Curfews at 18..

Beverly - posted on 06/05/2010 ( 67 moms have responded )

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Please help me ... I am wondering what to do about my 18 year old daughter who still lives at at and will graduate tomorrow night from high school. We have set a curfew of 1 AM for her that she continues to break. It is causing trouble between her and her father and also trouble between her father and I. She feels that because she is 18 now and considered an adult that she should not have a curfew. Are we asking to much for her to be home at 1?

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Jamie - posted on 11/05/2013

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I need some help. I have a daughter who just turned 18 yrs old and she has not graduated yet. what would be a good curfew to set for her during school nights and on the weekends? I tell her now to be home by 9:30 pm during school nights, but she keeps fighting me on it. Its so hard to get her up in the mornings now. plz help. Jamie

Cynthia Ann - posted on 02/25/2013

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I Need some difference of opionis here... Let me hear your voices. Number one I am what you call an old school MOM.. My son graduated last year and he is in college off campus so far he is doing a great job we gave him a truck for graduation cash vehicle we bought, and he has been breaking his curfew since he had one, but I have let my husband take control because I am a Christian woman NOW!! But I have a hard time letting go of my human nature and the way I was brought up. My husband was brought up totally different from me in his whole life he only remember getting one whippin, spankin or what ever you wanna lable it as. But now the vehicle we gave our son for graduation he decided to trade it with a friend that his parents don't give a hoot about us because of a problem we had with his son and our daughter (15) at the time. But the problem is that my husband told him that since he made the dicission to trade his truck in for a car then now you will pay your own auto insurance and cell phone bill so NOW you need to get a JOB. So my sons response was OK but I need to clean my system. WHAT THE F%^&&*(!!! So I asked him why you gotta clean your system for and he said I have been smoking weed.. How do you not Freekin know your child is smoking weed. My husband instantly told him he need to find a new home because he is being disrespectful not keeping his curfew and doing drugs when we are paying for his college tution and I agree with him, but my thing is don't put him out on the street let him get a job find and place to live. Number one I don't want him to be another dope dealer on the street. It's all about handling things in a Godly manner. No I don't approve of any of my sons actions, but please help me.

Karen - posted on 09/16/2013

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If she is not old enough to pay her own bills then she is not truly and adult, regardless of what the calendar says. If she is not old enough to be respectful to someone regardless of whether she agrees or disagrees with them then she is not an adult, regardless of what the calendar says. But, it is your house, you are paying the bills, so it is irrelevant as to whether she believes she should have a curfew. She is not an adult until she can (and chooses to) take care of herself.

So, she has 2 choices - she can be respectful and abide by the curfew (plus contribute to the running of the household through cleaning up after herself, doing dishes, mowing the lawn, etc.) she can continue to live in your house and have you pay whatever bills you deem are appropriate. However, if she wants to continue to play the "adult" card then she can act as such. Move out, pay her own bills, make her own rules. She still owes you respect as you are another human being, however.

Vicki - posted on 03/01/2013

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It's your home, right? And you pay the bills for all the things she enjoys like: hot water, electricity, TV, Internet and probably even cell phone? Out of respect for you, she would, hopefully, be willing to listen to your issues, state her reasons in logic and offer a compromise. But that hasn't happened yet.
I handled it by taking away my daughter's house key after her third time to break curfew, and telling her that since her father and I had jobs and needed rest, the door would be locked at 12 midnight; if she was INSIDE the house by that time, she could stay in her room; otherwise, she could sleep in her car in the driveway until the boor was unlocked at 6 am the next morning or make her own arrangements.
She didn't have a job to pay insurance, car note, repairs or gas either so we told her this: As long as you maintain a certain grade, we will pay cell, car note and car expenses when given the bills and receipts your senior year, but spending money you have to earn on your own. She balked and eventually lost her car and driving privileges with us. We relented on the cell phone to give her a way to stay in contact. She was angry and tried us on every issue, but she learned a lot and we did too!

