Can Teen Boys and Girls be friends?

Robin - posted on 11/05/2010 ( 39 moms have responded )

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My 13 year old Daughter has never had a male friend and now she has a boy who has been over my house several times in the last couple of weeks. Today they are at the mall with another friend. She tells me he is one of her best friends and it should not matter that he is a boy and by the way he is 15 not 13 like her. He is silly and sweet and I do like him but it still worries me that she is spending so much time with a boy. She has always had another girl friend with them when they are together and she tells me she is not interested in him as a boyfriend. She has never had a boyfriend or shown any interest in a boy so far.

My question is do you think it's ok that this boy spends so much time with my Daughter? Should I treat it the same as I do her girl friends? Thank you

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Samantha - posted on 10/15/2011

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My best friends are guys. Girls are mean and hurtful, sometimes it's just easier to hang out with guys. I'm not saying you should just give all your trust to your daughter, but definitely let her be friends with him. And it seems like you have open conversations with her, I say keep them open so you can talk to her, and she will come to you when she does feel interest toward boys.

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Shelby Mae - posted on 02/06/2014

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I really think that using the words ''bad stuff with boys'' will not help this mom.

Shelby Mae - posted on 02/06/2014

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I think that this 15 year old boy is okay to have around your 13 year old daughter I mean I would have problems with it because I don't trust most boys, but its all about whether you trust him or not .

Shelby Mae - posted on 02/06/2014

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when I was a kid my only friends were guys .I hate having girls as friends they are rude and unconsiderate.I think that she will definetly tell you if she is instrested she'll open up to you if you open up to her.

Rose - posted on 12/13/2010

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I have one BFF a girl. All my other friends were boys. I never had a problem with boys and the "bad stuff" happening. I'm not saying that is the norm, but it is possible.

Marcy - posted on 12/10/2010

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Yes they can my daughter is 13 and she has two boy that are her very good friends and they hang out at our house all the time. My oldest has more guy friends than girl friends, they are easier to get along with they don't have as much drama as girl do.
Girls can be very nasty so I can see why they would rather be friends with boys rather than girls.

Gaynetta - posted on 11/20/2010

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I work with middle school age kids and many of my kids have "friendships." I would suggest not letting them spend time alone together, making him welcome in your home and allow the friendship to bloom. 15 yr old straight boys have raging hormones, so keeping close watch, dropping her and picking her up. Trust at 13 has nothing to do with it for the boys can wield their powers over a girl. Being alert, attentive, involved and checking up too, is all part of the working day in the life of a hands on parent.

Julie - posted on 11/19/2010

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NO! don't treat the same as a girl (maybe innocent but what if not, usually isn't-or won't end up like that). Believe me she is interested in boys, that she hasn't admitted that to you is a bit of a worry-look at 'if you have been too tough on her-so that she doesn't confide in you-its better to be less 'tough' so to speak, still let her know the boundaries & values she NEEDS however, too tough AND BELIEVE me they will simply lie about it to you, feeling they cannot come to you AND then when you feel you are protecting her with strong rules, she is at MORE RISK, because she doesn't have you to be a true mother to her, which is not her best friend, but a mixture of the 2 - main point:IS YOU MUST KNOW WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON FROM NOW ON ESPECIALLY....if they feel they CAN, they will tell you & then you know where you are so to speak & then you CAN keep them safer, harder rules don't solve anything, but iniatiate lies & THEN YOU CANNOT HELP & BE THERE WHEN you need to be because she will not confide in you, a 15 yr old boy is suss, , if a friend is always with them good, but that can be lied about too, OPEN UP MORE WITHOUT JUDGEMENT (no doubt you have already instilled the values (father around itr very important to a girl)--- so now you can afford the luxury of being friends/mothere & drop any harshness/lack of trust (but keep your eyes & ears open & I tell you you will find out ewverything, infact invite him & other friends to your house (& sneakily keep an ear & eye on them & you will know the truth-hear it from others etc). BELIEVE ME I know I am right, been there done that, & have witnessed all types of other parental issues & rules/boundaries/communication/lack of,,,,never too late to change that NOW, believe me you'f rather know the facts than not..you will then now how to cope with the truth of a situation. 15 yr old boys are always interested in sex, although these days - yes they can be just friends- party at your house, find out????? Best of luck, talk to me again if needed @ jetuniverse@iinet.net.au good luck its not easy is it? with eyes on & communication & many roudy parties I knew exactly what was going on & they have turned out great/fabulous...Julie.

