anyone have two boys the age of 17 and 24 living at home? The 17 yr old is like a step son...I am very fruterated with their ways...

Grisell - posted on 07/21/2011

After a year out of home, he returned. All I ask is that the same things he used to do alone (cleaning and organizing) can be done at home. I also have to take care of a 9y/o and all the responsabilities of a mother and wife. Things will get complicated as soon as I start to work. Some help would be nice. How I get things done? No chores no car keys.

Liz - posted on 07/21/2011

I have a 17 and a 22 year old at home and I have no problems with them. Both work, at the same place, the 17 year old is getting ready for his senior year and plays in the marching band and is in broadcasting classes this year. My 22 year old works full time after finishing his education and has not found a job in his interests, so he is working full time as a cook at a local bbq place. They may sleep a little bit longer then their older brothers did when they were in the house, but they are not too bad at the sleeping time. They do help out, and since they both work until midnight some nights I have no real problem with that. Not sure what thier ways are frustrating you,,,is it that they are not doing anything, not working and just playing video games all day and night, or are they being disrespective to you, or what? My boys do their own laundry, pay for their own gas and what ever they want to do, keep their surrounding clean, and I refuse to do those things for them. But I have not done their laundry since they were 12 years old. If you are frustrated, you need to tell them what they are doing wrong, then devise a plan for them to correct. Good luck

Grisell - posted on 07/20/2011

My 17y/o boy is at home, not because he wanted but because we live near college. I know the frustration about the chores, is like he feels because he is at home he has a free maid. I HATE THAT!!! And this is my biggest complain. On the other hand, he has a part time job and without being ask he helps with the groceries and the gas. I would love, like you, to get some suggestions to make a balance. Maybe this frustration comes because I stayed home until I got marry and did my chores and helped with the expences.

Judi - posted on 07/09/2011

Darlene that is wonderful!! I love hearing the success storys! God bless him and your whole family!

Judi - posted on 07/09/2011

Lupe, everything you said to me in your post is very true! Thank you so much for your support! I need this! Thank you! Thank you!

Darlene - posted on 07/09/2011

PTL Judi! Your post made my day! My husband is in his 6th year of recovery from Alcohol & Crack Addiction....I know how devastating that can be to a family. We seperated and he finally got help (went to a Texas program) nobody could have bet we would still be together, but its the GRACE of GOD. There is a "doubting Thomas" phase you go through and don't feel bad, that's natural, but at the same time keep working on your relationship and the rest will work out, its a very brave step to do what he did. My husband literally stayed in denial for years, effective help can't come until they acknowledge their problem. Stay positive, and keep encouraging him even for the little things, it makes a Big difference. God Bless!

Judi - posted on 07/09/2011

Well I would like to let of of my special lady friends here know how well my 24 yr old son is doing! I failed to mention about 5 weeks ago he came out of rehab for abusing opiates for a year. was not heavily into it, but enough to admit himself into rehab! Note: "his idea". Honestly, i suspected something but at the same time i was shocked because he fooled me! Everytime i would ask, he would say " mom, you are crazy, I am not taking anything"!! So I trusted him! but now he is doing wonderful! He made a complete turn around! Doing chores without me asking, and showing signs of maturaty! I am so proud and so happy for him! He is finally becoming the man I want him to be! Lets just hope and pray he stays on the right track!

Judi - posted on 07/08/2011

Darlene, very true, about how their spirit can be closed. I know someone who has done this. Very very sad.

Darlene - posted on 07/08/2011

What an awesome network, thanks Mrs. Arvallo....You Preaching and I concur....a quote I saw on a billboard is so profound: RULES WITHOUT RELATIONSHIP BREEDS REBELLION....I always work on my relationship with my kids, because I learned years ago how you can close their spirit (esp. when we don't listen to them, we may not agree but give them a voice too!) but they know the final decision is based on my Love and I didn't just conjure up some rules to dominate them...there's a goal in mind and its beneficial for their entire life. Love NEVER fails....1 Corinthians 13