Dee - posted on 07/15/2010

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Kids, I have an 18 yr old just graduated, and a 24 yr old recently moved out, its very difficult I think because the bottom line is you have to set rules and stay on the same page. They want there way in the end and I think most kids will whine and complain and compare what other kids get to do to try to get there way. I agree really nothing good happens after 12, it didnt when I was a kid and I certainly remember what I was doing some of the time not that I was a bad kid but I was a teenager and I do remember ! Although I might of said I was going to a movie I really was not, and I'm sure they are not all going where there telling us, they think we are dumb fact is were parents and we were teenagers and young adults once just like them! To strict and they just rebel, to loose with rules and that just back fires to, there must be some kind of happy medium but very hard to find especially because no two are a like, what a job this is !

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Aisha - posted on 07/30/2010

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No u r not but when she is out with friends who u know just give her a boost by telling her that u trust her what I do is keep awake till the time my 21 yr old and 18 yr old come back eve if ats 3 in the morning so they do it maybe two or three times and then they start coming early and they dont have any curfew just responsibility it works for me if they r getting late they let me know and i pick them up try it hopefully it works for u also btu I am not saying that curfew is not right but teenaagers r difficult to tackle and u have to work around

Beverly - posted on 07/15/2010

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Thanks for all of the comments and it is really nice to know that I am not alone in this fight. As for not letting her have the car... the car is hers...clear title and all... so I cannot really take it from her. She pays the insurance on it and somehow or another keeps gas in it. She leaves for college in 32 days... I hope we can make it till then.

Teena - posted on 07/13/2010

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I agree with you, I have a 19 year old daughter still living at home and she has a curfew. We told her that as long as she was going to live under our roof that she is going to obey our rules and that if she didn't like it she was free to leave. She did this and found out that other family members set stricter rules than we did.

Patsy - posted on 07/10/2010

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You are not asking too much of her, she needs to respect your rules and her home. Just because she has turned 18 years old does not mean she can run riot. If she were living in her own flat etc it would be different, but she is not. So just as the rules were when she was younger, it still applies, only you adapt them to suit her age. I think there is nothing wrong with you giving a curfew. If she is not happy with it, let her knwo a bit of reality about how fortunate she is to still be living at home, with a mother and father who care, because if she did not have you and had to support her self not just financially she would learn some lessons of life. When she is arguementative, etc.....do not entertain her, justhave your say and she has to follow it, simple, dont barter with her, and you and your husband must be 100% on the same page supporting each other, if she sees a divide between the two of her, she will use this as your weakness and play on it.

Margo - posted on 07/09/2010

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I have a 18 year old. He's already graduated. He doesn't have a set curfew. He has to work or go to school. He has to help out. He doesn't have a car. He drives when my husbands not using his truck.I allowed him to adopt a dog from the pound. He pays for everything for her, Time comes when a little responsable acts. will make them grow up faster. He does pay a small amount for rent, extra stuff like Mc Donalds and so on he pays for. He has chores which don't get done all the time. But, think of the money you save when you and hubby goes to dinner and she doesnt have enough to go. Don't pay. My son has taken me out to dinner a few times while his Dad was out of town and HE PAID>.. Like I said when he has no curfew and is dragging but and complaining about it. He finds out that being adult like is not the part about staying up all night. Its about what you do in the day hours.

Leslie - posted on 07/08/2010

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If she is going to live in the home she has to respect the rules of the home which means respecting you and your husband. If she can't do that then it is time for her to leave. Have a quiet and unemotional conversation with her and tell her as such. If she is not willing to abide then give two months notice and an invitation for Sunday dinner.

Mary - posted on 07/06/2010

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you can not set a curfew for an 18 year old . if she want the car tell her she want it she had to be home by 1 am or she loses the car. if she working if she does not want a curfew she had to pay rent that what my parent did for me. if she get into trouble with the law tell her she has to sit in jail until she see the judge.I have hear some parent tell them if they not home by curfew the are lock they can sleep on the pouch during the summer and spring and place her pillower and blanket on the pouch. maybe then she get the idea

Ged - posted on 06/28/2010

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No you sound reasonable to me. On occasions my children continually broke curfew. They were grounded for a period of time. Easier said than done mind you. Good luck !

