Children having tantrums

Shelley - posted on 12/31/2009

remember to praise your daughter when she does something good, and tell her before you go out what behaviour you expect from her,and what will happen if she misbehaves,even if you have to just pick her up and go home.make sur to that she is not tired,or hungry. before you go out,if she behaves then she can have a treat, go to the park, or have a friend over.sometimes you have to be tough to be fair, you are the parent, find a nice chill out space in your home, and that is the quiet area, take the tantrums outside.

Kriss - posted on 12/29/2009

My daughter was about 2 or 3 when she threw her first tantrum in a store. My husband grabbed her up and took her right out, (being pulled away from mom was harder than leaving the store). It worked and she never threw another one. Time outs never seemed to work for us either.

Amy - posted on 12/20/2009

Good goin moms :) yea I agree about the time outs - those never worked for my kid either.

Deborah - posted on 12/18/2009

Quoting Amy:


I have done things as extreme as leaving a store even though we may have a cart full of items that we spent an hour picking out, this is especially effective if the items are toys of any kind or any kind of items the child has picked out, in fact you may want to purposely allow the child to pick out something they want in the very beginning so that if they do act up they will really feel the sting of reality discipline and consequence if they act up and you end up leaving and leaving the item behind. 

It is also good to let them know ahead of time what their consequence will be if they dont stop the behavior that way they know fully what to expect and that provides consistency for them when you do that.

Totally agree with Amy!!!! No I don't think that leaving the store because of a tantrum after you have told them the consequences of their behavior is extreme ...done that. LOL! After that scenario, he didn't act up in a store for months afterwards (I guess till he forgot the previous incident months later). LOL! They will need reminders and they will have their moments where they forget and act up.

We take public transportation and my son loves riding the bus and trolley. I have explained to him all along the appropriate behavior for riding the bus. Once and only once did he begin to have a tantrum and we promptly got off att he next bus stop and returned home (I did inform him of the consequences ahead of time). He has never misbehaved on the bus since. Granted, he has been in a bad mood on the way to the bus stop but once we get ont he bus...perfect behavior.

Our son rarely has tantrums in public now BUT confines of our home...tantrums galore.  And we have problems. He throws a toy in a tantrum..it gets taken away. It has always been the rule and we are very consistent with it. He will pick up another toy and throws it and I take it away. He goes off more and we go on and on....throwing and taking toys away. Doesn't effect him excpet make him more mad. So that's when "Sheriff Bill will be very upset that he is throwing his toys and misbehaving".  He would stop and calm down enough so we could resolve the issue with talking things out.

Also, if I know he is overly tired and cranky, I try to avoid situations that would aggravate him...mostly with my wording. Instead of saying "It's time to go to bed"....I'll say "We can't read our bedtime story until your in your bed". Or "We can't go (wherever) until your teeth are brushed"  instead of "Go brush your teeth".  My wording seems to make a world of difference.

It's hard because every child is different. What works for one, doesn't for another. It really is maddening trying to figure out which works best for your particular child. Especially when all the child care professionals push Time-Outs as the only proper and effective way of disciplining a child'as behavior.....never did a bit of good or was effective with our son..he thought it was a fun game.

Good Luck.....remember it takes time (more time with some chuildren than others) and lots of patience.

Kristen - posted on 12/17/2009

Be the mom! Don't let her bully you around with those loud vocal chords... let her know it doesn't bother you a bit that she screams her head off. She'll stop. Take her to places that it won't embarrass you too much though, until she gets past it. It's a power play phase. You have the power :) Enjoy using it :)

Amy - posted on 12/17/2009

If you are in public when your child does this, remove yourself and child immediately and administer whatever discipline you choose immediately.

I have done things as extreme as leaving a store even though we may have a cart full of items that we spent an hour picking out, this is especially effective if the items are toys of any kind or any kind of items the child has picked out, in fact you may want to purposely allow the child to pick out something they want in the very beginning so that if they do act up they will really feel the sting of reality discipline and consequence if they act up and you end up leaving and leaving the item behind.

I have done a u turn from driving to the circus and opened up the car window and allowed my child to see me throw the circus tickets right out the window after she did not adhere to my 2 warnings for her to stop her tantrum. (mind you I also warned her about what I would do so she knew ahead of time what her consequence was going to be if she continued her behavior) It sounds severe but it worked - it has shock value and it is a discipline that hurts because it was a priveladge that was taken from her that she was looking forward to, she never had tantrums again after that and went to the circus many times in the following years, it was well worth the loss of the cost of tickets.

In order for them to know you are really serious you have to only warn them once or twice and then immediately let them feel the sting of consequence if warning is not adhere to, then they know you are totally serious. It is also good to let them know ahead of time what their consequence will be if they dont stop the behavior that way they know fully what to expect and that provides consistency for them when you do that. I have seen parents warn their children over and over again and then never really do anything about it and then the child never takes them seriously and gets worse.

Deborah - posted on 12/17/2009

You have to find her "key". We struggled with our 4 year old son and the same issues. Nothing worked for him....not taking toys away, time-outs, etc... He'd just go off more. Then we found out he's "keys".If "Sheriff Bill" knew he was having a tantrum or seriously misbehaving..."Sheriff Bill" would be very upset. Our boy calms right down.

FYI, we don't know any Sheriff Bill....maybe there is a Deputy Sheriff named Bill somewhere??? Our son is very much in awe of law enforcement officers and the U.S. Marine's. Hence, we say "Marine's take care of their equipment" and our boy runs to put his toys away. Whereas before he wouldn't pick up his toys for nothing and end up having a tantrum.

So that is why I say you should try and find her "key". Good Luck!

Michelle - posted on 12/17/2009

hi Carla, It is hard at the age. She knows what she want!!!. If she doesn't do as she was told or tantrum. Bring her to bold step for 4 mins(cuz of her age) and ignore her. When time is up. Go to her and tell her to say Sorry Mam.. If she won't, let her stay on the step for another 4 mins and take away her favourite toy for the day and it will work.

Good luck.