Becoming a Step Mom in Feb 2010, what is the best way to

Deana - posted on 10/24/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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Richard and I are getting married in Feb 2010 and I am taking on the Roll of Step Mom, Is there an easy way to merge both families into one with out stepping on toes?

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Gloretha - posted on 08/03/2010

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Yes, never be a step-mom, I am the setp-mom of four. The first thing I did was to make it clear to the mother when the children are was with me, I am mom, and I will not have any problems out of them. I built a relationship with the mother, and she had no choice. If she wanted to act like a fool I let her, and I didn't. And as a result the children got on the mom's case. I have a great relationship with my step-children and when there was a problem that the mom couldn't handle I did. All eight of the children finished school and have businesses and college degrees. Never say that your step-children are not yours, they are. When you marry that man those children become yours, so enjoy MOM, I DID.

Debbie - posted on 07/31/2010

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My husband and I have 6 boys His mine and ours I raised 5of them.Love them and treat them as you do your own the teenage years are the hardest they like to play you against each other so stay united with your husband, Now all my boys are men and even though we had some rough times getting there, we have family dinners and sit back and laugh at some of the stuff they did, I love them all, and now I have beautiful grandchildren, and we are all very close.

Verna - posted on 07/21/2010

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I need to let all of you know My husband & I were married Nov 2003.And I have a total of 19 grand children. I love them all.

Annette - posted on 10/26/2009

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yes star NOW, include his children in some of the planning of the wedding. I dont know the ages of the children but the younger they are the easier it will be. We have a blended family and what we did was to invite all 6 children to form a circle around us during the actual ceremony and after we kiseed we went around and kissed each child together one by one and the preacher said I now pronounce you husband and wife ,now go forth and join your unions. I had 3 children , he had 2 , we had 1 together.

Louise - posted on 10/25/2009

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This is a hard one!! between my partner and i we have ten children!! all have their own ideas on what they think is good for my partner and i!! i guess when it comes down to it! you are the grown ups you do what makes you happy! if you are happy generally your kids are happy too!!

Christie - posted on 10/25/2009

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Deana, I am glad you and Richard are being open and on the same page with each other. I situation was different then a lot of people I tryed to get advise from. My husband had custody of all three of his kids and i had custody of my three boys and then him and I had child together. This does make it harder but now most of them are grown and beginning their lives as adults. I want you to remember that there will be ups and downs but always communicate with Richard and him the same and remember it is okay to compromise from time to time.



Good luck on your new adventure and keep in touch.



Christie from Iowa

Verna - posted on 10/25/2009

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Make sure you let the kids know You Love them, But there are rules all members must go by, and Stick to them! Let them know All of you are a team now. And a tam must pull together to win! And that you know your team will win in the game of life.

Deana - posted on 10/24/2009

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Thank You...Audriana and I get along pretty good, Richard does do the disciplining when she is with us, I do get along with Her mother which is a good thing.. I have always told her, She was lucky to be able to have two moms who love her very much, I have also communicated with her Mom, we actually told her first that we were getting married, so she could buffer any resentment with Audrianna.. As for holidays we have her and then her mother has her, as for school stuff we go and see her preform ect..I know God has his hand on our family..Yes, the word "step" does not sound all that great and we dont use it..We are just family..Thank You all for responding....Blessings to you all~

DARLENE - posted on 10/24/2009

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I'm a step mother of two young adults. I met them before marrying their father and before they got married and had children of their own. I never refer to them as step children. I refer to them as my son or daughter thru marriage. It takes a lot of sincere effort to merge two families, but it CAN be done. My four sons and their families, along with my son and daughter thru marriage and their families get along real well. I am a grandmother and my husband a grandfather and the word "step" isn't even in the vocabulary. Be patient, make yourself available, and make room in your heart for your extended family.



Holidays and Birthdays can be shared with former spouses. Avoid being rude and stay in communication with the biological parents for the sake of the family.



On special occassions, my husband and I, and our former spouses are thrown together in the mix and believe it or not, we all get along.



Good Luck!

Tammy - posted on 10/24/2009

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I have been married for 15 years to a man with 2 kids, well they are grown now, but in the beginning I had issues with the son, we were stepping on each others toes, and eventually we had a knock down dragout fight, he ended up knocking me down and breaking my arm. Today we are friends, and our relationship couldn't be any better! Anyway, it took a lot of prayer and patience. Good luck to you!

Debbie - posted on 10/24/2009

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Congratulations Deana! I agree with Christie, it's important that you & Richard work together and keep a united front. When things do get a little rocky, keep your sense of humor. I've always treated my stepchildren as my own from the beginning, and they soon felt comfortable and part of the "team". Its important that you dont forget to schedule a date night occasionally too.

Christie - posted on 10/24/2009

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Deana, I've been a stepmother for 14 yrs. Who's toes are you afraid of stepping on? The kids' bio-mother? Well that is tricky becuz her toes will be stepped on easily becuz she may think you are the one taking her place in the kids' eyes. If you are talking about the kids, my only suggestion is for you and your soon to be husband to keep on the same page on everything. (disapline,rewards,family outings, school activities,etc) when the kids see that you are united they respond really good.

Good luck and let me know if I'm off base or not. and Congrats you are going to be on an adventure of a lifetime!!

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