Rae - posted on 06/19/2010

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I completely understand your position! I have an 18 yr old daughter as of May 30th. My husband and I are NOT on the same page, and I aways seem to be the "bitch" in everything. Dad doesn't enforce any responsiblities. She basically only as do do her own laundry. She won't get her hands dirty with dishes so I don't cook! She can't call me so I don't give her any answers to her "Can I" questions. If I don't do it--daddy will. Daddy was paying for everything, car & all expenses, handng her cash, her $200 month phone bill and she did nothing in return without a fight. Until I shut her phone off, took the tag off the car, dropped her insurance after she had 2 speeding tickest and 2 wrecks in 18 mos. I have just given up. My husband has told me many times that I am entirely to selfish, my daughter has asked me if I am jealous of the way her dad does for her....and no matter how I treat anyone, or what I do for anyone I end up the bitch....My answer is tough love and give back the same kind of respect your teenager gives you. They may hate you now and it will be a very hard time to get through. But down the road (hopefullly by the time they turn 21 as I have been told they become human at this age!) They will figure out they needed to have more respect for mom. After all, as my dad has pointed out to my daughter...A mothers love is human nature. Nothing but death takes that away....not behavior, lack of respect, hatred or distrust. A mother lion looks after her cub for life without realizing it. Every mother of every species is born with this nature to nuture but not every child can see this until they grow up enough to see it. HANG IN THERE--You are not alone. I often feel like I am not understood, that I don't have that comfort zone or a place called home. I find myself crying or shutting everything out because of all the drama and pain of a female teenager. Just do as I do.....Some day that teenager will wake up to reality and figure out that you are her world.....every second of pain is worth that minute. It hasn't happen here with my daughter yet but someday she will and then she will wish she had treated me diffently. At that point it will all be worth it.

As far as my husband and I not being on the same page.....I have tried being a door mat...letting hime walk all over me, Tried taking charge, tried communicating in every method possible, asked him to go to family counselling and was shot down. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be help or isn't willing to help themselves first. It is his lose not mine. I will not let him destroy the person I am. If he doesn't like it, he can get out! It takes work for everyone in every relationship. He isn't willing to meet in the middle then I am not going to lower myself esteem to his level.

Sorry for the long story but I truely hope this helps you and you now don't feel so alone, so terrible as a mom. I've been there and back several times. Just knowing that this is a somewhat normal deal with teenage daughters helps!

Linda - posted on 06/18/2010

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pray on it & leave it to God he will never fail us, I have a young man (19ears old) I going through the same thing now ,they think they is is in control of that they will see.. I don;t think that is to much to ask her to come in that time , stay in control
trust God he will never fail .

April - posted on 06/18/2010

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no because she still lives at home my middle who is 18 didnt want to go by the rules so he left home so to question yes is good to have a curfew

April - posted on 06/18/2010

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Sit down with her and discuss the consequences of bad morals. Hopefully she has been taught about how to say no to a boy who is pressuring her into substance abuse and sex. Her life is in danger if she doesn't understand the consequences. YOU can't punish her for breaking curfew. All you can do is teach her correct principles and pray that she makes good choices. Even if she is rebelling a bit, if you keep your hearts and communication open, your cautions will come to her mind when she needs it the most.

Rachel - posted on 06/18/2010

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No suggestions that worked for us set a rent amount that she should pay and than have no curfew it will tough on you but least when she is late you know where she is compared to being out on her own. And it helps her develop skills for later on in her live.