Beverly - posted on 11/19/2010

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I know several girls that their best friends are boys. I always got along better with boys then girls. You know how girls are. In today's society things certainly are different. I would encourage her to spend more time with the girl that is always with them. Are you sure this girl is always with them? She may tell you they are just friend - teens today are as curious much more that we were at that age. I would never give them an opportunity where they are alone just to be safe. You really don't want to have her become pregnant at this time in her life. That would not be good. Teens are so different today in many ways. Hope this helps Good Luck

Bonny - posted on 11/18/2010

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Most of my son's friends were girls and none were girlfriends. I think it is healthy to have both male and female friends.

Lee - posted on 11/17/2010

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It is different at that age. She may have no intentions but I guarantee he is not feeling the same way. As long as there is another girlfriend along it is probably fine. But your daughter needs to understand that this boy is attracted to her and it is only a matter of time before she will have to let him know that she does not feel the same way.

Francine - posted on 11/17/2010

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My 18 year-old son has always had girls as friends more than he had girlfriends (2 in all). I wouldn't worry too much about it. You'd be surprised how teens differ than when we were teens. It's all mixed now.

Rose - posted on 11/16/2010

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Growing up, my best friend was a boy, still to this day I find guys better friends for me because I can talk to then about anything and they will not try to steal my man AND they understand my man issues

Melissa - posted on 11/16/2010

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Oh, the sleepovers is not a good idea.. boys are boys but they still can be friends during the day!! LOL

Melissa - posted on 11/16/2010

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OH absolutely treat him like you would any other best friend.. I had a male best friend in high school and it was GREAT.. My 15 yr says its great to have male friends cuz girls are so mean to each other and the guys are not like that..
Hang in there, its all good
Melissa

Chaya - posted on 11/16/2010

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I wouldn't let him go to her room, but other than that, you should treat him the same as other friends

Kristen - posted on 11/16/2010

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You might want to touch base with his parents to make sure you're on the same page regarding parent supervision. I suppose it wouldn't hurt for his parents to have the heads-up that your daughter isn't interested in dating him, in case the boy is harboring a secret crush and is in risk of getting hurt by rejection at some point.

My son had great girl friends in middle school, but found that by sophomore year in high school they mostly drifted apart. Right now the boys hang with boys and the girls with girls, though there's plenty of FB chatting among all of them.

Christine - posted on 11/16/2010

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take it from me, having co-ed sleepovers in the teen years is just asking for trouble! I have a niece who did this and none of the other gfs moms would allow them to stay, so it was just her and a bunch of boys in one big room... she lost her virginity that night to someone that was "supposedly" a friend........ go with your GUT!!!!!!

Susan - posted on 11/15/2010

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After reading the posts I had to add in that I don't think sleepovers are a good idea especially in groups. Even though the boy might be just friends with your daughter doesn't mean that he maybe more than friends with one of the other girls and that might become a problem. Good Luck through those teen years....

Susan - posted on 11/15/2010

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You should definitely treat it the same as a girlfriend. When my middle children (now age 21 & 17) would want to have friends over of the opposite sex I would always start the questioning like it was a boyfriends/girlfriend type of relationship. They would always say "mom we are just friends". As I have watch them they have kept these relationships strictly on a friendship level and they have lasted a lot of them over 5 years. As long as you have the open relationship with your children and you know they tell you the truth I would not worry about it. I think it is very healthy to have one best female friend and one best male friend.

Recently, my 17 year old son's girlfriend broke-up with him because he hugged a girl. This girl has been his friend for over 5 years and he hugged her in front of his girlfriend and she got mad and broke-up with him. He and I talked about it and we both agreed that that was the way I taught him. It is okay to have a girlfriend and also have girls that are just friends. He has stayed true to this and so he and his girlfriend didn't get back together. Glad to know that some things that I have talked to them about, stayed with him and didn't go out the other ear.