Lupe - posted on 07/07/2011

I truly Agree with Darlene's comment....Oh yes I have those.. a 24 yr. old & a 21 yr. old , both males followed by a 19 yr. old female & a 16 yr. old female the 2 younger ones are more easier to teach but Yes it's very frustrating to have the young men do any chores even to pick up after themselves, I've had the same frustration since I can remember & Blessed is the Mother who has accomplished in getting their sons to do their part in the house, I recently Just got so fed up I put my foot down & had a serious Meeting with All 6 of my kids from youngest of 11 to the oldest of 24. Now I made it clear to them Yes GOD gave them a Mother... to teach them, take care of them & also to love them unconditionally but there's the line that has been past for many years I'm to teach them to clean, be respectful, to obey & be polite, to always help others when needed & also to give with a loving heart. But GOD did not make me to be a Merry Maid, not for my husband or my children, there are many woman who do it with such a graceful heart, & God Bless them, but when you're burned on teaching & teaching & can't see the result then as a Mother we need to put the foot down & discipline even the 24 yr. old, the decision to have them still living in the home is a very personal matter between you & yours But even though they are still living at home YOU have the Right & Power to make Rules & give punishment when needed. As to the 17 year old you can always take away any electronics they may have including cell phones, that's your power including no going out or watching any kind of shows it's your way...... rules of chores or loose all material things & having fun. Now the 24 year old you really can't take away their personal things because maybe they bought them or for what ever the reason may be but... You can easily start charging them for your Maid services.... (DON'T go Cheap either) start charging him to clean up his things. (chores) if he refuses to pay you then he has to do it, if that become a case & refusal then you can have a private chat with him in regarding the reason why you still let him live them.... it's not for the reason of being lazy or letting others do his work & just like a family member living at home he has to do his part !! weather he pays a monthly amount to you or your husband that's separate & shouldn't be the reason to not do chores or be RESPONSIBLE for himself & living at home. Their reason for living at home should be taken advantage & not in the way of not doing anything but in learning to do things as an adult & start finding ways that will help them grow and be a better person for themselves for their parents & for their wives & husbands, it's a Blessing to have MOM & DAD still have you at home so you can take on life little at a time until you are Well on your own 2 feet like a responsible productive adult who will be able to make it on their own. It's what All parents want for their kids & Trust me Judi the males aren't the only ones who can frustrate you... My older daughter is just as frustrating as well as the boys. But remember just because their boys not all of them will act in the same manner or actual be responsible in the same way, we may have many children girls or boys but each head is a different WORLD some learn faster than others & some have more consideration than others but even being different, slower or lazier You Gotta LOVE them ALL the same not one more than the other or show any type of favoritism... this will mark them & truthfully puts a wedge between them You want to make sure that they learn to Love each other & are willing to help each other out at all times, because the day that US as Parent's are gone you want the peace of knowing that they will always help one another & be there for each other even if it's the smallest thing. I hope this can help you or at least see from a different view instead of the view you feel cornered in. As to the talk I had with mine It finally worked My boys know that if they don't do it they better start preparing my check but putting it to the side they actually are learning that when they leave the house & get married they know not to treat their wives like their personal maid either, it's 50/50 just as she cleans & cooks so he must also. The wife is to share a life .... not a maid you marry until death do you part. ... That's another topic .... But I hope you have blessed productive time with them. God Bless you & have a Great day =)

Proverbs 22:6

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Judi - posted on 07/04/2011

Darlene, you are a angel :) My mind works the same way yours does!! Thank you for your encourging words!

Darlene - posted on 07/04/2011

Thanks so much Judi, I have to thank God for his wisdom and grace to daily guide me. I get my instructions from him, and I live with a reverence for doing things his way, because I've seen the down side when I veer away from his statutes. We don't have to reinvent the parenting process, he knows us inside and out, we must train our kids in the way they should go....I see other friends who have successful kids and they are no different than I am, just stuck with their regimen in guiding their kids. It can be done. Be encouraged girlfriend, you have what it takes, just believe in yourself (and your kids too...in this world they need to know at least one person does! ) : )

Judi - posted on 07/04/2011

Darlene, your post really touched me! Thank you so much for your advice !! I will try harder to use the tough love! Thank you!