DARLENE - posted on 06/18/2010

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I have the same exact problem with my 18 year old daughter, I could have wrote that myself. My problem is figuring out a consequence. I WON'T put her out. I had a 19 year old nephew who was put out and ended up dead by the hand of someone he thought was a friend. But that's a whole other story. I can issue her with rent or a bill of some sort but obviously I can't FORCE her to work and to pay for it. She does not work and does not contribute in any way to the house. Not chores, money or any sort. She will be starting college this fall. At the moment she is using MY van but should have herself a car by next week. She comes home all hours night after night after night. Anywhere between 1AM and 4AM. "I" can't rest until my kids are home safe. Can't help it, it's just the mother in me. My husband has to get up early for work and he can't sleep well worrying about her and worrying about me worrying about her. I personally don't see any logical reason for staying out THAT late every single night! Our village is a good neighborhood but some of the surrounding ones aren't and she just don't get it how dangerous it can be out there! I just am at my wits end what consequences to issue her or how to handle this issue. I cry daily fighting with her about it. I try just to let go and let God but our family gets in turmoil over this. Any suggestions ladies? I could really use the help! Be glad we're not in England where I just moved back from! They consider kids at "16" adults there and can come and go and do what they want including finishing school! How absurd is that!

Linda - posted on 06/17/2010

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I do not believe you are being unreasonable with a 1 AM curfew. I do believe she is showing a great deal of disrespect in not following your rules. My son (age 28) and his wife (age 27) live with my husband and I. We don't have a curfew, per se, but we do require them to at least have the courtesy of letting us know if they are going to be home after 1 AM.

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Well I have a 20 year old and an almost 18 year old (boys) we haven't set curfews at all. My eldest will tell me if he will be home for dinner and where he is going and approximately what time he will be home. That is all I expect, he is an adult and I feel needs to treated as one too. My youngest one still relies on us for transport so we pick him up at appropriate times that suits us. Once he is 18 as long as he lets us know if he is home for dinner, where he is going and approximately what time he will be home that is all I ask. They both have mobile phones and I know if they need us, they ring us any time of night. I am happy with the way things are and I have to say so far it is working fine. Good luck with your daughter, I hope you sort out this issue soon, I guess bottom line is we have to let them be adults and let go and let them get on with life and just hope all the hard work we have put in stays with them.

Kimberly - posted on 06/16/2010

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Your house...your rules! If she wants to actual do her own thing than being an adult means being on your own. She should be thankful that she has a roof over her head!

Carla - posted on 06/16/2010

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Yes, you have the right to set a curfew. She still lives in your home. Your house your rules. If she cannot be home at a decent hour than you need to set a time for her.

Sonya - posted on 06/15/2010

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Absolutel not. My 19yr (soon to be 20 in 4days) still has a 12mn curfew and RARELY ever breaks it. But it's going to be hard to set /keep rules when she obviously feels she doesn't have any consequences to her actions.

Noni - posted on 06/15/2010

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Beverly, my daughter and I had an agreement that worked well for us - because she was 18 and because things come up, I could be lenient knowing that she could text me as the night progressed. If she "needed" to be out later, she would text her location and expected ETA - if that time came and she wanted to stay later still, she would send another text. Most of the time, she was home at a reasonable hour, but there were those other times. The texting worked, I think, because she could send her message without having to talk to me... LOL - as a mom, I would tell her that she was out late enough! The texting bypassed that urge of mine (to nag) and gave her responsibility for her actions.

Reba - posted on 06/14/2010

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I have three daughters. As long as they were living with me, their curfew was 1 AM. The ONLY exception was during the homecoming time where one daughter went - they worked on the play props, costumes, etc all night, but I knew where she was. When they wanted to balk at one, I gave them the choice...stick to one or start paying rent equivalent to what it would cost them to live on their own. That would have been about $400 just for room, then they were expected to pay 1/5 of the utilities. They would also have paid all insurance and gas for any cars they were driving, since they had to use ours. They quickly decided that one was acceptable. Good luck...you will survive!!! My last one got married Saturday, so I'm definitely an empty nester now, but am very glad they decided Momma wasn't so dumb after all. :)

Darlene - posted on 06/13/2010

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to add to my other post. when my daughter was going to graduate one thing i did tell her that if she went to any school after graduating she didnt have to pay rent. she had to work to pay for her car and all personal items needed. until this day which she is in her 30s i dont regret any rules i made.