I have also talked to and watched my older children and their friends and it is true that sometimes they will have more friends from the opposite sex then of the same sex. You will know if the friendship is leading to more because they will slow down or stop seeing their other friends. Now, rules are different with friends of the opposite sex. They can't be in the bedroom together with the door closed and things of that nature unless you know and trust that person. The friends that my son has had for several years I let shut the door and let them blare the music. Hope this makes you feel a little better...

Hope this has helped you a little. Times have changed from when we were teens..LOL

Louise - posted on 11/15/2010

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My son is 16 and has lots of girl friends that he is very close to but not in a relationship with. He is always on the phone sorting out there problems and he loves them all like sisters. If they need a date for a party he goes with them as a friend and they have a great time. The house is always full of girls that have come for a chat with him. I take no notice now, when I ask him what about a proper girlfriend he just laughs and says when have I got time! I have to say his best mate is a fella but he spends most of his time with the girls. He says he does not want to date the girls as he wants to stay friends and does not want to spoil the relationship he has. The girls he does date find this pretty difficult but it is the way he is. he always dates outside his friends circle and has done so for a couple of years. There is nothing wrong with this and it is nice that your daughter feels confident enough with this lad to invite him back to the house. Just watch for simple changes in their relationship to make sure this lad is not just keeping your daughter sweet.

Helen - posted on 11/12/2010

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both my sons had friend girls and hung out in groups of all sexes. Quite often when one of their mates came wondering through the door there would be a girl following as well. The just hung out playing computer or whatever, down to fish and chip shop, actually helping each other out as they got older.

Susan - posted on 11/12/2010

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I don't see anything wrong with it, but I would make sure they were never alone for long periods of time, just to be on the safe side.

Monica - posted on 11/12/2010

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Definitely, I had male friends when I was a teenager. In fact, I think it's very healthy for boys and girls to be able to regard each other as more than just perspective love interests. This doesn't mean that at some point in the future they might start getting interested in each other in a more romantic way or perhaps have a crush, but in that case, isn't it better that they regard each other as friends to begin with. Maintain some boundaries and keep the lines of communications open.

Debbie - posted on 11/12/2010

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Yes boys and girls can just be friends. Let them spend time together, big groups are best. But definitly supervised. Regularly walk in and out the the room they are in. Don't need to say anything, just observe.

Julie - posted on 11/12/2010

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On of my moms mistakes was not trusting boy / girl friendships. My one daughter as been best friends with a group of 6 kids since 6th grade and they are getting ready to graduate from college. Two girls four boys. Now they are practically siblings instead of friends! They have been there for each other for absolutely everything and never has there been a relationship. My daugther trusts these 5 people with her life and vise versa. Recently, my daugther was hospitalized while at college - 6 hours away. One of the boys took her to the hopsital, stayed with her the entire time, called us with updates, and took her home. I knew she was in good hands!! If you trust your daughter, as you do, then as a mom ~ you'll see if something changes in that relationship that concerns you. ; ) The teen years!!!

CINDY - posted on 11/12/2010

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My daughter has had a few friends that were and are boys since she was 5. She is 16 and I totally trust her. I made sure we had "THE TALK" and she understood. I do trust her totally.They can both be freinds as long as you really trust them. She does have a cell phone, so I can call her at any time. Just tell them your intention and find out theirs. You should be fine. There will always be a bit of worry. Even if the freinds are girls. After all, they are your children.

Christi - posted on 11/11/2010

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Yes it's possible, I agree with the other ladies. As a 13/14 year old girl, my best friends were a boy and a girl that I hung out with at school. My father had no problem with the girl visiting our house, but the boy tried calling once (after a week long absence from school causing me and the other girl to be worried) to tell me he was ok and my dad freaked out! He literally took the phone from me, slammed it down and screamed at me for quite a long time. Obviously he wasn't ok with it LOL
For me, if my daughters have boy or girl friends I'm fine with it. I think it's important for kids of the opposite sex to be friends with each other.
I am not in the teenage years yet with my girls- I have quite a way to go - BUT a good friend of mine is a wonderful mother and has a 14 yr old girl with both male and female friends. She has simply made certain to talk to her daughter about all the important topics (love, sex, feelings, emotions, etc) in an ongoing fashion and let her know that while you're friends now, things could change, and how to handle it or what to expect.
Hope that helps!