Darlene - posted on 07/03/2011

In reading the replies I have to count my blessings. Yes, I've been through some of the same frustrations. One thing I had to realize and be honest was, I was not always setting the best example. Kids do what we do not necessarily what we say. I have a 18 yr old daughter and 21 year old son and recently I removed his xbox video game (he bought) because even though he's been working at nite the last 2 years, HE was playing the game many hours and wouldn't do simple chores unless reminded. Sometimes, you have to show "tough love" and when they stay home, even though they are adult in age, doesn't mean they exhibit adult behavior. I tell my kids that I'm preparing them for the "real world" and they have to be responsible, and not do stuff when they "feel" like it, but because it needs to be done. Pleasure after work etc....Now he's soon to go to college and looking for a 2nd job to reach some goals...taking his game made his think more of his future and what's required to make it out here. He's seen us struggle when making bad mistakes and I tell them you may not like my method of parenting, but you will Thank me one day when you see the results. Also, we have daily talks where no issue is to big or small, so communication is paramount, not just spouting out rules, but tempered with unconditional Love. They know if we're disgusted with them and it has a negative effect, but they don't care how much we know, unless they first know how much we CARE!

Ginger - posted on 06/30/2011

Oh my! I so thought I was alone! lol- Mine are 24, 19, 17,14,and 10.... and the chores?! *sighs* Each one has a single chore and each one takes FOR_EVAR! I've taken the menality that if you guys want something done from me then you best do what you're supposed to. LOL.... ie NO dinner till dishes are done- that means I wont even start till then- lol (Not as if it's all that hard to load a dishwasher) Yeah there are issues galore in my home- my catch phrase is "chaos reigns" and it does. Just glad to know I'm not the only one anymore.....

Judi - posted on 06/29/2011

Well thanks for your support ladies! It really means allot to me! @ Pam, my son did the same thing. He moved out for about a yr and a half and came back home. He has been back for about two yrs now. My boyfriend of 10 yrs lives with us, along with his seventeen yr old son. He is a whole nother story! But as far as my 24 yr old son goes, well I think he was more mature an more responsible in some ways when he was 18yrs old. When he moved out, instead of it teaching him something, he went backwards. I just dont think i should have to tell him every day to do the same chores, ugh... if i dont he will skip stuff or wont do them at all! And when he is good for a while about it, it does'nt last.

PAM - posted on 06/26/2011

Well Judi, YES I DO have a son @ home who will be 26 in July !! At age 18 he moved out for 6 months! Returned home and NEVER left again!!!! I myself can't understand why these kid's now-a-days don't have the desire to move out and move on with life !! I'm sure you get extremely crazy over this (I know I do !!) I'm not sure of what you mean by "their ways" but my son has many "ways" !! And I'm sick of all of them.........if I get 1 more excuse from him I'll just vomit!! LOL ....They always have a reson or BIG excuse for EVERYTHING!! So you are not alone out there, I thought I was too... post me back to switch e-mails if you would like to talk !! Hang in there girl !!

Angela - posted on 06/26/2011

I know what you mean, about the chores. Been there, done that, and moved on. It's hard. Just patience's. Haven't you notice one thing though. When you ask them to do something, they take their time. But when they want you to do something. It has to be then and there.

I in turn, did to them what they did to me. Took my sweet time. Even if I am watching tv. Sorry, I'm busy, I'll get to it, I'll do it. Try it, see how they like it. I can tell you, they don't.

Talk to you later, enjoy your Sunday.

Judi - posted on 06/24/2011

Wow, I just noticed I spelled frusterated wrong! And I may have misspelled it again! but anyhow I hope I am writing my response in the right area? Angela , thank you! Well I know I did'nt specify what they are doing that is frusterating but I could go on and on. Mostly they still need to be told on a daily basis to do their simple chores. The seventeen yr old has literally a 2 min chore and the 24 yr old has about a 10 min daily chore. If I hear back from you or anyone else I will give more info. just dont want to write too much in one post.

Angela - posted on 06/24/2011

Oh yeah, I had until recently a 24 year old, the grand-kids and girlfriend as well as my 18 year old son and 17 year old daughter. I have a house full. Don't they get alone? You don't mention what is frustrating since all kids are frustrating when they start coming into them self. Just hang on.

We were always on a roller-coaster ride since my 24 your old is bi-polar and would drive everyone in the house up the wall, to the point of pulling out your hair.

Hang on there.