Dina - posted on 06/13/2010

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I have a 21 yr old and he had a curfew until he turned 20. I can only stress keep the lines of communication open! Try to remain calm, stress the importance that you trust her, but there are other people out there that aren't trustworthy and responsible and you are worried about them hurting her. Also, make sure that she calls you to tell you where she's at and who she's with and if they go anywhere she needs to check in. If she doesn't then she should not be allowed to go out next time. My son used to say how he is responsible, never got tickets, etc. But I told him that there are so many other people driving late at night, that have been drinking or doing other things, and they could hit him. He still, at 21, will call to say where he is, and when he's coming home; or if he's staying at a friends. Even at 21 he still tells me everything. The main thing is if they want to be treated like adults, then you have to talk to them like adults. Make sure she knows too, that if she does get a ticket that you won't pay for it - she has to pay it. If she wants to be an adult then she has to be responsible for her actons. Does she have a job? That's another thing that helps make her responsible. I now have a daughter who is only 1 yr old. I will do things the same way with her - hopefully it will turn out the same way.

Truth - posted on 06/13/2010

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Yes, Trust is the issue. We teach our children and then as they grow older and we allow them more freedoms, they show us that we can trust them and they gain our trust.

We have had issues with our son related to depression, hence the curfew limits. There was a time when he was so withdrawn that he didn't even sit at the family dinner table with us. That is behind us, but he also during that time was experimenting with stuff and lying about it, and had to go through the process of re-gaining our trust. I won't say that I don't worry, I still do, he is my miracle child,and that's another story! and I probably always will, but it doesn't consume me. Often, If he tells us ahead of time, his curfew can be negotiated. But we do have rules, he knows them and respects us enough to obey them. We pay his insurance and he drives my car. He does work under the table, but that income is sporadic and jobs are slim around here.

Now, his sister is a whole other breed and is like Dr. Dobson's "Strong Willed Child", but on Steroids. She has been since she was 2 years old and now that she's hit puberty, she's another animal all together. So, some of the restrictions her brother is under are for her benefit, so that we do not have major rows when she is that age (HAH!) who am I kidding, but I can have hope. She the kind of kid that if you give an inch, she wants to take it 10 miles. So, you see, I have a child I can trust and a child that each time I take a step to trust, she breaks my heart.

Darlene - posted on 06/12/2010

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it all depends on the trust issue. my daughter and i were the same age that the 2 of u r and i had no trust issues. she always told me where and who she was with.if she wasnt coming home or would be coming in late she alway called me.NO CREWFEW. i feel i was very lucky to have a caring daughter. she took my feeling in consideration all the time. plus i alway told her where i was and what time i would be in at night. GOD gave me the gift of a daughter at 16. my daughter till this day works at the same place and has no kids. she bought me a cell phone so she can know were I am at all times.GOOD LUCK with your relationship with your daughter. try reverse sik. let her worry about u for a change. shell get the hint. worring suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Truth - posted on 06/12/2010

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Ooooooo, the dreadful rebellion! I have an 18 year old son that has still a year of school left. We have told him time and time again, over the years that as long as he is living in our home, AND doesn't pay rent, we do have rules and he will abide by them. And my husband and I make sure we talk and stay on the same page. We also have a13 year old daughter that sounds so very much like yours that we need to keep on our toes and keep the rules strong for her AND always stay at least 3 steps ahead of what she will come up with next! She has already been warned that what goes for her brother will be the same for her when she is his age!

As to your daughter, ABSOLUTELY NOT! 1. She is still living in your house and under your rues. 2. You are her parents and she owes you that respect. 3. This world is not as safe as it once was and she has no idea what can crawl out of the darkness after 1 am.

You are a bit more lenient that we are. My son has to abide by an 11PM curfew. Now that summer is here, we have extended it to 11:30 with an occasional 12 AM for him.

