Anyone else having a hard time with the holidays?

Kathy - posted on 12/07/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Three years ago I lost a baby at 12 weeks. The baby was due Christmas day. For some reason I am really struggling to get through this year. I cannot go into a store or mall and see baby clothes and not start crying. In the past it never felt that bad but for some reason I am really struggling to get through the holidays this year. I am trying my best to make the house festive for my older boys but my heart is not in it this year.

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This is an old post it is already end of Jan 2012. Yes, I had a hard time this Christmas season.

First of all we had a wonderful Thanksgiving all of us were together and shared a good home cooked dinner and had fun. Just our family. Our 2 sons went to New Mexico for Christmas and I was forced to spend Christmas with my inlaws and it was very stressful.

Prayer and more prayer, being afraid but not being a coward and going through things we don't want to do makes us winners.

I love my husband dearly and it isn't his fault his mother and family are a bit difficult for me to be around. He is uncomfortable with them also however loves them and keeps trying.

We spent tons of money on our inlaws this year that we really don't have as we are deep in debt. If it makes my husband feel good and makes our marriage better by being generous, I say it was all worth it.

Liz - posted on 12/27/2011

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We lost my FIL on December 6th. It has been very hard for us to get into the holiday spirit, but we forced ourselves to do it. We have 5 sons, 1 Daughter-in-law and one granddaughter, so for their sake we did, but we also told them that this year was the last for big presents. No more would we be giving them their hearts desire, next year smaller and something that means a lot to them and us. Now we are trying to get through the end of the year. This has been a terrible years, we lost our nephew to a drunk driver in Feb, he was only 16, and was not in the wrong. Then we found out that Dad had leukiemia, then our bother-in-law was found that he had cancer, given 6 months at the most, and then Dad died. It has been just a terrible year, so we are looking forward to New Years eve to say good by to a horrible year.

Pamela - posted on 12/08/2011

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I understand. I lost a baby in December - two years in a row. This was in 1984 and 1985. Give yourself a chance to grieve. Grief doesn't follow a time table. I hang 3 angels on our Christmas tree to represent the three we lost. (I also miscarriaged in 1980) Do something like this to remember your child. In the early years I was a mess, but I always made sure Christmas was special for the other kids. The years do soften the blow, but losing a child does leave an empty spot that nothing will ever fill.



Erma Bombeck said it best:

I had now joined a group of women who had to give a child back. They look like other women and they function like other women. But [....] At any given time of year when no one knows what they are talking about, they will look wistful and remark that the baby would be three years old today, or five, or ten. They play with the probabilities…the would have beens…could have beens… should have beens…

(A Marriage Made in Heaven: Or Too Tired for an Affair)



Love your boys and make their year special. I call this "Fake It 'til You Make It". I wish I could tell you this will pass, but it will soften.

Blessings to you and your family.

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