been old enough for me to have an idea as to what kind of person he WOULD have been! Am I a terrible person?

No Tina you are a normal Mom! I look at my children now and long to see the day that they will stay out of trouble, make good choices etc. Im sure I would have wonderd the same thing. I think its equally hard no matter how old they are,it isnt better for us unless 'WE' are the ones to go home first and can watch over them..Your son is growing, and living in heaven, and when you see him....you WILL now its him right away!! God bless you my friend.

Laurie

Laurie - posted on 10/03/2009

Quoting Carolyn:

Laurie are you on Angel moms? It seems I have seen your name there. Iam carolyn mother to Chase "also forever 21". We are coming on our 2nd anniv this month of his passing in a truck rollover after a fight with his GF. I too feel like it has been forever at times and then again like yesterday.

I miss him greatly as Iam sure you do as well. My son was hgh spirited to raise and a real pain inthe butt but it is also what made you love him so because he was so different from the others. He left behind an older brother a younger sister and one step brother. and a host of freinds. Tell me about your son Carolyn

Hello Caroln,

No Im not on Angel moms, I never heard of it. I may check it out, thanks for the idea. I understand your pain, Time seems to stop the day he died. I am amazed as life goes on while Im right here..but yet I dont seem to realize that time has actually moved. I think that is a remainder of the breakdown I had. When vincet died,I was strong for 2 years, I had to be, I had his wife and children to worry about and my own family. My children were young, gina was 10 and anthony 13.I was so worried about my husdand as well...so I put it all away tucked the pain and anger and the fear in the back of my heart somewhere...untill my daughter inlaw brought me some legal papaers to look at, they had pictures of the accident very grafic, at that moment it hit me, like a knife threw butter my heart was raw open with the reality and I cried for 3 years...i was sucidal and un able to speak for almost 1 year. Thank God I am off all meds and holding my own, actually God is holding me that I am sure of..

Vincent was my first born child, His biologial father had left us before his birth and it was me and vince agiins the world untill we met my husband who adopted him and we became a family. Vincent loved paul as his father, and he just lite our lives right up, he was very good looking and brought joy into the room no matter what, he could captivate a room in seconds! He put me threw alot of heartache,I worrided about him all the time. He wasa risk taker,rode his motorcycle and crashed at 110 mph!!! walked away with a few scrathes,drank himself one time at a party into a coma...fell alseep at the weheel and went over a embankment...these are just a few things he did!!! But what he also did, was raise a family at 20 years old, he worked hard and loved his wife and girls. He would give you the shirt off his back. He found his faith at the age of 19 and he loved the Lord, he wasnt a bible pusher but i was proud of how easy it was for him to see the good in others and he was very great to us! He was my friend Carol,I remember a week before his accident I took him and gave him a big hug and told him how proud I was of him,that I loved him and that god loved his to, i said "you are so precious to me"...my best memory..

a few months before the accident I felt that he was going to die, I just knew he was in danger and I wrtoe to him to keep close to god, be careful, told himhow special he was and how much I loved him,but i was afraid he would die soon...he also had this feeling, he told his grandmother and his aunt he felt in his heart,,,,im going to die soon.....he kept that letter in his glovebox, I have it now in my special box with may other things of his.I love him and I miss him. I know that he is alive, and in heaven...one day I will see him, he wants me to be strong, he wants me to reach out to others and let them know there "children live, with god" so...i am starting to do that the best way I can. I hav a book i was working on MOM ! Im, home......maybe it is time to finish it.

please be in touch.

May each day you wake be blessed with the comfort that our children are not alone, that they live and that they love.

Laurie

Donna - posted on 10/03/2009

I lost my 17 year old son in 1987 he drowned in the local lake. He was my first born and he was a beautiful and gifted child. It still after all these years breaks my heart and makes me cry when I think of him. They same time heals and it does somewhat but a piece of my heart is gone. I think of him calling out to me as he is going under the water and it is very difficult still living with that. I can truly feel your pain. Thinking of you, Donna

Tina - posted on 10/03/2009

I lost my 6 mo. old son 16 years ago! I have 1 problem that until now have been too ashamed to voice...I can't decide if it would have been harder if he were older. Sometimes I wish he had been old enough for me to have an idea as to what kind of person he WOULD have been! Am I a terrible person?

Carolyn - posted on 10/03/2009

Glinda your post caught my attention because my son had been introuble as well and was making the turn and doing very well. But Iam grateful that if it was his time to go that he left when he was in a good place and not the mess he had struggled in for alot of years. He had figured it out . May God Bless you Carolyn

Carolyn - posted on 10/03/2009

Laurie are you on Angel moms? It seems I have seen your name there. Iam carolyn mother to Chase "also forever 21". We are coming on our 2nd anniv this month of his passing in a truck rollover after a fight with his GF. I too feel like it has been forever at times and then again like yesterday.

I miss him greatly as Iam sure you do as well. My son was hgh spirited to raise and a real pain inthe butt but it is also what made you love him so because he was so different from the others. He left behind an older brother a younger sister and one step brother. and a host of freinds. Tell me about your son Carolyn

Tracy - posted on 10/03/2009

I lost my 17 year old son to suicide. i still dont understand why but I have a 16 yr old also to worry about. my greif hasnt eased up yet and i know it affects his younger brother. I know i have to keep going for him but the pain of my oldest gets overwhelmin

Jill - posted on 10/02/2009

Two of my daughters have lost a daughter each. Jamie's 2nd child had Canavan's Disease a type of Leukodystrophy and passed away at 2-1/2 yrs; and Jennifer's daughter was diagnosed with a stage 4 brain tumor, one of the most aggressive types. She was 8 years old when she passed away. What a long 2-3 yrs we had will our poor ill family members. They went through so much pain. It is so sad to see children suffer. I know God is taking good care of them and that they are in a much better place.

Laurie - posted on 10/02/2009

Thank you all for sharing your pain with me, If you are like me you at one time felt like "why my son" why me...As we can see we are not alone.I sincerly would like to talk to all of you at any time,as I am sure we can be a blessing to each other. my email is blaurielab@yahoo.com please feel free to write anytime. I look forward to it.

God Bless you .Laurie

Laurie - posted on 10/02/2009

Debbie I sent oyu a message, pleaselet me know if you do not get it, Im looking forward to talking to you.

Debbie - posted on 10/02/2009

Quoting Laurie:

Any Moms that have lost a child?

I lost my 21 year old son in a car accident 7 years ago. It seems like 7 months and sometimes 7 seconds ago. Yet i am here and moving forward. I find it comforting to speak with other parents who are going threw this type of loss,comforting on both sides.So I am here to chat if anyone wants to. There is hope,and I know there is a better place that holds them safely untill we meet up with them again!

I also lost my 21 year old son in a car accident  5 years ago. its still hard to talk about it or for that matter to even comprehend that it even happened its all still a blur.

Laurie - posted on 10/02/2009

Very Good advice Marta, and I am sorry for your pain. I to do many of those things that you mentioned as well. I also started a book a few years ago, and hope one day to finish it.God Bless you Marta