Karin - posted on 06/11/2010

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Well, you may not like my answer, but, here goes. I have two daughters, both grown (33 & 43) and when each turned 18 (and were still living with me) I told them that from that point on I was no longer responsible for them. They could come & go as they wish as long as I had some idea where they were and if they wouldn't be home that night or would be late to call and let me know so I wouldn't worry. They were also told that in addition to this new found freedom, IF they got picked up by the police for whatever reason that I WOULD NOT bail them out - I didn't really think this would ever happen, but you never know. Now I love both my girls more than anything, but I had to move back home with my parents for a brief time when I was 24 and I had to be inside the house by 12 midnight - it was mortifying to have to say to a date who probably was older than me that I had a curfew...that's why I did it. Neither of my girls abused this freedom and after about a month the "fun" of staying out til all hours wore off and they began to make it home at reasonable hours...and if not, they ALWAYS called me before 11 to tell me. So there you are.

Ada - posted on 06/11/2010

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my son is still in high school,but regardless of the fact he still is 18 and he still has to follow house rules if not bye-bye. it is called tough love.i also have 4 kids older then him and they all had the same rule. he is very responsible but thinks he is 18 can come and go as he pleases not happening.it is called respect.

Sandy - posted on 06/11/2010

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Your daughter is living with you..not on her own..so if she would like to do as she pleases, then she would please need to move to her own abode....otherwise, this is your house, with your rules. simple as that. i would let her know that right up front. next time she can't feel the need to respect rules in your home then tell her to pack her stuff and find a place of her own and then she can do whatever she would like. I know it sounds harsh, but so many kids now adays think they can do and say whatever with no regards to rules...does she work, help cook, clean the house, do laundry? does she pay rent? all important questions....if she does all these things, then no rules should be set with a time...she is doing the adult thing. on the other hand, if not, give her those options or move out on your own...just my thought...been through it

Claire - posted on 06/11/2010

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Beverly,

I have a 19 year old son. We went thru the same thing with him when he turned 18. My husband and I finanlly decided what battles to fight. Yes he is still in your home and should obey your rules but when they get a certain age you have to let go and let them grow up and start trusting them and what you have taught them. When we finally decided not to give him a curfew and told him just don't come in this house drunk, high or bring your friends in after midnight and absolutely no girls unless we are home he done fine. You have to quit worrying and just pray for them . Until you die you will always wonder what their doing or who their with. There's a time to let go and it depends alot on the child how mature they are. It will be hard at first but you will see a difference when you let them grow up and be adults and make their own decisions.



Claire

Amy - posted on 06/11/2010

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If she lives under your roof where you pay the bills, she lives under your rules, too. Period. As an 18 year old, she does have rights...the right to get out on her own, if she wants to live by rules other than those in your home. Don't cave in. Be loving, but firm. I let my first two run ripshod over me because I was afraid I was being too strict or that my kids wouldn't love me, boo hoo. Examine your needs, establish your rules based on genuine need rather than a power/ego struggle and then really hold the line. Your daughter will learn to respect you and your husband and will learn to establish boundaries for herself, though she'll crab at you first, of course.

Angela - posted on 06/10/2010

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my son turned 18 in Dec. and just graduated also. His cerfew is 11 pm. He is still living in our home and has to follow our rules. So far we have had no issues. . . knock on wood :)

Gina - posted on 06/10/2010

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laoraine sounds great to me well said . The way you and a few other people put it sounds easier for me to take.

Quilty - posted on 06/10/2010

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We went a slightly different route. With our five children, the curfew depends on the activity.

For example, you go see a 7:00 movie, I expect you home by ten. From the midnight feature, you come STRAIGHT home. Any activity (school dances, prom, games) with a given "ending time," they had an hour from the end to get home.

Between college semesters, it still depended on that activity, but I asked when they planned to be home, and they were in by that time. After all, at that point, their transportation was still in my name, and subject to being withdrawn from their use! :)

Now that your child is 18, negotiating a curfew (although 1 AM is certainly reasonable!) **might** get your child to be more compliant.