Dana - posted on 11/11/2010

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My oldest son had a best friend that was a girl and my daughter has a best friend that is a boy. In these two instances (I will not recommend it though), I did allow them to spend the night with each other. I knew both children about as well as I could and trusted both of them. With my daughter, her best friend is gay so it really didn't matter as (to me) it was like having a girlfriend over.

Personally I wouldn't be all that concerned about it. Get to know the boy and his family and things should be alright.

Lauri - posted on 11/10/2010

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I think they truly can be just friends, however; I would set a few boundries. Adult supervision should be available when they are at each others homes and they should go out as a groups of boys and girls. I think it is good to have those social experiences . . . but there do need to be some rules :)

Julianna - posted on 11/10/2010

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First, yes it is possible to be just friends with a boy. I had several just friend boys as a teenager. Second if you're this worried, you need to sit down with her and have "The Talk". If you think you already have, have it again just to see what she really heard from you. You might be suprised. They listen when you model the behavior yourself. My kids are only going on 8 and 10, but we've had parts of this talk at times right along. I use teaching moments when they present themselves, so if something happens in a movie or on TV or they hear something and ask a question my husband and I use the moment. We certainly haven't told them everything yet, but I am an OB nurse so they have an idea where babies come from. I've never used incorrect words for body parts.
Your daughter is of the age to have a really big discussion with. Teen pregnancy and stds are rampant and she needs to be well educated to be well protected. You need to be honest with her and tell her you just want her to know the facts and your feelings about sexual activity outside of marriage/as a teenager. Give her the credit/faith in the way you raised her that right now she's telling you the truth, but you want her to know this stuff for the future.

Deborah - posted on 11/09/2010

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i have a male friend, he still my friend today an i am 56 , but u need too sit back look an see if there more too tht then just friend , if u dont see anything , tht mean thy are friend, i find tht with male friend i have a else life , not as much drama as with my female friend, well good luck

Jennifer - posted on 11/09/2010

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By all means, treat the boy as you would any of her female friends. I have a 16 year old daughter and she has a lot of male friends. Actually a couple are like brothers to her. Also, if you ban her from seeing him or make a big deal out of it, you are only serving to push her to hide her interactions with him. It's better to have him come to the house and embrace his presence so you can see what type of relationship they have. you might find that he is a really awesome kid.

Ana - posted on 11/09/2010

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No boy sleep-overs. Why open a can of worms? Hanging out (in the daytime) is ok, but no sleeping over. That's my opinion...just saying.

Aliska - posted on 11/08/2010

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It is good for kids to have friends of both sexes, I don't see a problem with it. I don't think sleep-overs are a problem either especially if other kids are staying too.

Kim - posted on 11/07/2010

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I got along a lot better with boys than teenage girls. I've had male friends my whole life. I don't think there is anything wrong with it. Girls can be shallow, catty and users. Boys usually aren't.



I saw your other post about sleepovers. I wouldn't let him sleepover either. I wouldn't have even thought to have my (boy) friends sleepover

Anne - posted on 11/05/2010

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One thing you could do is a sleep over in the family room tho I would be careful just in case. It is always hard to call, but if she can talk to you and can handle it well................ Maybe wait until you know him better too............

Robin - posted on 11/05/2010

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I do trust my Daughter. I know she would tell me if she had feelings other then friendship for this boy. One thing though is her friends are always at my house and they sleep over every weekend. I feel so bad sending him home and letting the girl friend stay. Thank you for replying

Anne - posted on 11/05/2010

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My best friend was a male thru out most of my life but I grew up with 4 brothers so not surprising. I guess the question is do you trust your daughter? To avoid problems probably no sleep overs ;-) but I personally see nothing wrong with it and as long as she can talk to you about her concerns and what not, I see it as a positive thing.....................

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