Lorraine - posted on 06/10/2010

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When I was 18 the rule of thumb was unless I was working the doors were locked at midnight. Thats when my parents went to bed and the house was shut down for the night. I continued with this rule of thumb with my own kids. If they were going to be late then call and let me know. Its only common curtasy for the young adult to do that so the parents arent worried where she is and if something happened to her.Yes she is a young adult now and with that comes responsiabilities and treating the people you live with in thier house, namely mom and dad,with respect and maturity of being in on time or calling if going to be late is important and absolutly must be a must!!So I think mom that a 1am curfew is great!! My own kids would have loved that!! By the way my grown kids are 30,25 and 23 now with kids of thier own. Good luck hun!!!! p.s. It is so a safety issue for an 18 year old young woman to communacate with you and be there on time. To many things can happen and I know I would have a hard time sleeping if my girls [i have 2] werent home on time and no phone call. My son too. Good luck!

Jane - posted on 06/09/2010

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Nope....my daughter is almost 20 and we still ask her to respect us and come home at a reasonable hour. She either comes home by 1AM, which I think is very reasonable OR she stays at her boyfriends parents house and let's me know if she's doing that by 11PM. She's goes to college out of state so we only deal with it when she's home for breaks but she doesn't mind the rule at all.

I think you are ABSOLUTELY 100% in the right here and if she doesn't like it, then being she's "considered an adult", as she states, she can take the adult attitude and move out on her own where she can make her OWN rules.

Gina - posted on 06/09/2010

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Hi Mary i like your idea it sounds like a win win solution . Just the way it should be

Mary - posted on 06/09/2010

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I remember my girlfriends mom always telling us "Nothing good ever happens after Midnight." (Car accidents, Drunks on the road, fights, rape, tired drivers.) I believe most reasonable teens can rationalize the approach that the parents are worried about their welfare, and how heart broken they would be if something bad happened vs. "it's my way or the highway" I agree with giving them time to be responsible before being on their own. Have them either pay rent or give them a utility bill to pay each month, like electric, gas, garbage. I was in-charge of the gas bill after I graduated from H.S. It was only like $60 but I was only making $3.35 an hr.

Gina - posted on 06/08/2010

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good answer now that one i could live with. I actually did this one with my one son and it worked more often than not.

Angie - posted on 06/08/2010

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I feel you need to let her know that as long as she lives in your home she needs to respect your rules and If she can't then she needs to find a job and move out. Start by taking her keys away. Yes it will be an inconvenience to have to get up and open the door , but she is not going to want to hear it when she gets home. Stick to want you say cause if you don't follow through THAT WILL BE YOUR ERROR...........

Diana - posted on 06/08/2010

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If she lives in your house she needs to respect your rules. If she does not want to she can go live elsewhere. I know this is hard but you have to stand up for yourself. Just becuase she is 18 doesnt mean she can make responsible decisions. If she wants to stay out all night and you are ok with that, ask her to give you a "courtesy call" so you won;t worry. you can't help being a mom

Louise - posted on 06/08/2010

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I think that having a daughter is different to having sons which I have. My 18 year old does not have a curfew but he does tell me what time he is coming home. I also have a 16 year old that has to be home no later than 11pm at weekends and 10pm on a school night. I have a daughter who is still a toddler but I don't know how I will feel when she is out at night stressed I expect! I think 1am is a reasonable time to be back and she should call you if she is going to be late as I am sure you do not sleep until you know she is safe. If she continues to break this curfew then tell her she will have to move out because you are at your wits end with worry. Surely she can see why you are worrid! Put your cards on the table and see what happens. Good luck!

Susan - posted on 06/08/2010

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If she feels she is an adult, then she can pay rent as an adult. I have 3 over 18 now. When they decided to not go by our rules, they were out. If she doesn't have consequences for not coming in at curfew, she WILL continue to come in when she wants. If she pays rent, then you could negotiate. You and your husband need to be on the SAME page no matter what!! A united front with compassion is amazing.!! Good luck!

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